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Does it disgust you that people think dirty thoughts about you?


imasexyandiknowit

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It makes me uncomfortable. Both my exes (who I had before I knew I was ace) told me that they did think about me like that. I was pretty flattered at the time, but now...now I just don't want to think about it. I still think it's a bit flattering, but I'm not going to reciprocate and so I don't want them thinking about me in a dirty way. But it is flattering that they like how I look.

Mostly it just makes uncomfortable, because it's weird to imagine other people jerking off and imagining me doing sex stuff with them. It's just too weird.

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feministnerd

The thought that anyone could think dirty thoughts about me is unfathomable. I have such low self esteem, so of course I dont think of my body in a positive light and could never imagine anyone finding it attractive.

That being said, while I would definitely feel uncomfortable, squeamish and awkward if I found out anyone was thinking about me that way, at the same time I would probably feel a little flattered, only in that Id be surprised and grateful that this person saw something in me other than hideous or ugly. Im a huge people pleaser. I crave approval from others, and while I wouldnt want any sexual advances, I have to admit that if someone does find any kind of attraction in me, it would raise my self-esteem, regardless of how disgusted I am by the thought of what theyre thinking.

Did that make any sense?... lol. :/

That's probably going to be my reaction 90% of the time.

It's natural to have fantasies of a person you know (and not to have any at all). But you shouldn't tell them (unless they wouldn't mind if you did).

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If you guys don't mind a curious WTF's question, why is it exactly that the idea of someone thinking of you sexually so distressing? People make blind assumptions and think strange things (sexual or otherwise) about strangers on a daily basis. They can think you're a slut for your choice in shirt, a lesbian for your haircut, they might imagine any number of things from talking to you to slicing you up in tiny pieces and feeding you to their dog. Why is it the idea of sexual thoughts, specifically, so alarming? Nine times out of ten, you'll never even know they were thinking that.

While I wouldn't say I'm disgusted by the thought of someone thinking of me sexually, it does make me uncomfortable. I realize sexual desire/attraction is natural for most people and they have a right to think what they want so I know logically it shouldn't matter, but I can't help but be a bit put off by it. I think it's being seen as a body rather than a person that bothers me the most; it feels objectifying and demeaning.

It only actually bothers me when I know someone is thinking that, which usually happens when 1.) people make catcalls or whistles at me (which probably bothers most sexual people too) or 2.) I find out from gossip or from the person himself that he was thinking of me sexually. The latter usually bothers me the most because it always seems to come from people I considered friends and who I thought were interested in my personality rather than my body. It usually comes as a surprise too (though I've gotten better at recognizing it) since I've always been naive about how other people experience sexual attraction since I've never experienced it and that makes me feel foolish.

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If you guys don't mind a curious WTF's question, why is it exactly that the idea of someone thinking of you sexually so distressing? People make blind assumptions and think strange things (sexual or otherwise) about strangers on a daily basis. They can think you're a slut for your choice in shirt, a lesbian for your haircut, they might imagine any number of things from talking to you to slicing you up in tiny pieces and feeding you to their dog. Why is it the idea of sexual thoughts, specifically, so alarming? Nine times out of ten, you'll never even know they were thinking that.

I think my reasons are similar to CBC but not in having a negative view towards sex. It is partly in the intimate way in which I see those things for myself. I am sure if a random person masturbated to you while you were aware of it could make you pretty uncomfortable, but for me it's taken a step further where it is about the action not the awareness of said action. As I mentioned before I would be almost equally weirded out and disturbed by someone thinking of me and committing violent acts. In that context most people would find it odd if you were unphased or completely fine with someone going around and murdering people and saying that you were the influence on them to do so.

I don't think about it very often, but when I do, the idea creeps me out horribly that someone would pleasure themselves to me. I want the right and control to be able to allow that intimate act (for me) to be only for who I am okay with.

I'll also mention that I find it weird that people do that at all (not that it's not normal), but even for celebrities and such. It is just a complete disconnect for me to feel those feelings in that context and having someone else connect things in such a way (to me) feels violating, demoralizing, and disgusting.

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Lol, at my age, if they have dirty thoughts about me, they must be into Necrophilia.. :)

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I don't really care if others think of me that way. But I wouldn't want them to tell me, because that would be gross and embarrassing.

What I really hate is when a dirty thought about another person creeps into my mind. The better I know this person and the more I like them, the more disgusted I feel when a dirty thought about them is triggered.

