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Pap smears and other gynaecological concerns


Iamala

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I definitely understand this a bit more. I guess I should be more understanding that doctors really don't know a patients life, even though I know I haven't had sex in a long time. I'm sure there's more to it than "You have a uterus so take this test", although it's hard to see it in another way than that. I know seeing a doctor is physical (body parts) but it's hard to get past how I feel.

It's nice to hear from a doctor on this site, because I'm one of those asexuals that is uncomfortable with a few things that happen when I see a doctor. Such as pap smears, pregnancy tests, birth control and questions about my sex life.

What bothers me most though is those reminders I get about getting a pap smear, do you guys have a choice to send those out? I'm afraid I might get phone calls or something if I ignore them.

I'm so glad I could lend a different perspective and help you (and hopefully the rest of the community) understand a little better what may go through our minds as healthcare professionals! I also appreciate hearing patients' side of things...we have so many different opinions and experiences here in the asexual community and the things that I wouldn't think twice about are often experienced completely differently by others.

For example, I'm recovering from a recent surgery that involved the removal of a large amount of skin from my bikini line, perineum and (to use the medical term here) butt crack, due to a rare skin disorder. Didn't bat an eyelash, didn't think twice about the pregnancy test (ugh, no possibility of pregnancy whatsoever here!) Granted, I was able to insist on an all-female OR (well, OK, I admit that I hand-picked my entire surgical team)...but yes, everyone has the right to an all-female OR, although that may not be possible in an emergency. My familiarity allows me to relax with the knowledge that the only thoughts going through the minds in that OR were "bless her heart, that post-op recovery is going to be hell!" So I know my perspective may be swayed by that familiarity; therefore I work very hard to understand the feelings and respect the opinions of my patients.

Our conversation certainly opened my eyes and this type of respectful (if a bit passionate at times) discussion only makes me more compassionate and understanding when dealing with my own patients, so I want to say thank you for that (my apologies for the delayed response and belated gratitude...just returned to work from my surgery, so most of my spare time is spent sleeping!) I love a respectful, mature discussion (although I refuse to argue) and I appreciate comments and perspectives on a topic that can be a bit awkward at times.

I'm in the states, so I can't comment with full certainty on the pap smear reminders. Additionally, I'm completely hospital-based, so some of the inner workings of outpatient offices aren't my forte. With that being said, here in the US, many do send out annual reminders but they are just reminders. No one is going to call, come to your house or force you to do anything if these postcards simply wind up in the trash. I will surmise that the places with a government-sponsored health system are a bit more pushy, as they are very focused on preventative care (usually a good thing, but now I see the downside to that!)

I can imagine how uncomfortable it must be to have to discuss these things with a complete stranger (well, without the anonymity that comes with an internet forum full of like-minded individuals). I've always been able to roll my eyes and deal with it, but I may just be lucky to have some pretty understanding doctors. I'm sure there is a level of professional courtesy and respect at play as well (on both ends), but I've always had much better luck with female physicians. I hate to generalize like that as there are many fantastic male physicians, but my personal experience and preferences direct me to women doctors.

I really, really hope that you are able to find a provider that is gentle and understanding. While no one can completely alleviate the embarrassment, I hope that you could find a provider with a gentle enough nature to make the experience at least tolerable.

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WhenSummersGone

I definitely understand this a bit more. I guess I should be more understanding that doctors really don't know a patients life, even though I know I haven't had sex in a long time. I'm sure there's more to it than "You have a uterus so take this test", although it's hard to see it in another way than that. I know seeing a doctor is physical (body parts) but it's hard to get past how I feel.

It's nice to hear from a doctor on this site, because I'm one of those asexuals that is uncomfortable with a few things that happen when I see a doctor. Such as pap smears, pregnancy tests, birth control and questions about my sex life.

What bothers me most though is those reminders I get about getting a pap smear, do you guys have a choice to send those out? I'm afraid I might get phone calls or something if I ignore them.

I'm so glad I could lend a different perspective and help you (and hopefully the rest of the community) understand a little better what may go through our minds as healthcare professionals! I also appreciate hearing patients' side of things...we have so many different opinions and experiences here in the asexual community and the things that I wouldn't think twice about are often experienced completely differently by others.

For example, I'm recovering from a recent surgery that involved the removal of a large amount of skin from my bikini line, perineum and (to use the medical term here) butt crack, due to a rare skin disorder. Didn't bat an eyelash, didn't think twice about the pregnancy test (ugh, no possibility of pregnancy whatsoever here!) Granted, I was able to insist on an all-female OR (well, OK, I admit that I hand-picked my entire surgical team)...but yes, everyone has the right to an all-female OR, although that may not be possible in an emergency. My familiarity allows me to relax with the knowledge that the only thoughts going through the minds in that OR were "bless her heart, that post-op recovery is going to be hell!" So I know my perspective may be swayed by that familiarity; therefore I work very hard to understand the feelings and respect the opinions of my patients.

