How much of a deal-breaker is sex?

[ElusiveAppellation]

The Great WTF made good explanations. Just to add my two cents, in response to the following part:

But... sex is also not the only means to show these things, to express deep, romantic love. It's an option, but it's not necessary. Or at least that's how I see it.

If you see it this way, many other things in a relationship are also optional, like cuddling, intellectual conversations, sharing interests, or even having kids. But one person's "option" can be another person's "necessity". You probably also have some personal deal breakers that are not so important to many other people, right?

Seconded.

For me, things like cuddling, intellectual conversations, and sharing interests are necessary, while I know that a lot of other people view them as optional.

Sex may well be a deal-breaker for a sexual person, since it's a form of intimacy that they find meaningful and significant. For at least some sexuals, they place enough value on that experience that it becomes something necessary for them. That said, I don't think all sexuals feel that way-- I'm certainly generalizing, but I am also trying to play probabilities, rather than predict every possible outcome.

[The Bearded One]

My parents taught me it is not OK to demand, coerce, or pressure anyone at anytime for any kind of sex. When I was in Junior High I thought it was silly for someone to say "If you really loved me you would put out, or I'll break up with you." Thank y'all for explaining to me that if I was a 30 year old married heterosexual my "need" to express love and intimacy by having sex with my spouse is so great that it's OK to have affairs, or leave them if they don"t put out enough. Do I have a right to demand specific acts, or do I have to act satisfied with whatever plain vanilla they "consent" to? I wish my parents had brung me up right.

[Lady Girl]

My parents taught me it is not OK to demand, coerce, or pressure anyone at anytime for any kind of sex. When I was in Junior High I thought it was silly for someone to say "If you really loved me you would put out, or I'll break up with you." Thank y'all for explaining to me that if I was a 30 year old married heterosexual my "need" to express love and intimacy by having sex with my spouse is so great that it's OK to have affairs, or leave them if they don"t put out enough. Do I have a right to demand specific acts, or do I have to act satisfied with whatever plain vanilla they "consent" to? I wish my parents had brung me up right.

I'm pretty sure several people in the thread expressed a slightly more nuanced description of this. I read most of the responses a couple of times and saw more than one unified answer actually.

Your parents taught you that because it's probably best for a junior high kid to not say that to another kid, or if one says that to them, it might be best to walk away. In general, that's manipulative and not what people on this thread are saying about marriages.

The fact of the matter is that grown up married adults usually work through these things and discuss what's best for both partners in any given situation, or they struggle thru it, or one or both give up and part ways, or they mutually and happily agree that parting ways is best. The options here are aplenty, and for you to decide that sexual people wanting and expecting sex in a marriage is wrong, is, well wrong. They can and do expect it and it doesn't make them bad or awful people who were raised poorly.

[The Bearded One]

it is not OK to demand, coerce, or pressure anyone at anytime for any kind of sex.

True or False?

I am sorry if I offended anyone with my overly simplistic idea that all participants in sexual activity should be willing participants.

I will try to treat future lovers (if any) better.

[test account]

Well, most people expect marriage to involve sex, that's what you're signing up for. If you don't want to feel expected to have sex you need to specify that in your vows.

[Lady Girl]

it is not OK to demand, coerce, or pressure anyone at anytime for any kind of sex.

True or False?

I am sorry if I offended anyone with my overly simplistic idea that all participants in sexual activity should be willing participants.

I will try to treat future lovers (if any) better.

I do agree, and was trying to get across the idea that nobody was really intimating otherwise. Maybe realizing that the word expect is not the word demand, coerce, or pressure would help.

I think I came across your statement about "if you really loved me..." one other time and tried to express that it's not a good thing to say anyway. I will say this though, people do feel loved when their partner willingly has sex with them. There's nothing wrong with that, and it's not the same as the "if you really loved me..." phrase.

No offense taken, and I don't mean any either. I just wanted to clarify that people weren't implying what you thought they were in this thread.

Well, most people expect marriage to involve sex, that's what you're signing up for. If you don't want to feel expected to have sex you need to specify that in your vows.

Agreed. If everything is known and out there in the first place this wouldn't be an issue.

