Christianity, the Bible and Asexuality

[rimmer]

For Christians primarily, though other non-aggressive comments are welcome too:

Has anyone been made to feel rejected by a Christian community or leader? Even by a community that supposedly accepts LGBTQ people?

I've been made to feel that I'm a bad Christian because I'm rejecting "God's gift" of sex (horrible choice of gift BTW, God). Also that I'm rejecting an intrinsic part of humanity. Christians believe we're made in God's image and we're sexual beings as a result. Which doesn't make sense because Jesus never had sex...

Anyway, I don't mean to start a controversy. I just want to know how some people deal with their identity and their Christian faith, and if they feel a need to reconcile or separate the two.

The reason Jesus did not have sex was that he needed to be a virgin to be the sacrifice for our sins. I wish he could have tried it like the rest of us. For me it would be an interesting topic in heaven.

[Marquis25]

Since castrated people are not in this discussion, imo, eunuchs who were born that way in their mother's womb refers to a physical androgyne. Those who choose to be a eunuch are philosophical androgynes; making an informed decision. However, a philosophical androgyne could be born in their mother's womb also, having both be 'asexuals'.

However if you want to view this passage as reflecting asexuality and others, 'eunuch' could be the result of the centuries-long telephone game or simply the best word they had at the time or both.

[Harp]

I have heard that asexuality is a gift from God. I have also been thinking about this a lot lately as well: The Eunuch quote and Corinthians. In fact, Cor7 is one of my chapters to read today. Of course Paul was a huge advocate on celibacy and fighting sexual desires, but I think that is for heteros and homos. If you are an asexual Christian, count yourself blessed that there is one less, and very powerful, temptation that you don't have to deal with.

[runester]

Since castrated people are not in this discussion, imo, eunuchs who were born that way in their mother's womb refers to a physical androgyne. Those who choose to be a eunuch are philosophical androgynes; making an informed decision. However, a philosophical androgyne could be born in their mother's womb also, having both be 'asexuals'.

However if you want to view this passage as reflecting asexuality and others, 'eunuch' could be the result of the centuries-long telephone game or simply the best word they had at the time or both.

I agree with your "best word" comment. However, please tell me what this "telephone game" is. I am pretty much an older person who defines a 'telephone game' as when you are playing catch-up in leaving messages on top of one another. Thanks! :)

Edit: by "runester". Since "ignoranceisn'tbliss" has described the 'telephone game' to me, as you can see in an another post, I now find that I agree with your reply in its entirety. Thank you for your effort and time!

[ignoranceisn'tbliss]

Since castrated people are not in this discussion, imo, eunuchs who were born that way in their mother's womb refers to a physical androgyne. Those who choose to be a eunuch are philosophical androgynes; making an informed decision. However, a philosophical androgyne could be born in their mother's womb also, having both be 'asexuals'.

However if you want to view this passage as reflecting asexuality and others, 'eunuch' could be the result of the centuries-long telephone game or simply the best word they had at the time or both.

I agree with your "best word" comment. However, please tell me what this "telephone game" is. I am pretty much an older person who defines a 'telephone game' as when you are playing catch-up in leaving messages on top of one another. Thanks! :)

Telephone is a game were people sit in a circle, and one person comes up with a message (example: The red robin flew to the tree in Washington Park). Then they whisper it to the ear of the person next to them, and they do so to the next person, and at the end you see if you have the original message. Often it will end up completely different (example: Red Robin is setting up a location in Washington), especially when you have many people playing the game.

[runester]

Since castrated people are not in this discussion, imo, eunuchs who were born that way in their mother's womb refers to a physical androgyne. Those who choose to be a eunuch are philosophical androgynes; making an informed decision. However, a philosophical androgyne could be born in their mother's womb also, having both be 'asexuals'.

However if you want to view this passage as reflecting asexuality and others, 'eunuch' could be the result of the centuries-long telephone game or simply the best word they had at the time or both.