Our conversation certainly opened my eyes and this type of respectful (if a bit passionate at times) discussion only makes me more compassionate and understanding when dealing with my own patients, so I want to say thank you for that (my apologies for the delayed response and belated gratitude...just returned to work from my surgery, so most of my spare time is spent sleeping!) I love a respectful, mature discussion (although I refuse to argue) and I appreciate comments and perspectives on a topic that can be a bit awkward at times.

I'm in the states, so I can't comment with full certainty on the pap smear reminders. Additionally, I'm completely hospital-based, so some of the inner workings of outpatient offices aren't my forte. With that being said, here in the US, many do send out annual reminders but they are just reminders. No one is going to call, come to your house or force you to do anything if these postcards simply wind up in the trash. I will surmise that the places with a government-sponsored health system are a bit more pushy, as they are very focused on preventative care (usually a good thing, but now I see the downside to that!)

I can imagine how uncomfortable it must be to have to discuss these things with a complete stranger (well, without the anonymity that comes with an internet forum full of like-minded individuals). I've always been able to roll my eyes and deal with it, but I may just be lucky to have some pretty understanding doctors. I'm sure there is a level of professional courtesy and respect at play as well (on both ends), but I've always had much better luck with female physicians. I hate to generalize like that as there are many fantastic male physicians, but my personal experience and preferences direct me to women doctors.

I really, really hope that you are able to find a provider that is gentle and understanding. While no one can completely alleviate the embarrassment, I hope that you could find a provider with a gentle enough nature to make the experience at least tolerable.

Thank you for sharing more information, and I'm glad I gave you my opinion on doctors. I do completely understand doctors asking these questions but it does become an issue when the doctor doesn't stop asking questions. They can briefly ask about birth control but it does get annoying if they ask 5 more questions about it. I think that's my only issue now on doctors and why I avoid going. Sometimes I feel like I'm being questioned by the police or something lol.

I will try to understand pregnancy tests for things like surgery, even though I know I won't be pregnant any time soon. I have to understand that they aren't living my life so they can't know.

It's also a relief to hear I won't be harassed to get pap tests done, like phone calls and such. At times the health system can be intrusive and annoying, but I know that's the fault of the system and not the doctors.

I do have a female doctor that I am comfortable with who is nice and respectful. I am bio female myself so I prefer a female doctor. So that's good, but just the 20 questions on my sex life gets annoying, especially if my problem going to the doctor was about a cold or something really unrelated to that.

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UTI's can have different symptoms (or no symptoms at all) depending on where in the Urinary Tract is infected. If you're having symptoms that indicate a UTI - *ESPECIALLY* if they've been going on for months, please at the very least get a UTI ruled out.

Here's a list of symptoms, including general symptoms and then more specific symptoms for upper\lower infection.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/urinary-tract-infection/DS00286/DSECTION=symptoms

The reason I've not gone to check with my normal GP is that the symptoms come and go and I'm lacking the most basic system of a uti: burning. So the collection of other symptoms has been confusing. I experienced back pain a couple of weeks ago and it abruptly stopped when usually the pain from kidney infections is constant. My school doctor gave me a lot of information on uti's and I kind of regret not having her do the girl required tests because I knew her well and trusted her. But I graduated so I obviously can't go to the school health center.

Do you think that there will be a gynecologist who can deal with panic attacks or extreme anxiety about a visit? Is it something I can call to ask about? There's such a strange collection of symptoms I've never experienced before that I really ought to go... sorry this is so vague, but I don't think anyone wants me listing symptoms.

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UTI's can have different symptoms (or no symptoms at all) depending on where in the Urinary Tract is infected. If you're having symptoms that indicate a UTI - *ESPECIALLY* if they've been going on for months, please at the very least get a UTI ruled out.

Here's a list of symptoms, including general symptoms and then more specific symptoms for upper\lower infection.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/urinary-tract-infection/DS00286/DSECTION=symptoms

The reason I've not gone to check with my normal GP is that the symptoms come and go and I'm lacking the most basic system of a uti: burning. So the collection of other symptoms has been confusing. I experienced back pain a couple of weeks ago and it abruptly stopped when usually the pain from kidney infections is constant. My school doctor gave me a lot of information on uti's and I kind of regret not having her do the girl required tests because I knew her well and trusted her. But I graduated so I obviously can't go to the school health center.