[The Great WTF]

My parents taught me it is not OK to demand, coerce, or pressure anyone at anytime for any kind of sex. When I was in Junior High I thought it was silly for someone to say "If you really loved me you would put out, or I'll break up with you." Thank y'all for explaining to me that if I was a 30 year old married heterosexual my "need" to express love and intimacy by having sex with my spouse is so great that it's OK to have affairs, or leave them if they don"t put out enough. Do I have a right to demand specific acts, or do I have to act satisfied with whatever plain vanilla they "consent" to? I wish my parents had brung me up right.

I don't recall anyone here saying that it's alright to demand sex of their partners. I also don't recall anyone condoning affairs. But, this is the adult world, not junior high, and relationships are complicated. Different people have different desires, needs, and expectations. If you're not happy in your relationship, for ANY reason, not just because of sex, you shouldn't be forced to stay in it. This isn't a matter of "put out or I'll dump you." This is a matter of legitimate needs and desires that can be emotionally damaging if not met. Yes, it's a dick move to leave someone if they can't have sex with you, but there's this annoying tendency for resentment and anger to build up in such situations that result in more extreme dick moves. So which one is better for the couple in question in the long run?

[The Bearded One]

Marriage vows frequently (not always) include "...in sickness and in heath...until death."

Does not sickness imply inability to provide sex?

When I first discovered sexual feelings, I felt that I "got" the whole marriage idea on a new level (I was 12). I realized that you got married to one special person, so that you could have sex freely and easily whenever you both wanted! (I knew all the other reasons too of course.) It seemed dreamy! I masturbated and had a feeling that sex was even better, and that if you were married, it was a way to "officially" be lovers forever. (Unless you decided for some reason that it wasn't working - then you could divorce).

Agree. Excellent description of what marriage should be. I love the honesty, openness, and straightforwardness of 12 year olds.

Well, most people expect marriage to involve sex, that's what you're signing up for. If you don't want to feel expected to have sex you need to specify that in your vows.

Agree with this in theory. Communications are important. I am recovering from a not good 5 year relationship with someone who told me they were a friend while they treated me like a lover. I'm pretty nonverbal, so sometimes I miss fine distinctions in what other people say. How do non-negotiable expectations differ from demands?

I'm angry and bitter about unwilling sex. I suppose 5 deaths (4 guys, 1 girl. the girl may not have been about sex) among my acquaintances in 20 years is a small price to pay for upholding the traditional principles of sexual exclusivity and possessiveness.

It's almost like finding a bargain in a department store?

To The Great WTF agree (more or less).

I will say this though, people do feel loved when their partner willingly has sex with them.

Strongly agree. :)

[SSRIs Fail]

I think it is important to remember that ‘sexuals’ are far from a homogeneous demographic. Sex doesn’t mean the same thing to different sexuals – not all of them value it to the same extent, or for the same reasons. Therefore the lack of sex within a romantic relationship may or may not be a deal-breaker. If one partner in a given relationship values sex enormously, he or she shouldn’t be frowned upon for leaving because of that reason. It is just how they’re wired, and they may only begin to think differently well into their golden years (..or not). It can be exceedingly difficult for us aces/greys to grasp this, and I’ve simply been accepting it as a brute fact of the human condition.

Similarly, I think an ace has the right to leave a relationship where sex is being expected of them. Having to have sex is a deal-breaker for me, I really can't even tolerate it.

[Avistew]

it is not OK to demand, coerce, or pressure anyone at anytime for any kind of sex.

True or False?

I am sorry if I offended anyone with my overly simplistic idea that all participants in sexual activity should be willing participants.

I will try to treat future lovers (if any) better.

It is not okay to demand sex, coerce someone or pressure them. However, it is okay to express that sex is a need for you, tell your partners that, and after they make their choice (it's possible that the ace partner will decide to have sex because it's important for their partner and they don't care that much.)

It is okay to feel that sex is essential to your relationships, and that if someone cannot provide it, the relationship needs to end. We all have different needs, and being aware of them and standing up for them is important. If you don't stand up for your needs and stay instead, you end up miserable and so does your partner.

It is okay to ask if your ace partner would be fine with you having sex with others, and if they do care, ask them why, since sex is so unimportant to them.

It's not a decision between "stay with your partner and never have sex again" or "rape your partner". Each person has to make their own decision. One of the two might decide that the issue of sex (one way or the other) isn't important enough to break up the relationship over it. But it might be that one or both will decide that the issue of sex is a deal breaker.

At any rate, it's best to bring it up as early as possible, before you feel that you are forced to stay due to other things (being married, being financially dependent on the other, living together, having kids...)