I agree with your "best word" comment. However, please tell me what this "telephone game" is. I am pretty much an older person who defines a 'telephone game' as when you are playing catch-up in leaving messages on top of one another. Thanks! :)

Telephone is a game were people sit in a circle, and one person comes up with a message (example: The red robin flew to the tree in Washington Park). Then they whisper it to the ear of the person next to them, and they do so to the next person, and at the end you see if you have the original message. Often it will end up completely different (example: Red Robin is setting up a location in Washington), especially when you have many people playing the game.

Thank you, so much! I have played that game - known at the time as: "Pass It Along". :lol:

[Trolley Girl]

The Satanic Bible is the only known religious text that mentions asexuality by name.

[Sir Robbins]

wow.. just came back to read responses today. Very interesting posts. It really was the closest thing my pastor could find relevant when it says "those made in their mother's womb" meaning being born with no sexual interest of attraction. Let's hear some more!

[Plethace]

Enthusiasm is a very beautiful and rare thing.

Sir Robbins, thanks for sharing.

Here's for you and a sturdy umbrella.

[Batman's Ace]

For Christians primarily, though other non-aggressive comments are welcome too:

Has anyone been made to feel rejected by a Christian community or leader? Even by a community that supposedly accepts LGBTQ people?

I've been made to feel that I'm a bad Christian because I'm rejecting "God's gift" of sex (horrible choice of gift BTW, God). Also that I'm rejecting an intrinsic part of humanity. Christians believe we're made in God's image and we're sexual beings as a result. Which doesn't make sense because Jesus never had sex...

Anyway, I don't mean to start a controversy. I just want to know how some people deal with their identity and their Christian faith, and if they feel a need to reconcile or separate the two.

The reason Jesus did not have sex was that he needed to be a virgin to be the sacrifice for our sins. I wish he could have tried it like the rest of us. For me it would be an interesting topic in heaven.

Funny, I've never seen any mention of him being a virgin anywhere in the Bible. Ever. Being a single Jewish man who kept the law properly, he probably was a virgin, it's just not mentioned. Nor have I seen any indication that he HAD to be a virgin for the sin-sacrifice thing to work. It's just not talked about. Ooh, I wonder why???

No, I don't. Sex was irrelevant to his ministry, and his lack (presumably) of sexual activity was unimportant compared with the whole son of God, die for all the sinners bit. Why bother bringing it up?

I gather I've been quite fortunate in that I've told two of my pastors and they were very sweet and supportive about it (once they'd been reassured I hadn't been abused or anything, and that my counselor was cool with it. they're rational like that). Of course, one of these is the pastor who made quite plain that while he disapproves of homosexual activities, the topic is not central to the gospel and should not be allowed to divide--we should be able to hold different opinions on it and still love one another. I'm still scared to tell anyone else in my church, because church folks have this way of gossiping, and if you tell one, you tell them all. Plus keeping quiet saves me having to answer stupid/inappropriate/insulting questions. Christians being human, after all.

[Guest]

I haven't told my family I am asexual... but I did tell them I don't really care about sex and I never want to have kids. My family are mostly Jehovah's Witnesses and they LIKE it and I am pretty sure they'd cheer about asexuality. They believe that if you have sex before marriage it is bad, but my grandmother, who is pretty fanatical thinks having babies isn't for everyone since she was forced (yes, forced... she begged her doctors to make it so she could have no more babies and they said she needed her HUSBAND to sign for it, which he wouldn't) to have NINE babies when she was younger. She is also pretty bitter about sex after that, so she'd fall pretty close to sex repulsed herself.

Now, if I were gay, trans, etc they would have issues with that. Which I find silly. But no issues with my religious friends/family so far based on my dislike of sex, or disinterest in it.

[Miss Behavin']

I'm trying to figure this one out myself. I'm not out to almost anyone in my church - I've mentioned it before as "not really wanting sex or marriage in my future" and people have been like "yeah, whatever" about it, but I'm not sure what would happen if I described it as an orientation.

I'm also super nervous about potentially coming out to my family about it. My dad would probably accept that, alright, I always seemed more interested in everything but guys. But my mom and my brother... they're super-fundamentalist, super-religious tea-partier types, and I could definitely see them taking the "not hetero is not OK" approach. Especially my mom, she already gets extremely upset anytime I or anyone else says anything that even can remotely be read to imply that I'm not a cis hetero woman.

