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Feather

Aromantic Demisexuals

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Feather

There has been a bit of discussion regarding this in the aromantic thread, and I thought I would put it as a topic in this subforum as it pertains to demisexuality. I have only experienced sexual attraction a few times in my entire life, but I have never experienced romantic attraction. I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience in regards to attraction?

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Demi&Proud

I can see that to be a very odd sexuality to be :unsure: Because Demisexuals only experience sexual attraction after a deep emotional connection and 99% of the time, that connection is romantic. I don't think an aromatic demisexual would even know they are demisexual. I would think they would identify as aromatic asexual.

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Sussexdowns

I can see that to be a very odd sexuality to be :unsure: Because Demisexuals only experience sexual attraction after a deep emotional connection and 99% of the time, that connection is romantic. I don't think an aromatic demisexual would even know they are demisexual. I would think they would identify as aromatic asexual.

I am an aromantic demisexual, and know that I am such.. A close emotional connection does not need to be romantic. Not for everyone. It certainly wasn't for me the few times I have felt sexual attraction. They were people I was extremely close to, and shared no romantic feelings for, but they did become sexually attractive to me after the connection was made. And this does not mean every close relationship I have had ended in me being sexually attracted to them. It has happened twice in my 21 years of life.

Odd? Maybe. Unheard of? No. I have learned in this wonderful world of sexuality that anything is possible.

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Moggie

I can see that to be a very odd sexuality to be :unsure: Because Demisexuals only experience sexual attraction after a deep emotional connection and 99% of the time, that connection is romantic. I don't think an aromatic demisexual would even know they are demisexual. I would think they would identify as aromatic asexual.

I am an aromantic demisexual, and know that I am such.. A close emotional connection does not need to be romantic. Not for everyone. It certainly wasn't for me the few times I have felt sexual attraction. They were people I was extremely close to, and shared no romantic feelings for, but they did become sexually attractive to me after the connection was made. And this does not mean every close relationship I have had ended in me being sexually attracted to them. It has happened twice in my 21 years of life.

Odd? Maybe. Unheard of? No. I have learned in this wonderful world of sexuality that anything is possible.

i'm very confused about all these different attractions...how can I tell which i have and which i don't? I guess it is good that i like being single ;)

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HistorySarah1906

I agree with Solivagant: I also identify myself as an aromantic demisexual, so don't let the terminology confuse you. In my experience, I consider myself aromantic, since I don't experience romantic attraction. I hate physical affection, especially from intimate partners. I do not enjoy cuddling, hugs, kissing, and other romantic acts. Yet I feel sexual attraction. I am demisexual, in that I don't notice outward physical appearances but I become attracted to a great personality and intellect, as a friendship develops. Then, I feel a sexual attraction, rather than romantic. It doesn't mean you have to be single, but you definitely can choose to be. I am fine by myself, but I hope to eventually develop a long term queer platonic relationship. Asexuality is a beautiful thing. Good luck! :)

I can see that to be a very odd sexuality to be :unsure: Because Demisexuals only experience sexual attraction after a deep emotional connection and 99% of the time, that connection is romantic. I don't think an aromatic demisexual would even know they are demisexual. I would think they would identify as aromatic asexual.

I am an aromantic demisexual, and know that I am such.. A close emotional connection does not need to be romantic. Not for everyone. It certainly wasn't for me the few times I have felt sexual attraction. They were people I was extremely close to, and shared no romantic feelings for, but they did become sexually attractive to me after the connection was made. And this does not mean every close relationship I have had ended in me being sexually attracted to them. It has happened twice in my 21 years of life.

