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Asexual Parents Thread


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On 2/8/2012 at 9:14 AM, Aspiecat said:

Okay, I'll start a discussion.

How young is too young for kids to start dating? I've always thought that kids shouldn't date in their early teens, and even mid-teens (say, up to 17) rankles a bit. My ds (12) has been telling me for the past year he plans to concentrate on his education and not date until he's 18 or 19 (hm...possible ace?). However, today at lunchtime a girl in his class asked him to go out with her because she loves his singing voice and thinks he's "cute". :rolleyes: <_<

Ds naturally told her he couldn't possibly (as he was too busy hahaha) and even though she started to compliment him on his uniform :lol: She finally gave up when he approached the social group he's attached himself to.

I joked about it with him when he told me, and was glad we could be light-hearted about it, but it got me thinking. He's at a new school after being home-educated, 1200+ kids. He is surrounded by peer-pressure constantly now, and although he's a strong-minded kid about his principals, he is already making friends and is bound to be affected by their behaviour, especially as he gets older.

So what age *is* too young to date? And what constitutes a "date", anyway? Would you allow your child to date as young as 12 and - because it happens - regard someone as their boyfriend/girlfriend at this age?

Aspie


"Date" is of course a social construct. I wouldn't bother putting an age restriction on such a thing. 18 is too young to date a sleezeball who can't accept 'no'. 

When I was 12, my 10 year old friend had a crush on me; she was really pushy and hyper sexual (but a great person; I still love her to bits). When she asked me out, I said 'yes', because I can't say no to anything. Later I told my best friend (11 at the time) that I needed an 'out' because I had a crush on another girl (of course a lie), and so he 'stole' her from me. The two of them dated on and off for years.

So to each their own.

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Both my partner and I are asexual and we have 2 kids !

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On 07/02/2018 at 8:41 AM, Mr. PC said:

How did you meet?

Online chat room!

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I’m new at this and haven’t decided what my ID is yet, but I’m going as demiromantic asexual for now. But I always wanted children. My husband is sexual and I was happy to try because I wanted children so badly. And now I have two beautiful daughters. Aged 2y8m and 4m. 

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Sweet Potato

my son is all of 18 months old, so at what age he should date is not something Ive even thought of yet! I personally dont consider it a date if a parent has to pick you up and drop you off. So I guess 16 is my minimum age, younger than that and they are still very much children anyway. No offence intended to teenagers, maybe Im just old :D.
Im curious how giving him "the talk" will go....

"so son, sex is a thing, been there done that and... meh,"

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cutiepastels
On 07/02/2012 at 6:53 PM, Aspiecat said:

Hi Doppel and other readers of this post.

I am asexual. However, I am also a parent, and both these facts about me are equally important.

I have, over the years, frequented various parenting boards, some of which have been good, some of which should be put out of their misery. Occasionally, I would find myself wishing I had someone in these fora to whom to talk about how I felt about sex. On the odd occasion I *did* raise the topic of never having enjoyed sex, of not wanting to be touched, and so on, the responses were either "well, that's weird", or "oh, I know what you mean! I am so tired, too!" Naturally, neither was suitable.

There were a few of us, however, who really did not like sex, and although we had children, we were in a position that many parents at AVEN understand all too well: for whatever reason, we had a child, or children, but it's not as a result of enjoying sexual activity.

Whenever I tried to raise topics about being a parent who was asexual (although at the time I didn't have a label for how I felt), the others who felt similarly would warn me I would be shot down if I didn't delete the post, or at least refrain from raising the topic again.

So as an asexual parent, I have always felt out of kilter and on my own.

Until I came to AVEN. I joined later in 2010 but it wasn't the best time, so returned last month. And I have found other aces who are also parents! C'est bon! Certainement, c'est tres bon! This means that I can chat with other mums/dads within the safe confines of AVEN about my child and know that if the subject of my asexuality comes up - even indirectly - no-one will blink an eyelid.

