(A) puerto Rican Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 I'm not sure if i want kids or not, but something interesting comes in to my mind of how two asexual's who are complete virgins would want to have kids. Like me i want to find love and maybe have kids but i would never ever would want to have sex so i don't know how that would end up at. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ohmless Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I got lucky when my wife at the time and I got pregnant on first try(six years into marriage). He is a wonderful 6 year old that lives with her since I am disabled. Still get to talk to him and do my parenting from away a couple times a week. miss him dreadfully though 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bluebird Heart Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Hello! I'm not a parent (yet), but I've always wanted to be one. I remember never being interested in relationships or physical intimacy, but late into high school I was already looking up the requirements and hoops that would have to be jumped through to become a foster parent or to adopt. Alas, I would have had to have been 21 to foster, and 25 to adopt. I determined to do one (or both). When I hit 21, though, I was in college, and shortly after I turned 25 I realized I was asexual, and that trying to be 'normal' and do things the traditional way just wasn't worth the pain and discomfort anymore. I'm still 25, but I just ordered my donor sperm today... I'm set to do the deed on Valentine's Day, so with a great deal of luck on my side I may be able to become a more active member of this posting closer to November. My heart is pounding, and I really can't believe I'm actually going through with it! I was starting to lose hope, and even now it's almost impossible to envision myself with my own little monster mini me, but I want this more than anything. :' ) Wish me luck, if you will... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Aspiecat Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Bluebird, make sure you update us on...uh..."proceedings". LOL It is very difficult for many asexuals to be parents as there is the whole issue of sexual activity, which is not a part of their lives (well, generally speaking). Most of us who are asexual AND parents of course simply thought there was something wrong with us, so sex was - as much as we didn't like it - a part of our lives. Luckily for the younger crowd, education and advocacy in the LGBTIQA has meant that asexuals have more choices in their life paths, and it's not such a surprise any more that some people want children yet would prefer an alternative method of producing that child! Aspie 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bluebird Heart Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Bluebird, make sure you update us on...uh..."proceedings". LOL It is very difficult for many asexuals to be parents as there is the whole issue of sexual activity, which is not a part of their lives (well, generally speaking). Most of us who are asexual AND parents of course simply thought there was something wrong with us, so sex was - as much as we didn't like it - a part of our lives. Luckily for the younger crowd, education and advocacy in the LGBTIQA has meant that asexuals have more choices in their life paths, and it's not such a surprise any more that some people want children yet would prefer an alternative method of producing that child! Aspie Thank you for the words of wisdom! I definitely agree that we've come a long way as far as accepting one another's differences goes, but I have to say, my biggest stress at this point is just imagining the social obstacles and commentary I know I'm going to face. I'm naturally kind of sensitive to criticism, and even though I decided to just suck it up and get on with it, I still worry how people's reactions are going to affect my (hopefully soon to be) child and I. Gotta get the mental shields ready, I suppose. I'm glad there's a place like this filled with people who more or less understand my dilemma. I'm pretty sex repulsed, and I'm 90% certain that attempting to cope with a sexual relationship for the sake of having a child would result in divorce or at the very least an unhappy marriage, and I'm pretty sure the added stress would impact my ability to parent effectively. Is it so wrong to want to shield a child from that (highly likely) outcome in favor of bringing them into a drama free, completely loving home? Sorry, I ramble a lot. As I said, I'm exctied to be able to contribute more effectively to this posting before the end of the year. :-)! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cottongrass Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Hi everyone, I think I posted to this thread a year or so ago, but back again (February seems to be a dull month for other parts of my life, so I am forced to deal with the tougher stuff!) Hoping for any new insights... I've browsed a bit here but haven't quite found anyone yet with the same query - any hetero ace couples who want kids? Anyone manage to have them? My husband and I want kids, and preferably biological ones, but frankly the idea of sex to have them is not an easy prospect. However, all the other options (home kits, doctor, IVF) frankly arouse all the same feelings of 'yikes' - they are just as invasive in many ways as actual sex, and way more complex/expensive. How does anyone even get through that? Medical folks seem pretty un-aware when it comes to aces (don't even get me started on annual Dr. visits and Pap tests), and even our local LGBTQ centre has parenting planning/support courses for 2-women partners and 2-male partners but nothing for a heteroromantic ace couple like us - which course could we even attend? I'd like to attend