why do people start doing sex?

[term]

well recently i started to wonder... for my part i think i can feel some sort of sexual attraction for women but somehow it might makes me want to talk more with them but i never think or have a desire to have sex with them. is sex is something that people do because they are curious and other people tell them its enjoyable and after they start they sort of loving it and keep doing it? or is it something innate that people just "know" they love to do and just seek partner to do it with? probably everyone will have a different answer but i wanted to steer up some conversation on this issue if i can, so everyone is more then welcomed! :).

[Janus the Fox]

I had the same questioning before, I still view it as an effort to me.

People do genuinely desire sex, even if its out of curisoity or deep romantic love. I believe the first time can gain the experience to get comfortable with it. Usually there must be some form of sexual desire to begin with.

There is usually a mixture of nature, nuture and hundreds of enviromental and social factors throughout childhood and teens for sexual desires to develop. Most do, some dont, it is still quite an unknown still.

Everyone will have different answers so don't take my views as fact.

[test account]

A post.

[term]

first of all thanks for answering! :).

well yea, maybe my wording of the question was not good, i know people start to do sex from many reasons and everybody will answer differently, just wanted some personal stories of why people think they started doing it :), don't know was just curious... i figured up that this was the only place i could ask such a thing, when i googled this question i couldn't find anything! it seems that google thinks it is obvious and the only question it address is not why but when lol -.-.

[Astryda]

• curiousity
  
• social expectation
  
• sexual attraction and drive
  
• self confidence increase
  
• closeness
  
• sexual fulfilment
  
• entertainment
  
• belief that sex boosts physical health
  
• stress relief
  
• reproduction
  

... and many more.

[thylacine]

... Or probably because the media makes a big deal about how everybody is doing it and you have to do it too in order to be "normal" in our society, whatever the hell "normal" is these day... ???

If anyone figures out what normal is these days, let me know.

[sonofzeal]

• curiousity
  
• social expectation
  
• sexual attraction and drive
  
• self confidence increase
  
• closeness
  
• sexual fulfilment
  
• entertainment
  
• belief that sex boosts physical health
  
• stress relief
  
• reproduction
  

... and many more.

Bravo! I think that's a pretty solid list! However, I'd add...

• Partner's expectations/pressure
  
• Desire to please partner (which is not the same as the above)
  
• To emotionally manipulate their partner
  
• Desire for affection / fear of loneliness
  

[Neighbor]

Nobody has sex because of media expectations. Peer expectations, MAYBE.

No, OP, I don't think anyone innately just "knows" that they want to it without others first talking about it and giving them the idea, if only because it is all pervasive. You are going to hear about sex long before you have sex. As to why start, any of those bullet points, I suppose.

[Neighbor]

As a general answer though, I would say specific attraction to a certain person + rampant hormones = fun times. Ideally.

[Guest]

Everyone's answers are great!

I'd like to add that one's natural inclination toward sex is, IMO, largely based on one's personality. Some people are naturally inclined toward new or different things. Some people live their life based on curiosity. Surely people have a natural inclination toward sex, because even in places where there is no media, sexual urges exist. However, our society is complex, and our personality profiles are equally complex. I think there's the inclination to say "if I'm not immediately interested in sex, I must be asexual", but there are a lot of things that people aren't immediately interested in that they later develop an interest of. Fear and past trauma can be major obstacles, as can morality. And I don't just mean morality in the "my parents are very religious" sense. As an example, when I was a teenager I was very into being different (like so many teens!). For me, living in a blue collar northern town, being different meant NOT drinking, not having sex, not hunting and fishing and all that. So that's what I did. I felt "different", as most teens do, and I took that as a sign that all these aspects of my personality were different. It wasn't until I moved away and created my own life that I realized that, hey, I can have sex and get drunk and eat hot dogs and none of that makes me backwoods hillbilly trash!

The other misconception I see around here a lot is the idea that sex is always amazing and magical. I think we do a disservice to the youth of AVEN by continuously emphasizing that sex is this magical spiritual connection. Because, let's be honest here folks, a lot of times sex is awkward or just OK or mechanical. There is something in us that compels us to continue having it (for me it's like, why the hell not, sometimes it's going to be great!), but for those who are just embarking on their sexual life, I want you to know that sex is frequently kinda awkward and weird. It takes practice to get comfortable with it and good at it. Just like anything else.

