guys who like guys !

[freaky_monkey]

Hey there guys i decided to make this topic here to give myself, and others in the same sort of position hope :)

I thought we could share stories with one another and introduce ourselves .p.s just because the title says guys who like guys, girls who like girls can also join, i meant no offence !

Basically the reson i decided on this thread is this :

A few years ago i realised without a shadow of a doubt i was gay, though i had never heard the term asexual . . .until about 4 days ago via wikipedia! I went through a hell of alot of crap to come out : including eating disorders, panic attacks, severe clinical depression, aggraphoia, anxietey ect ect ect. On coming out i assumed other gay people would be supportive and help one another out, be a little family, you know 'my' version of 'normal'. Sadly this didnt happen. Everytime i meet your average gay its the same story, may use slightly different words, and may involve several lies, but its the same thing . . they just want sex. I didnt understand why ! was i prudish, a bit too 'moral' i thought so, so i tried it out and the result was no, it just wasnt good enough, sex wasnt interesting, 'fooling around' wasnt intereting and all i really needed was a cuddle, a hug, a s snuggle, someone to spoon me at night, hold my hand during the day and kiss me anytime they wanted too because they 'just felt like it'. I havent achieved this yet .. . . and im doubting i ever will.

I realised then when i read the wikipedia article i needed to click the link and visit aven and read what people who identify themselves as asexual or belonging to the asexual family thought it was all about, and i was really taken aback that i too have my own little place here !

On coming to Aven i had hoped to have found more people who gay asexual, or as i like to class myself homo romantic, to share their thoughts and feeling, likes dislikes, ideas and their failures. As someone new to this online community i think we need to encourage one another in our individual quests for happiness and this is the idea of this thread ! Where the gay world has failed with over sluttyness and its 'one big free for all orgy' (and yes i know there will always be exceptions, but on the whole, it is ;) i thought this would be a good place where those gay people and queet people and anyone LGBT could come together and meet another and chat !

So if you want to just state that your here then drop a 'hello, hey there or even hi' in and let us find you, or you can tell us a bit baout yourself or even ask a question for us to answer ! I hope you like my idea and if not then those of you who come across this i hope you at least message me !!

So shall we give it a try ?

Im Tom and im a homo-romantic, im 19 from the south wales valleys and i need hope from you all that im not the only one !!

[loopytheone]

Dang it, I was just about to make a witty joke about us lesbians not being welcome on your thread and then you ruined it with "no offensing"! :P

I have a friend from the valleys in south wales (I think you know exactly how I just pronounced 'valleys' in my head :D ) so I've been reading your whole post in a nice welsh accent! Hopefully you'll meet a lot more friends here on AVEN and hopefully they wont all be as strange as I am! (though that is unlikely, looking around these forums!)

What I meant to say in a round about way, is hello, welcome to AVEN and have some !

[zoidberger]

Though I'm hetero and somewhere on the asexy/demi side of things I think you'll be surprised with how many people here identify as homosexual or bisexual. AVEN is a very diverse place and if you spend enough time on here you'll probably find some people that have very similar ideas, thoughts, orientation, etc. as you.

[Altair]

On coming out i assumed other gay people would be supportive and help one another out, be a little family, you know 'my' version of 'normal'. Sadly this didnt happen. Everytime i meet your average gay its the same story, may use slightly different words, and may involve several lies, but its the same thing . . they just want sex.

Gotta love when the ones who brag about having the highest suicide ratio end up bullying other people sometimes...

Anyway, I'm heteroromantic, but I've considered asking some of my gay friends to settle down if we both can't find someone by like 40 or something. I just figure, if I'm going to "settle" I'd rather it be with a guy than a girl. As a straight guy this shouldn't make any sense, but I'd feel more understood by him than I would a girl if she wasn't "The One." There may be some other guys like me out there. Besides like the one above me said there are plenty of homosexuals on here so just stay on this website and enjoy the community.

