J.J.D. Posted August 15, 2022 Share Posted August 15, 2022 40 recently...kinda big yet subtle changes for me. Realizing I'm Ace and accepting that has led to other acceptances. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BaklavaGuardian Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 Turning 40 did seem as such a big deal. For some reason turning 30 messed with my head a bit. Not sure why, it was just like damn you're old now lol. Turning 40 was just like, Oh well another ten years passed. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vixxie Posted September 4, 2022 Share Posted September 4, 2022 It was turning 40 and my daughters friends that made me realise I was ACE. I hadn't heard of it before but I knew I hated being married and straight. It didn't feel right. It took another 4 years before I finally got out of my abusive marriage (mental and emotional not physical) and I started living my life. I'm now 47, in a amazing relationship with an ACE man and I finally feel like ME. My family have been amazing. My mum was 'well that makes sense. As long as you're happy!' BUT I've lost friends over it too. One person I counted as a sister told me ACE was just a teenage faze (her 24 yr old daughter is ACE 🙄) and that I can't be ACE because I have a daughter!!!!! What I don't get is she's only 5 years older than me so she knows what it was like when we were teens! You were straight, gay or bi. You were expected to get married and have kids. SO that's what I did but I never felt 'straight'. I found I was romantically attracted to anyone but not sexually. But there wasn't anywhere to ask about it! Honestly my daughters friends saved my life. I don't think I could have carried on like that for much longer. I hate the saying 'living my best life' BUT I REALLY AM!! Unfortunately my partner is sick. So we're making the most of the time we have. So I'm hoping I can use this site as an escape and have fun and laugh with people. 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted September 4, 2022 Share Posted September 4, 2022 That awesome! I am glad you have such a healthy attitude. I really hope both of you have an enjoyable time on the site. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OldNews Posted September 4, 2022 Share Posted September 4, 2022 @VJP475 I'm so glad you found your orientation and a lifestyle that works so well for you. That's wonderful! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vixxie Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 Thanks everyone! It's great to know I'm supported! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vixxie Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 Has anyone had issues with friends not accepting you're ACE because you've been married? I lost someone I thought was a good friend even though her own daughter is ACE!! She kept saying I couldn't be because I'd had sex in the past. Yeah but it doesn't mean I liked it!! In the end she cut me out for no reason. I'm not even hurt anymore. It's her loss!!!! But I'm fed up with people my own age refusing to accept it. My oldest friend is the same age as me and she is ACE too. She knew from her teens but didn't know what it was called. Times change. Why don't peoples attitudes??!! Sorry I know it's a bit of a rant. I just wondered if anyone else my age had experienced this? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy Librarian Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 I have never had that happen but I have had friends look down on me for saying it’s not a bad thing to wait till marriage for sex (as a personal choice). At the time, I didn’t realize I was ace, or even knew what it was. Anyone who has an issue with something like orientation is not a very good friend, it seems. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted September 20, 2022 Share Posted September 20, 2022 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TreeMarie Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 I just, at 44, realized that I'm aroace. It's dizzying, I feel so many emotions. I've been in so many failed relationships due to a very sexually focused and charged (some inappropriately so) upbringing, I thought I was broken, then straight with bipolar disorder, then lesbian and FINALLY realizing that I never was interested in sex to begin with. It's been heartbreaking and freeing and scary and illuminating....and it just feels good to share that. AND now that I know this about myself a HUGE weight has been lifted from my shoulders. For the first time I feel like ME. 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vixxie Posted September 26, 2022 Share Posted September 26, 2022 @TreeMarieYeah it's a head rush to realise whats been going on your whole life!! But I found it such a relief. I always felt I was trying to fill a hole but now I see I was just trying to be what I thought I should be and not what I am. Does that make sense??!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted September 29, 2022 Share Posted September 29, 2022 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