[NamTar]

Funny, I've never seen any mention of him being a virgin anywhere in the Bible. Ever. Being a single Jewish man who kept the law properly, he probably was a virgin, it's just not mentioned. Nor have I seen any indication that he HAD to be a virgin for the sin-sacrifice thing to work. It's just not talked about. Ooh, I wonder why???

No, I don't. Sex was irrelevant to his ministry, and his lack (presumably) of sexual activity was unimportant compared with the whole son of God, die for all the sinners bit. Why bother bringing it up?

I also feel the need to point out that the word "virgin" was not used when talking about men until quite recently, it was mainly something that was an important concept when women were still viewed as property and men wanted a shiny new one, rather than a previously-used one. In any case, I don't think the word would have been used for a man in Jesus' time.

[Howard]

I've never been forced out of a church. I've had a strange encounter with a baptist deacon, though. After breaking up with a girlfriend I was sexualy active with, he came up to me and asked me a few questions. I explained to him that I felt sad about it but felt no way attracted to start up another such relationship. He asked me:'So to you, it's a transition to a natural state?' I answered yes. He replied that his church was not for me. I've bee to a pentacostal church too. At that church, it was quite clear. Giving in to your libido is a grievous sin and as such one must marry, just in case.

From the catholic church, I've had different responses from different priests. The one I liked the most is that there are no points in forcing things. The one answer I got is that if indeed I have no attraction to such things, I should still seek a deeper relationship with God, may it be having a special position within the Opus Dei. If I have some sort of talent that I can contribute to the church, I could become a priest or monk. In all cases, I cannot simply stay lay and mimic married people. If I don't want to see it, it's because I have issues to deal with that separates me from God. Having been into drugs, alcohol and common-law relationships in the past, I find it easy to buy. Otherwise, if I don't make it an issue, 80% of the time, the fact that I've been single for long and not desiring to marry is a non-issue.

[Schrecken]

Luckily I have never had that experience with any church I have gone to. However, I didn't come out as asexual (I don't think that word for it even existed back then!) either. But, I did find most of the people I met and became friends with at church very accepting of my lack of a romantic partner (or at least I was never questioned or bothered about it) and for those who knew I was a virgin, they were very accepting.

I did start going to a Southern Baptist church because some of my friends had started going there back in the early 90's. Initially I felt welcomed and accepted, and no one seemed to have any problems with me being a single un-attached woman in her early 20's. However, as time went by, I saw and experienced some things that bothered me, like the way one of my female friends was treated after she was forced to divorce her husband because he was abusing her. The powers that were within that church turned their backs on her - instead of her husband! All they could see was her "sin" of divorce and not the reason that she divorced her husband. They seemed to forget the part of the Bible where it says for a man to treat his wife as he would treat his own flesh, and clearly her ex-husband wasn't doing that. There were other things, but that did it for me and I left that church.

I suppose had I mentioned that I was asexual, they likely would have been (probably not my friends, but others there I didn't know so well, had I told them) weirded out by it and considered it to be similar to homosexuality in some way.

But all in all I've found greater acceptance from other Christians (regardless of whether they were a little "off" like that one Baptist church or not) with regards to being single and a virgin (in those few circumstances that I revealed the latter to anyone).

The only thing about churches and church communities that has left me feeling rather alienated is my un-attached single status. There's such a huge focus around families (nothing wrong with promoting families, of course) but absolutely zilch for single people (or even divorced or widowed people, for that matter). Granted, I wasn't trying to use churches as meat markets, but it sure would have been nice to have at least something there for single people. It sucks to feel like the ultimate third wheel when you're surrounded by nothing at church but families with little kids, older couples, and a few elderly widowed or divorced women who have been going to that church for ages. And all church events were family-centric, and I knew those would have made me feel even more alone. I even asked at a couple of churches if they had any singles Bible studies or other events and all I got were blank looks and shrugs/head shakes of "no".