Oh yeah! And as also stated above FREE CAKE FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[henshin]

I'm female but homoromantic. It took me a long time to really accept my sexuality because I felt like as I didn't have sexual feelings either way then maybe I couldn't be sure I was a lesbian, but then I guess I just had a couple of major unrequited romantic loves with girls and figured, yeah guess I'm pretty gay.

I do get a bit nervous at gay nights and stuff cus when someone hits on me I get all worried they just want sex but then I met my awesome girlfriend and she is wonderfully understanding so now feel less nervous about all the gay socialising!

[hara]

i am homoromanticman 32 years old i hope here come more guys

[Guest No Longer Member]

16, female, in my first relationship with a very loving, beautiful, and understanding woman.

I came out to my friends months ago, and came out to my sister just last week (give or take I sort of lied about a few things. I am most certainly not going to come out to my parents until my birthday, when I'm 17 and I can express that I am old enough to know what I want in a relationship and wheter or not I like boys or girls.

My girlfriend and I also want to take time to develop our relationship, seeing as we kind of rushed into it (we haven't even gone on our first official date yet; Ugh, young love).

I love her in the fact that when I told her I was asexual she was a little concerned that I wouldn't be able to have a normal relationship, but after linking her to this website and talking to her about how I felt, she accepted my asexuality right away. She knows that we probably won't have sex when we're older or it might be only second base, but she told me that she really only wants us to be happy together, and that we shouldn't revolve our relationship around sex if I'm not comfortable with it.

That's really not someone you come across a lot, so I'm very thankful that I have her in my life.

[98slbrookes98]

I'm female but homoromantic. It took me a long time to really accept my sexuality because I felt like as I didn't have sexual feelings either way then maybe I couldn't be sure I was a lesbian, but then I guess I just had a couple of major unrequited romantic loves with girls and figured, yeah guess I'm pretty gay.

I do get a bit nervous at gay nights and stuff cus when someone hits on me I get all worried they just want sex but then I met my awesome girlfriend and she is wonderfully understanding so now feel less nervous about all the gay socialising!

Good for you.

I too identify as a homoromantic asexual though I guess from about the age of 22 I have been semi curious about sex with women - I'd just need a lot of reassurance before I tried it. And if it was up to me personally I wouldn't mind if my girlfriend were asexual, demisexual or sexual - I'm just scared of running into someone aggressive/violent but I usually tell myself that the same advice straight women are given about men apply if such a situation were to arise. I'm also in a difficult situation given that my dad and stepfamily live in India and India is homophobic and my mum, aunt and grandmother have always been dubious about my love for females.

But it's very hopeful that you have met an awesome girl and settled down and you're even okay with gay socialising. It shows miracles can happen. :)

16, female, in my first relationship with a very loving, beautiful, and understanding woman.

I came out to my friends months ago, and came out to my sister just last week (give or take I sort of lied about a few things. I am most certainly not going to come out to my parents until my birthday, when I'm 17 and I can express that I am old enough to know what I want in a relationship and wheter or not I like boys or girls.

My girlfriend and I also want to take time to develop our relationship, seeing as we kind of rushed into it (we haven't even gone on our first official date yet; Ugh, young love).

I love her in the fact that when I told her I was asexual she was a little concerned that I wouldn't be able to have a normal relationship, but after linking her to this website and talking to her about how I felt, she accepted my asexuality right away. She knows that we probably won't have sex when we're older or it might be only second base, but she told me that she really only wants us to be happy together, and that we shouldn't revolve our relationship around sex if I'm not comfortable with it.

That's really not someone you come across a lot, so I'm very thankful that I have her in my life.

Wow you're 16 and in your first relationship.

I'm 24 and still single in real life (I have a girlfriend on Second Life under my male avatar).

Glad you have such an understanding girlfriend. :)

[Lost On Purpose]

Hi there. Glad to see you've found what you were looking for here. :cake:

I'm 39 and bi-romantic, currently in a long-term relationship with another woman. Don't give up on finding someone just yet. You're too young for cynicism!! :) Keep looking, and maybe "Mr. Right" is waiting around the corner. Good luck and welcome!

