What is 'Sexual attraction'?

[oliolioxenfree]

sexual attraction..it is what it is..most do know what it is..but for some reason want to personalise and there starts the confusion

so to give the over thinkers a helping hand here is my opinion on sexual attraction

BE WARNED..A RUDI PICTURE FOLLOWS

Caution: Spoiler contains dated bed linen

so in a room a sexual, a demi/semy/grey, a repressed sexual and an asexual all see the above picture and say

sexual...I would fuck that all day long and ride her like a race horse

demi/semi/grey...I would fuck that all day long and ride her like a race horse..as long as i knew her well enough first and i liked her

repressed sexual...I aint looking

asexual..ooo nice bed linen

not very comfortable with this part here, i'll be honest. at least for me, being grace has nothing to do with being demi.

[Nea Rose Symphony]

I found a good analogy to sexual attraction: it's an itch that has to be scratched. The average sexual person has that itch regularly and wants someone else to scratch it. Demisexuals don't get the itch until a bond has been formed. Asexuals with undirected libido have an itch but it's bothersome and not wanting others to scratch it. Asexuals without libido don't itch at all. Asexuals who are fine having sex don't have an itch but find the experience interesting and different, willing to do it for other reasons besides itch relief

[El-not-so-ace]

An itch sounds more like physical needs which asexuals can definitely get too. For me, it's not as much an itch as a weird longing loneliness. Kind of like if you travel or move away and feel a bit homesick. It's a weird loneliness in the lower part of my stomach. Technically the same general vicinity of where I usually get cramps, haha...

I just want some closeness (now that I'm in love with someone, I'd want the whole kit) but my physical "itch" needs haven't changed much.

[Nea Rose Symphony]

? I don't get the concept then at all

And I recently had an... experience... with my boyfriend two days ago. It was interesting and new, wouldn't put up a fight at all if it happened again but I still don't necessarily crave it and could live the rest of my life without it still. I think I'm still asexual and not even demi/gray

[binary suns]

man i miss PiF

[El-not-so-ace]

? I don't get the concept then at all

And I recently had an... experience... with my boyfriend two days ago. It was interesting and new, wouldn't put up a fight at all if it happened again but I still don't necessarily crave it and could live the rest of my life without it still. I think I'm still asexual and not even demi/gray

The feelings I've experienced in the past year were the first time that I ever felt anything for someone. Since I was 100% sure I was an ace up until 24, this is the only difference I've felt.

[Nea Rose Symphony]

? I don't get the concept then at all

And I recently had an... experience... with my boyfriend two days ago. It was interesting and new, wouldn't put up a fight at all if it happened again but I still don't necessarily crave it and could live the rest of my life without it still. I think I'm still asexual and not even demi/gray

The feelings I've experienced in the past year were the first time that I ever felt anything for someone. Since I was 100% sure I was an ace up until 24, this is the only difference I've felt.

If it's the first feelings you've had then you might be demi/gray-(whatever). I still think I'm asexual as I don't actually have the feelings of that regard but more so the willingness of it

[binary suns]

yeah like, it is a good idea to ponder about what is happening since this is a new experience. but I would wait to see consistent experience before you make any decisive conclusion about it. like, if you think it was a sexual experience, it probably was, but what would you say if you never felt it again? you'd pretty much still be ace if this is the only time you ever feel it. so until you feel it a few more times, then look into demi/grey first. and if for whatever reason all of a sudden you start to feel it a lot for multiple people, then just say, "huh, looks like I've switched from ace to sexual lol!"

[Nea Rose Symphony]

yeah like, it is a good idea to ponder about what is happening since this is a new experience. but I would wait to see consistent experience before you make any decisive conclusion about it. like, if you think it was a sexual experience, it probably was, but what would you say if you never felt it again? you'd pretty much still be ace if this is the only time you ever feel it. so until you feel it a few more times, then look into demi/grey first. and if for whatever reason all of a sudden you start to feel it a lot for multiple people, then just say, "huh, looks like I've switched from ace to sexual lol!"