something that lays out all the options in an open-minded and inclusive way - from home kids to IVF to adoption - but one half of us would be out of place either way, and maybe not even allowed to attend. There just don't seem to be that many married ace couples wanting kids out there. I see some single women on here and I admire your courage... I guess at the end of the day I can follow those footsteps of using home AI kits, etc... but honestly I think even that idea would completely repulse my husband. And I'm not too comfortable with it either. To say nothing of how complicated it would feel to have to explain a virgin birth to the medical establishment... Anyone in that situation? How did you make it work? If you actually did manage to go with the option of having sex for procreation, how did you work up to it? We talked about it and decided that it was the simplest and most cost-effective option, but months later we are no closer to even partway there. Our relationship is much more of the cuddly variety, and it just seems to be an insurmountable hurdle. Meanwhile, time flies and I'm in my late 30s... I hate the feeling that this hourglass is constantly hanging over my head. Every month, I go through the same feelings of pressure and fear, and we don't get any closer to the mark. Neither of us is 'out' to family/friends (well, I am with a very small few), and none have a similar experience - they're either straight and married with three kids and a dog... or don't want kids... or are following the now almost mainstream (how things change! ... thank goodness) lesbian pregnancy path. Sigh... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cottongrass Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I'm not sure if i want kids or not, but something interesting comes in to my mind of how two asexual's who are complete virgins would want to have kids. Like me i want to find love and maybe have kids but i would never ever would want to have sex so i don't know how that would end up at. Yes - that's exactly our situation. But we don't have an answer yet! Keep me posted if anyone finds one... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OfTheSea Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Hi everyone, I think I posted to this thread a year or so ago, but back again (February seems to be a dull month for other parts of my life, so I am forced to deal with the tougher stuff!) Hoping for any new insights... I've browsed a bit here but haven't quite found anyone yet with the same query - any hetero ace couples who want kids? Anyone manage to have them? My husband and I want kids, and preferably biological ones, but frankly the idea of sex to have them is not an easy prospect. However, all the other options (home kits, doctor, IVF) frankly arouse all the same feelings of 'yikes' - they are just as invasive in many ways as actual sex, and way more complex/expensive. How does anyone even get through that? Medical folks seem pretty un-aware when it comes to aces (don't even get me started on annual Dr. visits and Pap tests), and even our local LGBTQ centre has parenting planning/support courses for 2-women partners and 2-male partners but nothing for a heteroromantic ace couple like us - which course could we even attend? I'd like to attend something that lays out all the options in an open-minded and inclusive way - from home kids to IVF to adoption - but one half of us would be out of place either way, and maybe not even allowed to attend. There just don't seem to be that many married ace couples wanting kids out there. I see some single women on here and I admire your courage... I guess at the end of the day I can follow those footsteps of using home AI kits, etc... but honestly I think even that idea would completely repulse my husband. And I'm not too comfortable with it either. To say nothing of how complicated it would feel to have to explain a virgin birth to the medical establishment... Anyone in that situation? How did you make it work? If you actually did manage to go with the option of having sex for procreation, how did you work up to it? We talked about it and decided that it was the simplest and most cost-effective option, but months later we are no closer to even partway there. Our relationship is much more of the cuddly variety, and it just seems to be an insurmountable hurdle. Meanwhile, time flies and I'm in my late 30s... I hate the feeling that this hourglass is constantly hanging over my head. Every month, I go through the same feelings of pressure and fear, and we don't get any closer to the mark. Neither of us is 'out' to family/friends (well, I am with a very small few), and none have a similar experience - they're either straight and married with three kids and a dog... or don't want kids... or are following the now almost mainstream (how things change! ... thank goodness) lesbian pregnancy path. Sigh... hello! this is my first post ever, but i had to write as this is us exactly. i am currently 5 months pregnant with our first baby, a girl, concieved at home with a children's oral (needleless) syringe. i'm not sure i'll ever share this with anyone in our lives (including this baby or others), but i hope this is useful to others in a similar boat. i am very, very unintersted in sex and although i don't think of myself as sex repulsed, my body might think otherwise. we are completely unable to have sex as my body rejects any notion of the idea with pretty severe vaginismus pain. anyways, we always knew we wanted a family so after 6 years of marriage (and 14 years together) i treated it as a research project and figured out how to make that happen. i started a couple years ago with trying to overcome the vaginismus with very painful, very uncomfortable (emotionally), and quite expensive pelvic floor physical therapy to try to