[Mysterion]

Kinda. I'm not really a pure asexual, but I'm more to the homo side of bi-romantic. When I do feel sexual, I'm more to the hetero side of bisexual.

Probably helps explain a lot of my ambivalence towards sex/relationships...

[scotty]

Hi Tom,

I haven't visited the site for awhile and just came upon your message. I am far older than you so maybe I can be of some help. Like you I was sure I was gay at a very young age; actually younger than you as I gleaned from your story. Since I knew I didn't feel the kind of attraction for girls that my friends were expressing I assumed I must be gay. I would often devel these intense relationships with guys, I would meet someone and start thinking about them all the time and want to spend as much time with them as possible, that sort of thing and because of these things, and because I didn't know there were other possible explanations I self-identified as gay. I don't know why it took me so long to realize that something was wrong with this label, but, one day I realized that while I might have some sort of "crush" on a guy, I never had sexual fantasies about him or over him or being with him and like you what I really wanted was to hold hands in public, be held, even kissed and that I only engaged in sex in order to attain these. I had sex with very, very many people and even had a "partner" for 7 years in order to fill this need.

What is great about you is that you've realized this about yourself at a young age and hopefully will be able to find and meet someone who has the same needs and desires. You are lucky that a place like this exists; it certainly didn't when I was your age. I was 30 before I finally figured out on my own what was going on with me and I never did find anyone of like mind. But to be honest it was such a relief to finally understand why I was different from everyone I knew that for many years I never tried to find anyone. I was just so glad to understand why I felt the way I do about the sex act and you are right in the "gay world" sex is everywhere and available on demand. Because I was very good looking when I was young I was hit on all the time and I found all this attention flattering, but, the result was always the same. I knew I wasn't experiencing the overwhelming lust my sex partners were feeling and had sex just to be held and kissed and to wake up with someones arms around me. I hope you find what and who you are looking for, I believe you will. You have a jump start of self-awareness and support that was unavailable to me at your age. Judgeing from your writing I know exactly how you feel and what you are experiencing; I only wish I could have met someone like you years ago. Please feel free to contact me and ask me any questions. I would love to be of some help.

All my best wishes,

Scott Gensemer

Scotts11@ptd.net

Hey there guys i decided to make this topic here to give myself, and others in the same sort of position hope :)

I thought we could share stories with one another and introduce ourselves .p.s just because the title says guys who like guys, girls who like girls can also join, i meant no offence !

Basically the reson i decided on this thread is this :

A few years ago i realised without a shadow of a doubt i was gay, though i had never heard the term asexual . . .until about 4 days ago via wikipedia! I went through a hell of alot of crap to come out : including eating disorders, panic attacks, severe clinical depression, aggraphoia, anxietey ect ect ect. On coming out i assumed other gay people would be supportive and help one another out, be a little family, you know 'my' version of 'normal'. Sadly this didnt happen. Everytime i meet your average gay its the same story, may use slightly different words, and may involve several lies, but its the same thing . . they just want sex. I didnt understand why ! was i prudish, a bit too 'moral' i thought so, so i tried it out and the result was no, it just wasnt good enough, sex wasnt interesting, 'fooling around' wasnt intereting and all i really needed was a cuddle, a hug, a s snuggle, someone to spoon me at night, hold my hand during the day and kiss me anytime they wanted too because they 'just felt like it'. I havent achieved this yet .. . . and im doubting i ever will.

I realised then when i read the wikipedia article i needed to click the link and visit aven and read what people who identify themselves as asexual or belonging to the asexual family thought it was all about, and i was really taken aback that i too have my own little place here !

On coming to Aven i had hoped to have found more people who gay asexual, or as i like to class myself homo romantic, to share their thoughts and feeling, likes dislikes, ideas and their failures. As someone new to this online community i think we need to encourage one another in our individual quests for happiness and this is the idea of this thread ! Where the gay world has failed with over sluttyness and its 'one big free for all orgy' (and yes i know there will always be exceptions, but on the whole, it is ;) i thought this would be a good place where those gay people and queet people and anyone LGBT could come together and meet another and chat !