There are other AVENites who support the need for a wee corner of the site where we can blather of about our kids without boring the majority of AVEN members who, for the most part, are young and haven't got children. Many of them have no intention of having kids and don't care for conversations about children. From toilet-training to high-school graduations, such subject matter will kill chat in milliseconds.

Being asexual and a parent are mutually exclusive, but they intertwine as well. While the fact my son suddenly - and unwillingly, I might add! - became a chick magnet in his first day at school after girls heard him sing is true, you might think it has nothing to do with my being ace. Well, that is true. However, if that was posted in a parenting sub-forum here in AVEN, I can guarantee that (a) other parents will respond with questions, comments and stories, and (b) somewhere along the way, the subject of asexuality will arise. For instance, my son's school is Catholic (the govt schools here are crap) and it's bad enough ds and I are Atheist, and ds is rather effeminate, but to add in the mix that mum is a different sexual orientation? Not that the school will know or NEEDS to know, but the less ammunition school bullies have, the better.

AVENites form close bonds very quickly within these virtual walls. For many, it's the only place they feel safe in a world that is highly sexual and does not suffer a lack of sexual behaviour gladly. As many gay people did in the past - and still do now - asexuals often put on a mask for the outside world, going through home life and working life pretending we are cool with it all. Then they go back to AVEN, even their bodies physically relaxing in the knowledge that while of course there are douche-bags everywhere, even in AVEN, there is total acceptance of being asexual.

Can you imagine what it's like, then to be a parent AND ace? The judgement that is made is incredible. We even get judged by some other aces, who scoff at the fact we even contemplated having children. I have been personally attacked but that was trolling and a different issue. Still, it reminded me that not all asexuals are going to understand my need to talk about my son, and to be frank, they'd much prefer it if I didn't.

However, we parents DO go on about our kids! We love them to bits! We WANT to talk about them, and we know that most other parents are going to smile and nod when we talk about first days at school, the Tooth Fairy, crap teachers, and the suchlike.

More importantly, there are a number of aces who want to have children in the future. They really have few places to go to for advice, as they are conflicted about being asexual - and therefore, by definition, disliking the method of conception - and yet wanting to love and raise a child or children. A parenting sub-forum would give these AVEN members the chance to bounce ideas off those of us who have children already, either by choice or not (and some did NOT choose).

I see an AVEN sub-forum - and, hopefully, for now a pinned thread - a place AVEN members can go to talk about parenting issues, to ask questions, to give advice and support, and to raise awareness of how many of us are both asexual and parents. There are even AVENites who are grandparents - imagine the experience and advice THEY have to offer!

Aspiecat

this is a very interesting topic. I always wondered if it was possible to be asexual and start a family. I so wanted to this year but unfortunately me and my bf broke up and he freaked out when he saw the highchair my brother gave us even though we had been planning past year to have a baby. Also, I wondered does it affect the child much when they are older? and how does your partner deal with you being asexual, is your partner understanding? near the end me and my bf had sex less - once a month then slowly every few months. I tried to explain asexuality to my bf and thought he understood but by the end he said I just had a low sex drive and that I wasn't asexual. I feel that I am for sure asexual or demisexual. In a way this relationship the past 3 years I tried to see if I was otherwise, but still same realisation at the end of it. I can't change the way I am, even if I want kids - I hope I will find someone who understands and loves me regardless. Ideally I would want children but I do realise that might not happen for me, so the very least I would like is that my future partner loves and cares about me and accepts my asexuality.

 

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I have a 4 year old daughter, I've been married for 6 years or something? We were engaged and living together from about 2007 though. Honestly with the stress I'm under now, if I went back in time I would have skipped the marriage, made sure I lived close to my dad (which I do now anyway) and had a kid solo. Its actually more work with a husband as they don't actually contribute much and are always competing for attention (and sex ~_~). 