Odd? Maybe. Unheard of? No. I have learned in this wonderful world of sexuality that anything is possible.

i'm very confused about all these different attractions...how can I tell which i have and which i don't? I guess it is good that i like being single ;)

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FeckingFrigid

I'm wtfromantic and grey-a, leaning towards demi. I never experience romantic attraction in a normative way, and rarely experience at all. Even if I feel it, it's almost never fully, and when I feel it fully, it's in a romantic friendship or queerplatonic or lithromantic way or something. I don't actually experience sexual attraction, but I experience sensual attraction, aesthetic attraction, and intellectual or emotional attraction, and sometimes they become sexual interest. While sexual interest and vague romantic feelings sometimes coincide for me, they aren't actually related. To have a sexual interest in someone I need to have some level of connection to them aside from sex, but it doesn't have to be at all connected to romance. To experience romantic interest of any kind to someone, I have to know them pretty well, but I don't necessarily have to have sexual interest in them.

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noysoffer

I've recently discovered that I'm a demisexual aromantic. I can experience sexual attraction and do have sex, only with my best friends (of both genders), but I never really want to be in a romantic relationship with anyone, for the practical reasons. I guess it's kind of weird that demisexuals can be aromantic, because demisexuality is generally associated with sexuality through romance, but, in my opinion, sexuality and sexual attraction can be released through love between friends, not necessarily love between romantic partners.

For me personally, the only person whom I've truly felt a sexual connection with is my best friend, whom I've known for 3 years and deeply love. He's the only person whom I've had enjoyable sex with. For me, I need to be very close with someone in order to have sex with them. I mean close, like I know all of their deepest darkest secrets and can predict their thoughts. On the other hand, I never feel any type of romantic attraction, nor do I have any desires to be in a romantic relationship. To me romance is too complicated and not worth my time, and therefore, I don't really experience romantic attractions.

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Ben S.

while i consider myself romantic demisexual i have experienced aromantic demisexual desire. i have been sexually attracted to really good friends who i have no romantic interest in.

Ben

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PSUtatiana

There has been a bit of discussion regarding this in the aromantic thread, and I thought I would put it as a topic in this subforum as it pertains to demisexuality. I have only experienced sexual attraction a few times in my entire life, but I have never experienced romantic attraction. I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience in regards to attraction?

I've been "sexually attracted" to only one person in my life, and it took me almost 3 years to get there. Also, it was with someone who I didn't ever see. So I'm not sure if I liked the idea of him more than I actually liked him. This was also before I came out. Honestly, I don't think I will ever be sexually attracted to anyone ever again... And that doesn't bother me. Now I'm more interested in people, and want to be around them all the time. If sex comes into the question, then it does, but I don't have any opinions about it. (I'm nonchalant about sex now and it's much better than being repulsed... like I used to be.)

while i consider myself romantic demisexual i have experienced aromantic demisexual desire. i have been sexually attracted to really good friends who i have no romantic interest in.

Ben

I'm the complete opposite.

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PSUtatiana

I'm wtfromantic and grey-a, leaning towards demi. I never experience romantic attraction in a normative way, and rarely experience at all. Even if I feel it, it's almost never fully, and when I feel it fully, it's in a romantic friendship or queerplatonic or lithromantic way or something. I don't actually experience sexual attraction, but I experience sensual attraction, aesthetic attraction, and intellectual or emotional attraction, and sometimes they become sexual interest. While sexual interest and vague romantic feelings sometimes coincide for me, they aren't actually related. To have a sexual interest in someone I need to have some level of connection to them aside from sex, but it doesn't have to be at all connected to romance. To experience romantic interest of any kind to someone, I have to know them pretty well, but I don't necessarily have to have sexual interest in them.

Please tell me "WTFROMANTIC" means "what the fuck romantic!!!!"

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Goldberry

Thank you for making this thread! I didn't know there was such a thing as an aromantic demisexual; I'd thought of it as an oxymoron actually, something I randomly thought of one day, which I found quite funny. But I'm right up there when it comes to platonic love. I've also felt romantic attraction at various points of my life, albeit only to people who I had absolutely no business with! And as for the only people I've even had (rather unenjoyable) sex with, I'm not so sure if there was any romantic attraction.

But I'm lurking around here wondering whether I am actually demi after all, or gray, rather than ace...on account that in the past week I've been rather interested in someone in my life, and I find that I would like the enjoyment of a loving relationship with someone, and I'd even like to get enough experience to see if I could actually like sex if I find the right person. I feel really happy for you any of you folks here who have great relationships.