So if you want to just state that your here then drop a 'hello, hey there or even hi' in and let us find you, or you can tell us a bit baout yourself or even ask a question for us to answer ! I hope you like my idea and if not then those of you who come across this i hope you at least message me !!

So shall we give it a try ?

Im Tom and im a homo-romantic, im 19 from the south wales valleys and i need hope from you all that im not the only one !!

[henshin]

Good for you.

I too identify as a homoromantic asexual though I guess from about the age of 22 I have been semi curious about sex with women - I'd just need a lot of reassurance before I tried it. And if it was up to me personally I wouldn't mind if my girlfriend were asexual, demisexual or sexual - I'm just scared of running into someone aggressive/violent but I usually tell myself that the same advice straight women are given about men apply if such a situation were to arise. I'm also in a difficult situation given that my dad and stepfamily live in India and India is homophobic and my mum, aunt and grandmother have always been dubious about my love for females.

But it's very hopeful that you have met an awesome girl and settled down and you're even okay with gay socialising. It shows miracles can happen. :)

Hey, don't worry about it, I was 22 before I had my first girlfriend and didn't have another one until years later, just a series of unrequited loves. I'm sure you'll find someone who is caring and understanding, most leasbians I know are like that really. If you're worried about your parents reaction I guess my adivce would be move away from home and start living an 'out' life outside of their radar.

Gay socialising can be pretty ricky at first especially in areas where there aren't any facilities or groups, but even something like volunteering at a LGBT helpline or something can be a good way to get to know other gays without having to face the horrors of gay clubs. To be honest my proximity to London is really helpful because theres obvsiously more stuff that goes on there which is for gay people to meet each other. Feminist groups can often be a hot bed of queer friendly people, and if you're near a university have a snoop and find out what the LGBT group are up to, I'm sure they wouldn't mind taking on a non-student (although I dunno, maybe Oxford are massive snobs about the whole thing).

Failing all that you could try to start something yourself, I guess it depends what you'e interested in really.

[Boo42069yomomma]

I'm 15, panromantic asexual, it's a pleasure to meet you!

Did I spell meet wrong? Because it looks very wrong, but I can't think of any other way to spell it. :(

[Guest No Longer Member]

I'm 15, panromantic asexual, it's a pleasure to meet you!

Did I spell meet wrong? Because it looks very wrong, but I can't think of any other way to spell it. :(

Nice to meet you, too! And don't worry, you spelt "meet" right, lol. :)

[Bye Bye Birdy]

x

[98slbrookes98]

Good for you.

I too identify as a homoromantic asexual though I guess from about the age of 22 I have been semi curious about sex with women - I'd just need a lot of reassurance before I tried it. And if it was up to me personally I wouldn't mind if my girlfriend were asexual, demisexual or sexual - I'm just scared of running into someone aggressive/violent but I usually tell myself that the same advice straight women are given about men apply if such a situation were to arise. I'm also in a difficult situation given that my dad and stepfamily live in India and India is homophobic and my mum, aunt and grandmother have always been dubious about my love for females.

But it's very hopeful that you have met an awesome girl and settled down and you're even okay with gay socialising. It shows miracles can happen. :)

Hey, don't worry about it, I was 22 before I had my first girlfriend and didn't have another one until years later, just a series of unrequited loves. I'm sure you'll find someone who is caring and understanding, most leasbians I know are like that really. If you're worried about your parents reaction I guess my adivce would be move away from home and start living an 'out' life outside of their radar.

Gay socialising can be pretty ricky at first especially in areas where there aren't any facilities or groups, but even something like volunteering at a LGBT helpline or something can be a good way to get to know other gays without having to face the horrors of gay clubs. To be honest my proximity to London is really helpful because theres obvsiously more stuff that goes on there which is for gay people to meet each other. Feminist groups can often be a hot bed of queer friendly people, and if you're near a university have a snoop and find out what the LGBT group are up to, I'm sure they wouldn't mind taking on a non-student (although I dunno, maybe Oxford are massive snobs about the whole thing).