[ithaca]

Yeah I think the OP said they just want some personal reasons about why us as singular people started doing sex, not why "society" or "most people".

[Vampyremage]

There have been plenty of general answers, so I'll add my specific experiences as to why I engaged in sex initially. Keep in mind, that I identify as asexual.

For me there were three primary reasons for engaging in sex. First was curiosity. Although I didn't really think about sex or have an internal desire to have it, there was a curiosity there. For most of my life I've heard how wonderful sex is and I could see first hand that my friends who engaged in it must have found something enjoyable about it. So I always assumed that when I had a partner I was comfortable with, I'd have sex just to see what the big deal was all about.

The second reason is kind of related to the first, and that has to do with societal expectations. While I've never been one to succumb to peer pressure, there was an unstated (and sometimes not unstated) understanding that of course I would have sex one day. I had to find the right partner first and feel ready for sex, whatever that meant, but once I had that partner I was expected to have it. As I had no religious or moral prohibitions about sex before marriage, I didn't see any reason not to follow through with that expectation, especially given the curiosity I had.

The third reason was the expectations of my partner and wanting to please my partner. Even with those outside expectations and my innate curiosity about it, chances are almost nonexistent that I would have ever initiated anything sexual with my partner at the time had he not gently urged me into it. He was about as good a first partner as I could have hoped for as he never pressured me to do anything and we took it very slow, one step at a time over the course of months as we worked up to the act. The fact was, however, that my love for him was the primary reason I went along with it and without that motivating factor, I'm not sure that I would have ever had sex.

[Lynxe]

I've often wondered what it might be like to have a socially acceptable drive towards sex and what motivates that. This is a really interesting topic.

[PiF]

If we are to believe we are just 1% then we must accept that 99% are programmed to have sex?

[Sally]

There have been plenty of general answers, so I'll add my specific experiences as to why I engaged in sex initially. Keep in mind, that I identify as asexual.

For me there were three primary reasons for engaging in sex. First was curiosity. Although I didn't really think about sex or have an internal desire to have it, there was a curiosity there. For most of my life I've heard how wonderful sex is and I could see first hand that my friends who engaged in it must have found something enjoyable about it. So I always assumed that when I had a partner I was comfortable with, I'd have sex just to see what the big deal was all about.

The second reason is kind of related to the first, and that has to do with societal expectations. While I've never been one to succumb to peer pressure, there was an unstated (and sometimes not unstated) understanding that of course I would have sex one day. I had to find the right partner first and feel ready for sex, whatever that meant, but once I had that partner I was expected to have it. As I had no religious or moral prohibitions about sex before marriage, I didn't see any reason not to follow through with that expectation, especially given the curiosity I had.

The third reason was the expectations of my partner and wanting to please my partner. Even with those outside expectations and my innate curiosity about it, chances are almost nonexistent that I would have ever initiated anything sexual with my partner at the time had he not gently urged me into it. He was about as good a first partner as I could have hoped for as he never pressured me to do anything and we took it very slow, one step at a time over the course of months as we worked up to the act. The fact was, however, that my love for him was the primary reason I went along with it and without that motivating factor, I'm not sure that I would have ever had sex.

Those were exactly my reasons.

[Guest]

Yeah I think the OP said they just want some personal reasons about why us as singular people started doing sex, not why "society" or "most people".

Ok. Why did I first start having sex? I don't know why, exactly, I just know that I did. With my boyfriends it was definitely based on curiosity as well as fun. My first many sexual interactions were 100% curiosity based. Then it became fun, like a game. Then I met A GIRL. She and I started getting closer, and I kept putting myself in positions where we'd have to be physically close. Then came the wrestling, then the cuddling. We finally decided to try dating, and part of that is sex stuff. Our first kiss was hella awkward. She got a bloody nose and ran away! The next night she put my hand on her boob. That was super exciting because it meant that she desired me, but it didn't feel much more than that. From my memory I think there was a combination of extreme excitement and nervousness to the point of making me barely able to think, see, smell, and hear... there was a fair amount of fear as well... the first time I touched another lady's "area", I totally freaked out. I kept it in, but my girlfriend also freaked out and did not keep it quiet. :)

All I can say is that somehow, even though feeling so scared, nervous, confused, and literally senseless due to extreme emotions, I was continuously compelled to keep trying. it's not conscious at all, it's just something that makes sexual situations pop up and continue... almost like a ghostly hand aiding your way.

