Asexuality and Asperger's

[morphovariant]

I’ve known I was asexual my whole life. No experimentation necessary.

Although, admittedly, I haven’t always trusted it. It’s hard to when you’re surrounded by sexual people. You spend your whole childhood being told that you’re special, and then you grow up and you’re told you’re no different from anyone else. Who was I to argue? Maybe, I just hadn’t been in the right situation. Or maybe, I just hadn’t met the right person. Why not?

Years go by. Nothing changes.

Then, suddenly at 26, I fall in love. At first, I thought it was like any other platonic crush. I’ve never needed or had many friends, so making a friend has always been kind of a big deal, which I’ve traditionally celebrated by forming a temporary, platonic crush on them (do other people do this?). But I quickly realize this one is much, much stronger. Within days of acknowledging it, it turns to grief like I’ve never experienced before. I tell myself that it is because I know he is not interested in me, but I now know it is because we are not compatible. I am asexual, he is not. The idea that he might be interested in me, which means that I might find myself in a situation where sex (or even just making out) might potentially be called for, sobers me up like a brick wall, but it’s fleeting. I analyze it and the best I can come up with is the relationship I had with my best friend in second grade. It’s possessive, but platonic.

Finally, I am diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and everything falls into place like so many puzzle pieces. I actually am different from most people; my brain literally functions atypically. Understanding this was an important event, allowing me to trust my asexuality without reservation. Unlike many Aspies, I am not consumed by one lifelong special interest, but many; one often branching off of another. I devour a topic and move onto the next. For the longest time, it was all I needed. But falling for a real person, was a completely different animal. I wanted to get into his life the way I got into Charlie Chaplin or Sherlock Holmes, but that wasn’t an option. So, I did the next best thing, I latched onto things he was into. And that was quite an education, taking me from the Straight Edge sub-culture to the history of punk rock to tattoos, popular culture, and soccer. He taught me so much, and thankfully, we are still friends.

I’m here to continue learning about the community, as I prepare to (maybe) come out to family who are still struggling with my Asperger’s diagnosis, and to explore the connection between asexuality and Asperger’s (if there is one). In my mind, they go hand in hand, but that doesn’t mean that they do. I haven’t come across many adult female Aspie voices, but the few I have are married, which surprises me. I realize that many Aspie’s are as introverted as I am, but if you are an asexual Aspie, too, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I am an aromantic, completely non-sexual, agendered, asexual hermit. Thanks for reading.

-morphovariant

"I am a brain, Watson. The rest of me is a mere appendix." - Sherlock Holmes in "The Adventure of the Mazarin Stone"

[KatzenJam]

Welcome to AVEN!

I have traits of Asperger's but have never been formally tested, although the way you describe it sounds very familiar to me.

Have some :cake: :cake: :cake: ! Hope to see you around the forums.

[vervain]

welcome !

with the caveat that we're only a sample of asexuals-on-an-internet-forum and not necessarily representative of the asexual population in general, there are quite a few aspies around on here, there are various threads about Asperger's across the forum, and we'll be delighted to chat and proffer the traditional AVEN :)

- vervain

another agendered aromantic hermit, intrigued by your description of special interests (I have several, relatively constant throughout my life, but which fluctuate in intensity over time, so I guess I'm somewhere between you and the canonical).

[Mismatched]

It seems like you have figured out things in a reverse order, compared to me. I when the Aspergers puzzle piece clicked in for me it was amazing how so many things can suddenly make sense and just be "okay". I knew what I needed to work on, but also what things about myself that just weren't going to change and I didn't have to stress about being so different or "wrong". My brain works differently it is just a fact and instead of wallowing and beating my head against the wall on why I couldn't be "normal", I chose to just take it as a fact like the sky is blue, and that fish breath in water.

Even if something about yourself has caused you some level of stress, there is something about finding out that it is unchangeable that makes it so liberating and a perfectly find way to be. So after I had struggled with sex with my first and only long term boyfriend, those feelings of being broken and defective came back, but I never connected it to an idea of being permanent, I just thought that most people had to get over the hump to like sex, no pun intended (or is it?), but that just most people's hump was much smaller due to being neurotypical. But when I looked to the Asperger's community to see if they had similar problems, I was a bit dismayed to find out that many of them enjoyed physical intimacy with a partner.