[Chveya]

I'd say that sexual release is something that people who are sexual become very accustomed to and it's hard to go an extended period of time without a sexual partner (like, say decades). The more time they are forced into a sexless life, the stronger and more uncontrollable this desire becomes. While they can still feel very loved, I do think there is a subconscious side of sexuals that also isn't quite satisfied without some level of activity. It can be especially frustrating if they are very attracted to their asexual partner, but are not able to have sex with them. So I can see where those people come from, even if I don't think I would make that choice myself.

[The Bearded One]

I'm angry and bitter about unwilling sex. I suppose 5 deaths (4 guys, 1 girl. the girl may not have been about sex) among my acquaintances in 20 years is a small price to pay for upholding the traditional principles of sexual exclusivity and possessiveness.

It's not a decision between "stay with your partner and never have sex again" or "rape your partner". Each person has to make their own decision. One of the two might decide that the issue of sex (one way or the other) isn't important enough to break up the relationship over it. But it might be that one or both will decide that the issue of sex is a deal breaker.

I'd say that sexual release is something that people who are sexual become very accustomed to and it's hard to go an extended period of time without a sexual partner (like, say decades). The more time they are forced into a sexless life, the stronger and more uncontrollable this desire becomes. While they can still feel very loved, I do think there is a subconscious side of sexuals that also isn't quite satisfied without some level of activity. It can be especially frustrating if they are very attracted to their asexual partner, but are not able to have sex with them. So I can see where those people come from, even if I don't think I would make that choice myself.

Yes. Thanks for the reminders.

They'll help me understand if I visit the graves.

Sex (or lack thereof) was certainly a deal breaker in these cases.

[Lady Girl]

Sex can be a deal breaker, but so can plenty of other things. There are a few key items that people can justifiably have issues with and neither person is to blame for the breaking of the deal. That's kinda why it would probably be a good idea for you to find out ahead of time in the future Bearded One. I also strongly suggest finding out if a partner expects children before you invest yourself. I'm going to guess your "20 years" is your current age?

I hope you noticed that a few posters said having sex would be a deal breaker for them.

Also, I want to say sorry for the bad experiences.

[Sally]

Marriage vows frequently (not always) include "...in sickness and in heath...until death."

Does not sickness imply inability to provide sex?

No. Sex is a mutual activity; no one "provides" it to someone else, and not engaging in sex with your partner doesn't imply that you are sick. It does mean that discussions that should have been had before the marriage weren't.

I'm beginning to think that any marriage that is entered into by people who have never had sex is risky. The business of "he/she wanted to wait until we were married" spells trouble ahead.

[The Great WTF]

I'm beginning to think that any marriage that is entered into by people who have never had sex is risky. The business of "he/she wanted to wait until we were married" spells trouble ahead.

I've been saying this for a while, especially when it comes to asexuals and people who are questioning their levels of sexual desire. <.< Sadly I tend to be very unpopular for that viewpoint.

[miqui]

When I think of how a sexual perceives sex in a relationship, I think of how I perceive cuddling. For me, its not a relationship if I am unable to show that physical affection. I need touches, caresses, to be held and I need that often. Every day I see my partner, I need those little physical signs of my partner's love for me and without those, its not much of a relationship to me.

This is how I imagine many sexuals view sex in the context of a relationship.

Yeah that's how it is for me. :) But touches, caresses, being held and talking also are essential and they all relate together too in many ways. I wouldn't want to abandon a really fulfilling emotional/intellectual relationship because we weren't on the same wavelength about sex, or hugs for that matter. But I wouldn't want to be trapped by exclusivity from even being able to ever look for that kind of connection with anyone else. I don't really get monogamy. All of my intimate emotional relationships are meaningful to me and we all have different wants.

The other day a sexual guy who is into having very purely physical sex with emotionally uncommunicative guys was flirting with me and we ended up hugging and cuddling and caressing. I don't really feel close enough to him or have enough in common to feel sexually attracted, but he seemed so happy to be cuddled and then he said nobody ever just hugged and cuddled him and he craved it. I couldn't believe how grateful he seemed to feel for me to cuddle him. I found it really sad, too. I would feel really horribly depressed also if anyone only wanted sex from me and never any talking or cuddling. :/ I couldn't imagine living that way either. I don't think of any relationship as a "contract" though.... I totally agree with the poster who said it should be about free association and mutual affinity. :)

[Guest]

I'm beginning to think that any marriage that is entered into by people who have never had sex is risky. The business of "he/she wanted to wait until we were married" spells trouble ahead.

