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Skycaptain

@Vicki475, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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VanishingLady

I would say I'm finally as old as I've always felt...but then the goalposts moved. One cool thing about being in my 40s is caring less about what other people think (not much in general, but the few fucks I had to give are quickly disappearing).

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Asexy Librarian
1 hour ago, VanishingLady said:

I would say I'm finally as old as I've always felt...but then the goalposts moved. One cool thing about being in my 40s is caring less about what other people think (not much in general, but the few fucks I had to give are quickly disappearing).

That's true...it is easier to be yourself, the less cares you have about what others think :)

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JD5

I feel I'm only just figuring out that I'm asexual, at age 40. I grew up in a small village where there was little diversity and a strong conditioning to conform. I've since been living in a city for 10 years, but even so I've only heard about the term asexual in the last few years. That was through googling the problems I was having, and finding Aven. Nobody I know openly identifies as asexual, so I'm still having trouble feeling valid. I'm in an allosexual (if this is the right term) relationship, which I think will end, as my partner is very sexual and obviously I'm realising that I'm not at all. It's very tricky. I have hope that future generations will find what lifestyles suit them quicker, will have the language to describe their feelings, and will have diverse peers around them for support, recognition and validation.  

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Asexy Librarian

@JD5 welcome! Things are changing for the better and I think future generations will definitely feel more accepted and less invisible. There is always hope 🙂

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JenaJinx

Does anyone else feel like the odd one out - most Aces seem to be in their 20s and I sometimes feel like it's even harder for us older Aces.  I used to have "normal" relationships.  Well, maybe normal is not the right word.  I am twice divorced from 2 emotionally abusive men.  Had a couple dating situations that ended in with me saying I dont want to be intimate...you can guess how that went.  Lots of people in their 40s never even heard of Ace or being asexual.  I would love to be in a relationship with an Ace...but like Unicorns, we are very rare.  LOL  

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OldNews
7 hours ago, JenaJinx said:

Does anyone else feel like the odd one out - most Aces seem to be in their 20s and I sometimes feel like it's even harder for us older Aces.  I used to have "normal" relationships.  Well, maybe normal is not the right word.  I am twice divorced from 2 emotionally abusive men.  Had a couple dating situations that ended in with me saying I dont want to be intimate...you can guess how that went.  Lots of people in their 40s never even heard of Ace or being asexual.  I would love to be in a relationship with an Ace...but like Unicorns, we are very rare.  LOL  

I definitely feel like the "odd one out" a lot of the time. I don't date or have "relationships", so my situation is definitely different from yours. I still know what it's like not to fit in. The typical expectation for men to be highly sexual has not been helpful for me....

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Asexy Librarian

@JenaJinx I always felt like the odd one until I discovered the asexual community. Then I had a world of resources and shared experiences at my fingertips, not to mention a community. I’ve continued to struggle at times with the fact that I am aro ace but once I reached my 40’s I stopped worrying as much. I still get a pang of regret when I meet someone who is really cool and would be nice to date, because I am missing out on possibly a great experience, but I can’t change the way I feel so I just push it aside, offer friendship, and leave it at that. Hopefully you will be able to come to terms with your identity as well 🙂

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VanishingLady
On 11/2/2020 at 1:17 AM, JenaJinx said:

Does anyone else feel like the odd one out - most Aces seem to be in their 20s and I sometimes feel like it's even harder for us older Aces.  I used to have "normal" relationships.  Well, maybe normal is not the right word.  I am twice divorced from 2 emotionally abusive men.  Had a couple dating situations that ended in with me saying I dont want to be intimate...you can guess how that went.  Lots of people in their 40s never even heard of Ace or being asexual.  I would love to be in a relationship with an Ace...but like Unicorns, we are very rare.  LOL  

I don't feel the odd one out in general, but I can see where you're coming from. There are so many people in our age group who act as if anything that challenges "normality" is for the younger kids or unicorns or whatever. They refuse to see what's very often in front of their eyes from people who are in their lives because they're invested in believing that they know what's "normal" and "real". Admit to/to being something they don't "believe in", and you'll see that attitude fully on display.

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Asexy Librarian

@VanishingLady I feel lucky that my social group is pretty accepting. I feel like I’m the boring one because I am “just” ace when other friends in their 40’s came out as trans, pan, bi, etc. 
 

I’ve dealt with some pretty harsh treatment, being called gay, damaged, etc. But overall it hasn’t been so bad. 

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Diana DeLuna
On 11/2/2020 at 8:21 AM, OldNews said:

I definitely feel like the "odd one out" a lot of the time. I don't date or have "relationships", so my situation is definitely different from yours. I still know what it's like not to fit in. The typical expectation for men to be highly sexual has not been helpful for me....

Same here. At 50, I have never been "in a relationship." It was never a choice. I COULDN'T. Was not driven toward romance and sex, and when cajoled closer to such a situation, I'm grossed out and must run. I've been damaged badly by it over the years.

 

Just as for men who are stereotyped as horny beasts, the stereotype rom-com situation where the woman eventually gives in and discovers she wanted love all along has been hurtful and toxic for me. 😕

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Purple Red Panda

Ok being 40 isn't actually any different to being 39 but I wish I could be young again knowing all the stuff I know now, then I could make a completely different set of utter fuck ups.

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AmberUK

I like being older, it makes you invisible to men

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njosnavelin
3 hours ago, AmberUK said:

I like being older, it makes you invisible to men

At least you had visibility. I was always invisible. 

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