0svvan0 Posted October 14, 2022 Share Posted October 14, 2022 i am 42, and I just realized last month that I have been Asexual this entire time. i think i wondered about it as a teenager, but assumed it wasn't possible due to not fully understanding what it was (i confused sensual attraction with sexual for a very long time, for one thing). it explains so much, but doesn't explain some other things. It explains why when women would pretend to throw themselves at me sexually I had no answer for it. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy Librarian Posted October 14, 2022 Share Posted October 14, 2022 5 hours ago, 0svvan0 said: i am 42, and I just realized last month that I have been Asexual this entire time. i think i wondered about it as a teenager, but assumed it wasn't possible due to not fully understanding what it was (i confused sensual attraction with sexual for a very long time, for one thing). it explains so much, but doesn't explain some other things. It explains why when women would pretend to throw themselves at me sexually I had no answer for it. Sensual and aesthetic attraction can be confusing. Glad you found your way here. Welcome! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy Librarian Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 Sad that it is so difficult to have platonic friendships with the opposite sex. At least that’s my experience as a guy. The ones who aren’t interested in dating have less interest in spending quality time as friends, or the rare ones that do will only do so until they find their next relationship, and then they have no time for friends. The ones who do give me their time are doing so because they’re interested in taking it further. Eventually they realize I really am aro ace and they drift away, in search of other dating opportunities. The tough part is starting these friendships knowing how it will inevitably end. Ugh. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 I enjoy all my platonic friendships with the opposite sex, but I also tend to put a time limit on them as well. I think it is easier for me since I am usually the one reaching out, and if I think it is time to end a relationship, I stop reaching out. If the friendship goes the distance, great, if not, there are a lot of really interesting people out there. Everything has an expiration date. So I tend to be fatalistic and enjoy the time I have, and if I get more time great, if not I invest that energy somewhere else. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy Librarian Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 13 minutes ago, argar said: I enjoy all my platonic friendships with the opposite sex, but I also tend to put a time limit on them as well. I think it is easier for me since I am usually the one reaching out, and if I think it is time to end a relationship, I stop reaching out. If the friendship goes the distance, great, if not, there are a lot of really interesting people out there. Everything has an expiration date. So I tend to be fatalistic and enjoy the time I have, and if I get more time great, if not I invest that energy somewhere else. That tends to be my pattern as well. I do have a few long-term female friends who have maintained contact throughout various relationships they’ve been in. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AceArospec Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 On 10/18/2022 at 11:28 AM, Asexy Librarian said: The ones who do give me their time are doing so because they’re interested in taking it further. Eventually they realize I really am aro ace and they drift away, in search of other dating opportunities. I'm always wary of this. Generally I find it easier to either be a 3rd wheel with already coupled folks or hanging out with single friends who are not interested in dating women. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy Librarian Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 1 hour ago, AceArospec said: I'm always wary of this. Generally I find it easier to either be a 3rd wheel with already coupled folks or hanging out with single friends who are not interested in dating women. I agree. It’s just easier all around. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
- Saph - Posted October 30, 2022 Share Posted October 30, 2022 Hello I'm back to this site but this time I have graduated from 30s to 40s... I came here first to hang out and find answers to questions about myself. That I have found somehow. And then life got busy irl. But now I'm back to find answers about other people. Crazy how you can still learn huge things about people that you think you knew since forever. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anomaly Q3Xr Posted November 1, 2022 Share Posted November 1, 2022 Hello, I just realised that I have now attained Level 40 a few days ago! Doesn't time fly? 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted November 1, 2022 Share Posted November 1, 2022 I'm still a few months away, but people are starting to think I'm older than I actually am, so that counts for something, right? 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted November 4, 2022 Share Posted November 4, 2022 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy42 Posted November 13, 2022 Share Posted November 13, 2022 42 feel so odd 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted November 21, 2022 Share Posted November 21, 2022 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rain dancer81 Posted November 26, 2022 Share Posted November 26, 2022 I’m 39 but am looking forward to my 40’s. My 20’s and 30’s I was busy having kids and raising toddlers. Pinching pennies. My 40’s will be just for watching the kids grow into people. We are also financially a lot more sound. We have a nice house which we are paying the mortgage on so will eventually own this house, we have enough savings where I feel secure enough to buy nice things. No more IKEA furniture or Walmart clothes for me. I can upgrade my taste a tad. So yeh, I think the 40’s will be my best decade yet. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 4, 2022 Share Posted December 4, 2022 About to be 43. Not sure how i feel about that though. Just another number. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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