That's really where I have felt not discrimination, but alienation by the Christian community - not because I'm a virgin or asexual (not that I would come out to just anyone, so they would never have known that anyway) but because I'm a single woman in her 20's, then 30's and now early 40's. No one wants to be the third wheel, but sadly many churches (or at least the ones I went to) are very good about making single people who may want to join said church feel that way. I don't think it's intentional, but for some reason they simply fail to recognize or allot for the fact that not everyone marries or otherwise pairs up by the time they are 25. Which is even more ironic because of course Jesus was a single man in his early 30's when he began his ministry.

[Neree]

I could write a novel here. I was born and raised Catholic. My parents tried to raise me as a more liberal Catholic. I.e. my mom used to give my brother condoms, and she's pro-choice even though she personally would never have an abortion. But when I was 13, I met a very strict group of friars that I became friends with. I quickly became just as strict as they were, and only joined extremely conservative Catholic churches and groups.

I've always known that I don't want kids. And while I didn't know of the word asexual until recently, I was never interested in sex like everyone around me seemed to be. I was told that, "One of the goods of marriage is children. A person who is physically capable of having a child but who intends never to have children may not marry in the Catholic Church" and "Not being open to life (not wanting to have kids) is considered an invalidation of marriage just as much as coercion and infidelity." So I knew my options were be single forever or become a nun. While being single forever works for some people, I knew it wouldn't work for me, so I decided I was meant to become a nun. The friars I was friends with had sisters as well, and I became close to them.

When I turned 18, I started driving an hour or two (depending on traffic) each way to volunteer with the friars once a month. That turned into once a week, twice a week. I ended up volunteering with them 3-4+ days a week and living with them during the summer. The friars were jokingly wrapping white things around my head to look like veils and asking when I was gonna join their sisters, but for whatever reason, their sisters just weren't interested in me. I flew all over the country and met other groups of nuns. Many of them offered to accept me if I was interested, but I wasn't... I only wanted the sisters of my friars, and they didn't want me back.

I ended up dating an ex-friar. We had been friends while he was a friar for a few years, and then we were friends for a year after he left the friars. I had stopped volunteering with the friars, and it was a difficult adjustment for us both. We ended up long-distance dating, him in Europe and me in the USA. Then he moved here and we got married. But we were denied marriage in the church because I wasn't "open to life" (Catholic code for not wanting kids). We got married in town hall instead, but since we "weren't married in the eyes of God," we weren't allowed to have sex. Which was fine by me!

And I thought it was fine by him. To my face, he preached the "we can't have sex until we get married in the Church" schpeel as much as I did. He agreed with Church teaching and he agreed that he didn't want to break it. I came to find out later that he complained to my mom that I "wasn't fulfilling my wifely duties" and that I should "fulfill my responsibilities to him as his wife." Who says that to their mother-in-law?

That marriage only lasted for a year and a half. He was emotionally and physically abusive. He'd beat me, go to Confession and apologize to a priest for it, beat me, go back to Confession, beat me, go back to Confession. He was so manipulative that he had two members of my family believing that I was the abuser and he was the victim. In the end, he tried to kill me and I kicked him out.

Most of my Catholic friends had informed me that they couldn't be an "accomplice to our sin" (of living together without being married in the church) and could no longer be friends with me when we got married. The Catholic friends that I had left were upset that I kicked him out. They said that I "didn't take marriage seriously" and that I "should have tried harder to save my marriage." Those who didn't say this and attempted to be more sympathetic told me that, "At least since I wasn't married in the eyes of God, he was never really my husband anyway!"

Needless to say, I left the Catholic church and became agnostic after that. Since then, it's been a process of discovering myself without religion telling me who to be. It's been an interesting few years. I got married again last year, to an amazing and very supportive man who is also agnostic. :)

[Nico-Nico Friendo]

Christians believe we're made in God's image and we're sexual beings as a result. Which doesn't make sense because Jesus never had sex...

So.... the Christian God has sex? (With whom, I'm wondering? )

Maybe with the "virgin" Mary? *cringes!*

[Trolley Girl]

I avoid the Christian community altogether.

[TheLinguist]

Everyone wants to act like they know what God wants for everybody. That's the biggest problem we run into with religion.