Not much help, I'm sure.

[Notte stellata]

There have been plenty of general answers, so I'll add my specific experiences as to why I engaged in sex initially. Keep in mind, that I identify as asexual.

For me there were three primary reasons for engaging in sex. First was curiosity. Although I didn't really think about sex or have an internal desire to have it, there was a curiosity there. For most of my life I've heard how wonderful sex is and I could see first hand that my friends who engaged in it must have found something enjoyable about it. So I always assumed that when I had a partner I was comfortable with, I'd have sex just to see what the big deal was all about.

The second reason is kind of related to the first, and that has to do with societal expectations. While I've never been one to succumb to peer pressure, there was an unstated (and sometimes not unstated) understanding that of course I would have sex one day. I had to find the right partner first and feel ready for sex, whatever that meant, but once I had that partner I was expected to have it. As I had no religious or moral prohibitions about sex before marriage, I didn't see any reason not to follow through with that expectation, especially given the curiosity I had.

The third reason was the expectations of my partner and wanting to please my partner. Even with those outside expectations and my innate curiosity about it, chances are almost nonexistent that I would have ever initiated anything sexual with my partner at the time had he not gently urged me into it. He was about as good a first partner as I could have hoped for as he never pressured me to do anything and we took it very slow, one step at a time over the course of months as we worked up to the act. The fact was, however, that my love for him was the primary reason I went along with it and without that motivating factor, I'm not sure that I would have ever had sex.

Those were exactly my reasons.

Exactly mine too. :)

[5_♦♣]

"Is sex something that people do because they are curious"?

In my case: Yes.

to think it's been almost six years to the day since.

[Lady Girl]

I'm sort of surprised nobody mentioned the birds and the bees...I'm serious! :)

It seems to be a mixture of curiosity, compulsion, and obligation to nature, all rolled up into a scary little package that just must be opened.

[skenasis]

For me, it was mostly curiosity. I was curious about sex, what it's like, how it feels. There was also a desire to please my partner. He never pressured me. We were in bed one night, got to talking about sex, and I pretty much said "let's try it". I stayed in bed while he went to the local petrol station to buy some lube, he came back, we had sex.

Not very exciting, is it? Most reasons for "starting" aren't. Drive, desire, curiosity.

[sexualwithasexual]

It all started when I was 7. Mom said, "Making love is a beautiful and wonderful thing a man and a woman do." When she added that the man's penis goes into the the woman's... " I just said to myself, and her: NOT ME!

Then at 12, I realized if I rubbed my vagina in a certain way while thinking about making out, I had this great feeling! I thought, hmmm, is that what sex feels like? Maybe this IS sex? Maybe I'm the next Virgin Mary and God just had sex with me and the second coming will be had through my body! (I kid you not! I thought that for a week, and then I started my period.) Relieved that I was no Virgin Mary, I realized I that maybe actual sex felt even BETTER! But I also had the thought that if it didn't, "why even have sex, if i can have this feeling by myself?"

In my later teens, during heavy petting sessions with a guy I was very attracted to, I definitely decided that the REAL thing MUST be better as DID feel like these sessions were some sort of spiritual experience. And we were not in love, not even dating, so I equated it to the attraction and physical activity alone. I decided we should give it a go. I hated it! It hurt, he moved all wrong, it ruined it for me for quite a while. (Meanwhile, I'm fiercely suppressing my attraction to women).

I kept trying with men, and with practice it did get better, but I never regained the ability to have that crazy, dizzying, euphoric feeling I experienced in those first heavy petting stages with my first sexual partner... until I started fooling around with women. Then it all came back. And the sex part was weird at first as well, but not for long. And the euphoric feeling never left.

