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GeoAmy

I was almost 40 when I figured it out too.  That's been 6+ years ago now and still sorting it out.  Somehow I managed to avoid serious relationships, so my difficulties were nothing more than feeling bad no one wanted to date me and not having a clue why.  I guess I put off a pretty good "you're not getting in my pants" vibe? 

 

My most recent step is joining the LGBT+ group at work and they have been welcoming and I'm finding it very easy to be out with that group of people, even the allies.  I also am a mentor for the reverse mentoring program we started with our executive leadership.  First meeting was good and was genuinely interested in learning more about ace people.  Next month I'm doing the learning moment at the monthly lunches the group started.  Seemed appropriate because that's the Thursday before Asexuality Awareness Week.

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WünderBâhr

*sneaks in as a new member of the 4-0 club*

 

👋👋 Hello, AVEN compatriots (seems to be my word of the day).

 

I've never really understood what any age was supposed to feel like, and now that I am here (@40), I'm even more confuzzled. I DO know that I've reached the early stage of curmudgeon-ness (curmudgeonosity? 🤔) and was always a fan of the idea of cane/stick waving and/or yelling nonsensical things to whippersnappers. Let's just say Grumpy Cat was, and forever shall be, my spirit animal.

 

But, as an ace, I still feel like I am trying to figure society (and my place in it) out. I mean, does anyone truly ever understand the dating "scene?" Do they even call it that, anymore? When so many of my peers are married and/or with kids, or well established in their vocations/industries, my living the productive citizen life by doing the general work-job-thing and leaving most everyone else the hell alone seems.... awkward and odd. 

 

Idk. I'm just a (floating) consciousness, taking space up as a human being (really a bear, but shhh sekrits), for now. 🤷🏽‍♀️💁🏽‍♀️ 🐻

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newgirl

I would like to welcome the  members who just turn  40.  In 2020, I will be saying goodbye to my 40's and saying HELLO to my 50's

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Wap
On 9/19/2019 at 1:42 PM, WünderBâhr said:

*sneaks in as a new member of the 4-0 club*

 

👋👋 Hello, AVEN compatriots (seems to be my word of the day).

 

I've never really understood what any age was supposed to feel like, and now that I am here (@40), I'm even more confuzzled. I DO know that I've reached the early stage of curmudgeon-ness (curmudgeonosity? 🤔) and was always a fan of the idea of cane/stick waving and/or yelling nonsensical things to whippersnappers. Let's just say Grumpy Cat was, and forever shall be, my spirit animal.

 

But, as an ace, I still feel like I am trying to figure society (and my place in it) out. I mean, does anyone truly ever understand the dating "scene?" Do they even call it that, anymore? When so many of my peers are married and/or with kids, or well established in their vocations/industries, my living the productive citizen life by doing the general work-job-thing and leaving most everyone else the hell alone seems.... awkward and odd. 

 

Idk. I'm just a (floating) consciousness, taking space up as a human being (really a bear, but shhh sekrits), for now. 🤷🏽‍♀️💁🏽‍♀️ 🐻

Hey you're not alone in this situation that's for sure. Being asexual complicate things socially. Hope you can find peace within and good Network of people you can rely on at least that's my goal too.

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WünderBâhr
39 minutes ago, Wap said:

Hey you're not alone in this situation that's for sure. Being asexual complicate things socially. Hope you can find peace within and good Network of people you can rely on at least that's my goal too.

Oh, I have been around AVEN for many moons. I'd like to think that I'm not the only one experiencing the same issues, but it feels weird to say there are changes when it relates to age. Didn't really come into view much before.. Maybe that's the biggest change of all.

 

So, if anyone doesn't mind being a part of my network of ridiculous nonsense and perpetual confusion, well, it's good ta meet ya! 😄

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lonewolf Nomad

 Just hit the Big 40 last week, and can not honestly believe how I have been fighting against my true nature all of my life, I spent the first part of my entire life, trying to deny my true nature as an asexual/aromantic individual to the point where I even got married.Man what a nightmare. Now that the divorce is finalized and the kids are all grown up, I am finally free to be me.When I came out as an Asexual/Aromantic individual to my parents as a teenager, they then began to run the whole phyciatric/medication gaumet on me believing that there was something abnormal and defective about me to be that way. Originally the ex wife knew and accepted that fact about me and was semi-supportive but in the end my disinterest in the whole chore of coitus , and yes to me Sex HAS ALWAYS been a chore.Wound up being one of the reasons our marriage broke down. Now that I am single again, and free I refuse to hide who and what I am anymore.

 

  Until I heard about this community I had always thought that I was a freak of nature,now I am glad to know that there are indeed others out there like me.

peace

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daveb
9 hours ago, lonewolf Nomad said:

Until I heard about this community I had always thought that I was a freak of nature,now I am glad to know that there are indeed others out there like me.

peace

Welcome, belated happy birthday, and :cake: !

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argar

@daveb

 

Happy belated birthday to you as well! 

 

@lonewolf Nomad

 

I felt the same when I first joined the site.

 

Welcome to AVEN!

