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The Good Partner Thread

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Azakel

The girl I'm with while wanting to take it slow(building up a strong friendship first), this being both are first relationship ever and the first time someone has showed interest in her still let me show her how a care for her. As long as we're not around certain people(i.e. her mom, who despite us both being adults is against her kids dating) I can call her my girlfriend, which is odd for her so I don't do it a whole lot. Also last weekend was are first month together and we where at a Convention, she saw a necklace she liked so I got it, wasn't able to give it her till the next day and since we where still Cosplaying(sorry if no one knows what that is ;p) I was expecting her to put it a way for later. She put in on right away. I know it doesn't seem like much, but to me it show she cares, even when I don't see it all the time. 

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anamikanon

@Groodleit sounds like you may be somewhere on the gray spectrum yourself. Your post sounds a lot like how my ace describes his previous relationships. The one partner he was pretty serious with and for a couple of years didn't want to have sex till she married. They were still students, and marriage plans weren't on the horizon. He describes it as he would be fine if she was ready for sex (he's also "fine" having and enjoying sex with me), but didn't feel any particular necessity (doesn't find sex necessary with me either - though I am very sexual). In the two years they were together, he was fine with cuddling and such and never attempting to move the relationship to the next level. He, of course, is asexual.

 

Or, of course, rape made you wary about sex being expected in the relationship, even though you are sexual. Surprisingly, I can relate to that too. I suffered from marital rape in a previous relationship, and one of the most attractive things about my ace initially was that there was never any sexual pressure. I didn't know he was ace, but registered the "safety" as a desirable quality. That said, the lack of pressure was great, the lack of sex is hard for me.

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frednsa

i think i'm the "best" partner.  being married to an asexual lady for a half-century and not eating my gun or turning it on her qualifies me ......   LOL !

don't know why after all this time, i'm hurting more than ever.  perhaps it's my window closing, perhaps i'm just "blessed" with extra hormones, considering my age.....

Hurtin' for certain !  coping help is hard to imagine.............

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c.o.s

One thing I battle is my own insecurity & the issues that arise in me without the panacea of being desired sexually by my partner. A strategy I use to help me access the deep love he shows uniquely to me is to remember "love languages"

I want to quote the right author but I'm too lazy to look it up right now lol. He says that humans express and receive love & affection in a variety of different ways:

acts of service

words of affirmation

quality time

gift giving.   as well as 

physical touch & closeness

So in sexual & non sexual relationships alike we strive to learn to access & receive the love being offered to us in that person's own language

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Telecaster68
45 minutes ago, c.o.s said:

One thing I battle is my own insecurity & the issues that arise in me without the panacea of being desired sexually by my partner. A strategy I use to help me access the deep love he shows uniquely to me is to remember "love languages"

I want to quote the right author but I'm too lazy to look it up right now lol. He says that humans express and receive love & affection in a variety of different ways:

acts of service

words of affirmation

quality time

gift giving.   as well as 

physical touch & closeness

So in sexual & non sexual relationships alike we strive to learn to access & receive the love being offered to us in that person's own language

That tends to work to an extent, but in the end it comes down to only being offered cake when you really want bacon.

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ace_settler86
12 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

That tends to work to an extent, but in the end it comes down to only being offered cake when you really want bacon.

Bacon as in, pig's meat?

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Serran

I was at work yesterday and my coworkers were telling me about their marriages. One was saying how they got over alcoholism and cheating. Another how they got over anger issues and dealt with not liking him spanking the kids cause he got too rough cause he was angry. These women are happily married for 20+ years if you ask them. 

 

And Im just sitting there thinking about my wife. She gets annoyed and might snip a bit at me, but we dont really fight... she snips, I go quiet, she apologizes and then we cuddle and talk things out. And vice versa. I havent had to deal with cheating and I would be surprised if I ever do. She would never hit our "kids" (dogs for us, but even if we had human ones), how gentle she is with them is one of the reasons I wanted to marry her. 

 

So yeah. I consider myself very lucky to have a good spouse and not be able to join in with their tales of woe and hardship. 

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xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Not sure where to put this, and maybe I've been drinking tonight and I'm a bit sentimental, but I'm feeling so positive about my relationship right now.  Last week after Valentine's day, when my s/o put in clearly a lot of effort, I was laying in bed with him and telling him that I really appreciated all of his efforts and that I knew he was doing it for me because he doesn't reciprocate my feelings, and he responded with "I'm getting there." which is seriously the most positive thing towards our relationship he has ever said.  And then last night when we were hanging out and watching a movie, he rested his head on me.  Like, seriously, it's the littlest things I appreciate in my relationship right now.  I wish I could always appreciate gestures of affection like I do now.  Strange how things change your perspective when they're scarce.

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sexoholic

as for me, in the first place which is matter is a high confidence partner, who will keep your secrets and respect your choices

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Jetsun Milarepa
On 2/9/2019 at 5:30 PM, Serran said:

I was at work yesterday and my coworkers were telling me about their marriages. One was saying how they got over alcoholism and cheating. Another how they got over anger issues and dealt with not liking him spanking the kids cause he got too rough cause he was angry. These women are happily married for 20+ years if you ask them. 

 

And Im just sitting there thinking about my wife. She gets annoyed and might snip a bit at me, but we dont really fight... she snips, I go quiet, she apologizes and then we cuddle and talk things out. And vice versa. I havent had to deal with cheating and I would be surprised if I ever do. She would never hit our "kids" (dogs for us, but even if we had human ones), how gentle she is with them is one of the reasons I wanted to marry her. 

 

So yeah. I consider myself very lucky to have a good spouse and not be able to join in with their tales of woe and hardship. 

That sounds like a good relationship.

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Serran
4 hours ago, chandrakirti said:

That sounds like a good relationship.

Is. :) Except for distance being part of it at the moment due to waiting on green card... only get to live together a few months a year. :(

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Jetsun Milarepa

If it works, it works @Serran.. 😊🍰

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shadowblind

My husband is incredibly thoughtful. He’ll always pick up something extra for me from the store as a surprise. Like ice cream that I love, or my favorite candies. He will always try to make me smile.

 

Yesterday we spent a few hours setting up a covers playlist for our car rides. And it was just wonderful, going back and forth with our songs, and giving kudos to each other for every addition to the list.

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Serran

We had an issue almost a year ago that damaged things and I have been working on repairing that. I'm so used to partners that don't want to talk, get angry when I say how things hurt, etc. But, my wife is working on opening up and trying to work with me on repairing things back to where they were. ❤️ 

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JacobinStarfish

I am asexual and my girlfriend is not. We have been together for a few months now and the fact that our relationship is "mixed" has never caused any kind of issue. In fact, she is the most supportive person of me accepting and being open and honest about my asexuality (although she would never push me to be open about it if I was uncomfortable for any reason). She makes sure that I never feel any pressure to do something I don't want to do. If I ever hear anything aphobic (I believe that's the correct term?) she is always there to reassure me that I'm valid and that she loves me for who I am.

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xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Got my boyfriend to go to pride with me.  I feel like he's starting to feel like he belongs there with us and that he is 100% okay being who he is.  It makes me so happy.

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