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Skycaptain

@Sherbear, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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Live Aloha Every Day!
On 11/9/2019 at 6:07 AM, Droopy615 said:

I’ve very recently (last month) realized my Asexuality at the age of 49.  I’ve been married for 10 years, and last week told my wife.  We are still together, and working through the ramifications of my identity (gray-ace for now).  No one in my family knows.  Through therapy I’ve also been working on not beating myself up for not figuring it out decades ago. Last, while I have long considered myself an LGBT+ ally, because I’m heteroromantic and married to a straight cis woman, I’m uncomfortable with placing my own sexuality under the queer umbrella, preferring to think of myself as an ally vs member.  All of the above is a work in progress...

I felt the same way originally, it's growing on me that I probably do belong there somewhere but I know how you feel exactly...I'm 47, just discovered asexuality about five years ago. Getting a divorce after 22+ years of marriage, this explains so very much and in the end I believe we will both be much happier living as the people we were meant to be. Good luck to you in figuring this out, no rush ✿◠‿◠  PS don't beat yourself up, at our age, no one taught us about asexuality when we were young...plus a million other reasons to not beat yourself up to...lmk if you ned to hear them!

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IvoryBill

 @Live Aloha Every Day!  Funny, I started identifying as asexual much longer ago, around age 28 in the late 1990s. So then it became just something I knew about myself that didn't mean anything to anyone else. So I shrugged it off and gave up on understanding the wider community (which was basically still in its primordial ooze phase) and continued onward through my pensive, lonely, very single, life.

 

Lack of sexual attraction didn't bear much weight on my identity, until my late 40s when my first-ever possible relationship blew up in a nasty way over my asexuality. I was upfront about it from the beginning but he erased my ace immediately, and I didn't have the tools to stand up for myself.

 

@Droopy615, I had an epiphany about the same time you did (Sept. 2019), and at the same age of 49. Hey! Right around the same time you were first learning you were asexual, I was learning that asexuality is now a recognized LGBT+ identity. There was something about that piece of news that made me collapse with relief. LGBT+? You mean I'm suddenly invited to sit at the cool kids table?. It's sad at my age to need that kind of outside validation.

 

But it did make the concept of ace hit me in a whole new body & soul way. It's changing the way I perceive myself, but it's a slow, agonizing process that's gutting me. Am I being gutted like a dead fish, or like a room that's about to be freshly remodeled? I dont know. All I know is that it's hurting right now. Very badly. 

 

I feel like you guys are in much more mature headspaces than I am, even though I'm older (just turned 50 two weeks ago and thereby shouldn't even be in this thread right now.🤫) But you've had practice in both being in long-term hetero-normative relationships and also getting out of them. So perhaps that comes with a stronger sense of self.

 

I've ignored this aspect of my life for so long I still feel like the timid teenager I was, way so long ago. ( See "cool kids" line above)

 

 

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one_genuine

well, my 40s are a relief, i feel like i generally understand the drama that is life. i still look and behave a lot younger, no need to “grow up”. but there’s the new challenge of ageing parents, dementia, care, death.... 

 

being alone doesnt scare me but sometimes i imagine a buddy, someone on the couch that likes what i like, is interested in me, supports me.... that would be nice. i’m hetero romantic ... it’s just a fantasy that makes me feel like i’m lovable.

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Jolyjulie

Bonjour,

J'ai 42 ans et je viens de comprendre que je suis as après 20 ans de marriage et 3 enfants.  Donc, oui, pour moi c'est un nouveau tournant. Je ne sais pas ce que l'avenir me réserve...

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Skycaptain

@JolyjulieBonjour, et binvenue à AVEN. Ceci est une bonne moment ă dire que la langue gěneral pour AVEN est Anglais. Nous avons des amis qui parlent Francais, mais il va mieux si vous employes un système pour traduire votre prose Francais pour Anglais. 

S'il vous plait excuzes moi si il y a des defauts dans le texte, je ne parle pas bien Francais 

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Jolyjulie

Bonjour,

J'ai 42 ans et je viens de comprendre que je suis as après 20 ans de marriage et 3 enfants.  Donc, oui, pour moi c'est un nouveau tournant. Je ne sais pas ce que l'avenir me réserve...

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Jolyjulie

skycaptain! I have an automatic translator.  I didn't know it was in english. Sorry!

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Sjean

Hi 

I am turning 40 in July so decided I should look at this group first. 

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argar

Welcome to 40's!

 

I hope you enjoy the site and all the cool folks that visit the site from time to time.

 

Also,

 

Welcome to AVEN!

 

 

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GeoAmy

Just saying hi!  Been a long time.  Hope everyone is well🥳

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Skycaptain

@Sjean welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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