[term]

wow thanks very much for all the replies!! :) indeed i want personal stories the most because its very interesting and i learn from it the most i think so especially thanks a lot for all those who brought their personal stories! i bet its not that easy for some to share such personal things even in the internet :).

for my part it seems that i am not that curious, maybe because i am a bit disabled it looks to me quit difficult to do, i feel sexual attraction i think because i love women dearly and sometimes even fantasies a bit about sexual things but it ends there somehow and never equate itself to a desire to do sex with them so far.

anyhow thanks very much again! and if there are some more people that have a story that they feel comfortable sharing or just want to elaborate the topic, it will be great :).

[Mr Stranger]

I started unwillingly. Feel free to ignore this post, as it is just worst-case-scenario pessimism from someone whose life sucks. I started because I was raped and then couldn't stop them from continuing. Now it's over though and I'm going to do my damnedest to avoid ever letting it start again.

Don't mind me, just being depressing.

Most people start out of curiosity or desire. Society tells them to do it, and eventually that along with their curiosity is enough to make them give in.

[Olivier]

I think the other big thing that gets young sexuals over the line to actually having sex is opportunity. For many people I know, the interest and desire were there long before they took the plunge, but they were held back by a lack of privacy, or felt their boy/girlfriend wasn't serious enough to take such a step with, or they were interested in relationship sex but single, or simply interested but apprehensive/afraid/not ready. Often (and again, including for me) it just amounted to a right-enough person in a right-enough place at a right-enough time (with many of those right-enough's usually being re-evaluated not far down the line )

[Leelian]

My reason for it is curiosity, like why is our culture so obsessed with it? What's the big deal? And I suppose pleasing my partner in a way that no one could before is part of it.

[Geo]

I'm sexual and for me sex was something that I just always wanted so what started it was simply opportunity, when I got my first girlfriend. I didn't need society or the media to tell me that I wanted sex. It's completely inmate, I've been masturbating since as long as I can remember,(indeed some start before birth; I've seen reports in scientific journals of fetuses caught masturbating on sonogram) and trying to view naked members of the opposite sex through any means available. I grew up in a very conservative christian house hold so I was very actively shielded from sex yet sought it out because it's always been an innate desire.

[Guest]

Often (and again, including for me) it just amounted to a right-enough person in a right-enough place at a right-enough time (with many of those right-enough's usually being re-evaluated not far down the line )

True! And eliminating fear along the way (part of "right-enough time"). I was terrified of getting pregnant... I used to freak out and take pregnancy tests after I gave my boyfriend a handjob!! It took me awhile to get over that hump and stop being a weirdo. :)

[Olivier]

Often (and again, including for me) it just amounted to a right-enough person in a right-enough place at a right-enough time (with many of those right-enough's usually being re-evaluated not far down the line )

True! And eliminating fear along the way (part of "right-enough time"). I was terrified of getting pregnant... I used to freak out and take pregnancy tests after I gave my boyfriend a handjob!! It took me awhile to get over that hump and stop being a weirdo. :)

I was also terrified that my (and my partners') sexual inexperience would mean that we fucked up contraception and ended up with a pregnancy we were definitely not ready for. In my case this was finally overcome by meeting someone experienced enough that I knew if she didn't have a watertight understanding of contraception she would have had 100 kids by then :lol:

[NamTar]

Nobody has sex because of media expectations. Peer expectations, MAYBE.

No, OP, I don't think anyone innately just "knows" that they want to it without others first talking about it and giving them the idea, if only because it is all pervasive. You are going to hear about sex long before you have sex. As to why start, any of those bullet points, I suppose.

Agreed about the media. As for peers, I think it's more that some people who are uncertain if they want to or not might be pushed in the direction of having sex if enough people tell them they should, especially teenagers (not being age-ist, I just mean that peer groups tend to be more important and closely knit when you're in school, so what they say may be more influential).

Personally, I had no idea what asexuality was. Because other people liked sex, I was curious. Not from peer pressure, but because friends told me it was the most awesome thing, ever, in the world, so yes I wanted to try something that seemed so enjoyable. There was a guy I thought I "liked" but in reality, liked more in a friendship way, and I ended up having sex with him, It wasn't great. I didn't know why people liked it so much.

[Meph]

Out of all the replies I read, which is not all of them, not one person mentioned instinct, which is by far the most reasonable explanation as to why people end up having sex, usually, even if nobody ever talks about it. Our bodies want to reproduce and tend to produce the hormones that get us aroused, and we innately know how to go about reproducing. We seem to forget we're animals,too...