But when I found out about asexuality through a LGBT TV channel, it was another sense of relief similar to when I discovered my Aspergers. Yet again so many things I didn't give much attention to, suddenly jumped out at me and clicked. I don't need to change, I am just me, and if someone doesn't like that then just move along and find someone else. It has helped my relationship actually. We both know where we stand, and he actually said that he wouldn't want to date me if I were "normal" which would mean he would be the weird one. Oddly I think I take my oddness in stride more than my bf, and he enjoyed being relatively "normal" but can still enjoy his quirks in the shadow of my mountain of oddity. Haha. All of this may sound a bit bad on some level but it works for me.

About a connection between asexuality and Aspergers, umm to a certain extent I do think there may be a connection, personally. However, I am not saying that they are strongly linked, and that Aspergers causes all cases of asexuality. There are many ways to climb a mountain to get to the top, this might be one connection for those with Aspergers. I do notice that when I went to the Aspergers online community to find out if there were people there who also didn't enjoy sex, that all of those aspies were probably here anyway. Haha. I feel that my dislike of physical touch, and my indifference to socialization probably is connected to my want of intimate touch and wanting those types of touches from someone else to connection on an emotional level. Personally, physical gestures such as hugs or kisses, even from family members, have never given me feelings of fondness, love, or being emotionally closer to anyone. So it isn't much of a stretch to extrapolate that concept to sexual intimacy. If I don't get the heart melting feelings from a hug, what makes you think that I would get passionate emotional response from sex? In a sense, isn't sex just like a super intense hug?

Just my thoughts stemmed from my personal experience, and how it all makes sense for me in my case.

[Chrysanthalis]

I have Asperger's as well. Or at least, I have all the traits, since my parents decided that having me actually diagnosed would be "labeling" me and somehow cancel out the benefits of having a diagnosis.

I knew I was Aspergers far before I knew I was asexual - and for a long time I kind of assumed that the later was the cause of the former.

[MindPool]

I had known my whole life as well. I too questioned it though after being around so many sexuals and with worse result tried to convince myself I too was interested. I even did some experimenting when I was confused but it only made me more confused and messed up about what I felt and wanted. So good for you keeping from that, you're just fine the way you are and nothing is wrong with you.

I've had some traits that are similar to aspies but I don't classify myself as one, I honestly have no idea. I will say however that I am the same way with relationships. I form some sort of bond with them which as you said is a bit possessive but platonic. It even starts out feeling like a crush, and almost every friend that I get close to has that effect on me before my mind seems to sort things out and fit them into the niche of close friend. I am not as reclusive as I used to be but for me finding a close friend is still the same way, and to be honest I have no issue with having such few friends as long as I have the ones I am close to. In short I know what you are talking about but I don't know what causes relationships to be this way for me. I thought it was just me since it has always been that way for me and no one else ever mentions it being this way.

I do however have a friend who has aspies and she too is asexual. A lot of what you are explaining here reminds me of how she seems to feel about things. So far as I know she too is an aromantic, completely non-sexual and a hermit. I too am very similar to this but I admit I am a romantic in certain situations and feelings. I do know not all aspies are asexual but I think aspies seem to be more likely to have asexual tendencies than most people, at least from what I've seen and have come to understand.

Anyway I don't know if any of this was helpful to you. If you have any more questions on a specific area just let me know and I would be happy to answer them to the best of my ability.

Take care

-MindPool

[morphovariant]

Thanks vervain, I'll keep my eyes open for the other Asperger's threads.

I actually prefer to call my special interests 'obsessions,' although I can appreciate why that is not the official term. It's what we Aspie's tend to do with our lives in place of the massive amount of socializing neuro-typical people seem to engage in. I've always lumped sex, and all of it's baggage in with 'socializing' since for many, that seems to be the point.

welcome !

with the caveat that we're only a sample of asexuals-on-an-internet-forum and not necessarily representative of the asexual population in general, there are quite a few aspies around on here, there are various threads about Asperger's across the forum, and we'll be delighted to chat and proffer the traditional AVEN :)

- vervain

another agendered aromantic hermit, intrigued by your description of special interests (I have several, relatively constant throughout my life, but which fluctuate in intensity over time, so I guess I'm somewhere between you and the canonical).

[morphovariant]

That's interesting, Mismatched, that you figured out things in "reverse order." I'm curious what you think about the idea that biologically female Aspies go undiagnosed because we apparently feel the weight of the cultural expectations for women - which apparently causes us to learn to fake it, to blend in, even if we don't really understand why women do the things they do. Sounds like maybe you haven't been affected by that so much? I think that was why I didn't trust my asexuality at first.

