Virginity

[MadRat]

Erm... (trigger?)

What if I lost my virginity against my will?

Does that count? I was sexual for a while after that, realizing I was Asexual in my late 20's... Non-repulsed Ace.

I don´t think it counts.

But you say you were sexual after that, so you had sex willingly later, if I get it right.

[Murmur]

I don´t think it counts.

But you say you were sexual after that, so you had sex willingly later, if I get it right.

That's correct... With somebody I love, not the other thing.

[Qutenkuddly]

I lost my virginity in my early thirties. In retrospect, I realize that the reason I was so long in doing so is because I may have been, at the very least, demi-sexual. I think that, for much of my 'sexual' history, I didn't know there was a difference between romantic and sexual attraction. It took me awhile to figure out that I really wasn't all that interested in the sex and just wanted the romance.

[belovedless]

I'm 21.

I'm not a virgin; I've had sex with three women. Only one of those times I don't regret it, so I voted for the "I'm a virgin, and I regret it option." The 1st time, I wasn't sure yet if I was asexual. In fact, I didn't know what asexual meant, so I assumed I must be sexual. I had just recently come out as a lesbian and was with my first girlfriend, who turned out to be hypersexual. She pressured me into sex pretty fast. Even though I knew I definitely didn't want it, I let her do it anyway. I regret it. And the whole 11 month relationship that came afterward. Never once did I want to have sex with her.

The 2nd girl knew I was asexual. Through her, I figured out I have a demisexual tendency at times. We broke things off though due to distance. She's the one I don't regret.

The 3rd girl I had sex with because... well, because I thought I might be demisexual and I thought I needed to compromise, and I had this dreams and hopes of maybe I'm not really asexual... Just maybe. I wanted to be "normal." Through her I learned that I'm not really even demisexual, not really. I dated her for a long time and grew to care for her a lot, but in the end I had to break it off.

Now, I identify as asexual. I don't want sex with anyone and I honestly believe the second girl was an exception. She is the only person in my whole life that I wanted to have sex with, and this includes multiple of women that I have had deep emotional connections with and loved.

[Trava u doma]

Uhm. I have nothing against sex, but I think I could never have it, because I'd hate to have to let someone see me naked :|

Besides, whenever something with sexual undertones comes up, I freak out *shrugs*

[UraNepu]

I had sex when I was 23~24 while in a sexual relationship, and that's how I realized I was ACE

I don't regret it, there is nothing there to regret anyway it was just an experience which I chose and felt right at that time.

It's been 4 years since and I do not intent to have sex anymore since it's something that bores me to no end.

I might try sex with a girl in the future just for the experience, IF the time and person ever feels right

[Song Lily]

I'm 24 and a virgin.... and honestly, it did bother me in the past. But ever since I found out that I'm asexual, the burden has been lifted and I don't feel bad about being a virgin anymore... As I must have said in another topic somewhere, I've never known what I wanted. Everything I did was because I somehow felt I should do. Or should want. Finding out I'm asexual was such a relief to me because then I'm not supposed to want or do things I actually DON'T want. My best friend borrowed a quote from Grey's Anatomy to describe my situation:

I didn't know I didn't want to, until I did.

And that pretty much explains my life.

Again... I'm so glad I found AVEN. :lol:

[ForeverDoor]

I'm not a virgin, but I don't regret it. I was either 23 or 24 (happened in the same month as my birthday) at the time. Even now that I am questioning what I am, I still don't regret it. It was with someone I love, and am still with. For me, there's nothing to regret in that.

oy, how often can I say 'regret' in only three sentences?

[apop]

I'm not a virgin, but I don't regret it. I was either 23 or 24 (happened in the same month as my birthday) at the time. Even now that I am questioning what I am, I still don't regret it. It was with someone I love, and am still with. For me, there's nothing to regret in that.

This, this, and this. I was 25.

"It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge."

Well, as they say, ignorance is bliss.

No, really, I don't appreciate the impliction that I'm "ignorant" because other people can't deal with my sexual choices, so that quote can go away and kill cake elsewhere.

