Since discovering your partner is asexual...

[Percivel]

Sally, you are right. Asexuals have it just as hard, too. Sometimes we can forget that because we are bombarded by our own feelings. As we look for support on Aven we need to be able to share what we are feeling and going through.

Skullery, No one is telling anyone to hush. I understand that for your own sanity you must look at sex by a certain viewpoint. For us new folks, we aren't quite ready to accept giving up the other parts of sex. If we want to continue in our current relationships we likely will have to at some point. We aren't being critical of you. You are further down this process than we are. Please know that we are here for the same reasons.

[Lady Girl]

I certainly don't want to invalidate anyone's feelings...I think it is very unfortunate that you don't have communication with your partner Goodyears. I think that really inhibits efforts toward happiness shared. I honestly don't know how you do it because sometimes what you and Percival say remind me of the horrible low feeling I had that brought me to AVEN in the first place. I felt caught in a hopeless situation; loving him, but hating the question mark between us...I knew he loved me, but not why he seemed so disinterested in sex with me. When why was answered for us we could proceed in a new way and that is the honest truth for me. Not to say that I don't have what I would probably call relapses into behavior and thought patterns that resemble preAVEN relating tactics.

The big thing that AVEN did for me was help me see how much of my natural internal desire for physical expression and connection WAS being met by him. I was able to realize that I was not appreciating his efforts, I was applying an inordinate amount of pressure by expecting it practically all the time, and then I would become unpleasant for extended periods of time (now that's hardly something he would want to snuggle up to). I was able to address the issue of snuggling with him (we didn't) and it was simply because he felt I would be disappointed if it didn't lead to sex and he was afraid that it would. He wanted more control over his sexual relationship with me. Also, and I think this is super important, I realized that what's normal healthy sexual expression between couples is when both are able to have a say in what and how often and what is agreed upon is honored; it's not what the world says it has to be...it is what it is between each couple, and each person decides if they can be happy with what they have or not, if they will stay or not, if they will express despair or joy over it, or for that matter, if they will express anything at all.

Everyone's voice and feelings count in this picture.

It doesn't feel so much like giving up a sexual part of me as relating to him in a totally new way. It's just different...I don't know how to explain it. It's almost like it's better now, but that sounds ridiculous.

This is in regards to giving up certain aspects of sex if we want the relationship to endure and thrive...Percival please don't take any of it personally. It's just me saying my side too, I think anything I've given up has been replaced with something better, something more real, to me anyway...it's almost like we fit together better now.

[Percivel]

Thanks Lady! Your comments are appreciated!

Speaking of "control" over sex, my wife has always had control..and, it sounds like Goodyears' husband has always had control. Her husband down right refuses to talk. My wife isn't much of a "talker" either but she is understanding. She is more responsive to my needs but often its after I've gotten frustrated. You are right that talking HAS to happen if things are to get better. Goodyears is in a hard, hard place because her husband refuses to talk, understand, respond...nothing. She seems to be in the worst case scenario. Our spouses already have that control over sex. And, Goodyears has nothing to "offer" (ie. giving up control) because she doesn't have that to begin with. All she can do is ask HIM to change and compromise.

[Sally]

I just told Goodyears on another thread that her husband's being a pain in the a--. I meant it.

To me, refusing to talk or in any way communicate with your partner/husband/wife about something that other person feels is important to them is not an asexual characteristic, it is a characteristic of a person who really doesn't care about their partner. That's true of asexuals or sexuals. Doesn't matter whether that important something is sex or children or money or whatever. If there's no attempt at communication, there are real problems with that marriage or partnership.

[Lady Girl]

I just told Goodyears on another thread that her husband's being a pain in the a--. I meant it.

To me, refusing to talk or in any way communicate with your partner/husband/wife about something that other person feels is important to them is not an asexual characteristic, it is a characteristic of a person who really doesn't care about their partner. That's true of asexuals or sexuals. Doesn't matter whether that important something is sex or children or money or whatever. If there's no attempt at communication, there are real problems with that marriage or partnership.

I agree. It's totally ridiculous, and places Goodyears in an extremely difficult position. Like I said, I honestly don't know how she does it.

