why do people start doing sex?

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

I dunno about other people, but I want to have sex because I want to share a fun experience with my boyfriend. I want to please him, and I'd like to know what it feels like for him to please me, too. A part of me wants it because he's a sexy bastard, yes, but I only think that about him because I care for him so much. Basically, I'm not going to put it on a pedestal - it's just going to be something nice and fun. That's all.

[kochouran]

I was curious as to why so many people around me made such a big fuss about sex and whether it would be as awesome as how romance novels portray it. I assumed that one day, I would find out for myself; the big question mark was when.

Once I got into a relationship, my decision to have sex was motivated a lot by my partner's urgings. Even though I hadn't identified as grey-a yet, we both knew that I would never make our relationship sexual without prompting. He kept bugging me about it until I got fed up and decided it was time. It sounds bad and it did affect my trust issues, but I needed that push to realize that a part of me was still anti-sex and repressing the sexual side and that my partner was experiencing frustration (we stopped molesting each other in our sleep after we started having sex).

[Geo]

Out of all the replies I read, which is not all of them, not one person mentioned instinct, which is by far the most reasonable explanation as to why people end up having sex,

Then you should read them all because I said something to that effect.

[term]

umm that's interesting, what is exactly what you call an instinct for sex? that means you want to do sex and you feel its great even if you never done it before?, starting to imagine it even if no one told you anything about it? can someone elaborate for me on how this feels because i feel quit clueless of what this means even though i can understand other stuff like curiosity or other things that were mentioned. for my part i just don't feel i want sex and a lot of people ask me why and tell me i repress it and frankly i just don't know why... i can see myself doing it if someone wanted me to do it and urged me and i loved him or for curiosity with someone i loved (maybe) but i don't think i have any instinct for it.

[Notte stellata]

I'm not sexual, so I don't have the instinct for sex either, but I can imagine it works like romantic attraction: If you're romantic, at a certain age you start to develop crushes on other people and fantasize about dating them, even if you never heard of a love story before.

[Geo]

umm that's interesting, what is exactly what you call an instinct for sex? that means you want to do sex and you feel its great even if you never done it before?, starting to imagine it even if no one told you anything about it? can someone elaborate for me on how this feels because i feel quit clueless of what this means even though i can understand other stuff like curiosity or other things that were mentioned. for my part i just don't feel i want sex and a lot of people ask me why and tell me i repress it and frankly i just don't know why... i can see myself doing it if someone wanted me to do it and urged me and i loved him or for curiosity with someone i loved (maybe) but i don't think i have any instinct for it.

I guess you can think of it like eating when you feel hungry.

[Jillianimal]

umm that's interesting, what is exactly what you call an instinct for sex?

It's called sex drive. If I remember right, it's an intense feeling in your genitals that's, figuratively, screaming at you to be touched, for some kind of stimulation down there. It's like when you get an itch & you juts know it has to be scratched, only it's a different kind of sensation.

[Geo]

If I remember right, it's an intense feeling in your genitals that's, figuratively, screaming at you to be touched, for some kind of stimulation down there.

No, that's arousal.

It's like you think about sex and then want to do it. Or you see someone attractive and fantasize about touching them, seeing them naked or having sex with them.

[Jillianimal]

If I remember right, it's an intense feeling in your genitals that's, figuratively, screaming at you to be touched, for some kind of stimulation down there.

No, that's arousal.

It's like you think about sex and then want to do it. Or you see someone attractive and fantasize about touching them, seeing them naked or having sex with them.

I always thought of that (the conscious interest in having sex) as sexual desire & the bodily urge that I described as sex drive. I've seen sexual arousal described as the stirring of either of the before mentioned and/or some kind of genital response like pulsing, lubrication or erection but not necessarily some kind of urge behind it.

[Geo]

I've seen sexual arousal described as the stirring of either of the before mentioned and/or some kind of genital response like pulsing, lubrication or erection

Arousal is that too, but with that comes the need to be stimulated.

