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What am I? and what is grey?


helenapn

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For years now I have been trying to figure out who I am. About two years ago i figured out I was bi. But that did not always seem like it was the right fit for me. Bi-sexual implies that i am sexually attracted to both male and female peoples, when really it is that i just do not care about what parts they have. I have never been sexually attracted to a person based on looks. If i have ever considered having a sexual relationship it is because of there personality. I do not really understand what "sexy" is. To me it would have little to nothing to do with appearance. And even if i found someone who was "sexy" i would probably not even consider them for dating or sexual things. I have a libido, but it has always seemed like a lot less than my friends. Would i be considered grey? I do not think i would be Asexual because i have that small bit of a libido (although it is not big enough to make me act on it.) But demi sexual seems like it would be based to much on having a strong personal connection to the person by actually knowing them for a long time. Am I alone in feeling this way, or are there others? Am considered Grey, Demi, or even Asexual?

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I do not think i would be Asexual because i have that small bit of a libido (although it is not big enough to make me act on it.)

Having a libido doesn't mean you can't identify as an asexual by current AVEN standards, in fact many asexuals do have a libido. Check out the AVENwiki, maybe this is a good start:

http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Nonlibidoism

http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Asexuality

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For years now I have been trying to figure out who I am. About two years ago i figured out I was bi. But that did not always seem like it was the right fit for me. Bi-sexual implies that i am sexually attracted to both male and female peoples, when really it is that i just do not care about what parts they have. I have never been sexually attracted to a person based on looks. If i have ever considered having a sexual relationship it is because of there personality. I do not really understand what "sexy" is. To me it would have little to nothing to do with appearance. And even if i found someone who was "sexy" i would probably not even consider them for dating or sexual things. I have a libido, but it has always seemed like a lot less than my friends. Would i be considered grey? I do not think i would be Asexual because i have that small bit of a libido (although it is not big enough to make me act on it.) But demi sexual seems like it would be based to much on having a strong personal connection to the person by actually knowing them for a long time. Am I alone in feeling this way, or are there others? Am considered Grey, Demi, or even Asexual?

Mine is just one experience, but maybe it will help. I identify as demisexual based on the fact that there have been numerous times (although not recently) where I both desired, initiated, and enjoyed sexual contact with my husband. I felt very emotionally connected with him before that ever happened, and I've never been sexually attracted to anyone else. (I did, however, have romantic crushes on others before we got together, but always men, so I guess I'm hetero-romanatic.) The idea of having sexual contact with anyone I don't love is repulsive to me, although I don't have a negative view of sex in general. I hope that makes sense.

Mari

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You might be pansexual. You might be demisexual, but I've always understood demisexual to be that you become sexually attracted to someone the better you know them or the deeper the emotion connection you have with them. If I were you, I'd suggest finding out more about pansexuality. The AVENwiki isn't very detailed (link here: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Pansexuality ), but the Queers United blog has a pretty good article (link here: http://queersunited.blogspot.com/2008/06/diversity-lesson-101-pansexuality.html )

Hope this helps :)

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You might be pansexual. It's basically saying that you're attracted to people based off of their personalities rather than their physical appearances. You might be demisexual, but I've always understood demisexual to be that you become sexually attracted to someone the better you know them or the deeper the emotion connection you have with them. If I were you, I'd suggest finding out more about pansexuality. The AVENwiki isn't very detailed (link here: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Pansexuality ), but the Queers United blog has a pretty good article (link here: http://queersunited.blogspot.com/2008/06/diversity-lesson-101-pansexuality.html )

Hope this helps :)

Pan-sexual would defiantly be a better term for me to use than Bisexual but it takes a lot more explaining and i never really new what the difference was between the two, so i have generally shyed away from it. But i think now i am just going to have to give in and use it. But it still does not really explain me. I have never really felt real sexual attraction. Every time i am attracted to a personality my thoughts have never been about kissing them let alone having sex with them.

I do not think i would be Asexual because i have that small bit of a libido (although it is not big enough to make me act on it.)

Having a libido doesn't mean you can't identify as an asexual by current AVEN standards, in fact many asexuals do have a libido. Check out the AVENwiki, maybe this is a good start:

http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Nonlibidoism

http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Asexuality

Thank you so much for the links, they were a huge help.

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Pansexual was also the term that immediately came to mind when I read your first post. I actually identified as pansexual before I found out about asexuality and realized that fit me more, but I never bothered to tell anyone or correct them when they said I was bisexual, largely for the same reasons as you stated -- it's just hard to explain.

As other people have already said: the definition of asexual that we use here is "someone who does not experience sexual attraction to other other individuals". As such, it doesn't matter how small or how large your libido is. If you don't experience sexual attraction, the fact that you have a libido does not move you into the Gray category.

But demi sexual seems like it would be based to much on having a strong personal connection to the person by actually knowing them for a long time.

I think you've got the right idea here about demisexuality being based on having a strong personal connection. I think it's generally accepted that demisexuality is based on having a strong emotional connection, and, as far as I know, it doesn't matter how long you've known that person as long as the there is that emotional connection.

Also, I'm not sure if you know this, but demi is actually considered a specific type of grey. ^_^

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If you're attracted to their personalities, but not sexually, you may be an asexual panromantic.

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