Do you think that there will be a gynecologist who can deal with panic attacks or extreme anxiety about a visit? Is it something I can call to ask about? There's such a strange collection of symptoms I've never experienced before that I really ought to go... sorry this is so vague, but I don't think anyone wants me listing symptoms.

For the potential UTI - you can have a UTI without burning. I had a UTI with *only* lower back pain and cloudy urine when I was in 7th grade. My biology teacher warned me that back pain in the place my back hurt could be kidney problems and that freaked me out so I got checked - that's how we caught it. It's still worth it to go to the GP and get it checked - even if it turns out this isn't what is going on. It's better to be sure, especially given the serious consequences an untreated UTI could potentially have.

For the gynecologist - yes, you can find gynecologists that will work with you and your anxiety. However - mention this *before the visit,* or better ask your GP to recommend a gynecologist that is experienced in dealing with extreme anxiety or cases of abuse (even if you weren't abused...the reactions can be pretty similar). My current GP tried to do the exam herself initially - but then recommended me to a *specific* gynecologist in my medical group when it was clear that wasn't going to work. At this point, they may also prescribe some anti-anxiety medication for the visit to help make it more bearable. But....yeah, if you ask around and get a good gyno who is aware of the situation going in, it's *A LOT* better than not. I still remember my first pap with my first gyno....that was *HORRIBLE*. The 2 I've had since haven't been flowers and sunshine, but I learned after the first that if I communicate my history, vaginismus complications, and 99.9% likelyhood to completely flip my sh!t on the table that the visit will go *much* more smoothly, comparatively.

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Most of my own UTIs have zero burning. Any time I have even a slight symptom, I call Planned Parenthood and get checked out. I don't do well on antibiotics so I need to make sure right away I have no problems. If it doesn't cost you anything, ever, always get checked. It's just a simple urine test, so not invasive.

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The thing with me is, even if I did feel like something was wrong down there (which I don't) I still doubt I would actually go to a gyno. I would probably keep it to myself, because the thought of exposing myself that way is just too horrifying to consider, even in a potentially serious situation.

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MarieAntoinette

May be TMI>>>

I had my first visit a few months ago with an ob/gyn because I have PCOS and I needed an internal ultrasound :unsure: I was so nervous and scared. It was uncomfortable, especially because I'm a virgin and my doctor wasn't very gentle or kind. She just shoved the ultrasound wand thing up inside me. It hurt and I felt nauseous. She didn't examine me at all after that (even though she should've) and then she berated me for gaining weight (that's one of the symptoms of PCOS). I felt so ashamed and vulnerable. I was half naked and in pain, needless to say she could've been nicer. I'm not looking forward to the day I have to go back for another appointment, but I refuse to see that bitch again. I'm going to find a nice doctor...hopefully :(

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WhenSummersGone

May be TMI>>>

I had my first visit a few months ago with an ob/gyn because I have PCOS and I needed an internal ultrasound :unsure: I was so nervous and scared. It was uncomfortable, especially because I'm a virgin and my doctor wasn't very gentle or kind. She just shoved the ultrasound wand thing up inside me. It hurt and I felt nauseous. She didn't examine me at all after that (even though she should've) and then she berated me for gaining weight (that's one of the symptoms of PCOS). I felt so ashamed and vulnerable. I was half naked and in pain, needless to say she could've been nicer. I'm not looking forward to the day I have to go back for another appointment, but I refuse to see that bitch again. I'm going to find a nice doctor...hopefully :(

That sucks. I had PCOS as well but they did it when I had a full bladder. A lady once asked if I wanted that thing up inside me, because that time I didn't drink enough, but I declined. I just made another appointment.

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MarieAntoinette

May be TMI>>>

I had my first visit a few months ago with an ob/gyn because I have PCOS and I needed an internal ultrasound :unsure: I was so nervous and scared. It was uncomfortable, especially because I'm a virgin and my doctor wasn't very gentle or kind. She just shoved the ultrasound wand thing up inside me. It hurt and I felt nauseous. She didn't examine me at all after that (even though she should've) and then she berated me for gaining weight (that's one of the symptoms of PCOS). I felt so ashamed and vulnerable. I was half naked and in pain, needless to say she could've been nicer. I'm not looking forward to the day I have to go back for another appointment, but I refuse to see that bitch again. I'm going to find a nice doctor...hopefully :(

That sucks. I had PCOS as well but they did it when I had a full bladder. A lady once asked if I wanted that thing up inside me, because that time I didn't drink enough, but I declined. I just made another appointment.

Oh, so they just did it externally? I really wish my doctor had told me about that option! Good to know though, I'll make sure I go that route next time :)

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I actually came to AVEN looking for help. I got threatened by a doctor today; that he'd withhold my sprintec prescription if I didn't undergo a pap smear. In addition to being a virgin, I'm a repulsed ace, and I just can't go through with it.