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

I don't actually mind. Hell, if it's someone I know/like, like a friend or my boyfriend, it's actually kinda flattering. People can have their own thoughts. A person's thoughts can be totally separate from reality - hell, I have fantasies about people (both real and imaginary) all the time, and it doesn't actually mean I'm attracted to them in real life. People can have their own fantasy words, but I do still apply my golden rule about sexual things to this - "Unless someone explicitly asks you, no one wants to see your dick." In other words, KEEP IT PRIVATE. Unless I ask a person what they think about me, I don't actually want to KNOW that a person thinks that about me. Does that make sense? Because I'm no mind reader - I'm not going to know unless they tell me, and depending on who's telling me depends on whether it creeps me out.

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cleuchtturm

If you guys don't mind a curious WTF's question, why is it exactly that the idea of someone thinking of you sexually so distressing?

Sex repulses me. There is really no other reason, but like I said, I can't do anything about it, so I don't work myself up over it. I just don't like it.

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If you guys don't mind a curious WTF's question, why is it exactly that the idea of someone thinking of you sexually so distressing? People make blind assumptions and think strange things (sexual or otherwise) about strangers on a daily basis. They can think you're a slut for your choice in shirt, a lesbian for your haircut, they might imagine any number of things from talking to you to slicing you up in tiny pieces and feeding you to their dog. Why is it the idea of sexual thoughts, specifically, so alarming? Nine times out of ten, you'll never even know they were thinking that.

I don't get it either. I know people think all kinds of stuff about me and it's never crossed my mind to get upset about it. Some people I'm sure think I'm hot, some people think I'm gross, some people probably think I'm fat and lazy, most people assume I'm an unemployed slacker cuz of my appearance... of all the various things people could (and do) think, I'm not sure why finding me attractive would be at the top of the list of horrible things to think.

It kinda makes me sad that you guys feel this way. It makes me feel like if some guy liked you and thought "dude she's an awesome person I'd love to hang out and get some coffee" and you were like "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE I FUCKING HATE COFFEE!!". It's meant as a positive thing, and it seems kind of messed up to twist that into something negative and then get upset over it.

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Take the scenario of females passing by a construction site. They walk by, are ogled and whistled at. Most would feel harassed I would imagine. Should the workers just say, "damn mam, take it as a compliment!"?

This is how I would feel having someone masturbate to me. Sure maybe it's meant to be a compliment, but to me it's disturbing... And I really don't think it's that far out there.

Comparing it to the coffee situation is orders of magnitudes of difference.

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Midnight Lady

It kinda makes me sad that you guys feel this way. It makes me feel like if some guy liked you and thought "dude she's an awesome person I'd love to hang out and get some coffee" and you were like "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE I FUCKING HATE COFFEE!!". It's meant as a positive thing, and it seems kind of messed up to twist that into something negative and then get upset over it.

Come on, Skull... after that thread about coffee, we all know what it actually means... -_-

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I'd probably be disgusted if I felt that anyone actually thought that way about me, but I'm quite sure nobody does. And if anyone did, they're too far away for me to care.

If you guys don't mind a curious WTF's question, why is it exactly that the idea of someone thinking of you sexually so distressing?

Because then you find yourself having to worry about what this person might try to pull if you ever found yourself alone with this person. When it's someone that you would normally otherwise consider a friend, it can be particularly distressing. Some folks are sensible enough that they would not try to press something the other person didn't want, but as we all know, some people are also wackos that are just waiting for their golden opportunity.

To people who are more strongly repulsed, all that can actually be kind of a big deal.

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It kinda makes me sad that you guys feel this way. It makes me feel like if some guy liked you and thought "dude she's an awesome person I'd love to hang out and get some coffee" and you were like "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE I FUCKING HATE COFFEE!!". It's meant as a positive thing, and it seems kind of messed up to twist that into something negative and then get upset over it.

Come on, Skull... after that thread about coffee, we all know what it actually means... -_-

Hahahaha I'm not gonna lie, that was intentional ;)

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Take the scenario of females passing by a construction site. They walk by, are ogled and whistled at. Most would feel harassed I would imagine. Should the workers just say, "damn mam, take it as a compliment!"?

This is how I would feel having someone masturbate to me. Sure maybe it's meant to be a compliment, but to me it's disturbing... And I really don't think it's that far out there.

Comparing it to the coffee situation is orders of magnitudes of difference.

Except that catcalling to women on the street is forcing them to be a participant, whereas someone just thinking of you isn't including you at all. It doesn't even involve you. It just involves an image that kind of looks like your image.

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The problem is with people who confuse fantasy with reality, not with the fantasy. Don't jump to conclusion, thinking about something doesn't even mean that somebody would actually want to do it if he would get the chance.