And I can completely relate to your experience with hugs from family members. So awkward! Thanks.

It seems like you have figured out things in a reverse order, compared to me. [...]

Even if something about yourself has caused you some level of stress, there is something about finding out that it is unchangeable that makes it so liberating and a perfectly find way to be. [...]

[...] Personally, physical gestures such as hugs or kisses, even from family members, have never given me feelings of fondness, love, or being emotionally closer to anyone. So it isn't much of a stretch to extrapolate that concept to sexual intimacy. If I don't get the heart melting feelings from a hug, what makes you think that I would get passionate emotional response from sex? In a sense, isn't sex just like a super intense hug?

[morphovariant]

Thanks, MindPool. Glad to hear that my crushes on new friends aren't so uncommon!

[...] I form some sort of bond with them which as you said is a bit possessive but platonic. It even starts out feeling like a crush, and almost every friend that I get close to has that effect on me before my mind seems to sort things out and fit them into the niche of close friend.

[Mismatched]

That's interesting, Mismatched, that you figured out things in "reverse order." I'm curious what you think about the idea that biologically female Aspies go undiagnosed because we apparently feel the weight of the cultural expectations for women - which apparently causes us to learn to fake it, to blend in, even if we don't really understand why women do the things they do. Sounds like maybe you haven't been affected by that so much? I think that was why I didn't trust my asexuality at first.

Well I read an article a few years ago which in terms of typical binary gender behaviors, of course girls would be over looked because many attributes of Aspergers are seen as positives for females in general, especially in little girls. When girls are little adults ooh and ahh over how quiet and well behaved a little girl is, even if the reason I am quiet is because I have no idea what to do and that I am uncomfortable, no one will even say "hmm... this little girl is not talkative enough." The idealization of little girls are quiet, shy, reserved, and gentle. I wasn't quiet, and gentle because I was necessarily well behaved and "good", it was quiet because most of the time I didn't know what to do and didn't want to being attention to myself.

As for boys, boys are expected to be rowdy and to express a certain healthy level of aggression. Boys also are more often to single out the odd kid out with more violence. And when aspie boy mimics this aggressive behavior at times without knowing the proper context to display it, it is more jarring and more red flags are waved around.

Which would a teacher notice first, a boy suddenly punches another kid for knocking down his block tower he has been working so focused on, or the girl who would might have just defaulted to apologize to the person who knocked down her block tower?

Not to say that some people didn't notice my odd behavior, some teachers said that I was unusually behaved, and they wondered if my parents beat me at home. When I tell most people that some have called me "unusually behaved" they laugh since when is acting "right" unusual, if they heard that about their kid they would mostly likely say "good", "great", "what is the problem?". Technically there is no behavior to try to "correct" or to get to the bottom of to "fix".

To be honest my parents ended up attributing my social awkwardness to things completely unrelated to me. They thought that social awkwardness was from the particular social environment. Also, no one really wants to think that there is something "wrong" with their kid when they aren't doing anything obviously wrong. My dad thought that I didn't have friends because the other kids must have been racist. Also that my social awkwardness was stemmed from the fact that I would be more comfortable with my own race. But I didn't tell them when I had tried that, and it was a horrible failure. In school I just joined the group since they assumed I belonged since we were the same race, but quickly it was known that I just didn't fit in with them and I just stood up and left the group lunch table one day and no one did a thing to dissuade me. And I realized that I liked being alone much better and to force myself to be social or to join a group for the sake of being apart of a group made no sense to me. After that I actually found really good friends when I stopped trying.

[MindPool]

Thanks, MindPool. Glad to hear that my crushes on new friends aren't so uncommon!

[...] I form some sort of bond with them which as you said is a bit possessive but platonic. It even starts out feeling like a crush, and almost every friend that I get close to has that effect on me before my mind seems to sort things out and fit them into the niche of close friend.

No problem. And you're the only one I've heard say the same thing so it's good for me to hear too!

[LiteralNovice]

You know, it would be interesting to find a connection or not between Asperger's and asexuality. I have AS and am (gr)a(y)sexual, but a homoromantic girl. I remembered going to a lecture about Asperger's in females and the studies they found, and I think they said something like they were more likely to be bisexual or asexual, but I really don't remember all that much.