[Down in Texas]

I have been away from the site for a few days. However I read the other pages before I left, my hope is that I am not missing something by not going back to re-read before I replying. All I wish to say, IN MY SITUATION, my husband communicates in all ways except sexually. We have been able to discuss other things just not sexual, emotional or intimate topics. When it came time to talk or communicate about sex or relationship problems, he stopped talking. His answers were always “I DON”T KNOW”. It did not matter what I ask the answer was the same. In the early years of our marriage, he would get mad and go days without saying anything. It was not until I found Aven that I can now say I understand why. HE DOES NOT KNOW HOW, since sexual emotions are foreign to him. YOU cannot expect total communication between two people when one does not understand the subject being discussed. You must take small steps toward compromising. Even after reading a lot here on Aven when I know that I am one of the luckier ones. That my husband has participated in more sex than most his level of intimacy has always been the major problem.

[Bensin]

How long has it been that you've been stuck in between the "i want sex" and "i don't want sex with you"? That's gotta be a tough mental spot to be in... you feeling guilty? I think I'd feel guilty. Is she willing to compromise but its just that your desire has now disappeared since understanding that she doesn't actually want it?

Cant really say how long it has been, probably years. I do feel guilty, but I have felt guilty for such a long time, that it is hard to imagine my life without self-loathing. First it was the guilt over constantly wanting sex with my wife when she didnt want any and now it is the guilt over not wanting to have sex with her anymore when she is finally willing to compromise. Unfortunately, as I think alot of people here have experienced, it is not possible to make yourself feel or not feel something, no matter how much you want to.

[sketcher]

What I'm trying to get at here is that if we feel let down that sex is not the ultimate display of love for THEM, shouldn't we want to know what is the ultimate display that feels super loving to them...they already know we want sex, do we know what they want most?

That's a very fair question. Without anything tangible to show for love, it does become very meaningless to express it. It's a very difficult question as well. As an asexual, I am really struggling to give an answer for this. It might be just me, but as an asexual, my need for emotional love has also been tempered down very significantly. I understand romance, but at some level I feel like I don't deserve it. I do all my best for my partner to feel happy, but honestly do not expect anything in return from her. Her just being there is good enough. Pity companionship, is it? But perhaps the ultimate display is actually if it my partner makes me feel her feelings of companionship are real and not through a compromise (which it probably is).

I need to think about it a little more.

[Percivel]

Bensin,

Most of us sexuals in a relationship with asexuals have always felt this self-loathing. Most asexuals in these relationships have also always felt self-loathing. What lifted my wife and I out of it was identifying the problem (from Aven), accepting it (no one was to blame, no one can change) and working towards making things better (love, attitude, effort and sacrifice).

All guilt will not be erased (particularly within the asexual) nor will all self-pitying (particularly within the sexual), but as my wife and I worked towards improving things...the healing process started to begin.

[Sally]

Bensin,

Most of us sexuals in a relationship with asexuals have always felt this self-loathing. Most asexuals in these relationships have also always felt self-loathing. What lifted my wife and I out of it was identifying the problem (from Aven), accepting it (no one was to blame, no one can change) and working towards making things better (love, attitude, effort and sacrifice).

All guilt will not be erased (particularly within the asexual) nor will all self-pitying (particularly within the sexual), but as my wife and I worked towards improving things...the healing process started to begin.

What a great post!

[goodyears]

Bensin, Sketcher & Percivel,

I woke up this morning, read your posts and realized I've graduated to the next level of my thought process...having just found the answer to "why" and had the talk with my asexual husband. Thank you for sharing.

[Guest]

I'm miserable.

Nothing ever changes. Everything that was hard is still hard. Lady Girl, I'm curious how it'll go with you and Mr. Lady Girl (hee!) now that you're trying to up the frequency. I'm constantly told by my partner that we'll increase frequency but it never happens. Or, to be more specific, it happens once or twice (but usually once) and then its back down to normal.