Their ways are supposedly God's ways, as are how they judge others the way God judges others. I have had a lot of self-doubt because people, usually friends, are telling me that I'm not worshiping God the way I should be. I always wondered if they were right but lately, especially in history class where I can actually see religions part in history, I can finally see it make sense to me. All they're judging me for is not worshiping God the way THEY worship God. Highly puritanical and very annoying. I get criticized for my support of the LGBTQ community because of this.

I'm still with the church for several reasons and that's because I've been taught how to love and to serve. It wasn't until middle school that I found out that Christians had issues with homosexuality. Even before that, people at my school thought it was weird that Catholic priests and nuns never married. You're always going to appear wrong to someone, I've been learning that gradually especially over the internet and at the bowling alley where I work.

The reason Churches are so focused on families, especially large heterosexual families, is because of children. More followers for them in this "army for God". It's sickening in a way; some of these churches don't hold any true regard for the happiness and welfare of the family in general because they feel like "God" will "fix them" through their church. It's all about who had the bigger army in the end, who is "God's chosen people".

I just say screw their precious Christian traditions and leave God and me alone. He loves me just as I am and I love Him because He has always been there for me and has never given up on me even if I wanted Him to. The church can help lead someone in a positive path but they should not have to judge someone because of who they are or where they have been. Your relationship with God is no one else's business.

[Samael]

Everyone wants to act like they know what God wants for everybody. That's the biggest problem we run into with religion.

Their ways are supposedly God's ways, as are how they judge others the way God judges others. I have had a lot of self-doubt because people, usually friends, are telling me that I'm not worshiping God the way I should be. I always wondered if they were right but lately, especially in history class where I can actually see religions part in history, I can finally see it make sense to me. All they're judging me for is not worshiping God the way THEY worship God. Highly puritanical and very annoying. I get criticized for my support of the LGBTQ community because of this.

I'm still with the church for several reasons and that's because I've been taught how to love and to serve. It wasn't until middle school that I found out that Christians had issues with homosexuality. Even before that, people at my school thought it was weird that Catholic priests and nuns never married. You're always going to appear wrong to someone, I've been learning that gradually especially over the internet and at the bowling alley where I work.

The reason Churches are so focused on families, especially large heterosexual families, is because of children. More followers for them in this "army for God". It's sickening in a way; some of these churches don't hold any true regard for the happiness and welfare of the family in general because they feel like "God" will "fix them" through their church. It's all about who had the bigger army in the end, who is "God's chosen people".

I just say screw their precious Christian traditions and leave God and me alone. He loves me just as I am and I love Him because He has always been there for me and has never given up on me even if I wanted Him to. The church can help lead someone in a positive path but they should not have to judge someone because of who they are or where they have been. Your relationship with God is no one else's business.

I left the church when I became of age and was able to independently decide about my membership. I'm not religious and in my country back then, you had to pay some two percent or so of your annual income to church as an additional tax if you were part of a congregation (Lutheran church). It was reason enough to leave, as I can find a million better uses for that money.

[aspiepoet]

I could write a novel here. I was born and raised Catholic. My parents tried to raise me as a more liberal Catholic. I.e. my mom used to give my brother condoms, and she's pro-choice even though she personally would never have an abortion. But when I was 13, I met a very strict group of friars that I became friends with. I quickly became just as strict as they were, and only joined extremely conservative Catholic churches and groups.

I've always known that I don't want kids. And while I didn't know of the word asexual until recently, I was never interested in sex like everyone around me seemed to be. I was told that, "One of the goods of marriage is children. A person who is physically capable of having a child but who intends never to have children may not marry in the Catholic Church" and "Not being open to life (not wanting to have kids) is considered an invalidation of marriage just as much as coercion and infidelity." So I knew my options were be single forever or become a nun. While being single forever works for some people, I knew it wouldn't work for me, so I decided I was meant to become a nun. The friars I was friends with had sisters as well, and I became close to them.

When I turned 18, I started driving an hour or two (depending on traffic) each way to volunteer with the friars once a month. That turned into once a week, twice a week. I ended up volunteering with them 3-4+ days a week and living with them during the summer. The friars were jokingly wrapping white things around my head to look like veils and asking when I was gonna join their sisters, but for whatever reason, their sisters just weren't interested in me. I flew all over the country and met other groups of nuns. Many of them offered to accept me if I was interested, but I wasn't... I only wanted the sisters of my friars, and they didn't want me back.