Either way, welcome, despite the fact that you may have already settled in. :cake: :cake:

[Kitsunay]

I would also be interested to know if asexuality is linked to aspergers, or if they just have overlapping behavioural ticks. When I was still an outsider for no other reason than that I wasn't like normal people, I came across aspergers, and a handful of symptoms seemed to scream "ME!". A vast majority of asperger symptoms however, were completely in contrast to me. For example, I am capable of feeling empathy, but I rarely have reason to interact socially. I have very detailed interests, but they are on a variety of topics (unlike aspergers), and I gain more whenever I get curious about something new. Other than that, I also lacked the speech impediments synonymous with extreme cases of aspergers.

When I tried self-diagnosing for aspergers, I could tell that I wasn't aspergers, but I couldn't deny that I had a few traits that are associated with it. When I found out about asexuality, it all made perfect sense; My way of describing myself matched almost perfectly with the way the author of article that gave me my first contact with asexuality explained his experiences. When I took the aspie test again, just to see if aspergers was still a possibility, it told me I was completely average... except for two things. The first, I was atypical in interests (one of ten different aspects the test checks). The second, I had nearly no social compulsion; The average was 7.6/10, I only scored a whopping 1.2/10. That confirmed my asexuality for me, I didn't have aspergers.

The more I learn about asexuality, the more I see how similair I am to asexuals, and the more I read mainstream opinions of love, self and such, the more I see how abnormal I am (I already knew I was abnormal, but knowing I am asexual has made it easier to see the differences)

I had also been described by many people as "polite", "Level-headed", "Smart for your age", "Doesn't swear", and probably the oldest one (Only heard once) that my cub scout leader said, "An old man in a child's body". All of those quotes were made by people who had only known me for a short time, and who I had never confided in.

In terms of identity, I am an asexual male, possibly heteromantic, If I'm not an aromantic (Haven't tried dating).

Hopefully this can give a bit of perspective as to the similarities and differences between asexuality and aspergers.

[JJCat]

Asexual aspie here :) hello and welcome!

[Pleidies]

Diagnosed Aspie and demi-something :) Welcome to Aven! ^_^

[Taliesin27]

Aspie here as well, it's nice to know I'm not alone :) Welcome!

[Charon]

Hello all

I’m new here, I was on the road to self discovery and I noticed you had the light on so I thought I would stop in and have a chin wag.

Although Male I am essentially very similar to Morphovariant in that my mind consumes data and I don’t have any one particular topic of interest as it changes all the time – I do have hobbies and interests but I don’t fixate on a limited range of things – I am interested in literally everything.

About me, I’m a 43 year old male and for the entire course of my life have felt a bit like Neo – that there is something wrong with the world or to be more specific its inhabitants of which on the outside I appear to be one of yet on the inside feel more like a Grey – an escapee from area51 far away from home and doing my best to fit in.

My mind does not process data linearly and the best fit psychologists have for me is Aspergers Disorder – which to cut a long story short simply means the electrician hired to wire my brain deviated somewhat from standard practice. Aspergers therefore is not Psychosomatic.

My father is a Narcissist and my mother lived in constant fear so consequently I was never hugged or shown affection as a child. In fact I can only remember my father about 5 years ago while drunk which is normal attempted to hug me and my instant reaction was to recoil away, this also happened another time when a woman hugged me out of the blue.

OK OK you say what does all that have to do with Asexual or Demsixual type people – well I think there may be some overlap so I will try to explain more about me and how I fit into these types of sexual expression.

As stated above I am 43 years of age – I live alone and by and large don’t feel the need to be physically around groups of people. I prefer either to be alone or in the company of a select few.

So now to sexual expression, I’m still a virgin and I find that I am sexually attracted to Woman only.

In my mid teen’s I did have some encounters with male’s – so I know 100% that I am Not Gay as the experience then as now holds no attraction for me .

Historically up until my mid 30s I would largely describe myself as Asexual – I did think about sex but then again I think about everything so that’s no surprise. Masturbation was really mainly how should I say a formality rather than for sexual release – really something to avoid having those unplanned moments – I guess more an attempt to obtain some sort of control out of a potentially uncontrolled event – for the ladies who may be reading I simply mean avoiding a wet dream – nothing worse waking up in the morning and realizing your body has decided to go off and do something of its own accord.

