Day two of enlightenment

[Percivel]

After our initial break through on Friday night when I showed my asexual wife Aven and we had our discussion (which went well), yesterday was a splendid day. We both found ourselves to be so much more relaxed and relieved. We both suddenly felt a greater sense of freedom as if a heavy burden had been lifted or chains removed. We the spent entire day together enjoying our "relaxedness" and our new "awareness" of each other.

She told me she had never opened up to me as much as she did Friday night.

We know we have much work ahead of us and that things won't suddenly turn "perfect", but we now both know what we're dealing with and have an idea of where to go from here. We have not yet discussed or worked out a compromise yet but I'm sure that will come soon. She needs just a little more time. We're still absorbing and settling all that has happened. We are bandaging our wounds. We are starting to heal.

I think the biggest factors for me in this change is 1.) identifying and understanding my wifes' asexuality (this I gives thanks to AVEN for) 2.) changing my expectations that I used to have in regard to sex with her (in frequency and quality).

We always had sex regularly, but as asexuals know, a sexual/intimate life with asexuals is...different. On occasion, over the years my wife would claim she was trying. I didn't think she tried very hard and thought she was just being selfish and not caring much about my needs. I now know quite differently. I now know that she busted her butt trying. I now know how truly hard it was for her to have sex. I now know that I am actually very fortunate that I got sex at all because there are plenty of sexual folks that don't get any sex at all from their spouses. I now realize that...she loves me a lot more than I thought.

We're still a little nervous. We're not quite sure what's ahead and how our compromises will work out. But we now have hope. We know our love for each other is great and that we will keep trying to work it out...and we hear it does get easier.

I particularly want to thank a special person in AVEN who has been a mentor and guardian angel to me (and my wife). Those of you who reach out to others through AVEN are a greater blessing than you know.

[I'm a person too!]

Oh Perc! I'm so glad things are going well. If anyone understands what a struggle this has been and is it is we AVENites! It is wonderful to know that there are people in the world willing to hear and understand us and even better to know that there are people capable of true devotion. Wishing all the best to you and your very lucky wife

-Person