 

 I saw a few posts from Aces that want to be parents. Sure seek out a partner, but don't settle with someone just to have kids. Solo isn't as bad as media would make it out to be.  Just prepare by learning a stable well paying trade (I'm a nurse), have a support network (first year especially you need a friend/family to help you get breaks)! I think if life was ideal I would have sought a fellow ace that got along with me and also had the goal of family. 

 

And as to the single parent thing, I got a taste for it because my husband 'ran' away when our daughter was 3 months old and very colicky, to learn over the road trucking. Basically left me as a single parent with out the freedom of being a single parent, not to mention, his work often cost more for him to be on the road than he made! Single parenting, hard yes, harder than being with an unreliable, needy partner, probably not. I moved in with my sister for 6 months so we could help each other with kids and share rent. Much better situation than when my husband finally quit the over the road crud. *ends rant*

 

Anyway, don't ever let being single get in the way of having a kid if that's what you want is what I meant to say lol.

 

Also, it's hard to have conversations in a single mega thread, I think the OP's idea of a sub thread for parents is nice. At the least we can commiserate or even share tips for people that want children but not a sex obligated marriage. Maybe a revisit to the idea?

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Hi I only joined this week.

 

Im 43 female with a husband and an amazing 7 year old child.  I would love to have more but realistically it’s not going to happen.  

 

It was my husband that told me about this forum a few years ago and being the introvert that I am, have only just joined/posted.  

 

My husband is my soul mate and we’ve been together over 20 years and sex has always been very rare.  He is not asexual and I know it frustrates him.  

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Hey there, asexual parents!

I don't have any kids myself, but lately I've been developing the wish to. I'm really glad I found this thread. Even though it doesn't seem to be very active, I will probably lurk around a bit ;)

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Hi, I'm a single mum to a 10 year old daughter. Absolutely don't let the idea being a single mum/dad stop you from becoming a parent, it's hard, sure, but you can do it :)

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

Yes you can @Arafier and it is jolly hard! But your child's health happiness and success is everything. I salute you! Having been past that stage for over 17 years now, I find I have produced a thoroughly decent young woman with a great life in front of her. when she was two , everyone started to pressure me not to make her an 'only child' , but, as there are enough of us to be anything but endangered, plus she was enough for me, I stopped there. Putting energy into more than one child wasn't possible for me, so I did everything I could for just one.

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Hi. I don't know if this has come up in this thread before, but I thought I'd ask. I'm not a parent yet, but I want to be someday. But, I don't have any interest in having a sexual partner and would like to have kids via sperm donation or adoption. I'm a virgin, though, and plan on staying one, so I'm worried about that inevitable day when they are older and I will have to talk to them about sex. How do I talk about sex if I've never had any experience with it? How do I advice them on sexual relationships? When I was a teenager, my mom would give me advice via stories about sexual relationships she'd had (don't worry, they weren't that TMI). But, I won't be able to do the same for my kids. And I'm also, probably irrationally, worried that my own kids would be weirded out or resentful if I told them that I'm asexual. What's your advice on this?

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On 2/10/2012 at 9:45 AM, Nomad in Stasis said:

I would like to bring up some things on the matter of children.

1: I want to have children, but one of my concerns is that I am sort of disowned by my parents, but if I have kids, I want them to be able to know their grandparents, but I am not sure how the relationship would work out. There are things about my parents that absolutely hate, but I still love them. (And I have tried to resolve the issue)

2: I know this is odd considering I don't even have a relationship yet and especially not anywhere close to having kids, but I worry about myself being a father. I have problems that, although some of which have been corrected with meds, I worry about how I will act toward my children. I do not really like physical contact, but I do love kids.

I'm not nor have I ever been a fan of physical contact but I can't get enough of hugging and kissing my kids. My allosexual boyfriend gets very jealous as they are practically glued to me. They don't hug or kiss him as much. He actually blames me for this saying that I don't lead enough by example in hugging or kissing him 😑

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Hi Everyone! This post is directed at biological mothers but all opinions and input are welcome of course! 