I completely freaked out the other night... Sunday night, maybe? I was obviously very upset but I didn't want to have the same conversation that we've had a hundred times... "I don't feel like you care about me." "Of course I love you. This is because of sex, isn't it?" and then I feel like shit and stop talking. She eventually went into the bedroom and got into bed (at like 8:30... waaay before bedtime). I pulled out the hide-a-bed and then sat and cried. I even tried cutting a bit to see if that'd help, but apparently I have outgrown my taste for it (thank god!). I got up and checked on her a few times. Eventually she got up and ran outside for a cigarette, so I went out with her, at which point she yelled at me for making her feel in trouble. I told her that I feel like my heart is broken. Again she asked me if I want to break up with her (CAN'T, MARRIED!!). I told her that I feel like i'm always chasing her and that no one is ever chasing me. Even that night, I was clearly upset, but she's the one who kept getting checked on... she's the one who stormed away. She sits all day and all night on her computer or iPhone, barely paying attention to me or anything I'm doing. I feel like if it weren't for me, there would be no relationship. We'd just be two people who sometimes occupy the same space. Sure, she'll babble endlessly at me about stuff I couldn't care less about (horses horses horses). Ugh, I don't know. I'm attentive, I try to do stuff we both want to do and watch stuff we both want to watch and talk about stuff we both want to talk about... I cuddle and I'm affectionate and I compliment her and I feel like I get nothing back except occasional housework done (though she hasn't once since I've known her cleaned a bathroom).

She said "I don't think you believe me when I tell you you're pretty or sexy.... well, I guess I know why. That's gonna change!". It's not going to change.

Last night she tried to initiate sex and I turned her down. I know she was doing it because I want her to, but when it's done in a way that's so painfully obvious that its being done by coercion... not really such a turn on. At least when I initiate we know one of us is ready and wanting some action. When she initiates its just sad because it's both of us being uninterested, and I feel like I have to get in the mood because it'll hurt her feelings if she's rejected (and it does). I don't see anyone giving a fuck if my feelings are hurt when I'm rejected.

Sorry peeps for the word explosion.

[The Great WTF]

I'm miserable.

Nothing ever changes. Everything that was hard is still hard. Lady Girl, I'm curious how it'll go with you and Mr. Lady Girl (hee!) now that you're trying to up the frequency. I'm constantly told by my partner that we'll increase frequency but it never happens. Or, to be more specific, it happens once or twice (but usually once) and then its back down to normal.

I completely freaked out the other night... Sunday night, maybe? I was obviously very upset but I didn't want to have the same conversation that we've had a hundred times... "I don't feel like you care about me." "Of course I love you. This is because of sex, isn't it?" and then I feel like shit and stop talking. She eventually went into the bedroom and got into bed (at like 8:30... waaay before bedtime). I pulled out the hide-a-bed and then sat and cried. I even tried cutting a bit to see if that'd help, but apparently I have outgrown my taste for it (thank god!). I got up and checked on her a few times. Eventually she got up and ran outside for a cigarette, so I went out with her, at which point she yelled at me for making her feel in trouble. I told her that I feel like my heart is broken. Again she asked me if I want to break up with her (CAN'T, MARRIED!!). I told her that I feel like i'm always chasing her and that no one is ever chasing me. Even that night, I was clearly upset, but she's the one who kept getting checked on... she's the one who stormed away. She sits all day and all night on her computer or iPhone, barely paying attention to me or anything I'm doing. I feel like if it weren't for me, there would be no relationship. We'd just be two people who sometimes occupy the same space. Sure, she'll babble endlessly at me about stuff I couldn't care less about (horses horses horses). Ugh, I don't know. I'm attentive, I try to do stuff we both want to do and watch stuff we both want to watch and talk about stuff we both want to talk about... I cuddle and I'm affectionate and I compliment her and I feel like I get nothing back except occasional housework done (though she hasn't once since I've known her cleaned a bathroom).

She said "I don't think you believe me when I tell you you're pretty or sexy.... well, I guess I know why. That's gonna change!". It's not going to change.

Last night she tried to initiate sex and I turned her down. I know she was doing it because I want her to, but when it's done in a way that's so painfully obvious that its being done by coercion... not really such a turn on. At least when I initiate we know one of us is ready and wanting some action. When she initiates its just sad because it's both of us being uninterested, and I feel like I have to get in the mood because it'll hurt her feelings if she's rejected (and it does). I don't see anyone giving a fuck if my feelings are hurt when I'm rejected.

Sorry peeps for the word explosion.

*hugs* That sucks, Skulls! I'm too sick to come up with anything more comforting (Damn you, flu!!!) but... wow. Lots of hugs and . I can't imagine being in your shoes.

[Guest]

Yeah, we've both been battling the flu too, so I'm sure that's made my mood worse.

[The Great WTF]

Yeah, we've both been battling the flu too, so I'm sure that's made my mood worse.

It certainly hasn't done much for my mood and Gin's been downright grumpy because he's completely incapable of cooking for himself and is thus very, very hungry after three days of me sick in bed.

