Engaging Asexual Partners

[Mr Stranger]

So, as an asexual who went through a long term relationship with a nymphomaniac, I have observed the need for a certain resource. Sexual people, rather predictably, tend to like sex. That's true by definition. Asexuals, on the other hand, can be a little bit less excited. In my own experiences, even though I tried my hardest to satisfy my sexual partner, I just couldn't maintain any interest level in the task at hand. So here is a way to help reduce the frequency of mood-killing boredom for all on this site.

The sexuals are the lucky ones, and I hope that many of you post here, because you might have more valuable information, and it's also you that need what you'll find here most. Sexuals generally get their jollies from the sexual acts themselves, but in order to foster intimacy and keep relationships healthy both parties have to be involved. To further our community towards that goal, I ask that all of you who have experience post stories of any clever tricks, gambits, or games that you have integrated with your intimate encounters to keep your asexuals involved. Any asexuals who visit this thread should feel free to post their own ideas for what might be new and exciting. Compromise is the best way to reconcile sexuality with asexuality, and making sex itself fun for the asexual component of the relationship should keep all those involved happy.

In the meantime, I'll lurk around this thread and wish that i wasn't anorgasmic. Post away! Share you games, gambits, or shenanigans that keep thing interesting!

[Sally]

Thank you, Stranger, for posting this thread. It is the most original topic I've seen in a long time.

As an asexual of many mixed-relationship years filled with equal measures of discomfort and boredom, I can't think of a f---ing thing -- literally -- that could make sex fun. But I am interested to hear of any ideas that enlivened other relationships.

[Lady Girl]

I agree, this is one of the most original threads I've seen as well. I can't imagine posting though, I already feel sad having read what you said Sally, because I suspect that's exactly how my husband feels, without the discomfort part. I think he's just pretty bored and views it as a duty (and I'm not saying he's not skilled, or good at hiding this). I don't mean to derail this thread at the start. But I don't usually think of it as a 'fun' activity.

I always wanted it to be a connecting thing, and since we discovered the differences we have 'orientationwise' we do connect at certain times, and most certainly we are both more relaxed about the whole prospect of it. But 'fun', probably not. There are often times when I wish I could be celibate and please him 100% in that department, but I know myself well enough to not even try. Sorry to be a downer about this. I generally view compromising as a huge positive for us and still think it is, but somehow this feels like a twist of the knife.

I hope Skulls can come along and kick this thread into action...I know I can't. :(

[Grenada]

As someone with very little interest in partnered sex in a relationship with someone very interested in sex, I've got one thing that I enjoy about the act. I've mentioned it, but she thinks I'm only not interested in sex with her and would gladly trade for someone that's not her--I don't wish to discredit her as I may have very well had more desire when I was younger for someone less interested in sex than me. To my point:

I like exercise, and if I'm having coitus for a while to satiate her I get quite an abdominal and gluteal burn. I hear there are health benefits to the act as well.

That's all I've got so far. ^_^

[red_brick_dream]

I think I understand what you're trying to do with this thread, which is pluralistic in spirit, however, I can't help but draw the analogy in my own mind between this thread, and tricks that a gay man might use to tolerate - and that is the key word here - sex with a woman, or that a lesbian might use to tolerate sex with a man. Something seems perverse to me about having to force oneself through something which is simultaneously so intimate and so against one's nature. I find the juxtaposition between the emotional baggage of sex and a sense of dread or boredom to be an unsettling one. I've experienced this very thing, and I consider it more an emotional scar than a valuable experience. I consider the expectation that I "compromise" to be an attack on my innermost self, and utterly disrespectful.

The strangest things can be made to seem perfectly normal to people who know no better. After all, slavery and coca-laced soda were once perfectly normal to people. And I wonder what must have been going through the minds of generations of gay men before the very recent advances on the gay rights front, who were forced to have the kinds of conversations with themselves that we're having right now; especially those who lacked even the terminology to describe their feelings (or lack thereof), or the knowledge that there were many more out there in the same situation.