I've been saying this for a while, especially when it comes to asexuals and people who are questioning their levels of sexual desire. <.< Sadly I tend to be very unpopular for that viewpoint.

Really?? Don't let a couple crazies make YOU feel crazy... isn't that pretty standard advice for couples, to try shit out before you marry?!

it is not OK to demand, coerce, or pressure anyone at anytime for any kind of sex.

True or False?

False.

We all coerce and/or pressure our partners all the time about all sorts of things. Is it any surprise sex is on the same list as roughly every other thing in a relationship? There's coercion to do the dishes and to save money for future goals. There's coercion to stay healthy (or in fucked up relationships, coercion to stay unhealthy). There's coercion to maintain a physical attractiveness and weight level. There's coercion in regard to EVERYTHING... money, health, weight, chores, kids, vacations, family visits, what color duvet to buy... so yeah, sex is included in that infinite list of things that partners must discuss and deal with together. And that's really what you're talking about, isn't it? All you're really saying is that in relationships, both partners have a say in what happens. You obviously object to that sentiment, but it appears you only object to it when it relates to sex. Why? Why do I have to negotiate everything else with my partner except sex? I understand that, for you, sex is a really big deal and you place significance on it above all other things. Let me suggest to you that may not be the right way to consider sex, however, and it certainly isn't the way most people consider it.

[The Great WTF]

I'm beginning to think that any marriage that is entered into by people who have never had sex is risky. The business of "he/she wanted to wait until we were married" spells trouble ahead.

I've been saying this for a while, especially when it comes to asexuals and people who are questioning their levels of sexual desire. <.< Sadly I tend to be very unpopular for that viewpoint.

Really?? Don't let a couple crazies make YOU feel crazy... isn't that pretty standard advice for couples, to try shit out before you marry?!

You'd think so. <_< "Oh my god sex is going to be a very important part of my marriage but I was told to wait until after I get married to have sex with my partner. Sounds legit."

[Guest]

I'm beginning to think that any marriage that is entered into by people who have never had sex is risky. The business of "he/she wanted to wait until we were married" spells trouble ahead.

I've been saying this for a while, especially when it comes to asexuals and people who are questioning their levels of sexual desire. <.< Sadly I tend to be very unpopular for that viewpoint.

Really?? Don't let a couple crazies make YOU feel crazy... isn't that pretty standard advice for couples, to try shit out before you marry?!

You'd think so. <_< "Oh my god sex is going to be a very important part of my marriage but I was told to wait until after I get married to have sex with my partner. Sounds legit."

I like it when people say "I just assumed it'd all work out fine!". Did they somehow miss the gagillion stories about affairs, infidelity, and divorce that our culture has been subjected to for the previous 30 years?

[The Great WTF]

I'm beginning to think that any marriage that is entered into by people who have never had sex is risky. The business of "he/she wanted to wait until we were married" spells trouble ahead.

I've been saying this for a while, especially when it comes to asexuals and people who are questioning their levels of sexual desire. <.< Sadly I tend to be very unpopular for that viewpoint.

Really?? Don't let a couple crazies make YOU feel crazy... isn't that pretty standard advice for couples, to try shit out before you marry?!

You'd think so. <_< "Oh my god sex is going to be a very important part of my marriage but I was told to wait until after I get married to have sex with my partner. Sounds legit."

I like it when people say "I just assumed it'd all work out fine!". Did they somehow miss the gagillion stories about affairs, infidelity, and divorce that our culture has been subjected to for the previous 30 years?

Love. Conquers. All. I doubt any of these people stop to realize how stupid that ideal is, but they seem to be of the "I won't happen to me. I love my partner too much." mindset. Gag me.

[Lady Girl]

it is not OK to demand, coerce, or pressure anyone at anytime for any kind of sex.

True or False?

False.

We all coerce and/or pressure our partners all the time about all sorts of things. Is it any surprise sex is on the same list as roughly every other thing in a relationship? There's coercion to do the dishes and to save money for future goals. There's coercion to stay healthy (or in fucked up relationships, coercion to stay unhealthy). There's coercion to maintain a physical attractiveness and weight level. There's coercion in regard to EVERYTHING... money, health, weight, chores, kids, vacations, family visits, what color duvet to buy... so yeah, sex is included in that infinite list of things that partners must discuss and deal with together. And that's really what you're talking about, isn't it? All you're really saying is that in relationships, both partners have a say in what happens. You obviously object to that sentiment, but it appears you only object to it when it relates to sex. Why? Why do I have to negotiate everything else with my partner except sex? I understand that, for you, sex is a really big deal and you place significance on it above all other things. Let me suggest to you that may not be the right way to consider sex, however, and it certainly isn't the way most people consider it.