allow us to have sex at least for the sake of making a baby. after a few months with no improvement at all, the physical therapist said that i should resort to going through proceedures where in i would go to the hospital, they would put me under anethesia, inject botox in and around my vagina to paralize the muscles and then i would be manually stretched by a doctor, all while unconseous, and then supposedly this would allow for sex for at least for a few weeks (or months?) until the botox wore off. i'm not sure if it's even necessary to say, but there was no way i was doing that. it sounds like a horror move to me. no, no, no, no. so plan b (or c, d, e, f.... ha), after much research was at home insemination. basically the "turkey baster method", except of course, no turkey baster. since i clearly have little need for birth control, i had been charting my period for quite some time according to the fertility awaerness method so as to know when i would get my period, to the day, as i don't like surprises. i started charting more diligently (taking charge of your fertility is a wonderful book for understanding how to do this) and using an app on my phone until i felt like i could very confidently say to the day each month that i was ovulating. i then ordered a needless syringe off of amazon (the thinnest one i could find) and as ovulation day neared, each night i would have my husband make a "deposit" into a little cup in the bathroom and bring it to me, and leave the room. i would then lay in bed and insert the little swimmers into myself. i was pretty horrified at first, and it was very emotional for me that this was how we were concieving our family. it is so not ideal to me, but we want this baby and it just seemed like the logical way to get there. my ob-gyn said they could also do this in the office, but at home was much, much more comfortable for us. i did most of my research on exactly how to go about all of this on message boards for lesbian couples concieving at home as it's the same process they would go through (minus needing to deal with a sperm bank or third party donor). i read and read enough that it became less scarry by the time we were ready to to try. i think it helped desensitize me to the idea and normalize it a bit (although not completely). anyways, we did these insertions (we called it "baby dancing" amongst ourselves, as fertility message boards call sex for baby making purposes, as it did all seem like a dance), for about a week and then waited to see if it worked... and it did.... and here i sit 5 months pregnant. :) i am still anxious about getting this baby out, but she'll have to make her exit one way or another.... and i think that's pretty normal for all first time moms, asexual or not, vaginismus or not to be scarred. i am going to a birth center with midwives rather than my ob practice as they are very, very, very hands off. i have had no pelvic exams, and will not have any throughout the pregnancy, so that helps me greatly. i'm reading a ton about birth and tyring to approach it with a positive mindset that my body can do this, that it is natural, and i can do this (even though these thoughts have never worked for me when it comes to sex). four months to go until we find out if it's true... fingers crosssssssed. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Kitty Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Hi everyone, I have 3 littles, 2 boys and a girl, ages 8 (9 next month), just turned 7, and 5 in 2 months. OfTheSea, how wonderful that you have medical professionals who were willing to help you out with your vaginismus! When I broached the subject with my gyno 10 years ago, I was pretty much told to just use more lube, and she didn't even give me a name for it. I don't think she had any idea about what I was actually going through, and I certainly didn't know how to tell her how much of a failure I felt for it! I After a lot of determination on my part (and a very strong urge to have kids) we did become pregnant the old-fashioned way. Best of luck with your delivery! After having two epidurals and one without drugs, I can say that the drug-free delivery was the best. I used a program called HypnoBabies with that one. It helped a lot with the overwhelming-ness of the delivery. I've always wondered how I would talk about sex with the kids. I don't want to give them a negative impression of it, yet I've had so few positive experiences that I'm afraid I'm going to feel like the blind leading the blind. I guess I shouldn't complain--at least I have had a few positive encounters. I want to be prepared and have an actual nice talk about it, and my oldest is probably going to be asking questions some time soon. Ugh, just the thought of it is making my anxiety run wild. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hayley Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I've always wondered how I would talk about sex with the kids. I don't want to give them a negative impression of it, yet I've had so few positive experiences that I'm afraid I'm going to feel like the blind leading the blind. I guess I shouldn't complain--at least I have had a few positive encounters. I want to be prepared and have an actual nice talk about it, and my oldest is probably going to be asking questions some time soon. Ugh, just the thought of it is making my anxiety run wild. I'm in a similar situation, in that my 4 year old is starting to ask questions. I think I have a little while until I get to the specifics of reproduction but she is very interested in the human body, and often asks me to find her diagrams or more information about certain parts or processes. Although I do occasionally have sex with my partner, and have been more interested in the past, mostly now I just find the entire thing tedious at best. So far she knows that, to make a baby, you need a seed and an egg, and that usually this will be from "a daddy and a mummy", but we've also gone through some different situations e.g. same-sex parents. I like to think that when she starts to press for more information I'll be able to explain it simply and clearly without any embarrassment, but I think that's actually a lot easier with a younger child - she doesn't have the emotional aspect, and hasn't heard anything from school friends with older siblings, so has absolutely no preconceived ideas about body parts or relationships. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hayley Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Congratulations and good luck to the AVENites trying to conceive or who are pregnant. :D 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bluebird Heart Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Congratulations and good luck to the AVENites trying to conceive or who are pregnant. :D Aww, thanks a bunch! You're too sweet. ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aerosemyth Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Thanks for opening this thread... it's great to know that I'm not the only asexual parent! A little about me: I am 31 (but I won't admit it again) and my boys are 6 & 8... they are the only good thing that came out of my marriage. I'm also raising my oldest stepdaughter, who I adopted out of the divorce. She is 19 now and it has been a very interesting journey... not just the age difference in my kids but I think I am way too young to have gone through the whole "raising a teenage girl" thing. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy! But I've been the only positive role model in her life since she was 10 and wouldn't have it any other way. So I'm just going to say this: being a single mom makes it easier to be asexual because I don't ever have the time to worry about dating lol. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 hi there :) I'm 38 and I have four kids ages 18, 16, 3.5, and 16months - the oldest two are technically "steps" but I don't see them that way. Eldest is a girl, the others are boys. Yes, I had sex to conceive the younger two. I'm one of those "always hated it but did it anyway" people - I didn't understand why I hated it so much, why I had no 'drive' for sex - it was always a problem between my (ex)husband and I - we're now separated, partly because of that, after almost fifteen years together. anyway ~ I love being a mother and I'm glad to find other asexual parents. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.LiaMarie Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I want to start with, "I have noticed the majority of the ACE parents on this thread happen to be women". this is a very interesting notion to me and gives a little insight. Although, I'm not sure exactly why I thought it important to point this out. /shrug. Now, a little about why I'm here. For those who have noticed the similarities, yes, I am the sexual husband of an ACE who has posted here (last year if I remember). We have been through some tough and terrible times, but I hope I/we are getting better at this different kind of relationship. I want to apologize to you about my kind. Some of us are unable to cope and would like to blame others for their problems. This is something I have had to wrestle with myself, so I feel I am able to give better insight than many others. I hope I can be of some assistance in the future. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dread_Wolf Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Just thought I'd get round to saying hello. :) I'm a mother of two (little boy, 3 years and little girl, 20 months) and I'm currently expecting my third. :) I'm not sure if I'm asexual or not yet but it's good to know there's a network of ace parents here. ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ByTheTracks Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Post deleted. Sorry, thought better of what I had posted and didn't want it out there on the Internets. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cattnip Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 And really, is my innocent image of junior high relationships a result of my being still "a child" and not a parent, or is it really related to my asexuality? Hey! I know this is a little late, but just wanted to add my voice. I think that it is just you :D... I am also 'a child', (and asexual) but I have always thought that dating, especally in Junior High, and even as a freshman, is weird. Perhaps that is my upbringing, though. I was always taught that dating should never be taken lightly, and to only date someone you can see a serious future with. So, never seeing anyone that fit that description, I never dated anyone. So perhaps it has nothing to do with our age or our sexual orientations, but our upbringing? It seems like everything leads back to that, doesn't it... :P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DefineNormal Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Hello, I'm a parent to a four year old, I love being a mum, not sure if I will have any more (hard work) but *if* I do then it will likely be with a sperm donor. I don't worry about my son learning about my asexuality, as soon as the subject of sexuality is brought up (hopefully not for quite a few years yet) - then I will explain the wonderful spectrum of sexuality/non-sexuality to him ie bisexual, hetrosexual, asexual and everything in between. For me it's going to be important to be open, if I want him to be confident about who he is (whatever that may be) then I have to provide him with an example of sexual/non-sexual confidence and show that it's "okay" to be whatever you are, to be proud and never feel ashamed. My sons paternal aunt is lesbian, as is his paternal grandmother - so already he is aware of a broader spectrum of relaionships than many children his age. Although obviously he just sees these as co-habitting relationships I suppose rather than anything else, but still, for him it's always been "normal" that two women can live together, and hopefully he equates that as it would be equally "normal" for two men to live together and so on. Nice to "meet" all of you and wishing all of you the best on your parenting journey. