Mordsith Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Hi all! I'm new here, and just wanted to ask something. After waffling over whether or not I was asexual (didn't really seem to fit) or just a late bloomer of sorts (21 seemed like a really late bloomer :P), I ran across the definition of demisexuality as "only experiencing sexual attraction after developing a strong emotional bond" and my first reaction was "Well, yeah, isn't everyone like this?" And then I started to think about my friends' crushes on celebrities they've never even met and the now socially acceptable one night stands and then thought, "Wow! this all makes so much more sense!" I had never thought of people actually being sexually attracted to someone they don't know. It had never even occurred to me that people might do this, and now that I was factoring it in as an option, the society I live in seemed to make a lot more sense. My question is, did this epiphany happen to anyone else, or am I the only demi that mistakenly thought her way of thinking was actually the norm? xD Link to post Share on other sites
Siggy Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I think a lot of people who do not identify as demisexual mistakenly think that it is the norm, and use this to attack demisexuality. Because if you have typical people identifying as an atypical group, then all hell will break loose, and babies will eat babies! But I mean, there's a little truth to it. Just because some of your friends have crushes on celebrities or have one night stands... are you sure that accounts for the majority of people? Could it just be the kind of friends you make? Or, if you're cynical, are a few of them exaggerating for show? But it's a matter of degree. If you just don't have celebrity crushes, that's not so unusual. But if you're going years at a time with nothing, that is unusual. It is hard to say how unusual you have to be to take up a label. I'd say if it's enough that it significantly impacts your life... (note: I identify as gray, not demi) Link to post Share on other sites
Awkward Turtle Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 ...my first reaction was "Well, yeah, isn't everyone like this?" And then I started to think about my friends' crushes on celebrities they've never even met and the now socially acceptable one night stands and then thought, "Wow! this all makes so much more sense!" I had never thought of people actually being sexually attracted to someone they don't know. It had never even occurred to me that people might do this, and now that I was factoring it in as an option, the society I live in seemed to make a lot more sense. My question is, did this epiphany happen to anyone else, or am I the only demi that mistakenly thought her way of thinking was actually the norm? xD Epiphany is the word! I had a very similar experience when coming across this word and it was just like everything clicked. It's actually helped me to have a way more sex-positive attitude once I discovered that people weren't behaving so radically different, they actually had inherently different experiences of attraction and desire. Link to post Share on other sites
Member33070 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 x Link to post Share on other sites
Alan Degas Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I don't think I really thought everyone was demisexual. I mean, I could understand that a majority of people need some sort of emotional connection before wanting sex but it also seemed, to me, that everyone at least knew roughly who they would want to have sex with. Like, at the veryveryvery least they knew which biological sex they preferred... and, well, I didn't. Still don't, for that matter. I identify as demi, because I don't think I've ever been sexually attracted to anyone except my current partner. I could also identify as pansexual I suppose... since I find sex and gender totally irrelevant when it comes to falling in love, and I feel quite certain that I would feel sexual attraction to anyone I felt romantic love for. Link to post Share on other sites
Marquis25 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I don't think I really thought everyone was demisexual. I mean, I could understand that a majority of people need some sort of emotional connection before wanting sex but it also seemed, to me, that everyone at least knew roughly who they would want to have sex with. Like, at the veryveryvery least they knew which biological sex they preferred... and, well, I didn't. Still don't, for that matter. I identify as demi, because I don't think I've ever been sexually attracted to anyone except my current partner. This exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
soulmatevn Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I identify me as demisexual. I had a 4-year relationship with my ex boyfriend. We thought we were MFEO. At first, holding hands or kissing was ok but if we didn't do this for a long time, it didn't matter to me. I just enjoyed talking to him, sitting next to him (Now I think he is an ace, too :lol: ). After 3 years, I suddenly want to kiss and touch him badly everytime we met. But that was all I want at that time. I didn't even think of going any further. Then ưe broke up because he was offered a good job in another city and he left. I don't know whether I could feel sexual attracted to him if our relationship lasted longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 +1 for "epiphany" being the word... I always knew I was somehow "different", but it wasn't until I found this site and the term "demisexual" that it clicked. I guess if you are on a more Grey-A part of the Demisexual spectrum (like me) it especially makes sense that it's very easy to miss. Something very much like mildly "demisexual"-like behaviour when it comes to relationship/sexual mores seems to be the accepted norm for respectable behaviour in most of the world. Well, in most cultures except the most sexually liberal Western ones perhaps. So for a long time I just sort of assumed that people are being colourful and exaggerating when they talk about how they would sleep with such and such (eg. Attractive strangers they see on the street, celebrities, etc). And I essentially assumed that those who do casual sex must have some kind of mild mental issues to do so, lol. :P But yes, anyway, when I read the definition of demisexuality here it all made sense: I actually really do process the whole sexual attraction and desire thing quite differently to the mainstream norm. Link to post Share on other sites
kitrhap Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 With me, my girlfriend was like, "You're not ace, you're just Rensexual." (meaning I was only sexually attracted to her.) and I thought to myself, "Is that even legit? like is there a valid term for that?" lo and behold, Google spit 'Demisexuality' out at me, I mused over the definition for a while, and then it just 'clicked'. I had a proper definition and I was happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Alan Degas Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 With me, my girlfriend was like, "You're not ace, you're just Rensexual." (meaning I was only sexually attracted to her.) Haha, I had the same thing actually, except I found out I was "Alexsexual"! :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
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