If it wasn't for my painful periods and acne I would just skip out (frankly I'm still considering skipping out) but I really need those pills. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can get a prescription without being tortured? (I'm sorry, for me that's what it is). Does planned parenthood require pap smears?

Doctors still look at me like I said 'I'm a unicorn' instead of I'm a virgin. Who votes that next time I just say the former? tongue.gif (Sorry trying to get some humor in here to make up for my freak out)

I always got pills (in Italy) and the implant (here in UK) without any sort of test or question, you may be considering to change the GP they shouldn't black mail you!!!! try to convince maybe.......

I did the test and felt nothing, but I'm gray-a and not virgin, it may be a good idea to mention it if you decide to do it and are.

as for weird reaction when I went to put on and also when took off my implant both the nurses asked me about other contraception like condoms or another hormonal one when I told them "no thanks I don't need it I'm asexual" they just say "ok" but it felt like they had no idea what I was talking about and didn't want to ask clarification....... I found it funny :lol:

no one never tried to insist

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WhenSummersGone

May be TMI>>>

I had my first visit a few months ago with an ob/gyn because I have PCOS and I needed an internal ultrasound :unsure: I was so nervous and scared. It was uncomfortable, especially because I'm a virgin and my doctor wasn't very gentle or kind. She just shoved the ultrasound wand thing up inside me. It hurt and I felt nauseous. She didn't examine me at all after that (even though she should've) and then she berated me for gaining weight (that's one of the symptoms of PCOS). I felt so ashamed and vulnerable. I was half naked and in pain, needless to say she could've been nicer. I'm not looking forward to the day I have to go back for another appointment, but I refuse to see that bitch again. I'm going to find a nice doctor...hopefully :(

That sucks. I had PCOS as well but they did it when I had a full bladder. A lady once asked if I wanted that thing up inside me, because that time I didn't drink enough, but I declined. I just made another appointment.

Oh, so they just did it externally? I really wish my doctor had told me about that option! Good to know though, I'll make sure I go that route next time :)

Ya that's usually how they do it where I live. Hopefully you can do that as well. They just tell you to slightly pull your clothes down so they can put that jelly stuff on you, like if you were pregnant. It may be uncomfortable since you have a full bladder and they push down on you, but still better than the other option imo. Plus they should have bathrooms so you can relieve yourself after lol.

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May be TMI>>>

I had my first visit a few months ago with an ob/gyn because I have PCOS and I needed an internal ultrasound :unsure: I was so nervous and scared. It was uncomfortable, especially because I'm a virgin and my doctor wasn't very gentle or kind. She just shoved the ultrasound wand thing up inside me. It hurt and I felt nauseous. She didn't examine me at all after that (even though she should've) and then she berated me for gaining weight (that's one of the symptoms of PCOS). I felt so ashamed and vulnerable. I was half naked and in pain, needless to say she could've been nicer. I'm not looking forward to the day I have to go back for another appointment, but I refuse to see that bitch again. I'm going to find a nice doctor...hopefully :(

That sucks. I had PCOS as well but they did it when I had a full bladder. A lady once asked if I wanted that thing up inside me, because that time I didn't drink enough, but I declined. I just made another appointment.

Yeah, I've also got PCOS. I went in for the ultrasound and they did the external with a full bladder (actually overfull - I had to pee a little bit for them to get a clearer view. Imagine how uncomfortable *that* was waiting considering they were an hour late <_< ). When that was done, the tech said "Ok, now for a closer look with an internal ultrasound...." The look on my face must have said it all, because she paused then asked "Um, you *are* sexually active, aren't you?" After vigorously shaking my head no, she just smiled and said "Oh, nevermind then! I think we have enough with the external pictures." and ended things. And....I think I started *breathing* again.

@Marie - I'm so sorry they put you through that.

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MarieAntoinette

May be TMI>>>

I had my first visit a few months ago with an ob/gyn because I have PCOS and I needed an internal ultrasound :unsure: I was so nervous and scared. It was uncomfortable, especially because I'm a virgin and my doctor wasn't very gentle or kind. She just shoved the ultrasound wand thing up inside me. It hurt and I felt nauseous. She didn't examine me at all after that (even though she should've) and then she berated me for gaining weight (that's one of the symptoms of PCOS). I felt so ashamed and vulnerable. I was half naked and in pain, needless to say she could've been nicer. I'm not looking forward to the day I have to go back for another appointment, but I refuse to see that bitch again. I'm going to find a nice doctor...hopefully :(

That sucks. I had PCOS as well but they did it when I had a full bladder. A lady once asked if I wanted that thing up inside me, because that time I didn't drink enough, but I declined. I just made another appointment.

