Anybody find "exceptions" very frustrating/confusing

[jwilly2011]

For starts I consider myself gray. 99% of time not attracted to anyone & really dont think about sex at all, but it seems like every few years I run into an exception. Its been someone that im VERY strongly attracted to right away when first meeting them. The last time this happened was 4 years ago. I have a newer "exception" now, the issue is that nothing can happen between us(personality wise I dont like him. He did figure out I liked him & offered up that he is willing to cheat on her if i help hide it & he is engaged w/2kids)

This is just really frustrating for me. I have really strong urges to do stuff with this person & cant do anything about it. If i didnt have to be by him I wouldnt get wound up, but we work together. Not just together his desk is 1 cube away from mine. Im thinking this might be what normal sexual have to learn to deal with when they are going thru puberty, but im 28 & really not used to dealing with being sexually frustrated over anyone. It really sucks. I like my life a lot better between exceptions & wish i was just asexual without the gray.

Im in a venting mood tonight. Its nice to have a place to vent too.

[Jaclyn]

I can understand your frustration. I am not a gray, but my advice is to let those urges/feelings pass. They don't last forever. If you convince yourself that nothing can happen between you two, then that might help also. Do your best to move on, despite the fact that he works next to you.

I hope that helps :)

[Dacey]

(obligatory "hi, I'm new" disclaimer)

(plus cake )

I have had a few similar situations to the one the OP describes. I'm gray A & coast along without being attracted to anyone the vast majority of the time. Every so often, though,I'll meet someone I find really attractive. Thankfully, it hasn't happened for a few years but it sucks, so I sympathise!

I think it's the shock of having to deal with a feeling you usually don't have to that's upsetting. Getting through it, for me, relied on reminding myself over and over that it was just a crush and I was only finding it difficult because I rarely feel anything like that. Any tips, anyone??

[Verust]

I'm not sure what to say outside of time. Time solved my break up but besides that I only really had luck with distracting myself trying to do other things.

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Shutting down any thought you don't want may help although I have never had any luck with CBT (I think this would fall under that). I am unsure if this is actually suggested as I am not trained at all so it may be better to ignore this idea for now.

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Someone I met in middle school (friends) liked me for 7 years probably due to her not giving up my possible "change of...emotions". I did not call myself anything back then but she was aware of the situation. Although she is a bit drastic of an example (I think?) and I think... well that is beside the point. I don't know if this thinking is okay, but it makes sense to me.

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Time helps again.

[MadRat]

I like my life a lot better between exceptions & wish i was just asexual without the gray.

Me too.

Exception is useless when it´s only one person who is inaccessible. I had a couple of exceptions from aromanticness and only one from asexuality and I just envy people who are 100% asexual and aromantic.

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

This is my one big frustration and fear that comes with being demisexual. I'm sexually attracted to my boyfriend - my first relationship and first attraction, by the way - and so it's really not a problem now. But let's just say that me and my current boyfriend don't work out, and I find someone else who I fall in love with - what do I do if I DON'T become attracted to them? How do I know that I'm not going to make an exception out of a good friend? How do I know that my attraction to my boyfriend is going to be a constant thing? And even if none of that happens, it's kind of dissonant to find that I'm attracted to literally ONE person, and that unless my life takes a really odd turn, that's the only person I'm ever going to find attractive. I love my boyfriend and all, I really do, and I think he's gorgeous (even if he really doesn't agree with me there) - but it's an odd thought to think that my sexual thoughts are going to be linked to this one guy only, possibly for the rest of my life.

[Wineblood]

He did figure out I liked him & offered up that he is willing to cheat on her if i help hide it & he is engaged w/2kids)

That's just.. ugh.

[Janus the Fox]

I like my life a lot better between exceptions & wish i was just asexual without the gray.

Me too.

Exception is useless when it´s only one person who is inaccessible. I had a couple of exceptions from aromanticness and only one from asexuality and I just envy people who are 100% asexual and aromantic.

I'm one of those Aromantic and Asexual types, but im very open to the possibility if I feel absoloutly anything for anyone or someone has feelings for me, It don't constitute to a label change.

In the end of the day, it is just a label and I don't know why people think that they MUST conform to it 100% of the time as being Aromantic and Asexual does not equal unable to have romance and sex.

[MadRat]

In the end of the day, it is just a label and I don't know why people think that they MUST conform to it 100% of the time as being Aromantic and Asexual does not equal unable to have romance and sex.

For me personally being asexual equals being unable to have sex. There´s no way how anyone could convince me to have sex without sexual attraction.

And 100% aromantic would be great too - I would never fall in love, I would never suffer because of unrequited love, I would be free.