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Mr. Shuttershy

If you guys don't mind a curious WTF's question, why is it exactly that the idea of someone thinking of you sexually so distressing? People make blind assumptions and think strange things (sexual or otherwise) about strangers on a daily basis. They can think you're a slut for your choice in shirt, a lesbian for your haircut, they might imagine any number of things from talking to you to slicing you up in tiny pieces and feeding you to their dog. Why is it the idea of sexual thoughts, specifically, so alarming? Nine times out of ten, you'll never even know they were thinking that.

I am a victim of rape and molestation. I'm .. in the middle on this actually. In theory I'm ok with it, but it scares me to think someone percieves me as a sexual object. I'm terrified of getting raped again, so that's why its disturbs me. Otherwise, another's thoughts are their thoughts.

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I hate - I loathe - flitation as an intimidation tactic. Those guys who say construction site workers are just 'flattering' women have obviously never even been acquainted with a woman who has been treated like a slab of sexy flesh by another person. It's something that women experience more than men because women are treated as sex objects more than men, and the physical power of men is often held over women in the same context making it more menacing and more about physical intimidation.

However, I don't feel disgusted by men who treat me as an equal when they flirt with me. If I'm honest, I find it a bit amusing, because it's like they're chatting up a brick wall, but I don't hold my own asexuality against them or think they are in any way lesser for feeling something towards me that I could never feel towards them. I think of them as if I was a lesbian they were chatting up. It's impossible that they would impress me that way, but it's not 'dirty' or wrong. It's just that I don't feel the same about them. Only if they get aggresive with it are they crossing a line.

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Take the scenario of females passing by a construction site. They walk by, are ogled and whistled at. Most would feel harassed I would imagine. Should the workers just say, "damn mam, take it as a compliment!"?

This is how I would feel having someone masturbate to me. Sure maybe it's meant to be a compliment, but to me it's disturbing... And I really don't think it's that far out there.

Comparing it to the coffee situation is orders of magnitudes of difference.

Except that catcalling to women on the street is forcing them to be a participant, whereas someone just thinking of you isn't including you at all. It doesn't even involve you. It just involves an image that kind of looks like your image.

For me, knowledge forces my involvement as a participant (not knowing is not much better) because of the intimacy that I feel is involved. Thus it does involve me. An image that looks like me or is imagined is every bit the same to me as having me be there.

I understand what you are saying, but because of my feelings on the matter, I feel very justified in feeling so offended. This is one of the few things that I would result to violence over if I found someone pleasured themselves to me AND didn't stop after I confronted them on the matter.

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TeddyMiller

I'd just find it really surprising. Someone thinks of ME sexually? Inconceivable.

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I kinda wish I didn't click on this thread at all...

I have never, in 25 years of life, even IMAGINED that someone would pleasure themselves with my image in their head.

So, before this question was asked I would have answered that it wouldn't have bothered me at all. The concept had never even occured to me. And, off hand, without thinking about it, I would have answered the same if someone asked just off the street or something.

Now that I've read the respective postings and had time to think about it and get used to the concept and whatnot, I find it fairly disturbing indeed.

Why?

I'm not entirely sure yet...

....

....

....

(15 minutes pass while staring blankly at the screen)

Maybe it's not so much that I'm disgusted with the PERSON thinking the thoughts, as I am THINKING about someone thinking the thoughts. Imagining what they could possibly be imagining about me is probably far worse than what they acutally are.

I certainly have no control over what people do in their heads, but I really don't want to know what's going on in there, or particularly even have a clue.

"Ignorance is bliss" afterall.

So if someone was to tell me their fantasy, then Yes; I would be disturbed, offended, and very put-off. If only because then I would be forced to think about what they are thinking of me and imagine it myself.

(circuitous thinking for the win!!!)

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It used to wig me out.... quite hard core. Then I thought about it and found out that it's not an uncommon occurrence for people to think of other people (people they personally or otherwise know) having sex with them.

I think what made it so distressing for me was the fact that it was someone I knew imagining me doing sexual acts with them. I don't really see myself as a sexual being, so I think it was the equivalent of Bob finding out Alice masturbates to shoes: shoes aren't really a sexual object to Bob, but for some reason Alice sees them in a sexual light. Bob is very weirded out and prefers to not talk about Alice's "fondness" for shoes.

It's totally harmless, I guess it makes it more enjoyable... I don't know about seeing it as a compliment, but it's not something that repulses me anymore.

I've given it a shot... or rather it sort of just happened. It sorta "spiced" things up for a while, but now it's just distracting.

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Princess Flufflebutt

If they told me about their fantasies I'd just reply with: "You'd fuck me? I'd fuck me". Otherwise I pretty much don't give a damn.