Yeah, I've also got PCOS. I went in for the ultrasound and they did the external with a full bladder (actually overfull - I had to pee a little bit for them to get a clearer view. Imagine how uncomfortable *that* was waiting considering they were an hour late <_< ). When that was done, the tech said "Ok, now for a closer look with an internal ultrasound...." The look on my face must have said it all, because she paused then asked "Um, you *are* sexually active, aren't you?" After vigorously shaking my head no, she just smiled and said "Oh, nevermind then! I think we have enough with the external pictures." and ended things. And....I think I started *breathing* again.

@Marie - I'm so sorry they put you through that.

Thank you! After learning about the external ultrasound, I'm really confused and angry that they didn't have me do that instead. They knew I have never been sexually active. Oh well, at least now I know for next time :) And I'll make sure I go to a doctor that I'm more comfortable with.

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I just went for my first visit to a gynecologist the other day and I was terrified that she would want to do a pap smear. Luckily, since I'm a virgin, she didn't have to do one. She also said I most likely have PCOS (hello fellow PCOSers!) and put me on the pill so I would have periods. She told me that in the past they had to do pap smears when putting someone on the pill, but now they don't have to. I can't even describe my relief. XD

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May be TMI>>>

I had my first visit a few months ago with an ob/gyn because I have PCOS and I needed an internal ultrasound :unsure: I was so nervous and scared. It was uncomfortable, especially because I'm a virgin and my doctor wasn't very gentle or kind. She just shoved the ultrasound wand thing up inside me. It hurt and I felt nauseous. She didn't examine me at all after that (even though she should've) and then she berated me for gaining weight (that's one of the symptoms of PCOS). I felt so ashamed and vulnerable. I was half naked and in pain, needless to say she could've been nicer. I'm not looking forward to the day I have to go back for another appointment, but I refuse to see that bitch again. I'm going to find a nice doctor...hopefully :(

That sucks. I had PCOS as well but they did it when I had a full bladder. A lady once asked if I wanted that thing up inside me, because that time I didn't drink enough, but I declined. I just made another appointment.

Yeah, I've also got PCOS. I went in for the ultrasound and they did the external with a full bladder (actually overfull - I had to pee a little bit for them to get a clearer view. Imagine how uncomfortable *that* was waiting considering they were an hour late <_< ). When that was done, the tech said "Ok, now for a closer look with an internal ultrasound...." The look on my face must have said it all, because she paused then asked "Um, you *are* sexually active, aren't you?" After vigorously shaking my head no, she just smiled and said "Oh, nevermind then! I think we have enough with the external pictures." and ended things. And....I think I started *breathing* again.

@Marie - I'm so sorry they put you through that.

Thank you! After learning about the external ultrasound, I'm really confused and angry that they didn't have me do that instead. They knew I have never been sexually active. Oh well, at least now I know for next time :) And I'll make sure I go to a doctor that I'm more comfortable with.

Marie...

As a general rule, we can get a better picture of your ovaries by doing the internal ultrasound. However, in a lot of cases we can get the information we need just by doing one "over the top." The over-the-top variety is usually done first, then the US tech or physician will determine if the internal US is even necessary. In a case of anxiety, every effort should be taken to get the needed pictures through the belly and if an internal US is truly necessary, most of the time you can "guide" the wand in yourself to minimize any pain or discomfort.

For the belly ultrasound you do need a full bladder to help get a better picture. Still no fun, but much better than what you went through! The internal ultrasound generally requires a completely empty bladder.

I was just horrified to read your experience...no one has the right to treat you so callously! From the sound of it, this physician was in way too big of a hurry and simply skipped the belly US, even though it could have given her the information she needed without putting you through hell (it would certainly have been worth a shot!) There is simply no excuse for her to have prioritized her convenience over your comfort like that!

I hope you do find a doctor that is patient, understanding and respectful.

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I'm not sure if being in Canada changes this, but for any x-rays or CT scans I've always been asked "are you sure you're not pregnant?" and I'm always just like "Can't you just put "asexual" or "not possibly pregnant ever" in my chart?" but they never do.

Last year I had appendicitis and though I knew 100% it was my appendix, when I went to the ER they said it might be an ovarian cyst or something and that they'd want to test for that. I flat out refused. I'm not going through a pelvic ultrasound, knowing how horrid it was for a friend of mine, especially when I know I've got appendicitis. It was appendicitis, and I'm glad I stood my ground and refused a test that I felt would be unnecessary and repulsive.