I didn't actually feel anything click in my mind sexually. I didn't get any new feelings. Just we went all the way and it was more of a bonding experience for me rather than need to satisfy a desire that isn't even there

[El-not-so-ace]

If it's the first feelings you've had then you might be demi/gray-(whatever). I still think I'm asexual as I don't actually have the feelings of that regard but more so the willingness of it

The reason that I jumped onto the sexual bandwagon and not the demi one (though I am still thinking of it all) is that I can kind of picture or predict which people I might form those kinds of feelings for if we would be compatible otherwise. Demis aren't like that so I just went for it. :)

That's why, for anyone, I say not to hold on to labels too much since things can change and when (if) they do, they should embrace change. :3

[Nea Rose Symphony]

^ so far things still haven't changed for me. I'm somewhat the same way as you on the romantic side?

[El-not-so-ace]

Then, yeah, you're probably still asexual. :)

[Nea Rose Symphony]

I thought so. I've always thought of relationships in terms of romance and nothing else. If I get "horny" it's always romantically horny and never sexual. And I could live my life without sex even still

[Me :)]

I thought so. I've always thought of relationships in terms of romance and nothing else. If I get "horny" it's always romantically horny and never sexual. And I could live my life without sex even still

I also always thought of relationships as romantic. I know what a secual relationship is but have no need (that I know of) for it.

Also, I don't know what it means to be "horny", so...

[Nea Rose Symphony]

Horny means being in the mood for sex

[Snao Cone]

Horny means being in the mood for sex

Or masturbation.

[m4rble]

Horny means being in the mood for sex

Or masturbation.

Maybe?

[timidcat]

Wanting really badly to see someone shirtless/naked is sexual attraction regardless if you're actually gonna do the do with that person. Adolescents do get all hot and bothered and blushy when viewing their favorite actors online, that is sexual attraction.

[Me :)]

Never happened to me 😶

[Stealthy Potato]

Sexual attraction for me is making love to my brain (before anything else that may happen...got to get my brain going)

[Me :)]

But wait a minute, i thought i understood this whole thing but now im confused again.

isn't there a difference between 1.libido/desire to have sex, and 2.attraction/sex appeal?

I thought attraction the combination of 1.A desire to have sex. And 2.A connection between that desire to a specific person.

If there is someone you're attracted to, it means you're taking the person and having a desire to have sexual relationship with him/her.

If you have a libido or sex drive it doesn't mean your sexually attracted does it?

And if you like someone but don't have sexual feelings or desires, and don't connect sexuality to that person, then you're not actually sexually attracted.

Am I getting this right?

[WAEF777]

Sexual people can best answer, but Asexual and many Grays may not know because looking at a person for 5 min or exotic scene for 5 min and feeling a brief sexual attraction for like 2-4 seconds and then not feeling anything anymore may result in forgetfulness because

A. you don't feel it anymore.

B. since you don't feel it or lost the attraction, therefore recalling won't make you feel anything in the memory of what you felt previously and would easily forget especially if it lasted 2-4 seconds.

You never know, even Asexual may be fluid like Gray but the attractions may limit in a lesser time so it may be impossible to ever know how sexual attraction feels like.

[Altroid]

I feel like what you really mean and are describing is asethtic appeal which is in no way sexual. I can entirely acknowledge someone looks nice without wanting to do anything sexual. There's a pretty strong distinction with that. 

[DeAnj13]

Thank you for all posts, it's been helpful for me. Greatings

[Guest]

[Deleting]

[Nila24]

Something like this happens with sexual attraction. The asexual response is always objective and neutral (aesthetic appreciation). That is why there are sexuals who assert that asexuals should try before, but the "tasting" can be perfectly neutral also for the asexual (sensual appreciation). It is necessary to experience sexual pleasure so that sexual attraction appears but more factors are needed: arousal and sex drive and... ¿a mysterious perception?