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Aspiecat Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 NEWSFLASH My DS, who turned 16 recently, has graduated from high school with a GPA of 4.0 and a 98% class average. He has been mostly homeschooled, and completed his high schooling through an online school, as well as doing two college courses and achieving the role of Head Game Master with Minecraft Homeschool, mentoring younger students. He has gained the interest of a professors at Penn State and Marshall, as well a local community college. We are looking at community college for his AA in Marketing (with a minors in law, psychology and gaming), then he wants to transfer to business school at University of Texas (Austin) so he can do internships at Rooster Teeth. Plan is to get his Master's, then possibly his Doctorate so he can perhaps teach. Proud of my boy ^_^ 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Restraint Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Hi everyone, I know its quiet in here, but just wanted to add my name to the roster. I have a 5 year old and hope to add another child to my family (either old fashioned way or adoption). Hope everyone's summer vacation is going well ;) I've always wondered how I would talk about sex with the kids. I don't want to give them a negative impression of it, yet I've had so few positive experiences that I'm afraid I'm going to feel like the blind leading the blind. I guess I shouldn't complain--at least I have had a few positive encounters. I want to be prepared and have an actual nice talk about it, and my oldest is probably going to be asking questions some time soon. Ugh, just the thought of it is making my anxiety run wild. I think books are a good way to teach about bodies. We have a book recommended in ECFE (a parenting program) by Robie H Harris. I bought the older kids one called "It's not the Stork" and it seemed to satisfy my son's curiosity. The book was recommended by a sexual educator who gave a speech on how to have "the talk" with kids and she pretty much said to do it often as soon as possible to keep communication open and keep shame out of the equation. She coached a lady in the group who was having difficulty with accurate language to go over the information and say it out loud until you don't get embarrassed any more before talking to your kids :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
UnplannedCauli Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I'm a parent of two, a deaf 6-year-old boy J and an almost-4-year-old girl R. Would like to have one more in a few years - conception-related sex is okay with me. I'm reading the whole conversation and writing my notes as I read. References to everything and anything ahead. [Kids having sex] The internet says I'm very sex-positive (meaning: I'm ok with other people having all kinds of consensual sex and very "for" comprehensive education), so I hope that by the time my kids start to date, they will know more than they need to. Right now, when thinking about my daughter, I just want sex to be on her terms and beside that I don't mind a guy I don't know doing it with her. Maybe when she's 10 I'll change my mind... One worry parents have always had was that their children seem to masturbate (when playing with your body is perfectly natural to kids). I have it the other way round. My girl is not interested in her vulva at all and I worry that this might be the sign of future asexuality (and I know that being ace is OK, after all I am, but it would just be so much easier for her to be allosexual). I took no interest in my own privates until I had sex, and even then it was out of a sense of obligation to know what is where. I knew biology lectures, but only vaguely associated them with my own body. [touch] I hate being touched, but at some point I discovered that it stems from two things: my bad family associations and my belief that for all people all touch is sexualized. I am working at overcoming those two problems and in spring I even spent a not-completely-panicky 30 minutes in a cuddle (blanket-and-pillows-)fort. Aside all of that - my kids always had unlimited touching priviledges. I think my brain associated child -> asexual. [evil families] There are some families (like mine), where the best thing you can do is go no contact. It is not necessarily a bad thing. [coming out to kids] if the topic ever arises, I plan to come out. But generally I treat my (a)sexuality on a need-to-know basis. Very few people know about me. My husband and I are pondering going poly, so if that works out for us, the topic of why daddy has sex toys and mummy doesn't and who exactly is that other mummy for us will certainly arise at some point. [crossdressing kids] My son, being deaf, is mostly sheltered from the message of what is appropriate for boys. Every now and then he will join his sister in a play picnic and he doesn't mind pink-anything, but he's a boish boy. My daughter is a tomboy princess of sorts. She loves all toys (most of all she loves storytelling, and cars are as good for that as lego minidolls), but pink makes them better. [breastfeeding] I had literally no milk for my son. It's rare, but it does happen. I tried stimulating by pumping and nothing. I latched him and nothing. I gave up around day 4, when I