I just get conflicted because I have this interest, and I have both sexual and romantic fantasies, but I keep wavering and feeling completely uninterested, and sometimes I lecture myself and call myself such a fool for having any sort of silly thoughts like this, that of course he doesn't like me, or of course, I would never go for that in real life, or that I'm so much better off being forever alone because relationships are nothing by anguish. I don't know whether I am a curious ace or just an unexperienced demi/gray.

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snail INFP

I can't imagine what it would feel like being sexually attracted to someone without the attraction being romantic first, but I suppose if platonic love were intense enough, it would be possible to experience sexual desire for a very intimate friend. I am not aromantic. No matter what someone else's sexuality is like, as long as it is unlike my own, I seem to have trouble relating to it, although it is interesting to think about.

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Goldberry

I can't imagine what it would feel like being sexually attracted to someone without the attraction being romantic first, but I suppose if platonic love were intense enough, it would be possible to experience sexual desire for a very intimate friend. I am not aromantic. No matter what someone else's sexuality is like, as long as it is unlike my own, I seem to have trouble relating to it, although it is interesting to think about.

Yes! I can see the romantic attraction as a wedge for sexual attraction to creep in, totally. But a really close platonic friendship could do it, too. Only thing with me though, is that sometimes demi is used to denote a person who will become attracted to anyone they are close with regardless of gender, but so far I only see myself with the potential to become sexually or romantically attracted to males. A really close friendship can happen beautifully with females, but it ends there for me. And even that is a wonderful place to be. :)

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snail INFP

I can't imagine what it would feel like being sexually attracted to someone without the attraction being romantic first, but I suppose if platonic love were intense enough, it would be possible to experience sexual desire for a very intimate friend. I am not aromantic. No matter what someone else's sexuality is like, as long as it is unlike my own, I seem to have trouble relating to it, although it is interesting to think about.

Yes! I can see the romantic attraction as a wedge for sexual attraction to creep in, totally. But a really close platonic friendship could do it, too. Only thing with me though, is that sometimes demi is used to denote a person who will become attracted to anyone they are close with regardless of gender, but so far I only see myself with the potential to become sexually or romantically attracted to males. A really close friendship can happen beautifully with females, but it ends there for me. And even that is a wonderful place to be. :)

I think there are different flavors of demisexuality. I have never had a sexual attraction to a female, but then, I don't think I have ever felt sufficiently emotionally close to any female. Sexual attraction requires a very specific kind of closeness that is hard to achieve. I wouldn't assume that it would be impossible, but so far, all of my romantic relationships have been with males. I'm pretty sure demisexuals can still have a preference for a specific gender.

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MiniLo

I think I miiiiight have experienced this before... though that vital initial "connection" was probably established through fetish attraction instead of anything else. Fetish attraction is really, really hard to separate from other kinds of attraction for me, but I'm inclined to say that it's happened before, even if it was just very fleeting or minor.

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Old_Tired_Heavily_Armed

I have grown into the possession of a sociopathic personality style. This does not mean I'm a sociopath. My emotions range from complete calm to killing rage. Have not had the killing rage in years though. Well...mabey sometimes when I watch Fox News. There is no further discernment in my emotional range. I feel no romantic attraction...it was just lust when I was young. Now as I age, the lust part is gone and I've been very disturbed about it until I woke up in the middle of the night last night and got on my computer and found this place.

I hope I can get rid of this social standard that has been imposed on me now and just be who I am and be left in peace.

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suchnsuch

This thread has made me realise I have no idea what romantic means! I'm not sure it can even be partitioned off and defined on its own terms.

I experience sensual attraction, aesthetic attraction, and intellectual or emotional attraction

I guess I kind of thought romantic attraction was a combination of these things.

Also love the sound of wtfromantic.

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Hexagon

I really wouldn't know... I've only ever formed a deep connection with various AIs and my cat, and I don't have to say I've never been sexually attracted to either. Potentially, all asexuals could demi, and never meet the right person. I'm a grey romantic though, not aromantic.

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