From about 35 onward I have made a real conscious effort to integrate more but on many levels I have great difficulty as I simply think and therefore act in ways which many people probably find uncomfortable – don’t get me wrong – I don’t go around saying and doing socially unacceptable things – To put some context to it I have been compared to Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory whose Character is partly based on Aspergers and as you may know is also Asexual.

These days I would lean more to a self classification of Demisexual, a term I have only recently become aware of.

I consider sexuality just like Autism or for that matter anything else a spectrum – rather than be pigeon holed you just lie on a spectrum and that location may or may not change over the course of your life.

For the last 8 years I have attempted to take my first steps in the hope of having that first relationship but in many ways attempting this with no prior experience at the tender age of 43 is a tricky proposition.

Being Aspergers/Demisexual I want to be in a relationship but I find that the time required to get to know someone, while acceptable by Victorian standards is now in our thirty second happy meal society seen as a big fat not interested sign.

I must also add that I have only really ever felt attraction to one woman – I find her highly intelligent, very strong willed and highly independent in a lot of ways I consider her a perfect match but in others see the potential for complete disaster. She has stated she is not ready for a relationship but from what I know she is more or less Asexual. This makes perfect sense as it explains why I felt attracted to her as she exhibits many qualities that resonate with me. We are still friends after many years.

So my search continues like NEO I’m waiting for the computer to start telling me to follow the white rabbit – the right path if there is such a thing, with all these roads to travel down you would think someone had the good sense to leave a map.

[Jean_Descole]

Salutations morphovariant.

I'm also someone who's diagnosed with Asperger's-for what it's worth. I think it's really just overlapping behavioural quirks--using quirks for lack of a better word--since I know a lot of other people with Asperger's. This is due to the school I went to and all sorts of fun happenings, but these are people who I consider high school friends. Anyways, I would content they have quite the libido: definitely an offbeat libido compared to neurotypicals, but it's there. And as for the few Aspies I've met in college, oh boy would they disprove a connection between asexuality and Asperger's in a heartbeat. That said, I feel if you are asexual and if you have Asperger's, certain facets of Asperger's lend itself and complements itself to asexuality. The reverse, however, is not really true. ANYHOW, I should probably clarify I don't subscribe to the label asexual, because dangidinibit there's not a good enough label. It's somewhere between gay and asexual and let's not complicate it any more than that.

*ahem* That said, welcome to the forums morphovariant, and I wish you a pleasant time around here. And like an electron near a negatively charged rod, away I go (wheeeeeeeeeeeee!).

[ithaca]

Welcome to both morphovariant and charon :cake:

morphovariant, i know several aspergers here on AVEN, but i'm not so sure aspergers and asexuality are connected, there's a lot of threads with possible connections between asexuality and other things! Still, this search is very interesting and I'd like to learn more ^_^

Charon, in my opinion it would be better to post a separate thread to introduce yourself, as you'd have a lot more replies about your own presentation. :)

[Charon]

Welcome to both morphovariant and charon :cake:

morphovariant, i know several aspergers here on AVEN, but i'm not so sure aspergers and asexuality are connected, there's a lot of threads with possible connections between asexuality and other things! Still, this search is very interesting and I'd like to learn more ^_^

Charon, in my opinion it would be better to post a separate thread to introduce yourself, as you'd have a lot more replies about your own presentation. :)

Hi ithaca - Thanks for the Cake!

I wasn't really concerned about a formal introduction as such. More interested in imparting some first hand experience and since it related in many ways to morphovariant I plonked it here. Although I don't really want to hijack her thread either :redface:.

Which is sort of an oxymoron to think about it as its an open forum - but I think I may be over thinking. :lol:

As to the connection of Aspergers and Asexuality they are connected as is everything else - the question is more one of how are they connected.

In my experience for what its worth the Asexuality is an effect of Aspergers - Aspergers can be diagnosed at between say age 3 to 6 while Asexuality manifests sometime after.

Am I saying that Asexuality is a strict co-morbidity(I mean condition not disease)of Aspergers not at all. Many roads lead to Rome!

There are two basic personality types the Extrovert and the Introvert, I know in my case because I had the great fortune of a Narcissistic father I was essentially programmed from the get go to be an Omega Male. Explaining a Narcissist to someone who has never experienced them would be the equivalent of trying to explain Asexuality, its an uphill battle.

But if you look at any group behavior in the animal kingdom as an example the Alpha Males who are getting all the sex they can poke a stick at is a byproduct of how well they have kept the other males at bay, this normally revolves around physical prowess and domination over their piers but that is not the only mechanism available - Psychological conditioning is another.

