I'm new and I have questions!

[Traken]

Hey everyone, I've been reading through the forum here for a while, and I thought it would be time to seek some advice. This might be long, so thanks for anyone who reads! I'm a 27 year old guy who has only been in a few serious relationships, ranging from a few months to a year. The ones that I ended were done because of women becoming emotionally attached to me, with me not reciprocating. I enjoyed the company of some of these ladies immensely, but I never seemed to become romantically/emotionally/intimately attached to them. I thought this was just me not having found the right one yet.

I broke up with my most recent girlfriend over a year ago. After seeing several different psychologists to ask about my seeming inability to connect with people, I was mostly just told things like "you are emotionally walled off," "unavailable," "you don't let yourself experience emotions," etc. I've never been an emotional person, but I never thought I actually had this much trouble. Unfortunately these people left me very little to go on.

Recently I've started to think that I'm just aromantic. I identify with a lot of the posts I've read where people seek platonic companionship, and very little else. To be honest, I don't even think that kind of relationship would be something I'd enjoy long term. I like having people to interact with, but I really don't mind being by myself. I am definitely attracted to women, so I don't consider myself asexual, however I have no desire for sex. I have been to the doctor and all hormone and such are normal. I just don't desire it. That made relationships a strain for me, as my partners would want sex, and I'd do it oblige, but it's not something I look forward to.

Anyone in a similar situation able to offer up some advice? I'm mostly confused as to whether or not I'm aromantic, or have other emotional problems that prevent me from connecting with people. Thanks again for reading!

[Delete This Acct Please]

Sounds like Aromantic AND asexual to me, but hey, thats just me.

Aromantic comes in where you said you arent looking for romantic relationships.

the Asexual part is where your not interested in sex.

Thats just from what i can gather about your situation from what you've told us.

Again, Only you know who you are, and only you can make those judgements about yourself.

[Castor]

don't worry about it, I had the same issue, my girl was always telling me that I don't express my emotions and that I didn't show her enough love, and so on, until me reach point were sex came an issue, so she was gone and I was happy, and I think that society and the media has place the idea that having a partner is much better than being alone, in which I disagree cause, being alone is good, I hear a saying "that to be with someone you have first to be alone" which is good, first you have to learn to love and care, and have fun with yourself, and then if you find someone that shares the same beliefs and likes, share time, so my advice is enjoy being alone, you'll learn a lot of stuff you can do. :D

[samepage1]

Unemotional =/= aromantic. You may still be aromantic, however. I certainly see that, although to me it sounds like you're asexual, not wanting the emotional aspect of sexual relationships could make you quite averse to having sex. What kinds of relationships do you want? Do you want a sexual relationship that is not such a close, romantic relationship? You've only got a problem if you can't have the sort of relationships you desire.

[Janus the Fox]

I'm in a similar situation with psych. My "inability to emotionally connect to people" may be contributed to the fact I may have autism. As I read that, it could be attributed to many number of disorders.

[Traken]

Unemotional =/= aromantic. You may still be aromantic, however. I certainly see that, although to me it sounds like you're asexual, not wanting the emotional aspect of sexual relationships could make you quite averse to having sex. What kinds of relationships do you want? Do you want a sexual relationship that is not such a close, romantic relationship? You've only got a problem if you can't have the sort of relationships you desire.

Thanks for the response. It's not so much that I don't want the emotional aspect of a relationship, it's just that it seems beyond my ability. At the same time, I don't feel like I'm missing much aside of what people tell me I'm missing, i.e. emotional connection to another person. My ideal relationship would be a platonic one where I have someone to spend time, talk, and do things with. But what I want is more of an "on-demand" relationship. I don't want the person there all the time, which I know isn't really fair.

I think I may be misunderstanding the meaning of asexual. I believed the term meant that you aren't sexually attracted to people. I have only dated women, and only get aroused by women. Being that I get aroused by women, wouldn't that mean I'm not asexual?