I understand that it's bad form to be more zealous in defence of a group than the group itself, which certainly seems at first glance to be what I'm engaging in, but every so often I remember that I happen to be a member of the group in question, and I sometimes wonder if we expect too much compromise of ourselves and not enough understanding of the rest of the world; how much this "compromise" talk is simply inertia. After all - it really isn't that complicated.

[Guest]

I consider the expectation that I "compromise" to be an attack on my innermost self, and utterly disrespectful.

Then I suggest you don't. Who expects you to compromise? Your partner? They are the only person relevant to your decision to compromise or not. And it is YOUR DECISION... the fact that your partner may not stay if you choose not to compromise is their decision. See how that works?

The strangest things can be made to seem perfectly normal to people who know no better. After all, slavery and coca-laced soda were once perfectly normal to people.

Really? Finding a mutually satisfying arrangement with your loved one is the same as slavery? Come on now. Again, no one is forcing you to have sex, and again, my suggestion is that you don't if this is how you feel about it.

I sometimes wonder if we expect too much compromise of ourselves and not enough understanding of the rest of the world; how much this "compromise" talk is simply inertia.

Compromise has very little to do with asexuality and everything to do with relationships. Don't want a sexual relationship? Then don't have one. If you want a romantic relationship with a sexual, yes, compromise is probably going to be a part of it, but that's your choice. As for the business of "it's harder for asexuals than it is for sexuals"... please, let's not start this again. It's not harder or easier for anyone. You think it's easy for the sexuals on this site to be continuously turned down by their partners? Have you read the testimonials of people who felt extreme sadness, despair, depression, even suicidal tendancies? Yes, I realize your response to that would be "stupid sexuals and their melodrama", but couldn't we turn around and say the same thing right back to you? We're not forcing our partners into anything. We are trying to find a mutually agreeable compromise. To throw up your hands and say "I should have everything and you should have nothing because I'm asexual and asexuality trumps sexuality!"... well, again, I go back to my original suggestion that you stay out of sexual relationships.

Not everyone is you, though. So how about showing a little understanding for those of us who actually are trying to work it out?

[The Great WTF]

The only "trick" I have for enjoying sex is turning it into a game. I enjoy trying to get reactions out of my partner and seeing what can get the biggest reaction from him. He actually gave me the idea, though, when he told me that he wants to figure out what would make ME enjoy sex because he's never been with a girl quite like me and it fascinated him.

[Guest]

The only "trick" I have for enjoying sex is turning it into a game. I enjoy trying to get reactions out of my partner and seeing what can get the biggest reaction from him. He actually gave me the idea, though, when he told me that he wants to figure out what would make ME enjoy sex because he's never been with a girl quite like me and it fascinated him.

That's more or less what we do too. Also, I'm coming to learn that she likes for the TV to be on as a distraction, and I'm fine with that.

[The Great WTF]

The only "trick" I have for enjoying sex is turning it into a game. I enjoy trying to get reactions out of my partner and seeing what can get the biggest reaction from him. He actually gave me the idea, though, when he told me that he wants to figure out what would make ME enjoy sex because he's never been with a girl quite like me and it fascinated him.

That's more or less what we do too. Also, I'm coming to learn that she likes for the TV to be on as a distraction, and I'm fine with that.

XD Our TV's always on anyway because I like the background noise when I'm trying to think. It irritates the hell out of Gin, though, because I've "watched" dozens of movies I usually can't remember much about.