I've been through a few doctors in the last 10 years due to location, and they always start off insisting on Pap smears or whatever. Once you blatantly state you're asexual, they tend to lay off on the tests. I'll never consent to a Pap smear. I'll never go for a mammogram, although cancer is incredibly strong in my maternal family history. I'm not comfortable with the testing and never will be. I've seen the aftereffects of cancer and death in my family time and time again, yet it still isn't enough for me to consent to tests that may or may not supply conclusive results at the expense of my comfort.

I'd rather die. I'm not being flippant (I've spent at least 15 years debating the pros and cons with myself), but I would honestly and truly rather die than consent to a Pap smear or pelvic ultrasound. I will never be comfortable with that level of invasiveness.

As for the biological males viewing this thread, instead of being glad you aren't female, maybe you should be thinking of how equally unpleasant it is or might be to have a prostate exam / PSA screening. Being born male in no way exempts you from embarrassing tests and exams.

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MarieAntoinette

May be TMI>>>

I had my first visit a few months ago with an ob/gyn because I have PCOS and I needed an internal ultrasound :unsure: I was so nervous and scared. It was uncomfortable, especially because I'm a virgin and my doctor wasn't very gentle or kind. She just shoved the ultrasound wand thing up inside me. It hurt and I felt nauseous. She didn't examine me at all after that (even though she should've) and then she berated me for gaining weight (that's one of the symptoms of PCOS). I felt so ashamed and vulnerable. I was half naked and in pain, needless to say she could've been nicer. I'm not looking forward to the day I have to go back for another appointment, but I refuse to see that bitch again. I'm going to find a nice doctor...hopefully :(

That sucks. I had PCOS as well but they did it when I had a full bladder. A lady once asked if I wanted that thing up inside me, because that time I didn't drink enough, but I declined. I just made another appointment.

Yeah, I've also got PCOS. I went in for the ultrasound and they did the external with a full bladder (actually overfull - I had to pee a little bit for them to get a clearer view. Imagine how uncomfortable *that* was waiting considering they were an hour late <_< ). When that was done, the tech said "Ok, now for a closer look with an internal ultrasound...." The look on my face must have said it all, because she paused then asked "Um, you *are* sexually active, aren't you?" After vigorously shaking my head no, she just smiled and said "Oh, nevermind then! I think we have enough with the external pictures." and ended things. And....I think I started *breathing* again.

@Marie - I'm so sorry they put you through that.

Thank you! After learning about the external ultrasound, I'm really confused and angry that they didn't have me do that instead. They knew I have never been sexually active. Oh well, at least now I know for next time :) And I'll make sure I go to a doctor that I'm more comfortable with.

Marie...

As a general rule, we can get a better picture of your ovaries by doing the internal ultrasound. However, in a lot of cases we can get the information we need just by doing one "over the top." The over-the-top variety is usually done first, then the US tech or physician will determine if the internal US is even necessary. In a case of anxiety, every effort should be taken to get the needed pictures through the belly and if an internal US is truly necessary, most of the time you can "guide" the wand in yourself to minimize any pain or discomfort.

For the belly ultrasound you do need a full bladder to help get a better picture. Still no fun, but much better than what you went through! The internal ultrasound generally requires a completely empty bladder.

I was just horrified to read your experience...no one has the right to treat you so callously! From the sound of it, this physician was in way too big of a hurry and simply skipped the belly US, even though it could have given her the information she needed without putting you through hell (it would certainly have been worth a shot!) There is simply no excuse for her to have prioritized her convenience over your comfort like that!

I hope you do find a doctor that is patient, understanding and respectful.

Thank you for your kind words! You're absolutely right, my doctor was in a big hurry and rushed through my appointment (she had mixed me up with another patient so I had to wait even longer because of that mistake). It wasn't the greatest first time experience at the ob/gyn but now that I know about the external ultrasound, I'll make sure to go with that option in the future.

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I'm not sure if being in Canada changes this, but for any x-rays or CT scans I've always been asked "are you sure you're not pregnant?" and I'm always just like "Can't you just put "asexual" or "not possibly pregnant ever" in my chart?" but they never do.

Last year I had appendicitis and though I knew 100% it was my appendix, when I went to the ER they said it might be an ovarian cyst or something and that they'd want to test for that. I flat out refused. I'm not going through a pelvic ultrasound, knowing how horrid it was for a friend of mine, especially when I know I've got appendicitis. It was appendicitis, and I'm glad I stood my ground and refused a test that I felt would be unnecessary and repulsive.

I've been through a few doctors in the last 10 years due to location, and they always start off insisting on Pap smears or whatever. Once you blatantly state you're asexual, they tend to lay off on the tests. I'll never consent to a Pap smear. I'll never go for a mammogram, although cancer is incredibly strong in my maternal family history. I'm not comfortable with the testing and never will be. I've seen the aftereffects of cancer and death in my family time and time again, yet it still isn't enough for me to consent to tests that may or may not supply conclusive results at the expense of my comfort.