I ended up dating an ex-friar. We had been friends while he was a friar for a few years, and then we were friends for a year after he left the friars. I had stopped volunteering with the friars, and it was a difficult adjustment for us both. We ended up long-distance dating, him in Europe and me in the USA. Then he moved here and we got married. But we were denied marriage in the church because I wasn't "open to life" (Catholic code for not wanting kids). We got married in town hall instead, but since we "weren't married in the eyes of God," we weren't allowed to have sex. Which was fine by me!

And I thought it was fine by him. To my face, he preached the "we can't have sex until we get married in the Church" schpeel as much as I did. He agreed with Church teaching and he agreed that he didn't want to break it. I came to find out later that he complained to my mom that I "wasn't fulfilling my wifely duties" and that I should "fulfill my responsibilities to him as his wife." Who says that to their mother-in-law?

That marriage only lasted for a year and a half. He was emotionally and physically abusive. He'd beat me, go to Confession and apologize to a priest for it, beat me, go back to Confession, beat me, go back to Confession. He was so manipulative that he had two members of my family believing that I was the abuser and he was the victim. In the end, he tried to kill me and I kicked him out.

Most of my Catholic friends had informed me that they couldn't be an "accomplice to our sin" (of living together without being married in the church) and could no longer be friends with me when we got married. The Catholic friends that I had left were upset that I kicked him out. They said that I "didn't take marriage seriously" and that I "should have tried harder to save my marriage." Those who didn't say this and attempted to be more sympathetic told me that, "At least since I wasn't married in the eyes of God, he was never really my husband anyway!"

Needless to say, I left the Catholic church and became agnostic after that. Since then, it's been a process of discovering myself without religion telling me who to be. It's been an interesting few years. I got married again last year, to an amazing and very supportive man who is also agnostic. :)

Amazing story. That sucks about your first husband...I was engaged to an abuser and had a really hard time getting out of the relationship because he kept saying he would kill himself if I left him. Finally after him purposely getting me pregnant so I would marry him. I had an abortion, told him that I had a miscarriage and left him shortly after that. Btw, my brother saw him the other day, 10 years after I left him. I guess the suicidal threat was just BS. He was also catholic as well.

Interesting to note, but almost all the agnostics and atheists that I know have a catholic background. If it says anything about the catholic church, most of europe is athiest, and the catholic church's biggest converts come from 3rd world countries...what the popes have done to those people is a testimony why europe has left them. The church going in there, taking over and convincing people, who are dying from a lack of resources and overpopulation, that they should not use birth control and abortions are wrong even in rape. In these countries, rape is as common as buying a loaf of bread and many children are the product of rape. So as a result, populations in these regions are spiraling out of control causing much more needless suffering. Really, I think it is as bad as genocide.

I am glad you found someone who is good to you and you were able to put that church behind you.

Jojo

[wanderingscribe]

Any community, religious or secular, who would reject one of its members simply for being true to themselves isn't worth being a part of.

Many religions, Christian or not, have some righteously effed up ideas about sex, which do no good at all to anyone questioning themselves or their (lack of) orientation. They just complicate the issue further, either with outdated moral judgements or unspoken expectations of how their members should live their lives.

I type this as an agnostic who goes from irreverent or indifferent depending on my mood or what day of the week it is, but I grew up in the Anglican (Episcopalean) church and I'm appalled it took me seventeen years to work out I didn't actually believe any of it. Better late than never, I suppose.

[Qutenkuddly]

This thread has been retitled from 'Asexuality and Religion' and the threads 'Pro-Celibacy but Anti-Asexuality?', 'Catholic Asexual Marriage?', 'Asexuality in the bible' and 'Rejected by the Christian community?' have been merged with this one.

Qutenkuddly,

Asexual Musings and Rantings Moderator

[ME4Starters]

In Christianity, I thought that homoSEXUAL relations were discouraged. Doesn't that mean that if you are a homoromantic asexual, it's technically not a sin?(;

Also, I think that the belief & morals that religion brings may be good, but some of the technicalities are nonsense.

Have some cake, y'all.