[Guest]

Yeah, we've both been battling the flu too, so I'm sure that's made my mood worse.

It certainly hasn't done much for my mood and Gin's been downright grumpy because he's completely incapable of cooking for himself and is thus very, very hungry after three days of me sick in bed.

Hahaha serves him right. I'm pretty sure my ladyfriend would live off of pop tarts if I wasn't around.

[The Great WTF]

Yeah, we've both been battling the flu too, so I'm sure that's made my mood worse.

It certainly hasn't done much for my mood and Gin's been downright grumpy because he's completely incapable of cooking for himself and is thus very, very hungry after three days of me sick in bed.

Hahaha serves him right. I'm pretty sure my ladyfriend would live off of pop tarts if I wasn't around.

Ramen and bagel bites for this one. -_- Horrible diet, this one.

[Sally]

Again she asked me if I want to break up with her (CAN'T, MARRIED!!).

Of course you can; married doesn't mean trapped.

But did you answer her? If nothing is really going to change, and she is not going to do the things that you need her to do/be the person you need in a relationship, you want to continue the relationship? That's a serious question. Have you answered it to yourselff?

[Guest]

I answered her and said "no". Truth be told if it were simpler, I probably would have dumped her that night. but its not simple and its not easy and there are lots of benefits to the relationship. She's definitely selfish, and she's aware of that and we talk about every now and again. She's also young and selfishness tends to be more prevalent then. When we were just visiting my family back home my dad took me aside and said "you know she's really selfish... it's perfectly clear that she comes first". Which is absolutely true, but I also think that anyone with me would be put in that position because I think that, to some extent, I put them in that position. We had to have a talk recently about how I really should get new glasses before she gets her second horse. And I have a right to use the laptop sometimes too (my stepmom gave it to me because both of ours just crashed). She gets stuck in her own world, and she's very responsive to being snapped out of it... but if I'm in the wrong mood, I get fussy about having to snap her out of it. Sometimes I'd really like it if it all happened naturally.

But I love her and I love spending time with her and I'd rather be with her than anyone else in the world and I'd feel a piece of myself missing if we weren't together. I just sometimes get so, so sick of the constant round-and-round we always seem to do.

[Lady Girl]

Dang it Skulls...I wasn't expecting to see this! Darn love anyway. I was glad to see you back on today. But I'm sorry about the upset (I get the couch too if we fight after 6p.m., what is up with THAT?!).

Mr. Lady Girl...oh my gosh, I'm going to start calling him that, he'll love it. Hee! I think he will honor the agreement, but I might be sacrificing quality for quantity, and I'm not so sure I'm willing to do that either. So we will see how this goes.

Chin up Chick!

[Sally]

But I love her and I love spending time with her and I'd rather be with her than anyone else in the world and I'd feel a piece of myself missing if we weren't together. I just sometimes get so, so sick of the constant round-and-round we always seem to do.

Ah yes. *Remembers that feeling and still feels piece of self is missing*

[Lady Girl]

But I love her and I love spending time with her and I'd rather be with her than anyone else in the world and I'd feel a piece of myself missing if we weren't together. I just sometimes get so, so sick of the constant round-and-round we always seem to do.

Ah yes. *Remembers that feeling and still feels piece of self is missing*

Sally, I hope you don't mind me asking you this, and of course you don't need to answer. But is your ex now with someone that's even half as decent a person as you? I just can't imagine that he is.

[Guest]

But I love her and I love spending time with her and I'd rather be with her than anyone else in the world and I'd feel a piece of myself missing if we weren't together. I just sometimes get so, so sick of the constant round-and-round we always seem to do.

Ah yes. *Remembers that feeling and still feels piece of self is missing*

Sally, I hope you don't mind me asking you this, and of course you don't need to answer. But is your ex now with someone that's even half as decent a person as you? I just can't imagine that he is.

I assume you're not still friends? I wouldn't be able to be. I feel that there are enough people out there to befriend that one needn't resurrect someone who broke your heart.

[Sally]

I don't think he's with anyone, and neither am I (of course). But if he were, it would be with someone who is sexual, and I couldn't really be upset about that. Truly -- I wish we hadn't parted the way we did, but I can't blame him for wanting what he wanted: a fully sexual relationship.