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Skycaptain

@lonewolf Nomad, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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OldNews

Welcome, @lonewolf Nomad! I sympathize with a lot of what you said. I've never had a romantic relationship, but I definitely know what it's like not to fit the mold. I discovered my ace and aro orientations at age 40 (I'm 44 now). I spent 25+ years in a mix of feeling broken, being confused and being in denial. Finding that missing piece of my has been a huge positive influence for me. Please know that you are normal and you are valid.

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lonewolf Nomad

Thank You, just have had a whirlwind of a past 48 hrs and found out Who really matters in my life, and whom I amm unfortunately going to have to cut out of my life completely.Funny thing is my friends actually responded more positively then ANY of my family.AS of tonight I was told in no uncertain terms I am dead t them.So be it.

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daveb
36 minutes ago, lonewolf Nomad said:

AS of tonight I was told in no uncertain terms I am dead t them

Wow, that is extremely harsh! I'm glad you have good friends though.

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lonewolf Nomad

that is harsh,but then again I have to look at where they are coming from.The majority of  my family still adheres to the old "values" of a  God fearing ,Military Post WW2 era family.Hence I am now even more of an anomaly to them then I ever was before. They are all Christians and I am a Pagan (Practicing Druid Priest),so this is nothing new to me.

 

  You are right though I am indeed thankful to the All Father for my True friends

 

 

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newgirl

To @faraday☘ 

 

 A fellow 40's ace is saying  goodbye   because she will be making a milestone on Saturday (hugs) .I will be  saying goodbye next year in March.

 

So

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! Happy  50th birthday to Faraday on Sat 10/19

 

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OldNews
On 10/16/2019 at 10:38 PM, lonewolf Nomad said:

Thank You, just have had a whirlwind of a past 48 hrs and found out Who really matters in my life, and whom I amm unfortunately going to have to cut out of my life completely.Funny thing is my friends actually responded more positively then ANY of my family.AS of tonight I was told in no uncertain terms I am dead t them.So be it.

Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry about your family.

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idkwmoi
On 10/16/2019 at 11:38 PM, lonewolf Nomad said:

Thank You, just have had a whirlwind of a past 48 hrs and found out Who really matters in my life, and whom I amm unfortunately going to have to cut out of my life completely.Funny thing is my friends actually responded more positively then ANY of my family.AS of tonight I was told in no uncertain terms I am dead t them.So be it.

I'll never understand what makes people think this is such a taboo concept. I had the same experience though. I didn't lose any friends. I lost 99% of my family which amounted to around 100 people. Can't say it was easy moving on, but it does get easier. I try to remind myself that friends are in my life because they choose to be where my family was clearly only in my life out of moral responsibility. My friends are my family now and they are much better at being a family than my bio family ever was.

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newgirl

It' so QUIET  on this thread and site

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Skycaptain

@newgirl, for some reason most chat is in the 50s thread 

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Droopy615

I’ve very recently (last month) realized my Asexuality at the age of 49.  I’ve been married for 10 years, and last week told my wife.  We are still together, and working through the ramifications of my identity (gray-ace for now).  No one in my family knows.  Through therapy I’ve also been working on not beating myself up for not figuring it out decades ago. Last, while I have long considered myself an LGBT+ ally, because I’m heteroromantic and married to a straight cis woman, I’m uncomfortable with placing my own sexuality under the queer umbrella, preferring to think of myself as an ally vs member.  All of the above is a work in progress...

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Skycaptain

@Droopy615, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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OldNews

Welcome, @Droopy615! All of that sounds like great progress.

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HelloSnakeEyes

I'm going to be forty soon and I feel that I'm just as confused about all the labels that can define someone's sexuality. But I would say that the basic asexuality labor fits me well. But it's nice to find a group that can help me understand myself better. 

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Catpaws

Mid-40 year old, checking in. It's so lovely to see a bunch of other similiarly-aged people still working all this out, too.

 

I'm so thankful for this site and for this group. Hi!

 

I am tempted to swing by the 50's thread because it is definitely more active, but...not 50 yet. LOL

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argar

Welcome to AVEN.

 

I hope you enjoy all the cool people on the site.

 

Yeah, it did take me a while to figure things out. 

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Catpaws

@Argar

There are an amazing amount of wonderful people on the site. It already feels like a home.

 

Right?! Where was a site like this in the 90's? 🤣

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argar

Heck,

 

Where was this stuff when I took that sex education class in college.

 

Ha ha!! 

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appleseedy
On 11/25/2019 at 3:36 AM, Catpaws said:

I am tempted to swing by the 50's thread because it is definitely more active, but...not 50 yet. LOL

lol me too

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HelloSnakeEyes

One more day and I can officially post here...😸

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Sherbear

Hi new to the site. I've known I was gay for a long time even if I was in denial but still thought something was wrong with me.  About five years ago I heard the term asexual and finally felt like I understood where I fit in. I'm just shy of my 42nd bday, and just starting to venture out of my self imposed exile of life :)

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Catpaws

@Sherbear

Hey, welcome to Aven! :cake:

 

I'm really glad that I'm not the only one who figured it out in my 40's. Congrats, and I hope you have fun with your venturing, as well as fun with the site itself!

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