Am I Aromantic? (If you're aromantic, please, give your opinion)

[Em_BR_Ace]

(It looks like a long, but you don't need to read the entire thing)

Questions:

It's possible to be aromantic and still have high needs of intimacy? (Same way people have high sex drive but no sexual attraction)

That makes me aromantic?

Other aromantics feel that way?

In short:

- I feel arousal - I don't like/want/need sex - asexual

- I like dating/intimacy - I don't like/want/need to be on a relationship - aromantic?

Additional info: If I could put my feelings into few words, probably I have crushes and feel a romantic drive to behave like Elmyra Duff from Tiny Toon Adventures (the "I'm gonna hug you and kiss you and love you forever" thing ), but I don't really want a relationship. I'm just... caring, I guess. :twisted: (maybe a little extreme example)

Also, I tend to feel that closer bond with older man only, I feel absolutely nothing for woman/younger man/people on my age. I'm 26 and I'm talking about men with at least twice my age. (Maybe it's more a psychological "thing" than real romantic interest).

Long version:

I'm sure I'm asexual, I feel aroused by porn stuff, etc. but I don't fell need to have sex or something. If I decide to have sex, it just feels... unnecessary and a waste of time, if not unconfortable (due to lack of attraction) with men or women (knew by try and error, with decent number of tries).

Before I had sex for the first time, I tought I was gay. Since I can get aroused, I liked the idea of sex (still like), but I tried it out and I don't like/care to actually do it. Before trying, I tought I was homosexual.

Ok, so I never had a romantic relationship before (lack of opportunity), but I idealize relationships (like I did with sex before). I have very closer friends I imagine I would like to have a relationship with.

I like:

- Intimacy

- Hugs/cuddling

- Touching

- Holding hands

- Dating (going to the movies, dinner, etc.)

Thinking a little bit, I don't really care about mouth-kissing. Also, I'm starting to think that I don't want to move in, live together, be together 24/7, etc. Maybe I like the idea of relationships, but I don't like to be on relationships.

[Nogitsune]

Hey, aromantic person here!

You definitely can desire intimacy and be aromantic - what it really comes down to is "romantic attraction", and that is a concept that is really hard to define. There are quite a few aromantic people who really enjoy hugs and touches, and some or many aromantics even want to be in a relationship with one or more people, just not a romantic relationship. And as an aromantic, I can definitely see how going to the movies or out for dinner with someone special to me would be fun.

So yes, I think you definitely could be aromantic - on the other hand, I'm pretty sure there are people of other romantic orientations who don't feel a "need" to be in a relationship. I suppose I would ask whether you feel your crushes are tied to romantic attraction, or fit the definition of a "squish" (basically a non-romantic crush). Idealizing relationships and feeling romantic attraction is, in my opinion, not (necessarily) the same thing, especially - but not only - because society generally teaches us to idealize romantic relationships, just like it teaches us that we should want to sleep with our True Love and that the experience will be amazing (though society definitely does send other messages, too).

I first started to realize I was aromantic when I felt uncomfortable being told that they love me in "that way" by a person very important to me, and disliked kissing them on the mouth even when it was just a peck. The whole situation was just alien to me. However, that is merely my personal experience. People in a similar situation could turn out to be romantic - I just know I am not.

I hope this helps a little, and good luck in figuring this out!

[Em_BR_Ace]

Thanks, Nogitsune! :cake:

I was looking up for a definition of squish on the wiki, as I was unfamiliar with the expression. I believe saying I have a squish with a need of some physical contact (no mouth kissing) is more accurate than saying I have a crush.

Your reply helped I lot! I did some digging and found a FAQ on aromantic thread saying:

"Aromantics can have squishes. Aromantics may or may not enjoy acts such as holding hands or having candlelit dinners or cuddling. They just don't have romantic feelings towards the people they do them with. Aromantics may or may not desire to be in a long term relationship with another person (or several persons), however these relationships would be platonic from their side."

I sorta fit all the "may"s on that paragraph. The idea of having a relationship is ok, since it doesn't need to be a romantic relationship.

I'm aromantic, then!

[Nogitsune]

Yay, very happy I could help!

[Nymzie]

I like all those things too! Except holding hands, thats sweaty haha, but I love linking arms which is close enough! And I'm aromantic :) I've always been completely indifferent to the idea of being in a romantic relationship, thats how I know.

[maven]

Thanks, Nogitsune! :cake:

I was looking up for a definition of squish on the wiki, as I was unfamiliar with the expression. I believe saying I have a squish with a need of some physical contact (no mouth kissing) is more accurate than saying I have a crush.

Your reply helped I lot! I did some digging and found a FAQ on aromantic thread saying:

"Aromantics can have squishes. Aromantics may or may not enjoy acts such as holding hands or having candlelit dinners or cuddling. They just don't have romantic feelings towards the people they do them with. Aromantics may or may not desire to be in a long term relationship with another person (or several persons), however these relationships would be platonic from their side."

I sorta fit all the "may"s on that paragraph. The idea of having a relationship is ok, since it doesn't need to be a romantic relationship.

I'm aromantic, then!

Yay! I'm so glad to hear the FAQ helped you :D More motivation for me to make time to finish it!

Sounds like you've got things figured out. I'm another aromantic who likes hugs and cuddling from friends as well.

[Sussexdowns]

I am an aromatic who enjoys emotional intimacy. I also enjoy affection from those I have a close bond with, specifically from my partner (who is platonic with me). It's common!

I am glad you received an answer to your question.

[Em_BR_Ace]

Yay! I'm so glad to hear the FAQ helped you :D More motivation for me to make time to finish it!

Sounds like you've got things figured out. I'm another aromantic who likes hugs and cuddling from friends as well.

Thanks everyone !

After what Nogitsune said I started to read about being aromantic. Your FAQ really answered a lot of doubts and cleared a lot of misconceptions I had, as the details on description (the holding hands, dating. etc.) seem to be very common for aromantics, judging by the replies on this topic.

Please, finish it and ask the mods to stick it somewhere! (maybe on an aromantic subforum... )