[earlymorningechoes]

In Christianity, I thought that homoSEXUAL relations were discouraged. Doesn't that mean that if you are a homoromantic asexual, it's technically not a sin?(;

Also, I think that the belief & morals that religion brings may be good, but some of the technicalities are nonsense.

Have some cake, y'all.

Not all denominations...there are some reasons I love being Episcopalian.

I have a weird, involved story with lots of church switching in my background...I grew up Catholic, but my family isn't very observant at all, and I discovered at like 12 that I wanted more of a community, and fell into my best friend's Evangelical church. Then I came to college at 17 and realised that no, I wasn't the person I'd always thought I was, and the forced worldview of Evangelicalism was not for me. I happened upon an Episcopalian cathedral near my university, and I absolutely feel in love with the building, the people inside, and far more of the worldview and doctrine than I had before.

Except I'm still never sure that if I were ever to come out to people at church (where both our church deans are gay and many members are as well), that I would be accepted because it is such a liberal denomination and they wouldn't understand an indifferent/awkward relationship to sex.

[banana monkey]

since this is a long thread, I have not read through everything and so apolgise if anything here is repeated.

I am a christian. I only started to identify as asexual about 3 months ago and have not come out to anyone in my christian community yet or my parents and so I have not really had to discuss the issue. I dont really know my romantic orentation yet either, When I first began to identify as asexual I found it very difficult to reconcile or try to work out how it would fit with my christian faith. Before i go any further i will mention that I believe that a lot of christians (even within the same demonination) hold different personal beliefs about sex and relationships though there are some common ones and I respect anyone who may interperet the bible different to myself and i ask that the same respect is taken to my personal interpretations and beliefs.

I have never heard of any christians being against asexuality or saying that it is a bibilical command to marry specifcally (ie you must marry or have sex) or any bibilical support for that view. In fact I have heard many more people quote the opposite (that it is ok to be single) so that didnt really bother me that much.

I dont believe that homosexuality as an orientation is sinful (God created the person as homosexual) but that homosexual relationships and activity is. I also believe that co - habitation before marriage is sinful. This is where the problem lay. I realised I wanted a long term relationship of some description eventually and the problems I had is reconciling any romantic orentation and realsing that my asexuality may mean I would be single for the rest of my life. some questions and statements that were difficult were as follows:

If I was homoromantic any romantic relationship would be out of the question. but what about queerplatonic relationships?

If I was aromantic, (which is looking increasingly likely) could I have a queerplatonic relationship with a person of the opposite sex and marry them so that we could live together on the basis of a queerplatonic feelings? Havent really come to a conclusion on that one yet as dont really know what the basis is for current conclusion.

I did come to the quick conclusion that I could marry someone I was in a romantic partnership with on the basis of romantic feelings providing any prayers or passages to do with sex or having children was omitted, (Unsure how that would go down though) and have no problem with sexless marriages but seeing as though there seems to be some thought on here that christian marriage is based on sexual feelings or is for the purpose of sex maybe not. particularly if marriage was solely for the purpose of being allowed to then have sex there would be little point other than to allow us to live together and I dont think I would want to marry just for that. (personally I currently see a marriage ceremony as a celebration of 2 people's love for each other in front of God and making promises to each other in God's eyes and that for sexuals the sex in it is a result of that, rather than marriage being a vehicle in which to have sex. )

just two small view points from me and sorry for the ramble.

[JGR]

I'm a Christian and I love Jesus, but sad to say...Christians are people too, and that means they can be ignorant just like everyone else.

I've become more of an independent non-church-going Christian in recent years, with no desire to find a church community, though for different reasons than my asexuality. That I'm so alienated from other Christians actually helps in that I don't have to explain myself to a pastor or anyone else, and I'm not immersed in a Christian community full of happy couples and families that can make me feel bad about myself.

Christians tend to marry early - earlier at any rate than the rest of the (non-Christian) population. Most churches frown upon cohabitation and fornication, so to deal with their physical/emotional needs, Christians tend to just get it over with and start their marriages and families as soon as they can. For example, very few Christians I know wait until their 30s to get married, whereas that's becoming the norm for most (Americans).