[Mr Stranger]

Maybe this thread needs a bit of a jump. Fine then, I'll share the one thing I've done to make sex feel more like a game that I could actually enjoy. My partner was boring me, so I started tickling them. Then they tickled me back. In only a few minuted we were rolling all over the place wrestling, chasing each other around the house, and laughing so hard our sides hurt. I usually was bored out of my mind by sex, but that time and the other times we did playful things like that it was actually really fun. We play-fought for who would be on top and spent a lot of time tussling, all the time naked. My partner was graciously playing along that time, and would just chase me down whenever I tried to run away. The play was the primary bonding, and the actual sex was just what happened when we were engaged in a wrestling match. I fought dirty by using my hands on sensitive parts to distract them so I could gain the advantage. It did last for a good long time due to the frequent breaks in genital contact, but it was fun and exciting for me while being intimate and sexy for them. If your partner is playful in nature, you might have fun doing things like that. You could even only undress each other as part of the game to get things warmed up for those who need to be eased into it. It doesn't feel like sex to me as the asexual, but my sexual partner was quite satisfied.

Addressing any other asexuals who might feel like dr_who, this thread is intended to help our partners help us. If they can learn new ways to engage us, then we can have fun doing something they love. If you have any common interests with your partner, such as movies or sports, you already know how great it is to do whatever with them. It builds stronger relationships and makes both parties happy. There is no requirement that asexuals suffer on behalf of our sexual partners, and we shouldn't expect them to cater our every whim. This type of compromise, which is much more like a relationship and much less like a business transaction than other compromises I've seen described here, is the optimal way for us to show and share our love.

Our sexual partners do give up much to be with us, so it should feel like a good thing to have a change to give back to them. You don't have to enjoy sex to enjoy making love.

[Guest]

Maybe this thread needs a bit of a jump. Fine then, I'll share the one thing I've done to make sex feel more like a game that I could actually enjoy. My partner was boring me, so I started tickling them. Then they tickled me back. In only a few minuted we were rolling all over the place wrestling, chasing each other around the house, and laughing so hard our sides hurt. I usually was bored out of my mind by sex, but that time and the other times we did playful things like that it was actually really fun. We play-fought for who would be on top and spent a lot of time tussling, all the time naked. My partner was graciously playing along that time, and would just chase me down whenever I tried to run away. The play was the primary bonding, and the actual sex was just what happened when we were engaged in a wrestling match. I fought dirty by using my hands on sensitive parts to distract them so I could gain the advantage. It did last for a good long time due to the frequent breaks in genital contact, but it was fun and exciting for me while being intimate and sexy for them. If your partner is playful in nature, you might have fun doing things like that. You could even only undress each other as part of the game to get things warmed up for those who need to be eased into it. It doesn't feel like sex to me as the asexual, but my sexual partner was quite satisfied.

Yes, this is a good description of what play sex is like. We're not as mobile as you guys... I don't like running around nekked... but otherwise it's a similar idea. We play games like "how long can you continue to carry on a conversation while I do this to you" and stuff like that. ;)

[The Great WTF]

Maybe this thread needs a bit of a jump. Fine then, I'll share the one thing I've done to make sex feel more like a game that I could actually enjoy. My partner was boring me, so I started tickling them. Then they tickled me back. In only a few minuted we were rolling all over the place wrestling, chasing each other around the house, and laughing so hard our sides hurt. I usually was bored out of my mind by sex, but that time and the other times we did playful things like that it was actually really fun. We play-fought for who would be on top and spent a lot of time tussling, all the time naked. My partner was graciously playing along that time, and would just chase me down whenever I tried to run away. The play was the primary bonding, and the actual sex was just what happened when we were engaged in a wrestling match. I fought dirty by using my hands on sensitive parts to distract them so I could gain the advantage. It did last for a good long time due to the frequent breaks in genital contact, but it was fun and exciting for me while being intimate and sexy for them. If your partner is playful in nature, you might have fun doing things like that. You could even only undress each other as part of the game to get things warmed up for those who need to be eased into it. It doesn't feel like sex to me as the asexual, but my sexual partner was quite satisfied.

Yes, this is a good description of what play sex is like. We're not as mobile as you guys... I don't like running around nekked... but otherwise it's a similar idea. We play games like "how long can you continue to carry on a conversation while I do this to you" and stuff like that. ;)

I like to play the "Let's see how long he can continue to concentrate on Halo while I do THIS" game with my pet. It's really amusing to hear his teammates yelling at him when he starts getting killed over and over again.