There is another factor at play for the Male side of the equation (again this is specific to males) The gender ratio which always see's more males born than Females. The global sex ratio was 984 females per 1,000 males in 2011. Which translates for 7 Billion Humans - 3,528,225,806 are born Male and 3,471,774,193 are born Female. So for a match-up on a 1 to 1 ratio we have 56,451,613 or around 50 Million males without a partner.

Of course this does not take into account Higher Male death rate's which again are driven by higher risk taking in trying to be the Grand Alpha. The overall result is still a higher Male populace.

Anyways I'm probably rambling on and the puzzle is way way way more involved than the snippet above could possibly outline and besides its time for breakfast - so thanks again for providing the cake for desert. :D

[Tialda]

"I’ve never needed or had many friends, so making a friend has always been kind of a big deal, which I’ve traditionally celebrated by forming a temporary, platonic crush on them (do other people do this?)"

Yes! That's what happens to me when I make friends, I call them friend crushes, thankfully my friends think it's cute :)

Aspie, I'm not diagnosed, you dont get the diagnose here in Holland unless you have trouble functioning, but I can relate to a lot of the traits. I love people though, and apart from seriously needing time for myself, love being around them. But in general to me they mostly only make sense on a cognitive level, based on years of observation, managementtraining and reading a lot about psychology and psychiatrics. a lot of things I just don't "get" like society's obsession with sex.....

[Kitsunay]

Well, I have another possible label that can come with asexuality; 'giftedness'. I just recently figured out I was one of those gifted kids who wasn't caught by the test for giftedness, because I was homeschooled when the test is normally administered. So, in short, I am an asexual with this so called 'giftedness'.

[Charon]

Hi Tailda

I don't get platonic crushes as such - I assume that implies an emotional component.

I do form strong connections from time spent with people but I would say its a little more mechanical in nature. I do care about others but its in a detached way. I have experienced strong emotional attachment but it does seem very very rare.

As for the Aspie diagnosis, In my opinion the diagnosis is getting a little over used and the professionals really need to take a step back and reanalyze just how broad their making the Aspergers brush.

Its difficult because all human kind is on a vast spectrum and pinning black and white language to it is an impossibility.

Hi Kitsunay, I contemplate that the gifted aspect especially in regards to intellectual pursuits is potentially a byproduct of introversion. Just a generalization of course.

[consultingalias]

Hi! What you've said sounds so familiar to me! I was diagnosed as having Asperger''s in 1999/2000 but my parents rejected the idea. Because of this I grew up trying desperately to fit in. Then, when all the other kids my age were dating and experimenting with sex, I realised that there was another aspect of life that I was just not like them. When I discovered asexuality, it just seemed to click. I'm coming quite happily to terms with both Asperger''s and asexuality.

It's interesting that you have those kind of interests. I'm like that too, I get consumed by a topic, then sort of seamlessly move onto another. My only constant has been psychology and joining the police.

And, I too, am a Sherlock Holmes fan :-)

-CM

[Tialda]

Hi Tailda

I don't get platonic crushes as such - I assume that implies an emotional component.

For me "Squishes" seem to be an accurate definition.

I do form strong connections from time spent with people but I would say its a little more mechanical in nature.

Curious on what you deem mechanical?

I do care about others but its in a detached way. I have experienced strong emotional attachment but it does seem very very rare.

As for the Aspie diagnosis, In my opinion the diagnosis is getting a little over used and the professionals really need to take a step back and reanalyze just how broad their making the Aspergers brush.

Its difficult because all human kind is on a vast spectrum and pinning black and white language to it is an impossibility.

True, I work in psychiatrics, all human personality traits can be seen on a spectrum. Being diagnosed as whatever depends on where a line is drawn.

Hi Kitsunay, I contemplate that the gifted aspect especially in regards to intellectual pursuits is potentially a byproduct of introversion. Just a generalization of course.

[Charon]

Hi Tailda

I don't get platonic crushes as such - I assume that implies an emotional component.

For me "Squishes" seem to be an accurate definition.

For me I know I have the ability to form a romantic/sexual connection with another person its just that this happens very rarely,

They have to be very compatible with me on every level before my emotional side opens up.

I do form strong connections from time spent with people but I would say its a little more mechanical in nature.

Curious on what you deem mechanical?