I feel at this point that if I did go to church, I would just feel awkward and alone in a community full of people who don't even acknowledge asexuality as a legitimate issue, and just toss it to the side along with LGBTQ issues. The only thing that could make me go back to church was if I met a (asexual) guy and he wanted to go to church, and being the INFJ that I am, I'd go with him just to make him happy.

[Miss Behavin']

And The Great WTF, that seems a bit extreme in all cases. I don't see how being asexual makes you a heathen and why a school would go through such lengths to remove your existence over something like not being interested in sex or the conventional life? To me those sort of things don't go along with the bible says at all and if people actually read it they might know a thing or two. I'm not even religious anymore but I know what the bible says and if they claim to follow it they aren't doing a very good job lol.

My asexuality was just the last straw. They already hated me because I asked too many questions and liked Harry Potter and tattoos. I also butchered my 8th graduation ceremony, completely by accident mind you, and mortally offended several major players in the church when I screwed up John 4:16.

Asked too many questions? So they expected you to follow blindly? Pft I have always hated that. I've been in religions that frowned upon Harry Potter and tattoos as well. And you making a mistake is hardly something to be condemned for. Ah well I'm sure you are far better off and more content outside of their dissaproving clutches.

I learned a lot at the school (in some aspects, my history and science education was severely damaged by their.... teaching....) and I can also gloat over the fact that I had top marks in every class for six years running. I think I still hold a few memorization records. It's their loss for hating me, not mine, so I'm perfectly happy.

My history education was similarly damaged, and my science education only escaped unscathed because I loved science so much that my science textbooks just didn't contain enough (psuedo)scientific information. Out of curiosity, did your school happen to use A Beka or Bob Jones textbooks?

[Guest]

In Christianity, I thought that homoSEXUAL relations were discouraged. Doesn't that mean that if you are a homoromantic asexual, it's technically not a sin?(;

That's basically the modern stance of RomCath/the Vatican. Being gay is not a big deal in itself, as long as you don't ever act on it in the bedroom... so you better start praying to find the strength for lifelong celibacy. So, in a way, homoromantic aces could be considered "blessed role models" for the entire gay community from a RomCath POV (which, of course, would be completely mistaken about what asexuality means, just to make that clear. I understand Catholic sexual morality and its weirdnesses, but I don't share that worldview myself).

[Kellie84]

As a religious woman, I found it very hard at first to identify myself as an asexual. I beleived it went against everything I was taught and that God viewed my lifestyle choices as a sin. I felt that in order to be a good "chrisitan" wife I needed to submit to my husband and have sex anyways, regardless of how emotionally draining it was on me.

I started to resent God, but I guess I didn't have a clear view on exactly where He stands on this. The more I learn about myself and Him, I learn that maybe traditionalist christians have this all wrong. Those of us with sexual orientations that are not the "norm" are not evil and damned. God loves us the way we are!

I do beleive God gives every human being a so called "cross to bear." For some this cross is a bad temper, a shopping addiction, a beautiful face, or any particular attribute that makes life a little less ordinary and a little harder for you. These are not nessecarily negative attributes as even positive ones can make things difficult sometimes. I don't think that God gave us these crosses to be mean to us, I think He did it to draw us closer to Him.

I find now that God would never want me to force myself to do things that are uncomfortable in order to gain salvation. And maybe part of His purpose in my asexuality is to help teach my husband patience (Possibly).

My husband and I have come to a compromise just recently that seems to be working out. He is learning my love language, and I am learning that even though he loves in a different way than me doesn't mean he isn't loving me the best that he can.

I find now that in praying to God when I am troubled, and singing praises to him, and reading about His forgivness, and His love, and His understanding, is the perfect romance!!! I might not be on the same page with my husband. He doesn't always understand. But God does. He gives me more romance in my life than any human being could, and he doesn't expect anything in return! He loves me the way I am because He is the one that led me here. He is always there to let me cry on His shoulder, and always offers me words of peace, words that help me get through it, words that make me feel so loved.

I know that this is probably a touchy subject for some. We all have different views on God and I am not saying that one view is better than any other. We all cope in different ways and this is mine. Any thoughts? Where do you find your perfect romance?