Thanks for saying this, I didn't have the guts. My asexual husband said this too...it's the reality of marriage, we don't live in a perfect world and we do the best we can.

[Sally]

I'm beginning to think that any marriage that is entered into by people who have never had sex is risky. The business of "he/she wanted to wait until we were married" spells trouble ahead.

I've been saying this for a while, especially when it comes to asexuals and people who are questioning their levels of sexual desire. <.< Sadly I tend to be very unpopular for that viewpoint.

Really?? Don't let a couple crazies make YOU feel crazy... isn't that pretty standard advice for couples, to try shit out before you marry?!

You'd think so. <_< "Oh my god sex is going to be a very important part of my marriage but I was told to wait until after I get married to have sex with my partner. Sounds legit."

I like it when people say "I just assumed it'd all work out fine!". Did they somehow miss the gagillion stories about affairs, infidelity, and divorce that our culture has been subjected to for the previous 30 years?

Love. Conquers. All. I doubt any of these people stop to realize how stupid that ideal is, but they seem to be of the "I won't happen to me. I love my partner too much." mindset. Gag me.

And then the really sad cases, which may include a lot of asexuals-who-don't-know-they-are: "Even though sex sounds pretty awful to me, I'm sure that when I get married to this wonderful person, I'll love it."

[eamonn]

Ignoring all the other posts because I'm lazy, I'll throw in my two cents.

Any marriage between two people is in many ways a private, individual affair; whether sex is super important or not is going to come down to the partners involved and how they've discussed it and yadda yadda yadda.

But there is a general assumption that marriage, or any relationship, implies sex.

As a sexual person, I can say that no sex would be a deal breaker. I would not be able to be with someone who wouldn't have sex with me (and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want to, because it'd make me feel awful).

And some fourth thing I forgot. Oh well.

Oh, and people should totally have sex before marriage. Even if neither of you is ace, there is so much that can go wrong in terms of compatibility - plus, you can have great sex on your honeymoon, rather than awkward first-time sex.

[Lady Girl]

I'm beginning to think that any marriage that is entered into by people who have never had sex is risky. The business of "he/she wanted to wait until we were married" spells trouble ahead.

I've been saying this for a while, especially when it comes to asexuals and people who are questioning their levels of sexual desire. <.< Sadly I tend to be very unpopular for that viewpoint.

Really?? Don't let a couple crazies make YOU feel crazy... isn't that pretty standard advice for couples, to try shit out before you marry?!

You'd think so. <_< "Oh my god sex is going to be a very important part of my marriage but I was told to wait until after I get married to have sex with my partner. Sounds legit."

I like it when people say "I just assumed it'd all work out fine!". Did they somehow miss the gagillion stories about affairs, infidelity, and divorce that our culture has been subjected to for the previous 30 years?

Love. Conquers. All. I doubt any of these people stop to realize how stupid that ideal is, but they seem to be of the "I won't happen to me. I love my partner too much." mindset. Gag me.

And then the really sad cases, which may include a lot of asexuals-who-don't-know-they-are: "Even though sex sounds pretty awful to me, I'm sure that when I get married to this wonderful person, I'll love it."

Yeah...he'll never love it, and I'm having a really hard time with that today. I wish I could be celibate and, well you know, just wish I could.

[Guest]

Yeah...he'll never love it, and I'm having a really hard time with that today. I wish I could be celibate and, well you know, just wish I could.

If it makes you feel any better, I got sad/upset last night and ended up sleeping on the couch. It wasn't that hole-in-my-soul sad though, thank god (you know you'd have gotten a text if it was), because I noticed it right away and distracted myself, but yeah. We work with what we got, that's all anyone can do!

[Lady Girl]

Yeah...he'll never love it, and I'm having a really hard time with that today. I wish I could be celibate and, well you know, just wish I could.

If it makes you feel any better, I got sad/upset last night and ended up sleeping on the couch. It wasn't that hole-in-my-soul sad though, thank god (you know you'd have gotten a text if it was), because I noticed it right away and distracted myself, but yeah. We work with what we got, that's all anyone can do!

