Secondary Romantic Attraction

[one1one1ygir1]

aspie your story is so lovely!! I hope you have an amazing time in November!

haha well i'm sort of jumping into a discussion that's already been progressing for a while... but i just suddenly thought that we could totally try to define this using Friends!! :lol:

if we take Monica and Chandler right,

they had known each other since they were in college and they had been friends for a long time.

so when they finally actually fall in love, it had taken all of those years of knowing each other and becoming close platonically, and then a couple of months of secretly dating for romantic feelings to manifest. This would be secondary romantic attraction i think because it developed out of other kinds of attraction.

I think Chandler has primary sexual attraction to Monica as we can tell from the episode when they're at the beach and Chandler is trying to get Monica to agree to circumstances under which she would sleep with him (and she says she wouldn't even if he was the last man on earth :P), so even though he's not romantically interested in her, he's sexually interested in her because she's a good looking female person 8)

Monica on the other hand, has secondary sexual attraction to Chandler because she originally only sleeps with him because she's drunk, not because she's particularly attracted to him, and continues to sleep with him because... it's ... a good... experience.... haha... and it isn't until a few weeks later that she stops thinking of him as dweeby chandler that she happens to be sleeping with, but actually someone who she's attracted to :)

My example from friends of primary romantic attraction AND primary sexual attraction would be Mike and Phoebe who meet and are very into each other in both of these ways right from their first conversation ^_^

haha

um

so i hope this adds something to the discussion :D

i would add just that maybe there could be primary and secondary of all types of attraction (platonic, aesthetic, romantic and sexual)

like for instance someone can be just instantly recognisable as really good looking (i believe) but in other cases people can seem more good looking to you as you know more about them and think they have a nice personality (which would be secondary aesthetic attraction...? )

I have a great appreciation for your Friends examples. :cake:

to contribute to the thread --

I consider myself demi-panromantic... my romantic/crushy feelings only develop after I know a great deal about a person and then when I least expect it I go from having a squish to having this totally intense 100% devoted and crazy for you crush or whatever...I'm 27 years old and currently have serious romantic feelings for the third time in my life and even though I'm not *with* the person I have feelings with the overwhelming amount of feelings I have for them has blinded me from seeing liking anyone else as even a possibility. I kind of love this about myself... I know PLENTY of people who are not demi-romantic and can quickly,knowing little-to-nothing about a person and want to date them or be romantically involved based on just looks/things assumed based on appearances or heard from mutual friends and such.. While I understand their thought processes and assumptions I have never experienced something like that myself and have never felt strong feelings or a motivation to date anyone I have not known super-well first.

[ithaca]

aspie your story is so lovely!! I hope you have an amazing time in November!

haha well i'm sort of jumping into a discussion that's already been progressing for a while... but i just suddenly thought that we could totally try to define this using Friends!! :lol:

if we take Monica and Chandler right,

they had known each other since they were in college and they had been friends for a long time.

so when they finally actually fall in love, it had taken all of those years of knowing each other and becoming close platonically, and then a couple of months of secretly dating for romantic feelings to manifest. This would be secondary romantic attraction i think because it developed out of other kinds of attraction.

I think Chandler has primary sexual attraction to Monica as we can tell from the episode when they're at the beach and Chandler is trying to get Monica to agree to circumstances under which she would sleep with him (and she says she wouldn't even if he was the last man on earth :P), so even though he's not romantically interested in her, he's sexually interested in her because she's a good looking female person 8)

Monica on the other hand, has secondary sexual attraction to Chandler because she originally only sleeps with him because she's drunk, not because she's particularly attracted to him, and continues to sleep with him because... it's ... a good... experience.... haha... and it isn't until a few weeks later that she stops thinking of him as dweeby chandler that she happens to be sleeping with, but actually someone who she's attracted to :)

My example from friends of primary romantic attraction AND primary sexual attraction would be Mike and Phoebe who meet and are very into each other in both of these ways right from their first conversation ^_^

haha

um

so i hope this adds something to the discussion :D

i would add just that maybe there could be primary and secondary of all types of attraction (platonic, aesthetic, romantic and sexual)

like for instance someone can be just instantly recognisable as really good looking (i believe) but in other cases people can seem more good looking to you as you know more about them and think they have a nice personality (which would be secondary aesthetic attraction...? )

Thanks for this. I love it!!!!! ^_^