I'm definitely not nice! *thanks Lady Girl but refers her to many of my posts :lol: *

[Guest]

I'm definitely not nice! *thanks Lady Girl but refers her to many of my posts :lol: *

Hahaha she tells me I'm nice too! Maybe Lady Girl is too nice to notice that we're not nice? :D

Anyway, it does seem that the way people part is as important, if not more important, than why they parted... I can't blame my ex for deciding she had a different sexual orientation, but I feel fine blaming her for how she handled that.

[Down in Texas]

I hate to say it again but, for us sexuls that are in love with an asexual, our level of sexual fulfillment will rarely be at the level we hope to achieve. In order for sexualls to obtain our highest level of fulfillment, we MUST feel the presence of our partner’s desire for us. This is often more than they are capable of giving. Good SEX is like a runaway train that picks up speed as it goes down the hill. Our partners are like the uphill train that cannot build up enough steam to get over the hill to begin with. Thus, the level of pleasure we receive, is and never can be what we envision. If we are lucky and there have been occasions that I was, we can experience that level of pleasure. The problem then becomes we continue looking for that feeling, each time because once found we don’t forget that feeling and long to replicate it maybe not every time but at least occasionally. It is the continued desire for this connection that drives us to keep looking. It is hard to go time and time again without finding what we know can be, because we have felt it before but we cannot find our way back to it. We feel that if we were able to find it once why can’t we find it again. For me that time use to have a very small window, that lied just between him having enough to drink to relax and too much to do anything. If I was lucky enough to catch that window things were WONDERFUL it was these times that I could not understand how he could not long to repeat. However, I knew it was also at these times that he did not remember half of what he was doing due to his condition of intoxication. However, unlike him I was completely sober and could remember it all. In addition, these times gave me the impression that if he could accomplish this under these circumstances there had to be something that was causing him to restrain himself from them at other times. Thus, something had to cause this restraint so after a while of unfulfilled sex it would get the best of me and I would began to try and find what was causing him to withhold his emotions that I so craved to share.

[Lady Girl]

I'm definitely not nice! *thanks Lady Girl but refers her to many of my posts :lol: *

Hahaha she tells me I'm nice too! Maybe Lady Girl is too nice to notice that we're not nice? :D

LOL...Skulls you rock, and Sally you're way cool. :D

Don't know how to multi-quote (someone please tell me!), but I'm sorry my post went up right after yours Texas. I know what your talking about, and since my husband doesn't drink this isn't quite the case with us, he can distinguish the better quality for me from the not so great.

[BunnyK.]

I'm miserable.

Nothing ever changes. Everything that was hard is still hard. Lady Girl, I'm curious how it'll go with you and Mr. Lady Girl (hee!) now that you're trying to up the frequency. I'm constantly told by my partner that we'll increase frequency but it never happens. Or, to be more specific, it happens once or twice (but usually once) and then its back down to normal.

I completely freaked out the other night... Sunday night, maybe? I was obviously very upset but I didn't want to have the same conversation that we've had a hundred times... "I don't feel like you care about me." "Of course I love you. This is because of sex, isn't it?" and then I feel like shit and stop talking. She eventually went into the bedroom and got into bed (at like 8:30... waaay before bedtime). I pulled out the hide-a-bed and then sat and cried. I even tried cutting a bit to see if that'd help, but apparently I have outgrown my taste for it (thank god!). I got up and checked on her a few times. Eventually she got up and ran outside for a cigarette, so I went out with her, at which point she yelled at me for making her feel in trouble. I told her that I feel like my heart is broken. Again she asked me if I want to break up with her (CAN'T, MARRIED!!). I told her that I feel like i'm always chasing her and that no one is ever chasing me. Even that night, I was clearly upset, but she's the one who kept getting checked on... she's the one who stormed away. She sits all day and all night on her computer or iPhone, barely paying attention to me or anything I'm doing. I feel like if it weren't for me, there would be no relationship. We'd just be two people who sometimes occupy the same space. Sure, she'll babble endlessly at me about stuff I couldn't care less about (horses horses horses). Ugh, I don't know. I'm attentive, I try to do stuff we both want to do and watch stuff we both want to watch and talk about stuff we both want to talk about... I cuddle and I'm affectionate and I compliment her and I feel like I get nothing back except occasional housework done (though she hasn't once since I've known her cleaned a bathroom).

She said "I don't think you believe me when I tell you you're pretty or sexy.... well, I guess I know why. That's gonna change!". It's not going to change.