Failing all that you could try to start something yourself, I guess it depends what you'e interested in really.

Thanks.

Of course I must get my own life sorted before I think of getting a girlfriend - need to find a job, a place of my own etc all of which can take time. Your idea about the GLBT helpline is a really good one. And it is hopeful that you know a lot of understanding and caring lesbians/bisexuals. :)

Well I guess one step at a time.

[virginqueen]

Hi.. I see myself as homoromantic.. Can relate myself to what you are saying.. Though I haven't tried phsical intimacy with anyone. It's one hell of a suffering. Being homoromantic is like being in a limbo, neither straight nor gay..

[scotty]

Hey there guys i decided to make this topic here to give myself, and others in the same sort of position hope :)

I thought we could share stories with one another and introduce ourselves .p.s just because the title says guys who like guys, girls who like girls can also join, i meant no offence !

Basically the reson i decided on this thread is this :

A few years ago i realised without a shadow of a doubt i was gay, though i had never heard the term asexual . . .until about 4 days ago via wikipedia! I went through a hell of alot of crap to come out : including eating disorders, panic attacks, severe clinical depression, aggraphoia, anxietey ect ect ect. On coming out i assumed other gay people would be supportive and help one another out, be a little family, you know 'my' version of 'normal'. Sadly this didnt happen. Everytime i meet your average gay its the same story, may use slightly different words, and may involve several lies, but its the same thing . . they just want sex. I didnt understand why ! was i prudish, a bit too 'moral' i thought so, so i tried it out and the result was no, it just wasnt good enough, sex wasnt interesting, 'fooling around' wasnt intereting and all i really needed was a cuddle, a hug, a s snuggle, someone to spoon me at night, hold my hand during the day and kiss me anytime they wanted too because they 'just felt like it'. I havent achieved this yet .. . . and im doubting i ever will.

I realised then when i read the wikipedia article i needed to click the link and visit aven and read what people who identify themselves as asexual or belonging to the asexual family thought it was all about, and i was really taken aback that i too have my own little place here !

On coming to Aven i had hoped to have found more people who gay asexual, or as i like to class myself homo romantic, to share their thoughts and feeling, likes dislikes, ideas and their failures. As someone new to this online community i think we need to encourage one another in our individual quests for happiness and this is the idea of this thread ! Where the gay world has failed with over sluttyness and its 'one big free for all orgy' (and yes i know there will always be exceptions, but on the whole, it is ;) i thought this would be a good place where those gay people and queet people and anyone LGBT could come together and meet another and chat !

So if you want to just state that your here then drop a 'hello, hey there or even hi' in and let us find you, or you can tell us a bit baout yourself or even ask a question for us to answer ! I hope you like my idea and if not then those of you who come across this i hope you at least message me !!

So shall we give it a try ?

Im Tom and im a homo-romantic, im 19 from the south wales valleys and i need hope from you all that im not the only one !!

Howdy Tom

I was just wondering how you were doing and thought I'd send along a little note. Hope everything is going well and you're hanging in there. A nice thing happened to me on Easter Sunday. I had spent the holiday with my parents, sister, niece and nephew. When I returned home I fired up the computer to check my email and there was a message from a guy I hadn't talked to in over 8 years. We had been good friends for years; he was married and had a daughter and thought I was gay. Since I thought he was straight we developed what I thought was this close platonic relationship. He was very open to being affectionate in a non-sexual kind of way and while this wasn't the relationship I'd been looking for, it was satisfying on many levels. Then all of a sudden he announced that he believed he was bi-sexual and the easy going relationship we had built went flying right out the window and all he wanted to do was have sex. Said he'd been thinking about me this way for a long time and now he wanted more out of the relationship. I tried to explain to him about being asexual but he simply refused to believe it and thought I just didn't want to have sex with him. Well things went from bad to worse until we hardly spoke to each other at all. Then he took a job in another city and that was that. Until Easter Sunday. He had gotten my email address from a mutual friend and had written to tell me that he had gotten a divorce and had been living with a male partner for the last 6 years and was wondering if we could go back to the way things used to be. He apologized for putting all that pressure on me and said that he just hadn't understood what I had been trying to tell him. I told him that I didn't think it was possible to go back but I didn't see any reason why we couldn't build a new relationship that might be different but no less valid. So we're going to give it a go. I think it's wonderful when totally out of the blue Life drops something you weren't even thinking about right in your lap. It gives me hope that there are other things, other people out there that I am totally unaware of just around some corner waiting for me. Anyway, drop me a line and let me know what's been going on in your life. Scotty

