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What constitutes "acting"?


Cecil Lizard

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Hello I’m new here and I’m not sure of something (well, there’s more than one thing I’m not sure of but I’m only asking about one in this post).

On the AVENwiki page about Gray-A / Grey-A, it says it includes people who “experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them”.

What I wish to find out is what the “act” there means. I know that might seem a silly question, but my personal situation is that I masturbate, to pics of people, but I don’t do anything whatsoever to find sexual partners. Does this count as acting or not?

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Hey there! :cake: :cake:

I would pretty much agree with Birdwing. Just because asexuals don't feel sexual attraction towards anyone doesn't mean that we all have no libido. I personally don't, but there are plenty that need to relieve themselves in this way once in a while as far as I can tell? Haha, I'm probably not entirely the best person to ask about this, just read around and see how it goes.

Oh, and by the way, welcome to AVEN. (:

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Thanks for the answers and the hello. Though it's not that I don't find some people sexually attractive, it's just that I don't do anything about it.

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Kitty Spoon Train

Hello! Welcome to Aven! :) :cake:

From what you're saying, you actually sound very similar to me. I am very new to all this too. I used to just think I was a "normal" but lazy and naturally sentimental and reserved sexual. But from reading up on these orientations I now think I fit under the "hetero-demisexual" label very well - with some grey tendencies.

I think the real question to ask is what you'd do if one of these people you find "attractive" materialised in your bedroom and asked you to have sex with them (and assuming somehow you could be sure it was safe in every way). Would you do it, or would you freak out? For me, I would freak out, and the reason is basically that aesthetic attractiveness and concrete sexual attraction/desire aren't directly connected for me. The only thing that actually makes me want to get sexual with someone is knowing them very well as a person and having a strong emotional/romantic connection. I call this "demisexual with grey tendencies" because I'm definitely not totally blind to attractiveness in strangers (the way some strict demisexuals seem to be), it just stays purely in the aesthetic and fantasy realm and could never make me actually act with them sexually, like on the spot or that night.

All that said...

What I wish to find out is what the “act” there means. I know that might seem a silly question, but my personal situation is that I masturbate, to pics of people, but I don’t do anything whatsoever to find sexual partners. Does this count as acting or not?

This sounds like you could be grey, or like you could even just be a "lazy" sexual.

Finally, I think it's important to remember that sexual orientations aren't necessarily carved in stone. Just like some bisexual people can lean more towards homo and more towards hetero attraction at different times, so it's possible to sit somewhere on a spectrum where you could be either grey or just a "lazy sexual". It doesn't have to be a final and concrete label. If a label is useful to you, use it. If it isn't, don't stress.

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snufflebottoms

I'm sorry but the term "lazy sexual" just cracks me up!

And yea, "act" means to have or engage in sex. Some grey-a and demisexuals do have sex for the sake of a relationship and may occasionally or sort of be into it but they fall too far on the asexual spectrum to really be considered sexuals and this is due to the way that they are, not an outside influence like depression.

Also welcome :cake: Don't worry too much about the label. Most of us here at AVEN will not judge or fight you about it and :cake: is for anybody. So take your time discovering yourself :)

Guzia is right, nothing is carved in stone.

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So, just to throw in a monkey wrench I have to ask if "acting" need be confined to intercourse alone? Does engaging in other sexual activities count as acting? I, personally, often have the desire for many sexual activities but am not interested in sex itself. Also, it is frequently stated that masturbation does not have anything to do with one's asexuality. What if one desires to does with another person one is attracted to as a way of having a sexual encounter with them? To me, this would count as "acting" since one is seeking a sexual experience with another person, even if that experience involves no cross genital contact. Just some thoughts.

PS I know the term "sex" is frequently used to mean all sexual activity and not just intercourse (I'm totally guilty myself) and I'm not sure if it is being used in that context here or not but I've learned using it that way is a good method for causing confusion so I thought I would try to clarify.

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I think people can do things that would be considered sex, but would not be constitute loss of virginity.

For example a some males might consider fellatio sex, but consider penetration to be necessary to lose one's virginity.

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I also would consider cyber sex to be real on some levels.... otherwise it wouldn't be considered cheating by most couples.

... but I wouldn't consider it to lead to a loss of virginity necessarily.

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I also would consider cyber sex to be real on some levels.... otherwise it wouldn't be considered cheating by most couples.

... but I wouldn't consider it to lead to a loss of virginity necessarily.

Kissing someone else usually makes the other person in a couple angry, even though it isn't sex, so maybe cyber sex is like that?

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