From this it follows that sexual attraction must be a conditioned reflex and not innate. Is that a bad thing? No, just interesting. Walking and talking are also conditioned reflexes. Even controlling the sphincters and swallowing requires training.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

I haven't a Scooby about sexual attraction. If I liked someone, the last thing I'd ever want to do is have sex.....and I'm thinking about the time I was adolescent. On occasion, I'd have a 'squish' on some TV or movie star, but not in a physical way. I always thought sex wasted a good friendship.

[Qss]

Using the coffee metaphor above, where thinking that coffee smells good is sexual attraction and wanting to get a coffee is sexual desire, what is sexual arousal? From what I understand, sexual arousal does not necessarily constitute sexual attraction as sexual arousal can be random and not due to stimuli. So my main question is this: Is sexual arousal in response to stimuli, for example pornographic imagery, sexual attraction? Another way of putting this is, if your nose involuntarily perks up at the smell of coffee, does this mean you think that coffee smells good, or does this mean your nose is responding to the smell of the coffee independent of your thoughts?

[aquas]

On 3/10/2012 at 4:12 PM, Taliesin27 said:

Another thing I go through in my mind (in general) is when I meet someone, I think of whether I'd like to be in bed with her. Maybe it's a mild OCD or ADHD thing, but that always pops into my head. My mind just calls up the image, and I wait to see if I "want" her like that.

OH MY GOD I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE.

Glad to see others that are alike to me!! :-)

[Nila24]

Sexual attraction feels like:

 

When I see that fruit my mouth waters.

 

(I want to eat: I want my mouth to devour that fruit).

 

Well, now we replace: body instead of fruit, penis or vagina instead of mouth and sexual fluids instead of saliva. Sexual people "eat" with the penis or vagina. This is for them and they feel “hungry” -sexual desire-. That's the best explanation, which I got from a heterosexual friend. Sexual desire in action is another story. My friend described it to me as something equivalent to anger.

 

I didn’t give in to copulation with my ex-boyfriend, but I gave him several liberties with my body. I like the caresses that convey tenderness, but I can’t correspond in the sexual aspect because I don’t experience that kind of feeling. And if I try to do it is quite obvious that I'm pretending. I feel completely out of place. I don’t understand sexual language. The gestures of my ex-boyfriend were sometimes hilarious, sometimes pathetic and sometimes disconcerting. I used to feel guilty because I didn't feel the same way... And even sometimes I felt violated because I had to force myself to do something I didn’t want to do, but to understand my asexuality was a release for me. For the first time I felt confident in myself. I remember when he stroked my crotch he used to stare into my eyes without blinking (as if he imitated a hypnotist or challenged me to a gentleman's duel) and I just thought his look was very funny. When he touched my vagina it was not so different to me compared to when he touched my nose, which is to me more or less an equally sensitive body part. Sometimes I think that if no one had told me that sex exists, someone could perfectly suck one of my nipples and I wouldn't even bother to say anything about it. When my ex-boyfriend used to kiss my breasts insistently, I liked to observe him with scientific curiosity. I didn’t feel disgust or fear, until it seemed to me that aesthetically it could have been a beautiful image, except for the noises of hyperventilation that he emitted. I liked to please him, but I didn’t like being a witness to someone's sexual tension, it can be uncomfortable. On the other hand, during those moments I am very relaxed and carefree.

 

It was in this way that I could verify that physiologically it worked perfectly. I have vaginal lubrication, even without sexual arousal (physically, yes; emotionally, no). For me it's like peeing a little without being able to contain myself. I don’t feel "hungry" just that I'm peeing... There are no feelings or thoughts behind this bodily reaction. It's like urinary incontinence, and before that there's a small tingling in my genitals, but this tingling is not a spectacular sensation and it's not an itch. It is not something that causes me desperation. It feels like a little pain or discomfort in the body that can easily be ignored. It's not that my body "demands" sex, I don’t feel any need, it's just that my body expels something as if it were an apparent body reflex.