had too much of that hospital to work on anything. I had huge problems when we left the hospital, because breastfeeding-propaganda is so strong here (Poland), you cannot learn anything about newborn formula feeding even from the nurses who see you can't feed the baby (they did give me formula at the hospital, but told to feed him by placing my pinky in his mouth and using a needle-less syringe to deliver the formula into his mouth). I now make a point of giving instructions about bottle feeding a small baby to all my pregnant friends - just so they can feel safe that their baby will be fed despite any problems with breastfeeding. With my daughter I had exactly the right amount of milk. You're supposed to get too much milk around day 3 - never happened. If I tried to pump some to have a meal for her in case I needed to leave - she would be cranky, because she got too little. But there was another problem. My breasts hurt all the time. My nipples were fine, but the whole of my breasts were on fire all the time she latched and for 2 hours later. No lactating consultant would help me, they wouldn't even try to understand the problem, they just told me to use nipple cream. In the end I found online that it's called vasospasm (it's rare - apparently it's also my luck to have rare problems) and it should resolve on its own by 6 wekks. That was when R was 10 weeks old, and when I already decided to pump all day and give her breast in the evening and morning only. Around 4 months she was formula-only, partly because I didn't notice the pump having a problem with a valve and pumping less and less efficiently, which stopped lactation. Both kids were always very healthy, sleeping through the night early, gaining weight perfectly etc. (until doctors gave J encephalitis which caused his deafness, but that's another story) and they both ate the cheapest formula available. I reasoned - since it is allowed, it is good enough to not hurt my children. And they still are - smart, growing well, look pretty and are just perfect. [giving a headstart] I wholeheartedly recommend John Medina's Brain Rules for Baby. He's a developmental neurologist and he really knows his stuff. Plus, you don't even have to buy the book, all the gist is free on his page. [sign language] J is learning it at school and at home, but it's still pre-communicative (meaning he'll tell what he wants and understand when I tell him what to do, but he won't tell me any stories or engage in a conversation). His teacher says he never uses it, but at home he's comfortable signing single words to us. He got a very late start, because his problem is not typical (another rare problem on my list...). His hearing is fine, but he has scars in his brain from the encephalitis in the places where speech recognition is usually located - he cannot understand what he's hearing. He was 2,5 when he learned to react to his name and that was a beautiful day for me. Anyway, since it's so rare, local law considers him to be completely healthy and forbids us from teaching him any AAC or even offers no special help at school. His therapists, luckily, always said that's one big pile of BS and tried to teach him PECS or Makaton. Last year I knocked and knocked at doors and managed to bend each subsequent written description of him enough that in the end he got a paper for a hearing-deficient kid and was allowed in a SEN school. Seriously though I'm struggling to deal with it. He has aspies, ocd, and severe adhd. Its to the point that if he doesn't have his meds he is border line psychotic. Any ways, he feels anyone who doesn't look like him or think like him has something wrong with them. Man, sounds so much like all the catholics around me. Maybe he's just very religious? [How I became a parent] I pretty much always wanted kids. I was raised a scapegoat child of a narcissist mother, so I was very used to giving away everything, and that's how I treated sex. It was something I was supposed to do, so I gave my body away. Didn't enjoy it much, but didn't care enough to clearly say I don't want sex (not being able to care is also something my mother forced on me). On the surface I always lived a very ordinary life - school, a boyfriend, university, marriage, a baby and a second one. Only now I am learning to notice when something bothers me and voice my discontent. For example: a few days ago my husband asked me if I want him not to look at anything I do on the internet; I said it never occured to me to just ask him for that and, sparing some places like fb, I would like him to not investigate me. Mind blown. [homeschooling] I obviously can't do it with J, but I want to with R. I have a group on fb, but other mums in my area are very religious and that bothers me. R is still a bit to young for formal teaching, so I'm not yet doing much about it, but next year I'll have to decide what to do. I'm introverted like hell and she's an extrovert, so I guess she'll always find kids to play with, I just need to get her into places where children show up. [getting pregnant] I kind of like sex when it's about conceiving... That's one of the reasons I thought "nope, that's not me" when I first read on asexuality, some 5 years ago. [Aspie's boy] Wow, I was so woried about the both of you when you wrote how school was bad for him and now he's graduated and all fine... Yay! And congratulations!!! And finally, two photos of my kids: J and R at 3y and 6mo, respectively (she always had this huge amount of hair, never went bald like all kids do): And in July: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tony182jr Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Hello! I'm new to AVEN, and I'm so relieved to find a place, not only as an asexual, but also as a parent! See, I've always wanted to have children, but I'm not so interested in sex, but isn't that why we're all here at AVEN? Anyway, a little tiny intro about me: I'm a 30 year old single dad to a 2 year old little girl. I was just recently awarded custody, and now she lives full time with me. It's such a blast! I love having my little one running around! There are some challenges, as with any child, but I take those head on and in the long run, I know she'll always be daddy's girl. :) Just wanted to say, that the more I explore this community, the more at home I feel. It's so refreshing to find others like me, and eat cake with them! 