What is 'Sexual attraction'?

[Geo]

It's basically what I said but in a one liner

??? Than't not at all what you said.

[Soloray]

@Geo

Sexual attractiveness is the ability of a person to draw in the (pre existing)sexual desires of another and aim them at them self.

VS

It is an attraction which leads to sexual desire.

Since you're arguing relevancy, I see that both statements although the latter is vague, still carry the same meaning. I fail to see how either don't relate to each other.

[Geo]

They don't have the same meaning at all. That latter implies causality. As if desire wouldn't exist if it weren't for attraction.

[Soloray]

They don't have the same meaning at all. That latter implies causality. As if desire wouldn't exist if it weren't for attraction.

The latter implies sexual attraction leads to having a desire for sex implying no repulsion factors such as STIs or pregnancy

[Geo]

Ok, yeah. I have no idea what your talking about now. I give up.

[Soloray]

Ok, yeah. I have no idea what your talking about now. I give up.

I basically said the same thing, I said in my short statement, Sexual attraction leads to sexual desire/desire for sex or in norm talk:

When you like someone and consider sex with them.

That drive to have sex with them is the desire, that attraction towards the person is based on sexual intentions is therefore sexual attraction

There are many ways to paint a wall.

EDIT (explaining repulsion factors): Repulsion factors are basically things associated with a desire which reduce a disire

[Squick]

I've never understood sexual attraction in the time that I've been on this site, and I think this thread kind of illustrates that I'm not alone.

For sexuals, desire and attraction and romance and so on are generally all intertwined. You can consider someone "hot" without actually wanting to pursue sex with them, for any number of reasons. You can pursue sex with someone you don't find hot, also for various reasons. You are generally always sexually attracted to people you find romantically attractive, but not always the other way around. And so on.

I'm starting to wonder if sexual attraction can ever be entirely teased out from its larger context into a single definition that everyone can instantly understand and differentiate. I'm also wondering why so few straight and gay people question the basic premise of their orientation, as far as I'm aware. I'm also-also wondering if all of these definition problems aren't just down to the inherent limitations of the English language.

[Beachwalker]

I've never understood sexual attraction in the time that I've been on this site, and I think this thread kind of illustrates that I'm not alone.

For sexuals, desire and attraction and romance and so on are generally all intertwined. You can consider someone "hot" without actually wanting to pursue sex with them, for any number of reasons. You can pursue sex with someone you don't find hot, also for various reasons. You are generally always sexually attracted to people you find romantically attractive, but not always the other way around. And so on.

I'm starting to wonder if sexual attraction can ever be entirely teased out from its larger context into a single definition that everyone can instantly understand and differentiate. I'm also wondering why so few straight and gay people question the basic premise of their orientation, as far as I'm aware. I'm also-also wondering if all of these definition problems aren't just down to the inherent limitations of the English language.

Yeh I don't know if the limitations of the English language as much as everyone has their own individualized definition of it that makes it here especially so ambiguous and ???meaningless.

[C.F.L.]

I've never understood sexual attraction in the time that I've been on this site, and I think this thread kind of illustrates that I'm not alone.

For sexuals, desire and attraction and romance and so on are generally all intertwined. You can consider someone "hot" without actually wanting to pursue sex with them, for any number of reasons. You can pursue sex with someone you don't find hot, also for various reasons. You are generally always sexually attracted to people you find romantically attractive, but not always the other way around. And so on.

I'm starting to wonder if sexual attraction can ever be entirely teased out from its larger context into a single definition that everyone can instantly understand and differentiate. I'm also wondering why so few straight and gay people question the basic premise of their orientation, as far as I'm aware. I'm also-also wondering if all of these definition problems aren't just down to the inherent limitations of the English language.

It seems that there seems to be some confusion between having a sexual desire for another human being (the inclination to entertain thoughts about the act of sex with another), and having the desire to do something about sexual attraction to another person (the desire to physically engage in the act of sex with that person in fulfilling that attraction). These are very similar sounding, but yet subtly different concepts, which in my mind as an engineer is an interesting distinction. Neither of which seems to indicate an active pursuit of that desire, but each is distinct from the other.

