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paralibrarian

Hello! I am turning 49 in a few days. I only even knew about asexuality sometime in the last 2-3 years. It was just a week or so ago I finally decided to google it and everything I read made me weep with relief. This is where I am now. I am, however, still contemplating the past and trying to figure out what that was all about. Basically I think possibly I always used to conflate romantic attraction and desire with sexual desire (as our culture leads us to do). But I’m not sure. I don’t know if I’ll ever figure it out or if that’s even important for me to do. I have a wonderful teenage daughter so I know I’m lucky no matter what.

For now, I know I still have romantic feelings, and there are even a few gentlemen who strike my fancy, but I don’t think the feelings are mutual and I don’t have any idea how I’d navigate a relationship where it’s known up front that I don’t want sex. Ironically, looking back, there are a couple of gents from my past who might do just fine with it. 

At any rate, I’m not really looking for a partner at this point. Just happy to be on this forum and learning a lot of new stuff!

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paralibrarian
On 5/9/2019 at 5:15 PM, newgirl said:

HEARTBROKEN!

 

 

Today ,I found out from  low vision doctor that  I shouldn't fulfill  my dream and learn how to drive as monocular driver. I am heart broken. This was my last hope of reaching my dream to travel around the USA via car/van/RV.  I don't have friends , husband or boyfriend, allot of money, good reliable job but  all I ask was one thing beside good health ,I just wanted to learn how to drive to be free. I know some  people will read this and say what about  flying, greyhound or Amtrak.  The places I want to go doesn't   have an airport, bus station or train station. For 2 years, I've been trying to find driver to help me  fulfill my dream but  famous words no reliable  people. I just heartbroken

I know some folks who do this. They are part of a community of sorts. So I wonder if anyone out there would be willing to have you join them in adventuring. In other words, instead of having someone you already know becoming your driver, find someone who is already driving and join up with them. I see this as a very plausible thing. Especially if you’re willing to learn (or already have) useful skills like wood chopping, fire building, campsite set-up, etc. Don’t give up your dream! 

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newgirl
20 hours ago, jeanne9marie said:

I know some folks who do this. They are part of a community of sorts. So I wonder if anyone out there would be willing to have you join them in adventuring. In other words, instead of having someone you already know becoming your driver, find someone who is already driving and join up with them. I see this as a very plausible thing. Especially if you’re willing to learn (or already have) useful skills like wood chopping, fire building, campsite set-up, etc. Don’t give up your dream! 

I'm trying not  to give up on my dream but for 2 years, I've been trying to find a road trip driver without NO luck.

 

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Teddi

Actually, I turned 40 last August and realized my Aceness less than a week ago. It was hard at first but I've since embraced it and feel very proud. I'm glad that didn't take long. 

 

I'm still waiting for a good time to come out to my hubbs.  The weird thing is that HE suggested I might be asexual MONTHS ago (it's getting more and more difficult to give in to sex) but I shot it down because I believed the myths told to me over the years. I now realize he was right. I'm asexual/biromantic.  I don't know what the future holds but I'm starting to see his sexuality in a more positive light, meaning I'm not as resentful as I have been over the years.  I'm finally at peace with myself and that had never happened before.

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PeterPanForever

Hello Everyone,

What ya’ll been up to? 

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argar

Surviving the summer heat. Lol

 

I was thinking of you the other day.

 

I hope the change of environment has been nothing but a positive.

 

Have a beautiful day.  

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PeterPanForever
29 minutes ago, argar said:

Surviving the summer heat. Lol

 

I was thinking of you the other day.

 

I hope the change of environment has been nothing but a positive.

 

Have a beautiful day.  

Aweeeeeeeeee, thank you so much for the thoughts! The change has been good but I’ve been feeling increased anxiety lately about finding satisfying employment. Also, my financial aid package appears to be hung up which has me stressed 

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argar

Oh,

 

I hope everything works out. 

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SCP-2719

What do you reckon would happen if I started testosterone treatment in my forties? Would it make enough of a change to be worth it? 

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argar

Although I can't answer your question, I do love the SCP Foundation! 

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SCP-2719
1 minute ago, argar said:

Although I can't answer your question, I do love the SCP Foundation! 

👍

Have you seen Jack Bright lately? I have a suspicion that he's hiding out as the Thirteenth Doctor. 

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argar

Ha ha!!

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Skycaptain

@SCP-2719, the only people who can give you proper information, especially as to whether it's worthwhile, are qualified medical professionals. 

However, bearing in mind this opinion not proven fact, yes hormone therapy at any age will make a difference. But it is possible that the effects are less marked the older you are when you start. 

 

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SCP-2719
On 6/21/2019 at 1:41 AM, Skycaptain said:

@SCP-2719, the only people who can give you proper information, especially as to whether it's worthwhile, are qualified medical professionals. 

However, bearing in mind this opinion not proven fact, yes hormone therapy at any age will make a difference. But it is possible that the effects are less marked the older you are when you start. 

 

That's a great point. Not sure why I didn't think of that and why I hauled off asking the general public that question.

Thank you.

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RobPal
On 6/21/2019 at 12:29 AM, SCP-2719 said:

What do you reckon would happen if I started testosterone treatment in my forties? Would it make enough of a change to be worth it? 

I've been considering exploring this too as I feel my body is falling behind compared to where my head is at these days.

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SCP-2719
35 minutes ago, RobPal said:

I've been considering exploring this too as I feel my body is falling behind compared to where my head is at these days.