Well, you can take it up with Voltaire if you like. But you don't seem to be claiming that you're better than others for your choices, which I think is the point of the quote. Also, you needn't read "ignorant" as "ignorant about everything".

[Ancel]

Virgin and plan to stay that way... No shame in that.

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

I think I'll do it just once with a professional sometime in the future, just for the experience.

You think sex is a big deal and that you'll learn something? I think you'll not gather much experience if you just do it once. I suggest you not to do it without having a strong reason, because you'll probably gonna regret it, but it's your choice.

Please excuse me, but who are you to say what another person should or should not do? You add at the end "but it's your choice", as if that erases an entire post going "you won't learn much and you're probably going to regret it", as if you know everything about everyone and that people should listen to what YOU think is right.

EVERY experience teaches you something, even if it's reiterating something you already knew (revision, I guess?), and sex, whether you think it's good or bad or what, is such a personal experience that it's probably hard not to learn something from it. Even if the thing you learn is "Well, I didn't like that" or "that was dreadfully boring" or "That particular position gave me a bad leg cramp", it's still something. Even if it's not a big deal, it's still something to do that you may learn something from. And I think that if a person feels that they've learnt a lesson in life from any experience, it's hard to regret that experience because it taught you something valuable.

I'm not trying to attack you or be offensive here, but you seriously came across as being very (I'm trying to think of the appropriate word here)...full of authority that maybe you don't have. If that makes sense.

[henshin]

Man, I hate the concept of 'virginity'. Its so damn heterosexist and the very fact that it exists as a concept just reinforces the whole idea that sex is supposed to be one of the most important things in your life, so much so that whether you've had it or not can define you.

I have no idea whether I'm a virgin or not. I've had sexual relationships but as I'm gay I don't know what I'm supposed to do to qualify.

[TeddyMiller]

I'm a 53-year-old virgin; I have a platinum V-card. I don't plan to have sex in the future.

[R_1]

Virgin and couldn't give a crap to plan whether to have sex or not. If I have sex, ok then. If not, ok then.

[Nogitsune]

Well, you can take it up with Voltaire if you like. But you don't seem to be claiming that you're better than others for your choices, which I think is the point of the quote. Also, you needn't read "ignorant" as "ignorant about everything".

Nope, I don't know Voltaire, so I'll just take it up with people who quote the line in contexts like this. And I understand what the "point" of the quote is supposed to be, but that doesn't erase all other implications. I'm not "ignorant" about anything. For one, the word has negative connotations. Also, having sex once would not automatically give me some awesome knowledge about sex that only virgins don't have and never can have. I would know what it's like, for me personally, to have "sex", but there are so many different kinds of "sex" that even that doesn't say much.

[Junebug03]

I feel like I had my virginity stripped from me. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. I put no, since I feel like its been taken away. I am an aromantic asexual.

[Guest]

I'm a virgin, but I'm not really bothered if I "lose it" or not.

Either way, I took a Facebook quiz a few years ago that claimed I'd lose it at 25...Facebook quizzes are always right and have some kinda cosmic power, so I'll be losing it before my 26th birthday on Sunday. I'll report back next week.

[Estranged]

I have a platinum V-card.

That is so made of win!

I'm a 'no' with no regrets. If I was cis-gendered, I don't think the experiences would've changed anything for me at all. Generally speaking, I'm non-repulsed and disinclined. However, the experiences did give me much needed perspective on my gender issues. I now know that if I ever do this again that I'd have to be with someone that would acknowledge my growing dysphoria.

Also, a truckload of cake to henshin. So true.

[Freakaru]

A technical virgin with varying degrees of curiosity and repulsion at the thought of having sex. I live in many different subcultures and experience a lot of different people so my views on sex and identity are fluid. When it comes down to me being alone and outside of any other influences I tend to just simply be attracted to the idea of romantic interactions outside of sex. Sex to me is just simply a means to create children (something that I never want).

[AceTiff12]

(Demiromantic asexual here.)

Virgin and planning to stay this way... I do hope to have a boyfriend someday, but it's probably not gonna happen since I don't think I'd be willing to compromise.