I mean if you observe people when they interact most are able to conduct themselves in a social context in a very fluid manner.

On the other hand for me every nuance of social activity is somewhat foreign so I appear unrelaxed and robotic.

[Delphi Doll]

I'm being tested for Asperger's as well and I feel almost certain I have it. I identify lots with what you're saying. My understanding is that female aspies tend to have less specialized or ones that are (relatively) normal. I myself have more spread out interests though to the average neurotypical my interests are intense. I have a good friend who is a female aspie and this seems to apply to her as well. I'm here if you want to talk, anyways.

[Kitsunay]

See, my only real problem is that aspergers is becoming such a broad definition that it seems to me, at least, that the main symptom everyone is fixating on is the intense interests. I have always had a broad set of interests that I pursued more intensely than most people pursue one interest.

For me, I knew it wasn't aspergers because I lack the mental difficulties, as well as having normal co-ordination. I can almost completely be described by the traits of giftedness and asexuality. I am not saying asperger's is an incorrect diagnosis, but I am just noting that there is more to it than just having well-developed interests and hobbies.

@Charon: Although my asexuality probably aided in developing my introvertedness and knowledge, I have always been able to understand things quite well and I can still recall my curious nature when I was young. Around grade 1, when I was tested, my reading level was at grade 11, but my comprehension was about average; That was before I started becoming an introvert. I had a large group of playmates and enjoyed games of imagination. I cannot recall any memories from that time period in which I showed introvertedness, so I doubt my ability to understand new ideas arose from that. I can however recall many moments, as well as some thoughts I had when I was that age, as well as a small handful of memories prior to that, including 1 from when I was 3.

Generally speaking, asexuality would not have any major developmental effects until about the time you become sexually mature. I therefore doubt it could have contributed to my ability to grasp ideas. I do however, agree that it has contributed to the free time necessary to develop those ideas, especially when my curiosity has been taken into account.

[Delphi Doll]

See, my only real problem is that aspergers is becoming such a broad definition that it seems to me, at least, that the main symptom everyone is fixating on is the intense interests. I have always had a broad set of interests that I pursued more intensely than most people pursue one interest.

For me, I knew it wasn't aspergers because I lack the mental difficulties, as well as having normal co-ordination. I can almost completely be described by the traits of giftedness and asexuality. I am not saying asperger's is an incorrect diagnosis, but I am just noting that there is more to it than just having well-developed interests and hobbies.

Of course there is more to it, it's like a social learning disability. That and the obsessive thought patterns are the two things needed for a diagnosis. Other than that though, I'm not sure what you mean by mental difficulties since aspies usually test with average to above average IQs (which is one of the ways it differs from autism, though many consider it to fall on the spectrum.) I don't think physical dificulties is necessary for a diagnosis either, it may or may not be present. It seems that there is a lot of self-diagnosis that leads to this watered-down definition and that does kind of bug me. I wouldn't even seek diagnosis unless, like me, you are having difficulties in a related area of your life. It's when something becomes an actual problem and not just general geekyness that it's a concern. I mean many people might have their quirks, it doesn't need to be a syndrome.

[Kitsunay]

Yes, I agree. I should have said learning troubles instead of mental issues. For me, I am extremely curious and as a result, I gain a pleasure from learning new ideas of every sort, as well as the concentration that accompanies putting them into practice.

I have also been having school troubles recently as a result of understanding everything they teach, because it robs me of the need and reason to do homework. I would love to take a real IQ test, but I have taken a test that claims to be an IQ test, and seems to work, and it has given me an IQ of 137. As I said, it may not be a real, and therefore accurate score.

I also find it difficult to be socially aggressive, not because I am scared or nervous, I just have little reason to, as well as enjoying books more. I am perfectly capable of interacting 'normally', but I grow bored of most social interactions.

According to those facts, I can seek diagnosis of aspergers, and possibly be diagnosed with it, despite lacking an obsession to details and facts. I don't study one topic to the exclusion of everything else, nor do I learn enough about my interests to be capable of reciting important dates and names, but I am quite talented at understanding the ideas and meanings of a topic.

I suppose that I should cease speaking in this topic, because I have run out of information to contribute, as well as the fact that I don't wish to undermine Morpho's topic with debate. Please understand that my intention never was to call into question your opinions, nor to seem ignorant in mine. I understood the ideas you responded with before I posted my remark, but incorrect wording was my downfall and led you to correct me.