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Crush on asexual friend


orangeuglad

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orangeuglad

I have a crush on an asexual friend. I don't know what to do. I haven't told him. Do I just wait and hope that my feelings fade? I don't know if that will happen because we get closer every day. He's a fairly new friend, so I feel like if I tell him it could ruin our friendship. I understand asexuality to an extent; I've read about it and talked to him about it. I was too afraid to ask him if he's a romantic asexual, though. I think he is, but for reasons I don't want to say because they are pretty specific and he may be a member here.

One reason why I am hesitant to tell him is that if he does have romantic feelings for me, I worry that the lack of sex would get to me. I want to think that as long as there was some physical affection (hand holding, cuddling, kissing) that I'd be okay, but I don't know for sure. He's just so perfect for me that I don't want to pass up the chance to have something wonderful. I've never had anything wonderful and I don't feel this way often. So, yeah, I'm really confused.

What have been the experiences of asexual people here with sexuals? Sexuals with asexuals?

I don't know what signals to look for to determine if an asexual person is romantically interested. Are there any general ones? Or are they more person specific?

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Hi, Orange.

As an asexual who had long relationships with sexuals, it can be really difficult for two people to have such a difference. You say, " One reason why I am hesitant to tell him is that if he does have romantic feelings for me, I worry that the lack of sex would get to me." I think that's a pretty realistic worry. If you both wanted a romantic relationship with each other, the thing you'd have to do would be to talk very frankly with each other about what compromise would be possible. I.e., would he be willing to have sex, as it's commonly understood. For a sexual to never have sex would be quite difficult, no matter how strongly you felt about someone.

But that's a discussion to be had when and if you both feel that you want a relationship, not now. About the only way to be sure whether he has similar feelings for you is to ask him. Otherwise, all kinds of things could be the case: he feels romantically attracted to you but not sexually attracted (because he's asexual), he wants to be friends only, he's uncertain whether he should even respond because he doesn't want sex and doesn't want you to go without it, or he doesn't know how you feel. That part of this is very individual, because only you know him.

Good luck.

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orangeuglad

Thanks, Sally. I think I'm going to wait to see if I pick up any more signals that aren't as confusing as the ones I've perceived. I really don't want to ruin our friendship.

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orangeuglad

I admitted to him that I like him and he said that if he weren't asexual he'd take me up on it, which I completely understand. It's kind of bittersweet, though. So, I'm happy that I was able to be honest with him without ruining our friendship. Now I just need to get over him, which would be easier if I could find a date with someone else!

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