But if I had an asexual boyfriend, then that'd be sweeeeet. ;D

[Metzia]

I've been in a situation where sex was on the table, but I politely declined and that was that. I've got no interest in it-- but the experience solidified my thoughts on the matter.

[Trava u doma]

Well, you can take it up with Voltaire if you like. But you don't seem to be claiming that you're better than others for your choices, which I think is the point of the quote. Also, you needn't read "ignorant" as "ignorant about everything".

Nope, I don't know Voltaire, so I'll just take it up with people who quote the line in contexts like this. And I understand what the "point" of the quote is supposed to be, but that doesn't erase all other implications. I'm not "ignorant" about anything. For one, the word has negative connotations. Also, having sex once would not automatically give me some awesome knowledge about sex that only virgins don't have and never can have. I would know what it's like, for me personally, to have "sex", but there are so many different kinds of "sex" that even that doesn't say much.

I agree with Nogitsune.

By this logic you can call ignorant everyone. Like, have you run a 10 mile marathon? Done push-ups for a year? Tried Yoga? Tried a practicing a different religion? Oh my, your ignorance is appalling...

;) Because, frankly, I don't see sex as anything special or important to do in one's life. You do or you don't, but it doesn't make you any wiser or whatever.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

Well, you can take it up with Voltaire if you like. But you don't seem to be claiming that you're better than others for your choices, which I think is the point of the quote. Also, you needn't read "ignorant" as "ignorant about everything".

Nope, I don't know Voltaire, so I'll just take it up with people who quote the line in contexts like this. And I understand what the "point" of the quote is supposed to be, but that doesn't erase all other implications. I'm not "ignorant" about anything. For one, the word has negative connotations. Also, having sex once would not automatically give me some awesome knowledge about sex that only virgins don't have and never can have. I would know what it's like, for me personally, to have "sex", but there are so many different kinds of "sex" that even that doesn't say much.

I agree with Nogitsune.

By this logic you can call ignorant everyone. Like, have you drunk water from the River Nile? Oh my, your ignorance is appalling...

;) Because, frankly, I don't see sex as anything special or important to do in one's life. You do or you don't, but it doesn't make you any wiser or whatever.

+1

I remember all the pressure around virginity in high school and thinking "what's the big deal?". It's not like sexual acts are strange complicated actions which are difficult to imagine what they would feel like once actually done. And yes, once I actually did lose my virginity (as in the proper heteronormative "all the way" definition) - I was thinking - okay, so what's the big deal? Why am I suddenly supposed to be a "man" and an hour ago I was a "boy"? *shrug*

As an experience, I'd rate it exactly like you say - Nile water. Or something like, say, trying a new kind of food which is made with certain familiar ingredients so you can pretty much guess what it will be like. Nothing too novel if you have a good imagination. So I really fail to see why people see virginity loss as such a big deal milestone in life, or such a unique experience even really.

[Song Lily]

I remember all the pressure around virginity in high school and thinking "what's the big deal?". It's not like sexual acts are strange complicated actions which are difficult to imagine what they would feel like once actually done. And yes, once I actually did lose my virginity (as in the proper heteronormative "all the way" definition) - I was thinking - okay, so what's the big deal? Why am I suddenly supposed to be a "man" and an hour ago I was a "boy"? *shrug*

As an experience, I'd rate it exactly like you say - Nile water. Or something like, say, trying a new kind of food which is made with certain familiar ingredients so you can pretty much guess what it will be like. Nothing too novel if you have a good imagination. So I really fail to see why people see virginity loss as such a big deal milestone in life, or such a unique experience even really.

My friends always said that when you did it for the first time, then it was very difficult to live without. Like... now that you know what's the big deal, you're going to want it more.

And honestly speaking... if anything, that sort of speech would put me off sex. xD

[Notte stellata]

My friends always said that when you did it for the first time, then it was very difficult to live without. Like... now that you know what's the big deal, you're going to want it more.

