WTH Am I?!

[ChildfreeAggie]

So this is me in a nutshell: I'm seemingly too sexual to be asexual and not sexual enough to be sexual...so just what the hell am I then?!

I am very much sexually and physically aroused by kissing/making out, holding hands, cuddling, fondling/groping. Most asexuals I've tried to confide this with have recoiled pretty quickly saying, "Whoa, way too much!"

Some strange quirks about me you might say: I really am not attracted to nudity whether male or female; some find this insulting as if I'm expected to find everything about the human body attractive. Sorry if people find that offensive, I don't care; if people really were honest they would admit that not everything has to be attractive. One area in particular that I personally find repulsive are the genitalia on both men and women; I just don't see the beauty of either. They both serve very non-attractive functions, are covered in hair, are slimy and just seem downright unsanitary. I'll admit when I was with my ex she put my fingers down there and the feel, sound and smell of it almost made me physically sick.

On this point though, I really am aroused by a woman who dresses sexy, like wearing really skin tight, form-fitted clothing (the daisy duke look is my favorite, haha); I thought about why this may be, I think it may stem from my desire to "see" a woman's body without actually having to see it if that makes any sense.

On that same point, sexual intercourse is an act I am not attracted to; if I never penetrated a woman ever in my life I would NOT care or die regretful as if I missed something great. This also includes really any sexually extreme acts, especially eating out or getting sucked. Sheesh, I was grossed out with my hand on that area I know for a fact I would never put my mouth anywhere near that and I would not expect a woman to put her mouth anywhere near me down there.

Lastly, I also have a kinky fetish for bondage play/ soft bondage I might remind you since there are more extreme forms like caging, whipping and others that I have no desire to perform on a woman. It's more of a simple form involving handcuffs and duct tape; and it's not some power kick I'm on like where I just have to restrain and woman and use her for some sex object. It's more of a romantic thing where I'd want to cuddle close, kiss, fondle and massage her while she is bound in that state; I call it love bondage.

One more thing, I'm also someone who has no desire to be a biological or adoptive parent. Not sure if anyone here can identify as a childfree person but I also hope to find friends here that do not desire parenthood either.

Anyhow, if anyone here has heard of anyone like me or is a lot like me themselves; please reach out. I feel really alone in all of this and just want to know there's at least someone like me out there.

[5_♦♣]

Yes! I'm also Childfree! Not sure what to say about the rest of your post, other than to look around the forums; you're bound to find someone like you. And welcome to AVEN.

[Xades]

TMIF. Period.

[ChildfreeAggie]

Xades,

How was what you said in any way constructive? If anything I wrote was too graphic I apologize; but hey, what does it hurt in being honest?

[Cimmerian]

I think I'm a lot like you if I'm interpreting what you're saying correctly, but I'll let you decide for yourself.

First off, quite a few asexuals that I've talked to like kink (it just varies depending on the person). I like the kind you mentioned.

The way I think of it is sensual attraction versus sexual attraction. I can be aroused by kissing, cuddling, and other tactile things like that, but have absolutely no desire to have sex with who ever it is; I consider that sensual attraction.

I don't mind nakedness though, aesthetic beauty I suppose, as long as I have nothing to do with the sexual area of the body. I don't need or want any contact with that.

And I consider myself a romantic ace.

And at the moment I'm not interested in raising kids, truthfully I feel like it'd be more responsibility that I wouldn't be happy dealing with since I want time to be 'selfish' in life, but I used to want kids.

[ChildfreeAggie]

I like how you made the distinction between sensual and sexual; I've been trying so hard to find a proper definition between the two. It's funny, even sexual people I know say all the sensual stuff that ultimately leads to sex is, for a lot of them, more pleasurable then sex itself. Maybe we have something figured out that they don't yet, lol.

[Xades]

Xades,

How was what you said in any way constructive? If anything I wrote was too graphic I apologize; but hey, what does it hurt in being honest?

I am so sorry. I had stopped at the bondage part because it is not my thing. I apologize for my rude and ill-mannered behavior.

[Cimmerian]

Thanks. :) Truthfully your post led me to look for the best way to distinguish between the two, and I'm glad to have a better way to describe it now.

Lol, I think we have!

[bertiel]

I am also ChildFree and happy now after visiting this website - now I understand why, after so many years of guilt and feeling unfeminine.

[never odd or even]

I can get aroused by some of the things you listed and a few more, and I too am fairly disgusted by genitals too. My aversions are more visual than sensual though, and I dont seem to mind touching them a little if and only if I cant see them.

I still consider myself to be functionally asexual, or demi-greyA. My experience with this is a tad limited due to being mostly ace and only getting turned on by my partner [of nearly a year!] when we refer to and see ourselves as our preferred gender [two trans aces together].

[Guest]

Maybe I'm missing something, but you experience sexual attraction (you're attracted to sexy women) and you enjoy sexual activity. The fact that you don't find genitals appealing, that you don't want to have penetrative sex, and that you don't want kids... those things really have nothing to do with being asexual. Actually, I think genitals are uggtown, I don't want kids, and I don't care about penetrative sex in the least. I am certainly not asexual, though.

[Madame Butterfly]

I just want to thank you for posting this: I've been lurking around AVEN for a while but never got up the courage to really post before since I also feel that I fall somewhere in the middle of the asexual to sexual scale. I feel like you've expressed a lot of things that I feel myself, and I feel less alone after having read this. So thank you.

For me, I also can feel aroused from making out, having my breasts touched (not anywhere further south though) and so on. However, I find most physical contact generally awkward and frankly, unappealing unless I'm really comfortable with the person I'm with. I've always had something like an aversion to being touched (it used to be so extreme that hugs freaked me out, but recently I've worked through most of that) and in particular, the idea of someone touching me down there is very uncomfortable.

I agree completely about not finding nudity attractive - human beings have all these super awkward bits and we're expected to find them appealing somehow? I can appreciate really handsome men on an aesthetic level, but only occasionally feel mild sexual attraction - generally only towards guys who I feel emotional or intellectual attraction towards as well.

Genital intercourse is not something that I find appealing either - I could for sure live without it. However, I feel like I could be okay with touching a man down there, maybe even performing oral sex (though not receiving, the idea of receiving oral sex makes me slightly ill). Strangely, I find the idea of giving oral sex kind of intriguing, though I don't know if that theory would actually hold up in practice. I do also find light bondage ("love bondage" as you say, haha) attractive, as well as some other specific kinks.

I would really love to raise a child (this is something that is probably more important to me than finding a romantic partner) but I don't feel any need to be a biological parent. I would love to adopt a child who has no parents and maybe work on giving them at least one, I think.

So although there are certainly differences, you're not alone :) I hope that helps a bit!

Also, Aurelius~Tai, I really appreciated what you said about sensual attraction VS sexual attraction. You found the words for something I've been feeling for a long time. Thank you.