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@Sherbear, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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  • 3 weeks later...
Live Aloha Every Day!
On 11/9/2019 at 6:07 AM, Droopy615 said:

I’ve very recently (last month) realized my Asexuality at the age of 49.  I’ve been married for 10 years, and last week told my wife.  We are still together, and working through the ramifications of my identity (gray-ace for now).  No one in my family knows.  Through therapy I’ve also been working on not beating myself up for not figuring it out decades ago. Last, while I have long considered myself an LGBT+ ally, because I’m heteroromantic and married to a straight cis woman, I’m uncomfortable with placing my own sexuality under the queer umbrella, preferring to think of myself as an ally vs member.  All of the above is a work in progress...

I felt the same way originally, it's growing on me that I probably do belong there somewhere but I know how you feel exactly...I'm 47, just discovered asexuality about five years ago. Getting a divorce after 22+ years of marriage, this explains so very much and in the end I believe we will both be much happier living as the people we were meant to be. Good luck to you in figuring this out, no rush ✿◠‿◠  PS don't beat yourself up, at our age, no one taught us about asexuality when we were young...plus a million other reasons to not beat yourself up to...lmk if you ned to hear them!

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 @Live Aloha Every Day!  Funny, I started identifying as asexual much longer ago, around age 28 in the late 1990s. So then it became just something I knew about myself that didn't mean anything to anyone else. So I shrugged it off and gave up on understanding the wider community (which was basically still in its primordial ooze phase) and continued onward through my pensive, lonely, very single, life.

 

Lack of sexual attraction didn't bear much weight on my identity, until my late 40s when my first-ever possible relationship blew up in a nasty way over my asexuality. I was upfront about it from the beginning but he erased my ace immediately, and I didn't have the tools to stand up for myself.

 

@Droopy615, I had an epiphany about the same time you did (Sept. 2019), and at the same age of 49. Hey! Right around the same time you were first learning you were asexual, I was learning that asexuality is now a recognized LGBT+ identity. There was something about that piece of news that made me collapse with relief. LGBT+? You mean I'm suddenly invited to sit at the cool kids table?. It's sad at my age to need that kind of outside validation.

 

But it did make the concept of ace hit me in a whole new body & soul way. It's changing the way I perceive myself, but it's a slow, agonizing process that's gutting me. Am I being gutted like a dead fish, or like a room that's about to be freshly remodeled? I dont know. All I know is that it's hurting right now. Very badly. 

 

I feel like you guys are in much more mature headspaces than I am, even though I'm older (just turned 50 two weeks ago and thereby shouldn't even be in this thread right now.🤫) But you've had practice in both being in long-term hetero-normative relationships and also getting out of them. So perhaps that comes with a stronger sense of self.

 

I've ignored this aspect of my life for so long I still feel like the timid teenager I was, way so long ago. ( See "cool kids" line above)

 

 

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well, my 40s are a relief, i feel like i generally understand the drama that is life. i still look and behave a lot younger, no need to “grow up”. but there’s the new challenge of ageing parents, dementia, care, death.... 

 

being alone doesnt scare me but sometimes i imagine a buddy, someone on the couch that likes what i like, is interested in me, supports me.... that would be nice. i’m hetero romantic ... it’s just a fantasy that makes me feel like i’m lovable.

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Bonjour,

J'ai 42 ans et je viens de comprendre que je suis as après 20 ans de marriage et 3 enfants.  Donc, oui, pour moi c'est un nouveau tournant. Je ne sais pas ce que l'avenir me réserve...

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@JolyjulieBonjour, et binvenue à AVEN. Ceci est une bonne moment ă dire que la langue gěneral pour AVEN est Anglais. Nous avons des amis qui parlent Francais, mais il va mieux si vous employes un système pour traduire votre prose Francais pour Anglais. 

S'il vous plait excuzes moi si il y a des defauts dans le texte, je ne parle pas bien Francais 

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Bonjour,

J'ai 42 ans et je viens de comprendre que je suis as après 20 ans de marriage et 3 enfants.  Donc, oui, pour moi c'est un nouveau tournant. Je ne sais pas ce que l'avenir me réserve...

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Welcome to 40's!

 

I hope you enjoy the site and all the cool folks that visit the site from time to time.

 

Also,

 

Welcome to AVEN!