I'm a 34  yr old mother of 3. ds1 is 12 from a previous relationship, dd is 2.5yrs and ds2 10months from my current relationship. I'm very new to AVEN and to the world of asexuality. 

 

Myself and my partner are struggling to compromise when it comes to intimacy, particularly since having our children. Basically I never want to have sex or kiss and cuddle for that matter as I know this will turn my partner on and then he will want sex. At 1st I was blaming pregnancy, then postnatally I blamed the lack of sleep, the fact the the baby is still in our room, the fact that I'm not ovulating due to breastfeeding etc etc etc. What if these aren't excuses though and it's all true? I've basically been pregnant and breast feeding for over 3 yrs now and were only together 5yrs! How do I know?! 

 

But if I'm truthful to myself, I began to dread sex alot earlier on in our relationship  (probably after the 1st year). The problem is, for the 1st few months we had lots of sex and I even initiated sometimes although most of it was under the influence and if he tries to remind me of anything intimate we did I cringe inside. Looking back, all my relationships started very similar with me being very enthusiastic to please my partners sexual desires but then it very quickly coming to a halt in my mind. And when that occurs I actually become repulsed by kissing and very indifferent/repulsed towards sex. I just always thought that was me falling out of love or becoming bored or something. I never thought I was asexual. 

I'm not sure what possessed me to look up asexuality just a few days ago but something definitely seems to resonate with me. It's had me thinking about all my sexual encounters and crushes over the years. I've had major crushes /been obsessed with many boys in real life and celebrities but thinking back, I can honestly say I never thought about having sex with them or about what they looked like naked or anything. I'm only now since joining AVEN realising that only asexual people don't have those thoughts towards others... I honestly thought it was a female thing. That only men thought with their penises. Do allosexual women really have sexual desires to tear people's clothes off and have sex with people they're attracted to like you see in the movies? That passion that always makes me cringe? 

I do think my boyfriend is good looking but I hate seeing his naked body and hate how he looks at me when he sees me naked (like a peice of meat). I do want him to think I'm attractive but maybe only in the way that I think he's attractive! 

After my 1st relationship  (the father if my 1st son) I was so turned off men I turned to women. Well one woman really. She was a work colleague and we had a flirty very casual on/off thing for a number of years. It rarely went beyond kissing though. Although I had that encounter, I was never comfortable enough to label myself as bisexual as  i couldn't picture myself being intimate with any other females although I was (now I know) romantically attracted to many girls. I considered myself straight, but only by default I guess as I wasn't homosexual. The only time I really wanted to have sex in the last few yrs was when we were trying for our children and even then I wanted it to be as quick as possible. My partner has called me a nun or an old lady when he cracks sexual jokes and I just find them offensive. Or when he think he can just randomly grope my breasts or bum when I walk past him. 

I do really want our relationship to work for the sake of our family but I know sex and intimacy are really important to him. I just cant bring myself to give him what he needs and since discovering AVEN I feel even more reluctant. Like I've betrayed my identity for long enough and enough is enough.  I wouldn't expect a gay man to have sex with  a women just to please her sexual needs so why should I? Or am I just being a stubborn unloving  cold bitch? I feel so lost and trapped since this discovery of my identity. And really sad that I did all those things that I really didn't want to do or didn't feel comfortable with, just to impress my partners and to make them fall in love with me. I also feel like a bit of a fraud. Do I sound asexual or just postnatal? I'm going a bit crazy hear over thinking my whole adult life up to this point 🙈🙈🙈

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On 3/23/2018 at 6:06 AM, Zoaea said:

Its actually more work with a husband as they don't actually contribute much and are always competing for attention (and sex ~_~)

This 😑😑😑😑😑 its so wearing 

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Sewing_shadows
On 2/13/2012 at 11:29 AM, Lintu said:

How about this as a topic:

How important do you think it is to tell your kids you're asexual? Is it like letting them know that they have two dads because you're gay? Or is it just insignificant?