[Mr Stranger]

Sex games don't have to be weird or sadistic. They don't even have to be complicated. Imagine how much everyone's relationship could improve if everyone who viewed this thread left one fun game. Any sexual who is only just partnering with an asexual could come here for advice on keeping things pleasant, and any asexual at their wit's end could refer their partners here or simply take matters into their own hands.

This isn't a thread about helping asexuals tolerate sex; it's about helping them enjoy it.

[kochouran]

I like exercise, and if I'm having coitus for a while to satiate her I get quite an abdominal and gluteal burn. I hear there are health benefits to the act as well.

The need for exercise is ones of the reasons I use for having sex. My other common reason is that orgasming helps me fall asleep easier, and while I can just masturbate, I can get my partner in on the action.

I used to attribute my ability to have sex twice a week as a result of my greyness. It's easier to do something that feels good right? However, I now think my need for routine plays a huge role. I have to do laundry at least once a week and the dishes every evening (well my partner does them but if he's tired, I'll do them). When we don't fill our quota for sex, I start feeling like I've slacked off somehow.

The last thing I do is to write an erotic story in my head whenever my mind starts to wander during sex. I will literally narrate what we're doing, and that lets me focus on the physical sensations while increasing my arousal (I'm easily aroused by reading and writing erotic literature).

[red_brick_dream]

I daresay you've missed the point of my post entirely. I was musing about how peculiar it was that we were having a rather mundane conversation about a rather strange topic - compromising about one's sexual desire - something which seems to me to be impossible by definition. In order to underline this peculiarity, I drew an analogy between the subject of this thread, and a hypothetical compromise between sexual people which, unless I've been living under a rock, seems a much less common conversation out in the real world. I wonder if we expect too much of ourselves and not enough of those around us; if we're being too meek.

Then I suggest you don't. Who expects you to compromise? Your partner? They are the only person relevant to your decision to compromise or not. And it is YOUR DECISION... the fact that your partner may not stay if you choose not to compromise is their decision. See how that works?

I'm not saying I feel compelled to engage in that sort of thing. I'm saying that even the expectation is offensive - on the part of anyone who would expect that of us or of us who would expect it of anyone else, and I'm offering it in the form of a hypothetical. For example, I'm sure a gay person would not have to have personally experienced homophobia in order to know his stance on the matter (nor would a sexual person have to have lost his/her virginity to know they were sexual). And we're back to the analogy I was drawing - how would we feel if we witnessed some gay guys sitting around and talking about how they suffer through sex with women? Would we consider that to be a perfectly healthy state of affairs? I think not.

The subject of this thread doesn't address how such a mixed relationship could have come about to begin with if both parties were being honest with each other and themselves, in which case the question of "compromise" would be moot.

Really? Finding a mutually satisfying arrangement with your loved one is the same as slavery? Come on now. Again, no one is forcing you to have sex, and again, my suggestion is that you don't if this is how you feel about it.

Come now, that's not what I was saying at all. This response was just lazy. I was talking about social change in itself - the examples against which I compared it were completely arbitrary. I could have picked anything at all besides slavery and the proposition would be sound. Conversely, you could have accused me of comparing sexual compromise to Coca-Cola, which would have carried exactly as much weight as the accusation you did make, but you chose not to. Why? Because I said "slavery," an emotionally-fraught word, without making a value judgement about slavery itself, in a conversation which had nothing to do with its merit to begin with. This is practically a recipe for having one's argument skewed by people who didn't reason it out and simply jumped on the first hot-button word they saw. This, of course, is no reason to avoid such a maneouvre, because the counterattack is so easy.