In many of the personal testimonials, especially in youtube videos of Aces, I see both of them being discussed all the time as the definitive separation between Ace and non-ace. While personally, I don't feel much of either, so it's not a big issue for me. But I think this could be an area of confusion that might be explained better.

This is something I guess that has not been very well defined by the definitions on-line that I have seen so far (I've only known AVEN for a year or so, and am still learning about things, and trying to figure myself out).

[rh1985]

To me, the whole thing is just confusing. It's almost easier for me to just say/think/assume that I don't have a sex drive or something more along those lines. Because out of all the guys I've ever thought were quite attractive (and there have been a few, and most of them were actors, but hey, I don't get out socially much...), I'm quite certain I'd turn down sex with all of them because the urge just isn't there so.... what does that make me? I sometimes wonder if the wiring can be half there - like I have the "attraction" part but the "urge to act on it" part is just completely missing and always has been? Could "sexual attraction" be a series of mental/physical reactions combined together, and most people experience all, a small number of people experience none, and a small number of people experience some, but not all?

Do I make any sense at all?

[FantasiaSoma]

hmmmm.....

[shockkkk]

So is it possible for someone to be sexually attracted to someone and not want sex from them?

I say yes, other people say no.

If you go by the definition given in the wiki that sexual attraction is the feeling that causes sexual people to desire sexual contact with others, than if you don't want sex with a person you cannot be sexually attracted to them. For others like myself, sexual attraction is merely sexual arousal resulting from an external stimuli, which means that I think that getting aroused watching people in porn, from various fetishes, or from a girl in a bikini, is sexual attraction to that person. In this sense it is definitely possible to feel sexually attracted to someone but not want to have sex with them. I am an example of this. I can be aroused by girls, yet I have no desire to anything sexual with them.

Before anyone misinterprets what I said, I don't believe getting aroused by porn, fetishes, or whatever means you can't be asexual. I do however think it is sexual attraction.

[WhenSummersGone]

...

[FantasiaSoma]

^_^ okay.

[Member4445]

So is it possible for someone to be sexually attracted to someone and not want sex from them?

Yes.

For example, they may not physically be able to have sex with them as in impotance or they may be a Whatever(not A)sexual Sex repulsed person. They may just not enjoy sex, such as it being painful or a weird feeling. Self consciousness about personal appearance could be why someone doesn't want sex with someone.

Not forgetting that libido is seperate to orientation and activity, therefore it is possible that they are an sexual with a low/non-existant libido.

[Geo]

So is it possible for someone to be sexually attracted to someone and not want sex from them?

I say yes, other people say no.

If you go by the definition given in the wiki that sexual attraction is the feeling that causes sexual people to desire sexual contact with others, than if you don't want sex with a person you cannot be sexually attracted to them. For others like myself, sexual attraction is merely sexual arousal resulting from an external stimuli, which means that I think that getting aroused watching people in porn, from various fetishes, or from a girl in a bikini, is sexual attraction to that person. In this sense it is definitely possible to feel sexually attracted to someone but not want to have sex with them. I am an example of this. I can be aroused by girls, yet I have no desire to anything sexual with them.

Before anyone misinterprets what I said, I don't believe getting aroused by porn, fetishes, or whatever means you can't be asexual. I do however think it is sexual attraction.

Then how do you explain that I can get easily aroused by people in porn doing sexual things that are completely unattractive?

[shockkkk]

So is it possible for someone to be sexually attracted to someone and not want sex from them?

I say yes, other people say no.

If you go by the definition given in the wiki that sexual attraction is the feeling that causes sexual people to desire sexual contact with others, than if you don't want sex with a person you cannot be sexually attracted to them. For others like myself, sexual attraction is merely sexual arousal resulting from an external stimuli, which means that I think that getting aroused watching people in porn, from various fetishes, or from a girl in a bikini, is sexual attraction to that person. In this sense it is definitely possible to feel sexually attracted to someone but not want to have sex with them. I am an example of this. I can be aroused by girls, yet I have no desire to anything sexual with them.