I wondered this, too. I figured out I was a gray ace 3 days ago. My kiddos are 5 and 8. My 8 year old is very bright and we’re pretty open with her. As of right now, I’ve only come out to my husband and my best friend. But I wonder how I’ll address Asexuality in the future? I am the parent who handles difficult discussions better, so it will probably fall on me. I *think* I have some time before it even needs to come up, but it is something I’ve been contemplating. I’m afraid I don’t have an answer, but I’m here to see other peoples’ thoughts. 

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Sewing_shadows
On 2/20/2012 at 11:33 AM, Mimi-le-Roux said:

Hi mummies. I hope this isn't too personal a question but did any of you breastfeed your children and if so, how did you find it?

I have a four month old son and throughout my pregnancy, I was adamant I wanted to breastfeed - the midwives drill it into you as much as they can. However, when he was born, we just couldn't get it going. I was so tense with it, it really freaked me out; I hate being touched there but I'd genuinely hoped I could overcome it. I couldn't - I ended up having to bottle feed and I felt like such a failure.

I just wondered if anyone else had the same problem.

I breastfed both of mine. Whew! They put me through the wringer. It hurt soooo bad when I started. And honest, the midwives and nurses and OBs pushed it really hard. Was it worth it? Meh, I dunno about that. We put SO much pressure on mums to breastfeed, but honestly food is food! Feed your baby how you can and how you want to. I like the Fearless Bottle Feeder. She’s a blog writer that champions bottle feeding and uncovers some of the breastfeeding pressure and pseudoscience used to push breastfeeding on mums. 

 

If I were to have another child, I would opt for bottle feeding. It’s not worth the time and effort and energy and stress breastfeeding caused. 

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

Breastfeeding is great for getting the immune system up and running in a newborn, but the idea that it's for everyone is a bit misguided. 

Fair skinned people have particular problems with it and so do people with red hair ( I'm not generalising here, it's just a statistic) because of the melanin levels, and some folk don't produce enough milk.

In harking back to the good old days when every baby was breast fed, they forget the existence of wet nurses and infant mortality.

Just do what's comfortable and not what is fashionable.😊

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On 2/8/2012 at 3:14 AM, Aspiecat said:

Okay, I'll start a discussion.

How young is too young for kids to start dating? I've always thought that kids shouldn't date in their early teens, and even mid-teens (say, up to 17) rankles a bit. My ds (12) has been telling me for the past year he plans to concentrate on his education and not date until he's 18 or 19 (hm...possible ace?). However, today at lunchtime a girl in his class asked him to go out with her because she loves his singing voice and thinks he's "cute". :rolleyes:<_<

Ds naturally told her he couldn't possibly (as he was too busy hahaha) and even though she started to compliment him on his uniform :lol: She finally gave up when he approached the social group he's attached himself to.

I joked about it with him when he told me, and was glad we could be light-hearted about it, but it got me thinking. He's at a new school after being home-educated, 1200+ kids. He is surrounded by peer-pressure constantly now, and although he's a strong-minded kid about his principals, he is already making friends and is bound to be affected by their behaviour, especially as he gets older.

So what age *is* too young to date? And what constitutes a "date", anyway? Would you allow your child to date as young as 12 and - because it happens - regard someone as their boyfriend/girlfriend at this age?

Aspie

When I was a preteen, dating mostly included going from being regular friends with someone, to suddenly communicating only through notes and through giggling messages passed through other kids. Maybe if we were unsupervised by other adults we would kiss, but first we'd have to get our friends to dare us to. I was fine kissing boys because I felt no attraction to them so I had nothing to gain or lose by it. I didn't kiss girls because squish feelings are confusing and it made me feel funny to have that much contact with people I found aesthetically appealing. It felt more real, more serious, so I avoided that. I think most dating at that age is pretty harmless. 