Compromise has very little to do with asexuality and everything to do with relationships. Don't want a sexual relationship? Then don't have one. If you want a romantic relationship with a sexual, yes, compromise is probably going to be a part of it, but that's your choice. As for the business of "it's harder for asexuals than it is for sexuals"... please, let's not start this again. It's not harder or easier for anyone. You think it's easy for the sexuals on this site to be continuously turned down by their partners? Have you read the testimonials of people who felt extreme sadness, despair, depression, even suicidal tendancies? Yes, I realize your response to that would be "stupid sexuals and their melodrama", but couldn't we turn around and say the same thing right back to you? We're not forcing our partners into anything. We are trying to find a mutually agreeable compromise. To throw up your hands and say "I should have everything and you should have nothing because I'm asexual and asexuality trumps sexuality!"... well, again, I go back to my original suggestion that you stay out of sexual relationships.

Not everyone is you, though. So how about showing a little understanding for those of us who actually are trying to work it out?

First of all, the idea that it's not "harder or easier" for anyone can be rejected on its face. That's an objectively false statement; that it's harder for a small subset to find each other within a population borders on tautology. We already know that homosexuals, for example, are a tiny percentage of the population relative to heterosexuals. Therefore, there are fewer prospective mates for any given homosexual, and therefore, it's harder for them to find a parter. Simple as that.

No, I don't think it's easy. What I do think is that either they or their partners are being dishonest, and that this says more about the people involved than it does about the viability of compromise in this context. Relationships are obviously about compromise - compromise about the things over which they have control - from sexual matters, to more mundane concerns (after all, a "relationship" carries more cultural baggage than simply the sexual component - there are cohabitation, finances, children, marriage, cars, home decor, etc., to worry about). "Compromise" about these things is ubiquitous - it couldn't be any other way. But you're using the word "compromise" in a much more ecumenical sort of way, for while we often hear of couples compromising over, say, personal expenses, we rarely hear talk of lesbians and straight men "compromising" with one another over their actual sexuality (unless we spend a lot of time on AVEN), because one can no more "compromise" about their sexual orientation than they can about their eye colour.

[Sally]

You don't have to enjoy sex to enjoy making love.

But to me, making love means some things other than sex. I enjoy doing those things for and with someone I love. But I never enjoyed sex, even though my partners considered it making love. So that twist didn't work for me, and may not for some other asexuals.

[Guest Invisible Pumpkin]

mmm I dont want to be a discussion killer, but the OP was very clear about what this thread it's about. I want to remain you guys to stay focused on the topic, which so far I find very interesting.

[Mr Stranger]

Not every twist will appeal to every person, we are all different, but the more ideas are here the more likely you can find something that will appeal to you. As stimulating as the current conversation is, it isn't quite what the original post promised. We want to attract people to this thread who are willing to share their experiences with success. Maybe an announcement would help? I would love to have had a thread like this ready to read, but this is apparently the first of its kind an there isn't enough attention here yet for it to grow.

[HelloToYou]

*shrug* We just don't have sex very much.

[Alan Degas]

I also feel like chiming in on what a great idea this thread is :)

My partner and I aren't asexual (more like demisexual) so I don't know how much I can contribute to this thread as both of us do inherently like sex.

My partner does however have a lower sex drive than I, so that has caused (and I suppose sometimes still does) some friction. Mostly it's all just a lack of communication though. I am not good at dropping hints and he doesn't like me being too direct... because, well, it's just not very sexy to be told "It's been too long since we had sex!". So yeah, that took some adjusting. I'm still not good at dropping hints, so I am still somewhat direct but I watch my tone of voice and also try to only bring it up at times where it's obvious that I am in no way expecting sex right here and now, so that takes some pressure off the whole thing. It's kinda just me very obviously dropping the ball in his court, because he tends to forget that there is a ball in the first place, but once he remembers he's quite up for playing.

...

This is all probably very obvious though, so I doubt that it's helpful for anyone in a mixed relationship :redface: If I do think of something that might be more relevant, I'll add it.

[Guest Invisible Pumpkin]

I'm still not good at dropping hints, so I am still somewhat direct but I watch my tone of voice and also try to only bring it up at times where it's obvious that I am in no way expecting sex right here and now, so that takes some pressure off the whole thing.