Before anyone misinterprets what I said, I don't believe getting aroused by porn, fetishes, or whatever means you can't be asexual. I do however think it is sexual attraction.

Then how do you explain that I can get easily aroused by people in porn doing sexual things that are completely unattractive?

I don't understand your question. Are you saying that you are aroused by sexual acts that you find unappealing? Are you saying you are aroused by unattractive people doing sexual things? Regardless, if you are aroused by either of these things I would consider it some form of sexual attraction. Nevertheless, I don't see how anything I said contradicts denies the existence of such feelings.

[Geo]

Are you saying you are aroused by unattractive people doing sexual things?

Yes. But how is this attraction? That makes no sense. The people are unattractive.

Being arousing is not the same thing as being attractive.

[Member4445]

If you look at someone and that person arouses you, and it's not due to something else, that is sexual attraction.

How many gay people get aroused upon looking at a member of the opposite sex?

[Geo]

If you look at someone and that person arouses you, and it's not due to something else, that is sexual attraction.

How many gay people get aroused upon looking at a member of the opposite sex?

But it's not the person that's arousing me in this instance. It the situation and the actions. Even so, judging attraction by arousal is way to broad. That's like assuming there's a flame because you see smoke. Seems logical, right? But consider that something can smolder and produce smoke without having an actual flame, and it's also possible to produce a smokeless flame.

Just because sometimes two things are correlated doesn't mean they are the same thing or that one is an indicator of the other.

[shockkkk]

I wonder how many sexuals (and would like to hear input from the sexuals on this board) are aroused only by the person and absolutely nothing else. I suspect that for a number them, they are aroused by certain people in certain situations. Would such a person aroused by the person or the situation? There is no real good answer to this as the arousal would not occur without the person, and the arousal would not occur without the situation.

[lionangel]

I'm so glad that someone simplified the definition of "Sexual Attraction." If this is the case, according to the definition stated, I've only experienced it twice...and I've felt awkward after each time. If I see the person very attractive, I would rather get to know the person than to have "sex from first sight"

[C.F.L.]

Thanks for the info. I was thinking that sexual attraction means thinking someone is attractive in appearance. But maybe that's physical attraction instead of sexual attraction.

Do you just mean a form of aesthetic attraction? I think in that case, most ppl, sexual or asexual, seem to experience to some degree.

But if you mean a form of attraction with a desire to make physical contact, but falls short of sex itself, then it's a much more muddled area. That's what I have been wondering too, some Ace call it "sensual attraction". But I think it's really poorly defined right now, and we can definitely do better to clarify it more, since as it stands, I'm pretty confused by it still, and where the exact lines are.... Such as the desire to cuddle, and to kiss, or to give someone a backrub, etc.

[Forever]

Wow, your definitions are quite complicated. Am I the only one who thinks that you are overthinking things?

As a sexual, for me, sexual attraction is when I find someone physically pleasing. It's when I don't only find someone pretty but when I start to think that I would like to touch him/her intimately and get sexual fantasies about them. It also feels a bit like I'm "drawn" to that person.

That makes so much sense! Thanks for simplifying it - I was having one of those over-think-words days.

I know, my reply is fairly late, but I'm glad to hear my comment helped you (:

You know, when I read stuff on here, it sometimes makes me wonder if I, as a sexual, understand sexual attraction right. You guys make things sound so complicated haha.

[Hungerwolf]

I'm glad it's simple for me.

"Do I want to have sex with this person?"

"No."

[FaerieFate]

Wow, your definitions are quite complicated. Am I the only one who thinks that you are overthinking things?

As a sexual, for me, sexual attraction is when I find someone physically pleasing. It's when I don't only find someone pretty but when I start to think that I would like to touch him/her intimately and get sexual fantasies about them. It also feels a bit like I'm "drawn" to that person.