And honestly speaking... if anything, that sort of speech would put me off sex. xD

I've heard of that a lot too. And the more ridiculous one:"A woman will never forget the man she lost her virginity to." (ETA - which basically means she'll always love her first man) Of course, all these BS are used to warn young girls to not "give herself away" before marriage, and lead guys to only want to marry a virgin.

[belovedless]

My friends always said that when you did it for the first time, then it was very difficult to live without. Like... now that you know what's the big deal, you're going to want it more.

And honestly speaking... if anything, that sort of speech would put me off sex. xD

I've heard of that a lot too. And the more ridiculous one:"A woman will never forget the man she lost her virginity to." Of course, all these BS are used to warn young girl to not "give herself away" before marriage.

Like just to be honest, most people don't forget anyone they've had sex with, because society has made it such a big deal. It's not like kissing, where I would actually just be sitting back, relaxing, and remember all of a sudden, "Wow! I completely forgot I've kissed that person!" No one just sits back and says, "I completely forget I had sex with that person!"

[Trava u doma]

Well, you can take it up with Voltaire if you like. But you don't seem to be claiming that you're better than others for your choices, which I think is the point of the quote. Also, you needn't read "ignorant" as "ignorant about everything".

Nope, I don't know Voltaire, so I'll just take it up with people who quote the line in contexts like this. And I understand what the "point" of the quote is supposed to be, but that doesn't erase all other implications. I'm not "ignorant" about anything. For one, the word has negative connotations. Also, having sex once would not automatically give me some awesome knowledge about sex that only virgins don't have and never can have. I would know what it's like, for me personally, to have "sex", but there are so many different kinds of "sex" that even that doesn't say much.

I agree with Nogitsune.

By this logic you can call ignorant everyone. Like, have you drunk water from the River Nile? Oh my, your ignorance is appalling...

;) Because, frankly, I don't see sex as anything special or important to do in one's life. You do or you don't, but it doesn't make you any wiser or whatever.

+1

I remember all the pressure around virginity in high school and thinking "what's the big deal?". It's not like sexual acts are strange complicated actions which are difficult to imagine what they would feel like once actually done. And yes, once I actually did lose my virginity (as in the proper heteronormative "all the way" definition) - I was thinking - okay, so what's the big deal? Why am I suddenly supposed to be a "man" and an hour ago I was a "boy"? *shrug*

As an experience, I'd rate it exactly like you say - Nile water. Or something like, say, trying a new kind of food which is made with certain familiar ingredients so you can pretty much guess what it will be like. Nothing too novel if you have a good imagination. So I really fail to see why people see virginity loss as such a big deal milestone in life, or such a unique experience even really.

D:

I now don't know whether to leave it as it is or change it back to the Nile thing! D:

:lol:

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

My friends always said that when you did it for the first time, then it was very difficult to live without. Like... now that you know what's the big deal, you're going to want it more.

And honestly speaking... if anything, that sort of speech would put me off sex. xD

I've heard of that a lot too. And the more ridiculous one:"A woman will never forget the man she lost her virginity to." Of course, all these BS are used to warn young girl to not "give herself away" before marriage.

Like just to be honest, most people don't forget anyone they've had sex with, because society has made it such a big deal. It's not like kissing, where I would actually just be sitting back, relaxing, and remember all of a sudden, "Wow! I completely forgot I've kissed that person!" No one just sits back and says, "I completely forget I had sex with that person!"

I'll be fair here, if the number of people you've kissed/had sex with is very small, and the kissing/sex was part of a long-term relationship, then you're definitely going to remember it. Or at least you're much more likely to.

[Hobbes!]

Virgin, and I'm damned if I'll be giving it up anytime soon. There's all kinds of reasons - cowardice being among them - for this that I won't go into right now

[mokulen22]

I recently lost my V-card (I'm 28) and I regretted it instantly. I had no desire what so ever but I thought people would finally leave me alone, plus I was in a relationship and after 5 month assumed it was expected. It didn't get anyone off my back, it was a gross experience and pretty much is the reason the relationship ended 3 months later.

Now, all i hear from friends is "oh, he just wasn't the one" -- *pulls hair* auugghh!