That's great, man. I fully support that choice for men if they feel it is right for them. I was a born a woman, so there's extra layers of complexity there and potential layers of not-a-good-idea there. 😂

By the way, your personality test came out pretty much identical to my partner's. That's awesome.

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KeyKey

I’m 44. I’m financially independent, have a steady job and a pretty decent life. I’m single with no kids. The only thing I haven’t done is get married and start a family. I always wanted to be a bride, more so I could look pretty and have a cool party with all the attention for a day, and because it’s a rite of passage. But the thought of having to have regular sex with somebody is not appealing. I’m at a point now where I understand myself better and I can make decisions about my personal life that don’t involve needing a husband for survival. As a Gen Xer I came along before “asexual” was a thing. All my female friends growing up were into boys and romantic movies. For me it was, eh. But if you weren’t attracted to the same sex or both sexes in the 80s and 90s then you were straight by default.

 

I managed to date one guy in college a few times. He wanted it more than I did. For the rest of my time in college I had no desire to hook up or jump into a relationship. I dated sporadically since then with no guy lasting more than four dates. I now realize that I was in my head  with all of them. I never initiated a kiss, never felt butterflies, and probably never gave signals that I was into them sexually.

 

So I figured I was demisexual but even then I was merely willing to go through with sex to keep the companionship that I invented a lot into, not that I ever actually wanted sex with them. I was trying to be a typical  heterosexual girl like I was raised to be in church. But I don’t think I ever really was. So now I’m like, I’ve wasted enough time trying to fit a mode of womanhood that wasn’t meant for me, and it’s ok to set fire to that mold.

Edited by KeyKey
Corrected misspelling
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faraday☘

Welcome @KeyKey  Many folks are in the same boat as you.  I set fire the "the mold" a while back!

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ehdr77

It was only when I was in my 40s that I realized that I could be asexual. I had a fairly religious upbringing, and while I always knew I was a female and wasn't gay, I never considered that there was still quite a spectrum.

 

Now that I've been divorced for almost 5 years and in a healthy loving sexual relationship have I realized that most of the time, I just haven't enjoyed sex and really just did it to please the person I was with. And, I've always just found some people to be beautiful; it didn't matter what their gender was. But, I never considered having sex with all those people I found beautiful, and I didn't understand the difference between romance and sex.

 

I do regret that it took me so long to discover who I am, but 40 is still young! There's still so much more to enjoy in my life!

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argar

Welcome to AVEN.

 

5 minutes ago, ehdr77 said:

 

I do regret that it took me so long to discover who I am, but 40 is still young! There's still so much more to enjoy in my life!

Yes there is!

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Skycaptain

@KeyKey  welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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OldNews
14 hours ago, KeyKey said:

I’m at a point now where I understand myself better and I can make decisions about my personal life that don’t involve needing a husband for survival. As a Gen Xer I came along before “asexual” was a thing. All my female friends growing up were into boys and romantic movies. For me it was, eh. But if you weren’t attracted to the same sex or both sexes in the 80s and 90s then you were straight by default.

Yes! I really identify with that. I'm also 44 and financially independent. I'm male and I've never dated or had a "relationship". I discovered asexuality (and aromanticism) at age 40, and it has helped my self-understanding tremendously!

 

Welcome, @KeyKey!

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newgirl

To tag  people in a post, we just use @ ?

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OldNews
8 minutes ago, newgirl said:

How do we  tag people  in a post? I know one way is to push the quote button . how do you use @  ?

Type @ (the at sign) immediately followed by the first few letters of the person's ID. You should see a list of matching IDs. Use the down-arrow to go to the desired ID and hit enter. You should see the tag in your message. The case (upper vs. lower) of an ID is important.

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KeyKey
17 hours ago, OldNews said:

Yes! I really identify with that. I'm also 44 and financially independent. I'm male and I've never dated or had a "relationship". I discovered asexuality (and aromanticism) at age 40, and it has helped my self-understanding tremendously!

 

Welcome, @KeyKey!

I also have never had a typical “relationship.” Sex was always like a hurdle to overcome like, ‘I hope he doesn’t pressure me to have sex with him because I don’t really want to’ instead of ‘I can’t wait to jump this guy but I’m waiting for whatever reason.’ I was taught to wait for marriage but it actually was a mask to hide behind without having to deal with the no sexual attraction issue. It’s easy to say “God wants me to wait. It’s hard to say “And I would probably wait for an eternity if that were an option.”

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VJP475

Well here goes nothing!!  Hello all! I'm 44 and just left my husband of 23 years partly because I'm Asexual and mainly because we drifted apart!

 

 I have a chance to restart my life.  But i don't know what that life is!! 

 

I don't have fantasies about anyone.  I like people. Men, women, LGBTQ+ and I can visualize them romantically but that's it! 

 

Any advice would gratefully received.!!

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OldNews

Hi, @VJP475! I don't have much advice but I will say this: you get to define what your lifestyle looks like. It doesn't have to conform to anyone's expectations, and you aren't under any deadlines.

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KeyKey
16 minutes ago, OldNews said:

Hi, @VJP475! I don't have much advice but I will say this: you get to define what your lifestyle looks like. It doesn't have to conform to anyone's expectations, and you aren't under any deadlines.

This is so true! 44 is still young enough to do something exciting and great in your life, but it’s also an age where if you’re going to do something courageous you just have to jump! When you’re 44 you’re probably not jumping without a parachute. Your confidence and sense of self will guide you to land on your feet.

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KeyKey
On 7/1/2019 at 11:29 PM, Skycaptain said:

@KeyKey  welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

Thank you!

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Skycaptain

@VJP475, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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