That makes so much sense! Thanks for simplifying it - I was having one of those over-think-words days.

I know, my reply is fairly late, but I'm glad to hear my comment helped you (:

You know, when I read stuff on here, it sometimes makes me wonder if I, as a sexual, understand sexual attraction right. You guys make things sound so complicated haha.

It's because you're sexual. As someone who's never felt it, I couldn't explain what it is.

Think of it this way. Can you describe a dodo bird? You could from vague descriptions, but that'll over complicate things, but you've never seen one before, so that's all you have.

What if there was a certain word for those who've seen a dodo bird? You wouldn't know if you were part of it because you wouldn't know if you haven't seen one before, and if you ask someone, they say, "You'll know it when you see it." Well, that's helpful.

Honestly, as a group of people who identify as never having felt something, we need someone who has to explain it, but we need to be able to explain it for people to understand.

Long story short, it's complicated.

[Hungerwolf]

Wow, your definitions are quite complicated. Am I the only one who thinks that you are overthinking things?

As a sexual, for me, sexual attraction is when I find someone physically pleasing. It's when I don't only find someone pretty but when I start to think that I would like to touch him/her intimately and get sexual fantasies about them. It also feels a bit like I'm "drawn" to that person.

That makes so much sense! Thanks for simplifying it - I was having one of those over-think-words days.

I know, my reply is fairly late, but I'm glad to hear my comment helped you (:

You know, when I read stuff on here, it sometimes makes me wonder if I, as a sexual, understand sexual attraction right. You guys make things sound so complicated haha.

It's because you're sexual. As someone who's never felt it, I couldn't explain what it is.

Think of it this way. Can you describe a dodo bird? You could from vague descriptions, but that'll over complicate things, but you've never seen one before, so that's all you have.

What if there was a certain word for those who've seen a dodo bird? You wouldn't know if you were part of it because you wouldn't know if you haven't seen one before, and if you ask someone, they say, "You'll know it when you see it." Well, that's helpful.

Honestly, as a group of people who identify as never having felt something, we need someone who has to explain it, but we need to be able to explain it for people to understand.

Long story short, it's complicated.

Well done, you've explained the nature of truth and language.

[WhenSummersGone]

If you look at someone and that person arouses you, and it's not due to something else, that is sexual attraction.

How many gay people get aroused upon looking at a member of the opposite sex?

But it's not the person that's arousing me in this instance. It the situation and the actions. Even so, judging attraction by arousal is way to broad. That's like assuming there's a flame because you see smoke. Seems logical, right? But consider that something can smolder and produce smoke without having an actual flame, and it's also possible to produce a smokeless flame.

Just because sometimes two things are correlated doesn't mean they are the same thing or that one is an indicator of the other.

I agree with you on this as well. For me there is no sexual attraction to anyone in porn. I believe arousal is based off of the situation or the "idea" of having these acts, but not really a "want" to have these acts with a specific person.

[margot]

Hi. First post. Kinda fascinated with the whole thing. I have a good idea of what I am, though I don't have the right words to express it yet. Just glad that this forum is here. I thought that not wanting sex would mean that I will be alone all my life. Nice to know there are others out there.

[canadianeh]

Also my first post, the whole 'sexual attraction' concept is a little confusing to me as well. I just discovered this site recently and everything in my life is making sense for the first time. As a guy, I've always felt the pressure to go out and pursue girls just so I can fit in with my buddies and do what they do. I find girls aesthetically attractive, so I have gone out and tried to hook up with them, like I thought I was supposed to do. A few times I've brought girls back to my place, but once they're in my bed it kind of feels like the dog-chasing-squirrel analogy where I have no idea what to do next. It feels good to know that a girl is interested in me, but aside from that I have no desire to do anything with them whatsoever. So I guess if I find the appearance of girls to be attractive, but I have no desire to act on it, I would be physically attracted to them but not sexually attracted to them?