 

 

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Just saying hi!  Been a long time.  Hope everyone is well🥳

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@Sjean welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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 I just turned 46 last Valentines Day. And it wasn't long before that I came to the realization that I may very well be  (demi/gray/heteromatic) ace. haven't publicly 'come out' yet to friends and family for a few reasons, one of which is I'm still in the "questioning" stage. I'm googling endlessly, reading blogs, watching videos, taking online tests etc.And I have to say the whole experience is both exciting, but also confusing and frustrating at the same time. It's exciting in the sense that I can finally make sense of all the things I thought made me an odd duck - especially when I was a teenager; Like how I never felt comfortable among a a group of cis het guys when they were talking about girls in sexually objectifying way. Like who had the nicest/worst T and A - and trying to engage me with it. Also when we were watching porn, there was so much in it that seemed to make  my guy friends go wild, but did absolutely nothing for me; Like lesbian sex scenes, blow jobs, as and facials/"money" shots (ugh! why??). For a long time I just chalked these things up to the fact growing up with  mental and physical disabilities made me an outsider and loner just insulated me from so much of the toxic masculine socialization that starts so early on in our lives.

It's also interesting to learn that while I was always an ally to the LGBTQIA and loved going to Pride, that I might also be a part of it (all this time and I never knew!) I say "might" because from what I'm reading there's still some debate among the community as to whether or not we really belong - particularly heteroromantic asexuals,which is what I believe I am. Apparently some of them believe we're just straight cis people who don't like sex. Adding to the difficulty is that the terms demisexual and gray-asexual also describe me, but it seems like I have to pick only one among these subsets of ace. I'm wondering why it can't be some combination of all three. Gatekeeping sucks. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Edited by GaggedNoMore
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Welcome @GaggedNoMore! There are lots of heteroromantic aces out there -- they are definitely asexual. I'm glad you are starting to reach out in places like this one. That can be really valuable.

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Hey!  I'm new here, 48, and Aro/Ace.  For several years, I've thought I was possibly Ace but also felt like while it was real for others, not for me.  I was married for 12 years because it was expected and I wanted kids.  As a teacher in a small time 20 years ago, a kid on my own would not have been compatible with my job.  In addition was lots of family pressure- so fun looking at reception venues when not even dating someone. 😖  I've visited this site so many times  for years waiting for the heavens to open up and stamp Ace on my forehead.  Anyway, all that changed a few years ago after meeting a few other Aces and now I happily own the label.  

I am so much happier on my own as myself and not caring about anyone else's opinion.  Just wanted to say hi! 

 

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@becjonz, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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GenX was made for self isolation in a crisis. Locked in a depressing room watching depressing media.

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1 hour ago, Zagadka said:

GenX was made for self isolation in a crisis. Locked in a depressing room watching depressing media.

I know several GenXers and some straddling Xennials (i.e. they were born in years that are sometimes called GenX and sometimes called Millennial) who find that very appealing.

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1 minute ago, Snao Cone said:

I know several GenXers and some straddling Xennials (i.e. they were born in years that are sometimes called GenX and sometimes called Millennial) who find that very appealing.

That's me. They sometimes call it the Oregon Trail generation. We were around for a little bit of computers, but not universal connection. I still more associate with Gen X because of music and pop culture though.

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A friend of mine who's definitely GenX (in his mid-40s now) said I was "GenX as fuck" based on music and pop culture, and to an extent the attitude we're talking about. But in terms of life experiences, I fall more in line with Millennials in terms of career opportunities, economic impact, and online interaction.

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Well I'm 48 and don't identify as GenX

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22 minutes ago, Skycaptain said:

Well I'm 48 and don't identify as GenX

Were generations categorized differently in the UK?

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Diana DeLuna
On 3/15/2020 at 6:08 PM, Snao Cone said:

I know several GenXers and some straddling Xennials (i.e. they were born in years that are sometimes called GenX and sometimes called Millennial) who find that very appealing.

I work with several Xennials, and they're a lot of fun. As a group and in the culture, they seem like a more jovial bunch of people than we sullen GenXers ever were.

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WOW!!

 

 

I started this thread 8 years ago  in 2012 and today, I say goodbye and pass the torch  to new members turning 40 years old in 2020. This week, I will say goodbye to my 40's and HELLO to my 50.   I want to move forward not backward. Good Luck to everybody and stay safe during these crazy time. 

 

Peace

 

Newgirl

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1 hour ago, newgirl said:

WOW!!

 

 

I started this thread 8 years ago  in 2012 and today, I say goodbye and pass the torch  to new members turning 40 years old in 2020. This week, I will say goodbye to my 40's and HELLO to my 50.   I want to move forward not backward. Good Luck to everybody and stay safe during these crazy time. 

 

Peace

 

Newgirl

We'll miss you, @newgirl! I'll see you in the 50s in about five years....

 

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I've invited myself into this thread a few years early, admittedly. :P

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4 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

I've invited myself into this thread a few years early, admittedly. :P

I was guessing that might be to annoy me! 😜

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3 hours ago, OldNews said:

I was guessing that might be to annoy me! 😜

:ph34r:

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On 3/15/2020 at 9:27 PM, Zagadka said:

GenX was made for self isolation in a crisis. Locked in a depressing room watching depressing media.

we've definitely been training for times like these...

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