Looking for some advice

[Nagarosh]

Hiya!

By more or less accident I stumbled on this place. Up until now, I had no idea that asexuality was a thing... I always thought my girlfriend just had issues. (Well... she does, but I guess this isn't one of them :P )

Anyway... I have a feeling she might be asexual and I was kinda looking for some advice on how to steer a conversation into a topic like that. I don't think she knows it's really a thing either but I think it might be good for her (and us) to come to this site and read up on some things. So if anyone has any stories, ideas and/or advice about how to start up such a conversation, I'm all ears.

About us; we're M/F, 25/22, we've been together for 6+ years (yeah we started early) and we have a great relationship except for the sex part. She has some issues in the past, which I thought caused her lack of sexual interest, but I now think it's more likely she just never had any. We have a daughter together, and the process of making her really made clear the sex-issue. I felt like a sperm donor during the whole proces, and she only cared about the baby and not anything else. (Yes, sex-schedule and everything)

We also agreed on having a half-open relationship, which means I basically can have sex with whomever I want, even though I don't really want to. It was of a freedom/trust thing for me, to show that she really didn't care about the whole sex-thing. The whole open relation thing also made me realise that I really only want to be with her, which was an interesting turn of events.

And, yeah I guess that's about it. I honestly hope that sending her here will make her feel better about herself and her (a)sexuality. So if anyone has anything to share; please do!

[Down in Texas]

I am much older and have been married for quite some time now. Sex or the lack of has always been a problem in our marriage I am the sexual one and I am a female. I only found this site a few weeks ago so I am not a lot further along in this process than you may be. All I can do is tell you what I did. I printed the front page on the site and one night I handed it to him and said you need to read this and let me know what you think of it I think I have just found the answer to our problem. He took it sat for a good while, while watching TV and would read a little then stop then read they stop as if he was not interested in it at all. That was three weeks ago the subject is now in his court. I have not brought it up nor has he at this point. I can tell you that he has been a lot more attentive than he has in a long long time. One day it will come up again and when it does then we will talk about whatever he wishes to talk about for now I am just waiting. Three or four years ago on our Anniversary weekend out, he came across a book titles "Sex Starved Wives" he bought it and read it then I read it. After that, we went through a rough spot the book talked about how most woman left and found happiness with others. It took a long time before he stopped checking on me to a point of almost becoming majorly possessive. If I did not answer the phone on the first couple of rings, "something had to be wrong". Everybody responds to things differently. You cannot take any one approach and expect it to work for you. We do not know you or your girlfriend. Nor do we know anything else about your relationship. You and you alone will have to decide how you wish to approach her and when and where. All I will say is do not push too hard too fast. Give her time to process what she has read and reassure her of your intentions. Best of Luck to you May God be with you.

[Lady Girl]

I'm probably going to sound like a broken record...it worked for me, so this is where I send everyone. The front page of AVEN has some really great advice on the "talk" http://www.asexuality.org/home/relationship.html I think you just need to scroll down a bit to get to the talking about it part.