Having you around makes me feel better. Thanks for being here.

[zoidberger]

Before I was in a relationship, I really didn't give much thought to how much people might want sex. After being in my relationship with CBC, I think we've both realised how much of a deal-breaker it would be if we had other partners that wanted sex regularly. I would likely not even last a week in such a scenario.

The idea that some people wait for marriage for sex and figure it'll work out fine is ludicrous. Even for those that have different drives, it can be a huge problem.

All I can say is that I am completely lucky that our interest matches up for the most part. Yes, there are many different things that have to be compromised in a relationship, but in my opinion, sex is one of the least flexible.

[Sally]

Yeah...he'll never love it, and I'm having a really hard time with that today. I wish I could be celibate and, well you know, just wish I could.

If it makes you feel any better, I got sad/upset last night and ended up sleeping on the couch. It wasn't that hole-in-my-soul sad though, thank god (you know you'd have gotten a text if it was), because I noticed it right away and distracted myself, but yeah. We work with what we got, that's all anyone can do!

Having you around makes me feel better. Thanks for being here.

I think we can all relate to that feeling that won't go away completely and is worse sometimes than others: "If only...". If only my partner whom I dearly love felt the same way I do, but because he/she doesn't, something will always be missing.

[The Bearded One]

it is not OK to demand, coerce, or pressure anyone at anytime for any kind of sex.

True or False?

This is a discussion question from a Sexual Harassment training program.

Coerce means to threaten or intimidate an unwilling person into doing something.

We all coerce and/or pressure our partners all the time about all sorts of things.

You know this about me how? You've been talking with my ex-girlfriends?

Is it any surprise sex is on the same list as roughly every other thing in a relationship?

Yes. Since I think of sex as "special" I would be very surprised to find it on a list with every other thing.

There's coercion to do the dishes and to save money for future goals. There's coercion to stay healthy (or in fucked up relationships, coercion to stay unhealthy). There's coercion to maintain a physical attractiveness and weight level. There's coercion in regard to EVERYTHING... money, health, weight, chores, kids, vacations, family visits, what color duvet to buy...

I don't usually threaten or intimidate my girlfriends about any of these.

so yeah, sex is included in that infinite list of things that partners must discuss and deal with together. And that's really what you're talking about, isn't it?

No, I don't treat it as another routine, boring, every-day thing to deal with. I enjoy discussing it and dealing with it with a girlfriend, but it is not a necessity (either the discussion or the dealing).

All you're really saying is that in relationships, both partners have a say in what happens.

I consider this self-evident. I didn't mean to say anything. I meant to ask a question.

Somebody probably uses the expression to mean something else, but I think of my love relationships as double dominant relationships.

You obviously object to that sentiment, but it appears you only object to it when it relates to sex.

I'm totally confused here. I do not object to my girlfriends having a say in our relationship, either about sex or in general. In fact, without their willingness there is neither a relationship, nor sexual activity.

Why? Why do I have to negotiate everything else with my partner except sex?

I don't know you or your partner, and I hadn't thought about negotiation for weeks before reading you post. What you and your partner do is entirely up to the two of you.

I understand that, for you, sex is a really big deal and you place significance on it above all other things.

I do consider it special, and I had forgotten many people don't. Someone recently reminded me of this. It is not more significant than all other things. Is "special" the same as "really big deal"?

Let me suggest to you that may not be the right way to consider sex, however,

You may suggest anything you like. It should be obvious from my responses above that you don't understand how I consider sex. Even if you did, how would you know what is right for me?

and it certainly isn't the way most people consider it.

My parents have consistently told me I'm not most people since I was a child. :)

[eamonn]

it is not OK to demand, coerce, or pressure anyone at anytime for any kind of sex.

True or False?

This is a discussion question from a Sexual Harassment training program.

It's wonderful that you cherry-pick coercion from those three and base your following arguments on its definition, entirely ignoring how people demand things of and pressure others.

And Skullery anyway perhaps was using a more liberal understanding of coercion. Use your imagination, eh?

Also fantastic is how Skullery offers her own perspective, which you rebut by giving your own and telling her that she doesn't take yours into account... Surely the answer is that people have diverse sexual experiences, and not that Skullery is unable to speak because your story differs from hers? Anyway, you're guilty in this of the very thing you accuse her of.

But I'll leave Skullery to defend herself, because she doesn't need anyone else to do it for her.