[Jillianimal]

I've seen sexual arousal described as the stirring of either of the before mentioned and/or some kind of genital response like pulsing, lubrication or erection

Arousal is that too, but with that comes the need to be stimulated.

So what about when your genitals do act up like that but the need for stimulation doesn't arise? It does happen.

[Geo]

I've seen sexual arousal described as the stirring of either of the before mentioned and/or some kind of genital response like pulsing, lubrication or erection

Arousal is that too, but with that comes the need to be stimulated.

So what about when your genitals do act up like that but the need for stimulation doesn't arise? It does happen.

Not in my experience. At least not unless the "act up" is extremely brief.

For me the way it all works is sexual desire causes sexual thoughts, which causes arousal. Arousal lasting for anything more than a minute causes sexual tension that then needs to be released through stimulation.

[term]

umm but this leads you to the need to stimulate yourself, you can do it by yourself isn't it? what actually leads you to do sex? in theory you could just stimulate yourself when you need it forever isn't it?

[Geo]

umm but this leads you to the need to stimulate yourself, you can do it by yourself isn't it? what actually leads you to do sex? in theory you could just stimulate yourself when you need it forever isn't it?

Because it's much better with a partner.

[term]

but how did you know its better before you started doing it? you just felt it must be better then stimulating yourself alone even before doing it, like a sort of innate feeling? or you started to do it because of curiosity or the other reasons that people mentioned but then you saw its much better then doing it alone and preferred to do it with a partner (or a combination of the two)? sorry if those questions disturbing you, you don't have to answer if its too personal, i am just curious.

[Geo]

but how did you know its better before you started doing it? you just felt it must be better then stimulating yourself alone even before doing it, like a sort of innate feeling? or you started to do it because of curiosity or the other reasons that people mentioned but then you saw its much better then doing it alone and preferred to do it with a partner (or a combination of the two)? sorry if those questions disturbing you, you don't have to answer if its too personal, i am just curious.

I just sort of knew. At least I always suspected that it would be better. And maybe that was a self fulfilling prophecy since sex it something like 80% mental( thinking that it would be better made it better.)The actual stimulation from a purely physical standpoint isn't necessarily better, although sometimes it is (oral feels really REALLY good). And it's usually longer and takes more effort to come with a partner than from masturbation, but ultimately with a partner is infinitely more satisfying when everything is over.

[Guest]

but how did you know its better before you started doing it? you just felt it must be better then stimulating yourself alone even before doing it, like a sort of innate feeling? or you started to do it because of curiosity or the other reasons that people mentioned but then you saw its much better then doing it alone and preferred to do it with a partner (or a combination of the two)? sorry if those questions disturbing you, you don't have to answer if its too personal, i am just curious.

I just sort of knew. At least I always suspected that it would be better. And maybe that was a self fulfilling prophecy since sex it something like 80% mental( thinking that it would be better made it better.)The actual stimulation from a purely physical standpoint isn't necessarily better, although sometimes it is (oral feels really REALLY good). And it's usually longer and takes more effort to come with a partner than from masturbation, but ultimately with a partner is infinitely more satisfying when everything is over.

When i masturbated when I was younger it was always with the idea of partnered sex in my head. Long before Dan Savage was old enough to write a column, I used to masturbate using different techniques so that when I was old enough to have sex, my body would be prepared for the various things my partner would do. Even at a young age I realized that, hey, I can feel this so I know exactly how to touch me, but someone else isn't going to know, so I better get used to a variety of touches.

I do come from a very sexual family, btw. Although I have no recollection of where I could have gathered this information, I admit I probably did... from what source, i do not know.

[sexualwithasexual]

but how did you know its better before you started doing it? you just felt it must be better then stimulating yourself alone even before doing it, like a sort of innate feeling? or you started to do it because of curiosity or the other reasons that people mentioned but then you saw its much better then doing it alone and preferred to do it with a partner (or a combination of the two)? sorry if those questions disturbing you, you don't have to answer if its too personal, i am just curious.

