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A? Grey? Demi? I dunno!


montoya

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Hi, I posted most of this in the Welcome forum as well but thought I'd drop in here too as I can relate to some of these postings. I am quite a confused near 37 year old (male) virgin. That doesn't bother me as much as it would many people. I am reasonably contentedly single (do get lonesome sometimes of course) but although I have been on a handful of dates with women here and there I have never had a romantic relationship and do question what I am missing out on. I have several good friendships with women so I know I don't have some kind of issue with women per se. I do sometimes wonder if I am asexual, or if I am repressed, or just have a low sex drive or what. I was always very shy when I was younger so never went through that adolescent phase with the opposite sex. I find that I lack motivation to go on dates, but sometimes I do fantasise about having a romantic relationship with a woman, with the emotional aspects of such a relationship more important the physical ones. A few years ago I did end up in bed with a work colleague after a drunken party but I didn't find her attractive and nothing happened apart from some kissing which did nothing for me.

My friends tend to think I'm either gay and in denial (I know I'm not gay cos I do notice and sometimes fantasise about attractive women and I have no interest at all in men), or repressed and just need to get laid (sleep with a prostitute or something equally unappealing). Personally I just don't know. Some of the postings here about being demi-sexual I can relate to, I think I could and would have sex with someone if I felt close to them emotionally but I don't know how to get to that point. I did quite recently have a bit of a crush on a female friend and we went out together quite alot but of course she only saw me as a protective friend and found herself a 'proper' boyfriend. I do sometimes worry that I maybe am basically just 'a weirdo' with a lot of hang-ups about sex though it helps to know that other well-balanced folk have similar experiences.

Anyway thanks for listening to my ramblings! Any advice welcome!

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Well If it helps at all you are not alone montoya! Welcome aboard have some :cake:

I am a 43 Year old male virgin, never been in a relationship and have had very similar experiences to you. Its not the virginity aspect that concerns me its the fact that when it comes to women and attraction for a relationship beyond sex I am wearing a cloak of invisibility.

I shared a bed with a female friend in my early 20's as well and not a thing happened because I was not sexually attracted to her and like yourself we had both just downed two bottles of wine and were in a hotel room after a good night out enjoying each others company.

I think low sex drive is seen as a big fat not interested sign, I know it takes awhile for me to get to know people but it seems so much is put

on that first 30 seconds of meeting that we fail to elicit the fireworks or chemistry that most woman expect to experience.

Like yourself again I too recently told a VERY long term female friend how I felt toward her and she only saw me as a friend just not her type. We have lengthy phone conversations can spend 6 hrs chatting and enjoying each others company and even now we did not argue over said discussion and are still good friends.

I have spent the last 6 years trying online dating without even meeting a single person, There is simply something about me that is only friend material.

I thought it was something I might be doing or saying in person and internet dating would let me get to know someone at a distance first and make things easier but not the case.

My female friend tells me there is nothing wrong with me.

I figure I'm like Peter Pan. I felt like a boy as everyone else was growing up around me as a teenager and now it seems I am so inexperienced for my age that I simply must stand out like a sore thumb.

If the solution is to gain experience I am running out of idea's as to how that experience can be sort.

I'm sorry - I guess I didn't really provide you with any advice montoya :redface:

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Hey no worries Charon, it does help to know i am not the only one with this kind of experience

I think this situation must be more common than many people would think, it's just because of the very sexual nature of society people are very reticent about talking about their lack of experience.

One thing I would say is that friendship is not to be regarded lightly. I would like to have a romantic relationship but the friendships I've had with women have been closer than those I have had with men and I wouldn't trade that.

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Hey no worries Charon, it does help to know i am not the only one with this kind of experience

I think this situation must be more common than many people would think, it's just because of the very sexual nature of society people are very reticent about talking about their lack of experience.

One thing I would say is that friendship is not to be regarded lightly. I would like to have a romantic relationship but the friendships I've had with women have been closer than those I have had with men and I wouldn't trade that.

Agree 100% Montoya - and thankfully there is AVEN where these things can see the light of day. Its wonderful that people on here share their experiences so openly - I know its helped me immensely.

Only Yesterday I had another extremely lengthy phone conversation with said female friend and today going to a nice cafe in a country town with another. Like yourself I :wub: female friendship and wouldn't want to jeopardize that for anything.

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