It's also quite typical for kids even younger than that, 3-6 or so to experiment with other kids their own age. I didn't when i was litte, but I was asexual. My friends often did, which I thought was weird when i was 4 or 5, but I mostly just ignored it.

 

I discussed this with parents in my community and we noticed that some body curiosity existed and if the kids thought we weren't looking sometimes they'd discard more clothing than was typically considered appropriate. Mostly just looking at themselves or each other. The parents in my community and I agreed we'd keep a close eye on it, talk to the kids about body autonomy, respecting boundaries, and consent because kids are going to do what they want, you can't watch them every second. This way whatever they do while we're in the kitchen or bathroom or whatever and not watching, we knew they understood how to respect boundaries, that pressuring others wasn't okay, and never to do anything that made other kids uncomfortable. I saw a four year old boy  ask my kid once (who was six at the time), "Would it make you uncomfortable if I took off my shirt?" and my son was like, "No. I don't care." and that was that. On another occasion my son was uncomfortable because his friend who was a year younger than him was running around in her undies, and he let her know that he was feeling uncomfortable with her nudity (which he never had when they were younger, they were babies together). She pouted because it was summer and hot, but she put clothes on. We talked about how it's important to make sure others are comfortable, but also to respect everyone's rights and choices about their own bodies. How it's a fine line between body policing, and respecting people's comfort levels. We talked about the Free the Nipple campaigns and things like that...the kids were six and seven at the time. Kids are super smart, they can have complex conversations about this stuff. 


We made sure we talked to them about the important stuff early, and kept those conversations going so that whenever they decide to experiment with bodies or "dating" or kissing or later on even sex, they could do so in a healthy, safe, and consensual way. 

 

When it comes down to it, there is no universal age that's okay to start dating or too young or whatever. It really depends on the kid. If and when they're ready to start trying it out, they're going to do it whether or not it's against your rules. The open dialog is more important than the rules. You'll want them to feel comfortable talking to you about their good and bad experiences so you can help them navigate it, and they're aren't just hiding it and messing up and trying to figure it all out alone. 

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On 2/23/2019 at 8:00 AM, chandrakirti said:

Breastfeeding is great for getting the immune system up and running in a newborn, but the idea that it's for everyone is a bit misguided. 

Fair skinned people have particular problems with it and so do people with red hair ( I'm not generalising here, it's just a statistic) because of the melanin levels, and some folk don't produce enough milk.

In harking back to the good old days when every baby was breast fed, they forget the existence of wet nurses and infant mortality.

Just do what's comfortable and not what is fashionable.😊

This is not something I heard before?! White people statistically have a harder time breastfeeding? That's fascinating. I'm not white so it wasn't something I ever even thought about. Breastfeeding was hard for the first six months for me because I overproduced milk and always had too much, was always engorged, and got a lot of breast infections. I told myself i'd quit after six months, since that's the most important time period for immune system building, and i donated and gave away a bunch of breast milk to moms (mostly white women now that i think of it) who underproduced, but just as I hit the six month mark and was about to wean, my body balanced it all out. I still had too much milk but it was no longer painful and I wasn't so engorged or getting breast infections. I nursed for three years, my kid, and six of my friends kids when I baby sat...which in hindsight was problematic from a racial perspective...but it was easier than heating up bottles and all that mess, and my friends didn't have to pump so they loved it. it's also good for babies immune systems to wetnurse. 

I'm very pro breast feeding, but I also believe that a person's right to their own body is absolute and if they aren't comfortable with it, it's better for the baby that they have a happy parent who isn't suffering through physical contact...i mean, a baby is going to feel it if their presence is unwanted. The negative effects of that are waaay worse than formula, goat milk, or donor milk. It's much better to raise your baby on formula and be able to love all your feeding time cuddles than to be miserable. 

I hated pumping and my mom had a goat farm...so my kid had goat milk if he was ever not with me. I was lucky though! 