Part of what makes touch from someone other than yourself feel so amazing, is that it's surprising. When you touch yourself, you can't sneak up on yourself and surprise yourself. For me (and probably most others) that separate other person's hand, mouth, etc, connected to that separate other brain, can provoke such intense feelings that my hand alone would not provide. It's like tickling. Try to tickle yourself. Why does another hand tickle so much more?

[rimmer]

well recently i started to wonder... for my part i think i can feel some sort of sexual attraction for women but somehow it might makes me want to talk more with them but i never think or have a desire to have sex with them. is sex is something that people do because they are curious and other people tell them its enjoyable and after they start they sort of loving it and keep doing it? or is it something innate that people just "know" they love to do and just seek partner to do it with? probably everyone will have a different answer but i wanted to steer up some conversation on this issue if i can, so everyone is more then welcomed! :).

I started wanting sex by the time I was 6. I was the only boy in my class in grade 1 and 2 and had plenty of stimulation. My grade 1 girlfriend was pretty hot and we kissed often and got pretty intimate. Unfortunately her family moved away. When I was 10 while at my cousins house my 13 year old cousin invited me to explore her best part, which I did eagerly. I wanted to have intercourse with her but she was unsure then.

A few months later I got to really play with a girl when my folks were visiting hers. I learned early on that sex is the best thing going on this planet. Better then drugs and alcohol (which I tested), music, TV, sports, hobbies, food, conversation and anything else I can think of. I think life would be quite dull without it.

[Wildheart]

I knew early on that if it happened I wanted it to be special, with someone I loved. When I found that someone we waited a year. I was extremely curious and a little scared...he made it perfectly clear I could say no, but I wanted to do it. I wanted to feel closer to him, to show him I loved him. And of course I was drawn to do it because of the intense sexual attraction as well, but love was the main driving factor for me.

I haven't slept yet so I'm not sure if this answers the question or not. :)

[Geo]

I started wanting sex by the time I was 6. I was the only boy in my class in grade 1 and 2 and had plenty of stimulation. My grade 1 girlfriend was pretty hot and we kissed often and got pretty intimate. Unfortunately her family moved away. When I was 10 while at my cousins house my 13 year old cousin invited me to explore her best part, which I did eagerly. I wanted to have intercourse with her but she was unsure then.

A few months later I got to really play with a girl when my folks were visiting hers. I learned early on that sex is the best thing going on this planet. Better then drugs and alcohol (which I tested), music, TV, sports, hobbies, food, conversation and anything else I can think of. I think life would be quite dull without it.

Wow, that's amazing. You are quite lucky, I'm very envious. I'd have likely followed a similar path if I had the opportunity.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

Part of what makes touch from someone other than yourself feel so amazing, is that it's surprising. When you touch yourself, you can't sneak up on yourself and surprise yourself. For me (and probably most others) that separate other person's hand, mouth, etc, connected to that separate other brain, can provoke such intense feelings that my hand alone would not provide. It's like tickling. Try to tickle yourself. Why does another hand tickle so much more?

Made me think of this. :lol:

[eamonn]

I heard it was fun. It turned out to be fun.

[Face]

I've seen sexual arousal described as the stirring of either of the before mentioned and/or some kind of genital response like pulsing, lubrication or erection

Arousal is that too, but with that comes the need to be stimulated.

So what about when your genitals do act up like that but the need for stimulation doesn't arise? It does happen.

Not in my experience. At least not unless the "act up" is extremely brief.

For me the way it all works is sexual desire causes sexual thoughts, which causes arousal. Arousal lasting for anything more than a minute causes sexual tension that then needs to be released through stimulation.

That is interesting because for me it's totally different. Arousal, which happens most mornings and at random other times and it just a nuisance that can go on for several minutes before it eventually 'dies down', and the tiny hint of tingly desire to do something are utterly unconnected and have never coincided.