I find what you said to have a good point, this specific part of the quote.

[Lady Girl]

I liked it too Lukar, it's very good!!! And yes this thread idea is a good one! I'm sorry for my immediate reaction to another poster (sorry Sally, your words seemed insensitive, but nothing like dr_who). Who I would like to remind...the nature of asexuality is not inherently akin to being gay as I understand it. Some asexual people have quite a neutral attitude about it, whereas my understanding is that a gay person does not "sometimes find sex with the opposite sex neutral". But since I really don't want to argue with you...ever...I'll stop talking now, about your snarky remarks anyway. I'll chalk them up to a full moon, and a lack of understanding about other people and how they might relate with each other.

What makes sex enjoyable for my husband is staying off the booze. Those are his words, and I thought it was pretty good actually. :D

[< retired >]

Compromise is the best way to reconcile sexuality with asexuality, and making sex itself fun for the asexual component of the relationship should keep all those involved happy.

For many asexuals, there is nothing that their sexual partner can do to make sex 'fun'. So, your post is applicable to only a subset of the asexual population. I don't know how large this subset is, but after hanging around on AVEN for a few years I suspect that it is rather small. Just a word of warning! :)

[Guest]

I'm gay, by the way, and I have sex with men. If I, for whatever reason, decided to be in a relationship with a man and we needed to find ways to compromise on sex, I wouldn't feel victimized in any way. In fact, that has happened in the past... in a far more casual way than what we're discussing here, but still. In those scenarios, typically it is me performing "stuff" on the guy. I don't particularly like men administering sexual pleasure to me (though I was with one guy who broke that rule... I genuinely enjoyed his skillz). I think giving oral to guys is fun, and I definitely treat it like a game.

Some lesbians are OK with sex with men, just like some gay men are OK with sex with women, and some asexuals are OK with sex with sexuals. So again, Dr. Who, speak for yourself, not for all asexuals, and not for all gays. You're trying to make your own feelings universal, but they're not. So again I say to you, if you find the idea so offensive, then don't do it. It really is that simple. To my knowledge, every single sexual on this site is well aware that (some?)(most?) asexuals don't want sexual activity. In this particular thread, those aren't the asexuals we're talking about. You guys have the whole rest of AVEN, you could at least give us this, don't you think?

Now then, onto games... I want to think about this more. I'll try to talk to my partner about it tonight and see what she thinks.

I'm still not good at dropping hints, so I am still somewhat direct but I watch my tone of voice and also try to only bring it up at times where it's obvious that I am in no way expecting sex right here and now, so that takes some pressure off the whole thing.

I find what you said to have a good point, this specific part of the quote.

I've found this to be true for me too! I tend to bring it up in a neutral and non-sexual time, and then if she finds herself up for it later, she is the one to instigate. So we often have something of a two-tiered sex instigation routine.

I hope Olivier pops in here with his thoughts!

[Janus the Fox]

I'm gay, by the way, and I have sex with men. If I, for whatever reason, decided to be in a relationship with a man and we needed to find ways to compromise on sex, I wouldn't feel victimized in any way. In fact, that has happened in the past... in a far more casual way than what we're discussing here, but still. In those scenarios, typically it is me performing "stuff" on the guy. I don't particularly like men administering sexual pleasure to me (though I was with one guy who broke that rule... I genuinely enjoyed his skillz). I think giving oral to guys is fun, and I definitely treat it like a game.

Some lesbians are OK with sex with men, just like some gay men are OK with sex with women, and some asexuals are OK with sex with sexuals. So again, Dr. Who, speak for yourself, not for all asexuals, and not for all gays. You're trying to make your own feelings universal, but they're not. So again I say to you, if you find the idea so offensive, then don't do it. It really is that simple. To my knowledge, every single sexual on this site is well aware that (some?)(most?) asexuals don't want sexual activity. In this particular thread, those aren't the asexuals we're talking about. You guys have the whole rest of AVEN, you could at least give us this, don't you think?