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I’m a parent of an 11 year old son. I’m thrilled for this thread, as I’m newly out and struggling with what/how much to tell him. 

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On 2/23/2019 at 3:00 PM, chandrakirti said:

Breastfeeding is great for getting the immune system up and running in a newborn, but the idea that it's for everyone is a bit misguided. 

Fair skinned people have particular problems with it and so do people with red hair ( I'm not generalising here, it's just a statistic) because of the melanin levels, and some folk don't produce enough milk.

In harking back to the good old days when every baby was breast fed, they forget the existence of wet nurses and infant mortality.

Just do what's comfortable and not what is fashionable.😊

first time I heard about these statistics,  interesting though. I had really different experiences breastfeeding my boys. The first one,  it was really tough for both of us. My breasts were engorged and painful to the touch,  I had to release milk pre-feeding just to make the nipples a suitable shape for the baby's mouth.  He still didn't get enough for some reason, and we had to first supplement with formula, then pretty quickly (at 6 weeks and a diagnosed failure to thrive) make a full switch to bottles for him to gain adequate weight.

I nursed number two a bit more than 3 months. We did okay, but it still felt like some sort of chore amidst taking care of a clingy one-year-old and was abruptly ended with 9/11 happening,  when I decided I really needed a smoke or two. 

Number three was a late appearance, also born in Europe  (the first ones in the US - where birth sems to be regarded as some sort of medical emergency ) and a whole lot of different. 

My first was in the middle of Chemotherapy when labor started,  we sort of walked across the street to the birthing clinic, and I had no clue that giving birth could be an enjoyable event. So amazing.  I got to be in a warm bath for most of the starting labor,  the room was more like a home than a hospital, with music and dim lights, no drip bag or monitor cables to obstruct movement, the midwive was there but unobtrusive...

The only medical looking procedure was the stem cell collection from the umbilical cord for my oldest ( perfect match). 

I nursed the little one for 3 years.  it was an amazing bonding experience and my few minutes of zen in an otherwise fucked up reality. Then I had to explain to him, that now that he was old enough for pre-school, he couldn't be nursing like a baby anymore. That worked overnight. 

I still have the closest bond with him (he's 11 now).

Number one passed on 9 years ago (not due to breastfeeding) and Number two is a smart ass aspie teenager (we communicate like Spock and Data) and Number three needs anger management

any insights I might have to child rearing are probably very individual and not applicable to the masses.

I'm the asexual one btw, my husband the hyper-sexual . Don't ask how that works,  it really doesn't. 

I'm really happy this thread exists though,  not too many of us aces realised our nature this late in life and have a family to worry about as well. 

 

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Didn't know this thread existed. I'm a mom with three semi-grown children. 

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Greymulkin

I love that this tread exists!

 

Personally I have 3 kids ages 13, 15, and 17 and only recently identified my own asexuality. Honestly my kids were way more knowledgeable about this stuff than I was at 40. 

 

When and how to tell your kids is a question we all have to figure out individually I think but I was open with them as soon as I was sure.

 

I’m glad I was open early because my non-ace ex wife couldn’t handle my asexuality and told the kids and others our marriage didn’t work out because I was gay. 

 

My 15 year old who is pansexual and only identified to me after her mother started with this behavior was mortified. She said “Dad, how can I talk to mom about my sexuality if she is so toxic about yours?”.

 

I think my advice is no one will know your kids better than you do and hopefully when you do open up about this fundamental aspect of yourself to them they get that it doesn’t change the feelings you have for them and doesn’t need to change the feeling they have for you. 

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Dreamsexual

I'm a dad of a kid just about to hit puberty.  I co-parent and live with my wife, though it's not a traditional martiage and we will divorce and separate when our child is older.  They are just starting to find out a bit about me, especially as they discovered I was on this website.  Oh well, we're a very liberal and open family, and they seem to take everything in their stride.

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