[iambubbaq]

Hey Tom you're certainly not the only one. I'm Stephen and I'm a bi (though I guess pan really) Romantic Asexual. I know how you feel. Both with men women and those in between. Gonna be honest though. I thought the same way you did and figured my gay friends would be the most understanding. Nope. Looked at me like I was a freak like everyone else. But we still all get along haha

[scotty]

Hey Tom you're certainly not the only one. I'm Stephen and I'm a bi (though I guess pan really) Romantic Asexual. I know how you feel. Both with men women and those in between. Gonna be honest though. I thought the same way you did and figured my gay friends would be the most understanding. Nope. Looked at me like I was a freak like else. But we still all get along haha

I want to tell you something that will save you alot of grief if you can just accept it as being true: Most people whether gay or straight are just never going to understand. Just like most straight people have a hard time understanding sexual attraction to their own sex. But at least they have a frame of reference to work with and if they can access their powers of empathy they can come around. But to not have any sexual attraction at all is very hard for sexually active people to grasp. It is completely outside of their experience. There is no reference point - no way to connect to what you are feeling - or not feeling from their point of view. I don't mean that you shouldn't be honest with your friends and try to explain; if they are really your friends they deserve to know who you really are. Just don't get frustrated if they can't understand and accept them as flawed human beings, like the rest of us.. It's like Gallileo trying to convince people the earth is not the center of the solar system; everything in their experience and learning told them it was. Hopefully, things will go better for you than they did for poor Gallileo. Scotty You can contact me directly at: Scotts11@ptd.net if you think I can be of any help or you would just like to talk.

[iambubbaq]

Hey Tom you're certainly not the only one. I'm Stephen and I'm a bi (though I guess pan really) Romantic Asexual. I know how you feel. Both with men women and those in between. Gonna be honest though. I thought the same way you did and figured my gay friends would be the most understanding. Nope. Looked at me like I was a freak like else. But we still all get along haha

I want to tell you something that will save you alot of grief if you can just accept it as being true: Most people whether gay or straight are just never going to understand. Just like most straight people have a hard time understanding sexual attraction to their own sex. But at least they have a frame of reference to work with and if they can access their powers of empathy they can come around. But to not have any sexual attraction at all is very hard for sexually active people to grasp. It is completely outside of their experience. There is no reference point - no way to connect to what you are feeling - or not feeling from their point of view. I don't mean that you shouldn't be honest with your friends and try to explain; if they are really your friends they deserve to know who you really are. Just don't get frustrated if they can't understand and accept them as flawed human beings, like the rest of us.. It's like Gallileo trying to convince people the earth is not the center of the solar system; everything in their experience and learning told them it was. Hopefully, things will go better for you than they did for poor Gallileo. Scotty You can contact me directly at: Scotts11@ptd.net if you think I can be of any help or you would just like to talk.

Thanks Scotty I appreciate it. However, I have reached the point that I am ok with who I am. If someone as I will tell them with no problem. If they don't understand I will try to explain. Yet, if they don't I don't push the matter and learn to accept that we're at an impasse. I don't find it a big enough deal to cause problems in my friendships or future friendships for that matter. I am who I am. They can't handle it. I'll still smile when they walk by, won't hold any grudges.