Now then, onto games... I want to think about this more. I'll try to talk to my partner about it tonight and see what she thinks.

Woah...now I'm falling in love after that first paragraph... :lol:

Jokes aside this is a valid point, I am absolutely fine with sex, even if I do discover I'm sexual and gay, does not exclude me with what sex I can do and to whom.   

[Mr Stranger]

Compromise is the best way to reconcile sexuality with asexuality, and making sex itself fun for the asexual component of the relationship should keep all those involved happy.

For many asexuals, there is nothing that their sexual partner can do to make sex 'fun'. So, your post is applicable to only a subset of the asexual population. I don't know how large this subset is, but after hanging around on AVEN for a few years I suspect that it is rather small. Just a word of warning! :)

I was one of those types of asexuals, you must understand. I thought that I would hate sex forever. But on the occasions that we did other things to make the interaction interesting, I enjoyed it. It wasn't the sex I enjoyed (an anorgasmic never enjoys sex) but the interaction. I liked all of the playful tussling, and the sex was just a little part of that. Asexuals can find ways to enjoy themselves. Sex doesn't have to be just sex. You can add all kinds of other things to make it less boring.

[Lady Girl]

I'm gay, by the way, and I have sex with men. If I, for whatever reason, decided to be in a relationship with a man and we needed to find ways to compromise on sex, I wouldn't feel victimized in any way. In fact, that has happened in the past... in a far more casual way than what we're discussing here, but still. In those scenarios, typically it is me performing "stuff" on the guy. I don't particularly like men administering sexual pleasure to me (though I was with one guy who broke that rule... I genuinely enjoyed his skillz). I think giving oral to guys is fun, and I definitely treat it like a game.

Some lesbians are OK with sex with men, just like some gay men are OK with sex with women, and some asexuals are OK with sex with sexuals. So again, Dr. Who, speak for yourself, not for all asexuals, and not for all gays. You're trying to make your own feelings universal, but they're not. So again I say to you, if you find the idea so offensive, then don't do it. It really is that simple. To my knowledge, every single sexual on this site is well aware that (some?)(most?) asexuals don't want sexual activity. In this particular thread, those aren't the asexuals we're talking about. You guys have the whole rest of AVEN, you could at least give us this, don't you think?

Now then, onto games... I want to think about this more. I'll try to talk to my partner about it tonight and see what she thinks.

Thanks for clearing that up for me Skulls, I really didn't know for sure if I was right about what it's like to be gay. Mr. LG has told me he didn't think an asexual having sex with their partner was the same as a gay person having sex with the opposite sex. He says this is the way it is for him...he doesn't think of it that way. So I'm actually still sort of confused I guess, but I also feel like perhaps the real issue here is repulsion, and/or level of aversion to sex. If that even makes sense.

I also wish Olivier would make an appearance. :)

[Mr Stranger]

Who is this Olivier? If you seem to know that he would be a valuable addition here, why don't we just PM him? This thread needs a serious kick from someone to get back on topic and gather the momentum to become a valuable resource instead of just another dead thread.

[Lady Girl]

Well, shoot...I'm just a loser at this. Could it be because I'm content with consistent vanilla sex? I'm also a bit too inhibited to go into graphic details.

It almost seems like you got quite a few good ideas...besides, Skulls said she would be back with more enticing games. Mr. LG doesn't like to talk about it much. 'shrug'

[Midnight Lady]

I don't know if it is helpful. Everything comes from the past memories how it used to be... )))

I would like sex more after strong emotions which could take place before. For example, in a flame of fake fighting (since even if it is a fake one, I always become engaged and do my best to win, it gives me some adrenaline)... Or for example, after some time of singing karaokes or along with my electric piano... When I sing, I live in songs... so, if those songs are quite passionate, I become passionate too... I hope it relates to the topic...