Last night she tried to initiate sex and I turned her down. I know she was doing it because I want her to, but when it's done in a way that's so painfully obvious that its being done by coercion... not really such a turn on. At least when I initiate we know one of us is ready and wanting some action. When she initiates its just sad because it's both of us being uninterested, and I feel like I have to get in the mood because it'll hurt her feelings if she's rejected (and it does). I don't see anyone giving a fuck if my feelings are hurt when I'm rejected.

Sorry peeps for the word explosion.

I wondered. I kind of noticed you've been a bit on the...shall we say sensitive? side lately.

You know, I look at the stuff you write about your partner and I am reminded of my relationship with my last boyfriend. He, too, was selfish and made every fight we had about how I was screwing it up. I am not going to say you should end your relationship (although I don't think it will be as bad as you seem to feel), but I WILL say I think you need to take a little bit of a harder line with her. If you're upset to the point that you're thinking about cutting and she's ignoring you.. that's a real sign that something is off in this relationship; I think you should point that out to her, and don't try to make her feel better if she feels guilty. That's just shitty, honestly, it really is, and she needs to realize that - let her stew in her own assholery and don't bail her out. Maybe get yourself a book on boundaries and try to get some healthy ones in place so that you can at least ensure she's not running you over anymore.

And it kinda sucks that you have to be the one running the clinic on "how not to be a selfish asshole" for this girl, but if you want to stay married to her, I think for your own sanity you need to.

[Guest]

I wondered. I kind of noticed you've been a bit on the...shall we say sensitive? side lately.

It's frustrating because if I'm happy, then I hurt people's feelings because they're not happy, and if I'm crabby then I'm a bitch (or shall we say sensitive :) ). I sometimes feel like AVEN is a no-win community. Everyone is going to be mad at half of everyone else at all times.

You know, I look at the stuff you write about your partner and I am reminded of my relationship with my last boyfriend. He, too, was selfish and made every fight we had about how I was screwing it up. I am not going to say you should end your relationship (although I don't think it will be as bad as you seem to feel), but I WILL say I think you need to take a little bit of a harder line with her. If you're upset to the point that you're thinking about cutting and she's ignoring you.. that's a real sign that something is off in this relationship; I think you should point that out to her, and don't try to make her feel better if she feels guilty. That's just shitty, honestly, it really is, and she needs to realize that - let her stew in her own assholery and don't bail her out. Maybe get yourself a book on boundaries and try to get some healthy ones in place so that you can at least ensure she's not running you over anymore.

And it kinda sucks that you have to be the one running the clinic on "how not to be a selfish asshole" for this girl, but if you want to stay married to her, I think for your own sanity you need to.

I agree with all of this, and thank you. I get anxious very quickly and very easily if someone is upset -- particularly with me, but in general -- and I do whatever i can to fix it. Call it growing up in an abusive household, but anger is very, very upsetting to me so I tend to take the role of smoothing everything over. And yes, that usually means rolling right over me.

I really should get some therapy on how to stand up for myself and manage the anxious feelings it creates. Obviously I'm able to do it on AVEN... I still get afraid to log in all the time in case I find myself being yelled at... but at this point its happened so often that I'm learning that the world doesn't end just because someone internet-shouts at me. I need to learn that in real life too. It's ok for bad feelings, anger, guilt, disagreements to just be. The anxiety will settle once I learn that the world won't end just because the ladyfriend goes to bed mad.

[Stranger]

As usual, I seem to come to the conversation just as it’s over (a side effect of tending to my work and only visiting AVEN only when absolutely necessary). SculleryMaid, goodyears, I hope today finds you in a better place than when you previously posted here.

I just wanted to add my own experience with lack of desire for my Ace partner. When I came to some level of acceptance of my wife’s lack of sexual needs (about 5 years into what is now a 25+ year marriage), I did go through a severe drop in sexual attraction toward my wife. I’d agree that part of this decrease is a coping mechanism, and she is more comfortable if I’m not looking at her drooling all the time. That’s not to say I’m not still attracted to her, but now she can bend over without me necessarily noticing. I can’t say I really noticed any change when I discovered AVEN (I just now better understand what I had just previously accepted).

The interesting thing to me is how I’m attracted to other women that remind me of my wife. I can spot another woman with her hair color in a crowd at 100m. I’ll find myself attracted to a blonde (not usually my type) and not able to figure out why, only to realize later that her bottom reminds me of my wife’s. So, in a way, I guess you can say I am still attracted to my wife.