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ioncehadasoul Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Hi guys. I haven't been on in a while but I felt like informing the world that I'm currently 4 months pregnant with baby #2 (baby #1 is not really a baby anymore...she's 5. but still.) I'm so excited! ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TruBluMOM Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 First, congrats Ioncehadasoul! I loved being pregnant and all....I totally felt I was all the miracle of life and all that. Second, I just wanted to say hi and introduce myself. I am mother to two amazing kids, 13 and 11. I'm not really a kid person, so never really got close to any kids prior to having my own. What a surprise to hear what comes out of "the mouths of babes". Kid's can be so profound and insightful! My kids are both classified as "twice exceptional", being both high IQ, but probable for Aspergers. Both extremely bright, but in different ways, but challenged with executive processing type skills (e.g., organization, academic discipline, etc.). They are both slightly socially non-conventional, each in their own way. Big hearts, good people, my pride and joy. Look forward to hearing some of your stories, and sharing some of mine. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Heidirs Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I'm not sure if i want kids or not, but something interesting comes in to my mind of how two asexual's who are complete virgins would want to have kids. Like me i want to find love and maybe have kids but i would never ever would want to have sex so i don't know how that would end up at. Yes - that's exactly our situation. But we don't have an answer yet! Keep me posted if anyone finds one... I guess you could do something like "donor insemination," which is a procedure for people receiving a sperm donation where doctors insert semen into the vagina with a syringe. Now, obviously, you wouldn't need a sperm donor, but maybe when you want to have kids and you'd rather not have sex, you could talk to your doctor about the possibility of a similar procedure that could be done for the two of you? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BananaSmoothie Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Hi everyone, I just discovered this site and thought I'd drop in and say hi. I am a bi-romantic asexual "old lady" and mother of three (10, 8, 2) HI!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sez2982 Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I have only just found this website and after years of thinking something was wrong with me, it's a huge relief to know that there is a name for having no sexual interest and attraction. I'm 33 and have two children, my husband passed away three years ago and as much as I feel horrible saying this I only had sex because I felt like I had to, to keep him happy and because I felt like it was the "normal" thing to do, but I never wanted it and certainly never enjoyed it. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BananaSmoothie Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Sez2982, I felt the exact same way. I started having sex at an early age after being with that person for over a year and figured it was just the thing to do... That has never changed. It was just the thing to do while in a relationship. EVERYBODY had sex, everyone WANTED sex, so what was wrong with me? I enjoyed masturbation, it felt good and only took a minute, why not? Didn't have anything else to do at the moment and it helped me sleep sometimes, bonus! But the thought of sex just didn't crank my tractor and the act has never once done anything but give me a few minutes to think of bills or what flowers I was going to plant ya know. Male, female, it just didn't matter. You can be the most beautiful woman with the biggest butt (I am a butt girl lol) and it was... like seeing the Mona Lisa or a nice sunset; women are beautiful to look at, the butt is appreciated, but that was it. I have spent 16 years and countless hours crying, beating myself up wondering what I could do to be normal. 'Why isn't there a female Viagra that could just... get me there? It works for men right?' And when I do have sex it is always just to keep the peace or because I feel bad for forcing celibacy on my mate. I have 3 really awesome kids, I WANTED children and knew I was going to have to grin and bear it regardless of how I felt about sex, so there has been a nice perk to all this. But like you, finding a name was a huge relief. I will even admit to shedding a tear or three at the massive weight that was lifted. I found this site at about 4 am and I had a talk with my old man as soon as he woke up. He is fully aware of my thoughts on sex, even though we didn't know what it was and were at a loss, a light came on, for the first time in over 5 years, we had a place to start instead of wondering why and how we failed in the bedroom. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sez2982 Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Thank you for your reply Bananasmoothie, I can relate to everything you just said! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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