I'd rather die. I'm not being flippant (I've spent at least 15 years debating the pros and cons with myself), but I would honestly and truly rather die than consent to a Pap smear or pelvic ultrasound. I will never be comfortable with that level of invasiveness.

As for the biological males viewing this thread, instead of being glad you aren't female, maybe you should be thinking of how equally unpleasant it is or might be to have a prostate exam / PSA screening. Being born male in no way exempts you from embarrassing tests and exams.

I'm glad you stood your ground as well...

Appendicitis has a very distinct presentation and set of symptoms that can be discovered through a physical exam and a good H&P. While ovarian cysts are in the differential diagnosis of acute abdominal pain, there are some noninvasive ways to determine whether it's one or the other. Confirmation of appendicitis requires a CT scan, definitely NOT a pelvic ultrasound!

I, too had appendicitis a few years ago...even though I have a history of ovarian cysts (ugh, a looong, complicated history), never did they even bring up a pelvic ultrasound. Perhaps this was because I told them the pain was very different from ovarian cyst pain, but nonetheless no mention of an ultrasound whatsoever. In general, appendicitis is a much more emergent situation than ovarian cysts, so it should be ruled out first.

You seem to have a very solid understanding of the consequences of your refusal to have these tests...and you have every right to refuse them. Here in the states at least, we do respect that right as long as the patient is fully aware of the potential consequences. So there may be a lecture to ensure that you are fully educated, but once that's over we respect that right. I suspect in many cases that lecture comes across as pushy, but we are ethically bound to make sure a patient is fully educated in that regard.

As for mammograms...I do hope you are doing routine breast self-exams. They won't catch a tumor as quickly as a mammogram, as a lump may take a while to be palpable. But certainly better than nothing, especially with a strong family history. Breast cancer, as with most cancers, has a much higher chance of being treated successfully if it is caught early. Certainly, cancer treatment is no walk in the park...but knowing you have a potentially malignant lump would allow you to continue to make educated choices in regards to your health. And if caught early, there would be more time to consider less invasive options for tests and treatments, should the need arise (and I hope it never does!)

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Once you reach 21 I think medically it's a good idea to start considering having a pap smear. Having said that, when I realized I was going to have to have one (and I say "have to" because I wanted to make sure I was healthy) I was more terrified than I've ever been in my life. I looked for any option to get the medical results without the procedure but no luck.



In the end I talked to my roommate who'd had similar fears in the past and asked her to come to the appointment with me. I also made an appointment with the doctor beforehand and talked it all over with her which i really recommend. I was able to let her know how terrified I was and she assured me that we would go at a pace I could handle. Forming a sort of trust with this woman helped me get through the procedure. I brought some calming music to play as well.



I won't lie, it hurt like hell for me, possibly because I've never had sex. I am glad I got through it, and facing my biggest fear was a growing experience, but nothing about this is comfortable. I don't mean to scare anyone, it is something that can be done with the right preparation, but be ready for what is going to happen and do whatever you need to do to help yourself feel safe and relaxed enough to get through the procedure.


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I know this thred is old, but i have had simular exsperiences when it comes to this subject.

I'm 33 now, and i started getting letters like this in the post a few years back(Around 25 ish?)

Most of the time i would just ignor them, but if i had to go to the Doctor for medication, it would flag up on my file, then my doctor would badger me about getting it done.

The nurses were even WORSE! :(

I got SO sick of one Nurse going on and on about the smear that i shouted out loud(enough for everyone in the surgery to hear!) that i prefer to keep my legs closed, so there is know need to shuv that speculum up my fanny!!!!! :mad: After i said that i walked out and was in a bit of a bad mood for the rest of the day, soon calmed down though.

I recentlty got a letter from the hospital about the same test, and i filled out in bold letters that I DO NOT want a Smear, they replied and realised, but still said if i want one in the future they can always schedule one.....HOPEFULLY they have got the message loud and clear and will now leave me alone :unsure: !

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WhenSummersGone

^ It's almost funny in a way, like they're trying to sell you something. "I'm not interested in having my carpets cleaned so please stop calling me". So annoying.

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  • 3 weeks later...

A few comments from a medical professional, if I may...