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Ase of Spades

I wouldn't say I'm disgusted by the idea that people might look at me in a sexual way, but it does creep me out and make me feel objectified and like less of a person, so I try to ignore it as often as I can. It's also partly why I dress very plainly. My train of thought is "If I don't do anything to make myself look attractive in any way and just look plain and borderline androgynous, no one will even notice me, let alone think about me sexually. Problem solved." It's immature and stupid, but it helps me cope with being out in public so I don't become anxious (Well, more anxious than usual, I should say) and I can cross it off my list of things to worry about how people think of me and perceive me.

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Personally, the thought of someone thinking of me that way would be flattering. You typically have to be physically attractive in some form to be sexually attractive, and most people want to feel attractive, so in my mind, it's a good thing.

If a stranger or friend came up to me and told me about those fantasies, though, yeah. I'd feel awkward, but I don't imagine I'd be grossed out. I'd assume that I had done something that lead them to believe that I feel the same and kindly tell them that I'm not interested. And if they persist after being told no, I'd get annoyed. Maybe even a bit paranoid if they started stalking me. (Although I find that highly unlikely)

I'm pretty certain I'm sexual, so if it were someone I were in a relationship with, and I felt ready for sex.. Then I'd probably play along. Maybe even spill a few of my own fantasies. :P (I'd feel a little pressured if I didn't feel ready for sex, though)

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So long as I don't get to hear about it, meh, people can think what they want.

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I am not nearly social enough :rolleyes: for people to generally say that about me, but I have had some people at dances attempt to dance "sexy" with me which I quite...dislike. I don't think I care if someone is thinking about it but if they try to act on it in some way I will.

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Depending on the person, their expression of sexual thoughts might or not bother me. However, romantic expressions do sort of irks all the time. I'm not particularly interested to people at all.

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For me, knowledge forces my involvement as a participant (not knowing is not much better) because of the intimacy that I feel is involved. Thus it does involve me. An image that looks like me or is imagined is every bit the same to me as having me be there.

I understand what you are saying, but because of my feelings on the matter, I feel very justified in feeling so offended. This is one of the few things that I would result to violence over if I found someone pleasured themselves to me AND didn't stop after I confronted them on the matter.

1. But you have no knowledge of it because it's in someone else's head.

2. Someone projecting an image of you is in no way the same as you having to be there. This is evidenced by the fact that people have no doubt pictured you in their minds a gazillion times and it had no affect on you. And I think it's disgustingly insulting to people who have been actually raped or molested to suggest that someone thinking of you is the same fucking thing as someone actually assaulting you. Your assertion that they're the same is flat-out offensive and repulsive.

3. How would you know if they thought of you when masturbating? Even if they said they were, they could be lying. Therefore, it's not the thinking of while masturbating that's the problem (since you have literally no way of knowing if and when that happens... because contrary to your idiotic statement that it's EXACTLY THE SAME AS BEING THERE, it in fact isn't in any way similar to being there)... so obvs the only problem is them telling you about it.

4. If you hurt or killed someone because they said they masturbated to you, I hope you go to jail and get smacked around for thinking that you have the right to inflict physical harm on someone for something in their mind that doesn't in any way affect you.

5. To finish this off, let's play a little thought experiment. There are 4 people in this experiment. Subject A, Subject B, Subject C, and you. Subject A thinks about you sexually but doesn't tell you. Subject B thinks about you sexually and does tell you. Subject C doesn't think about you sexually but says they do. Since you're so sure that it's the thinking about you that's the problem, you tell me... how is it that you are able to know what subject A, B, and C are doing in their mind?

EDIT: You know what, i'm going to go ahead and say it... your opinion smacks of male privilege. It's like you have no idea what being an actual victim is like but you want to play the victim game anyway.

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I don't think about people thinking about me that way. So...

I AGREE! This is how I am with all sexual things. Anybody can say whatever they want. That doesn't mean I have to reciprocate... or respond. I like the latter more.

:)

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The thought that anyone could think dirty thoughts about me is unfathomable. I have such low self esteem, so of course I dont think of my body in a positive light and could never imagine anyone finding it attractive.

That being said, while I would definitely feel uncomfortable, squeamish and awkward if I found out anyone was thinking about me that way, at the same time I would probably feel a little flattered, only in that Id be surprised and grateful that this person saw something in me other than hideous or ugly. Im a huge people pleaser. I crave approval from others, and while I wouldnt want any sexual advances, I have to admit that if someone does find any kind of attraction in me, it would raise my self-esteem, regardless of how disgusted I am by the thought of what theyre thinking.

Did that make any sense?... lol. :/

That's probably going to be my reaction 90% of the time.

It's natural to have fantasies of a person you know (and not to have any at all). But you shouldn't tell them (unless they wouldn't mind if you did).

My mouth is wide open right now. =O

I am sad that you both feel this way about yourselves. :(

Is there a correlation between asexuals and low (physical) self- esteem?

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