I work in a hospital (in the US). I will tell you that at least 75% of the positive pregnancy tests come from patients who insist that there is absolutely no way they could possibly be pregnant. Yes, it sucks that your doctor has to consider that you may be lying...but it's because so many others do. Asking for a little pee in a cup is hardly worth the risk, not only to the patient but also the risk of being sued to the moon and back because we gave meds that harm a fetus to a patient that lied about potentially being pregnant. And if that happens, oh we will get sued. Besides, in addition to a pregnancy test, we typically also run a urinalysis to check for other medical issues that we may need to consider as well. Rest assured, when you are asked to take a pregnancy test before surgery, it is not a personal attack, nor is it an assumption that you are lying. It is a precaution. It is a very simple, non-invasive test and to forego it is simply not worth the risk of harming a fetus. Just pee in the cup...when it comes back negative, you are absolutely entitled to a hearty "I told you so!"

I see where you're coming from, but I think females get offended because it implies everyone is having sex. What about lesbians who can't get pregnant? Or asexuals? I think orientation should be taken into account as well. I just don't like the assumption that I'm having sex when I'm not. Why not just ask if someone is sexually active or not?

In my case it wasn't so much that I was offended it was the fact that I was in a lot of pain and they kept asking over and over while making me stay in a very painful position. I tell ya if they'd asked me to pee in a cup I would have done it happily!

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Jumping in on an old thread with a story of my own:

Only had one PAP smear so far (I'm 29), and while incredibly uncomfortable, it was not painful. My GP performed the procedure, and he's very gentle. In hearing stories from others, I feel lucky. However, I plan to keep putting off another as long as I can get away with it, being never sexually-active and with no family history of HPV or other GYN issues.

My GYN horror story is due to PCOS though. The first OBGYN I was sent to was (also male) super baby-oriented and strongly Christian. When I said I was a virgin, he told me it was good that I was waiting until marriage (*sigh*). Then he sent me to his tech for an ultrasound. He completely neglected to mention that it would be transvaginal, and the tech was the most brusque, rough medical person I've ever had the misfortune of working with. When she told me to strip because she was going to shove the wand inside me, I was taken totally by surprise. I told her I was on my period (one of the rare ones then), and she said it didn't matter. I also mentioned that I was a virgin and she brushed me off!

Once on the table, she forced the wand inside me, despite my cries of pain and protests, then started moving it around for the images. It felt like she was trying to stretch me out completely. I felt incredibly violated, and a little traumatized by the whole thing. Unfortunately, it was my first time seeing doctors on my own, so I was still learning about advocating for myself, so I didn't really say anything about it, and still saw the doctor for one last appointment (where he tried to make me pay for an incredibly expensive surgery when an endometrial swab in-office would achieve the same results- that's another story) before refusing to go back or answer their calls.

I didn't see another doctor besides my GP for several years after.

Any other ladies with PCOS- Consider seeking out an endocrinologist! Birth control is just a band-aid solution that prevents hyperplasia from developing due to lack of regular periods. Get an endocrinologist that works with PCOS and metabolic syndrome to do a blood panel. My only off-stats were my c-peptide levels. I was able to normalize my levels with a simple change in diet. If your hormones are affected (surprisingly, mine were in range), they can give you a complete range of options.

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Oh god! Problems problems problems. I have a medical condition that I ha e had to take the pill for for years. I get blackmailed all the time. I finally got forced into a finger exam which was SO PAINFUL! I agreed BC I thought it wouldn't hurt, I found it quite traumatizing. Never again!

And scans or xrays they Make me pee in a cup even tho I'm on 2 medications that eliminate my cycle and am asexual virgin. Just harrasment. My insurance calls and mails me reams of paper saying me to get screened because "I could be sufering from an std like HIV! Transfers to partners yada yada". No matter how many times I tell them I'm not active they just keep sending me these notices on practicly plastic paper which I'm sure costs like a dollar a sheet. Oh well. They make great paper airplanes to throw at people you don't like at work! ^.^

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If you've never had sex a pap smear is pretty much worthless as those cancers are so rare. My Gyn does not do them unless you are active or over 50. I personally had the HPV vaccine anyway and like my Gyn said, the others are extremely rare!

I see no reason to lose my virginity to a speculum that would be so painful. I had a forced finger exam at one place and it hurt like a dirty bitch! I can't imagine a whole speculum! Mind you I can't even get small tampons in without tremendous pain. So a small finger was awful. And found nothing wrong with my 18 yo virgin body. I only didn't resist because I didn't think it was going to hurt! For me it was more painful than breaking my ankle in two! As well as traumatic. I didn't want to be violated with a finger and I should not have let it happen. Lesson learnt!

I'd rather keep my hymen intact as well as that's my only proof of being virgin. Why damage that?

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I'd rather keep my hymen intact as well as that's my only proof of being virgin. Why damage that?

That's not actually true. Spoilered for TMI:

Hymens often don't tear during sex, because they are stretchy and don't cover the whole vagina. Also, they can be stretched/torn from other physical activity (or other things like tampons).

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