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Chrysanthalis

How do you know when you have romantic feelings for someone?

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Chrysanthalis

How do you know when you feel romantic attraction toward someone? I know it's a fine line between romance and friendship or whatever, but I'm wondering at one point it is definitely romance.

I had assumed that since I didn't understand what it was then I probably couldn't feel it, but I'm open to the possibility that that may not be true.

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DigitalTotem

To me romance is when you feel like doing things for no other reason than to see someone smile or hear them laugh.

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Alexje

Well everybody's definition of romantic attraction is a bit different,

so there isn't really such a thing as an universal answer on this question.

I think this video gives a very inspiring view on the subject.

http://player.vimeo.com/video/34415843

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SJM

When I start developing a crush on a girl, I start noticing several prominent emotional changes. I start quietly obsessing over that person (not to the extent of stalking, of course) and develop an interest in everything about them. My stomach gets butterflies whenever I see them or talk to them. My overall demeanor is more positive and the world just seems more colorful. That person always fills the last thoughts I have before I fall asleep.

I hope that provided some insight. I have a feeling romantic attraction feels different for each person.

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Jillianimal

You get nervous but excited (usually butterflies in the stomach) when seeing or thinking of them is probably the most universal sign of romantic attraction. You just feel emotionally swept away by them & probably not in the most rational state of mind. I kind of like to compare the physiology of it to having a panic attack, but instead of wishing it'd stop it gives you a...warm & fuzzy feeling that you're bascially high from.

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Faelights

When I want to share absolutely everything in my life with them. XD

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Mr. Shuttershy

You do not need to be irrational to be romantic. That needed saying.

Uhm.

Weeeell,... its wanting to spend my life beside/with someone for me. Its a feeling beyond friendship; a certain..feeling of something more; that something more fullfiling is taking place. Its not all rainbows and sunshine. Its wanting to intimately understand someone's mind, how they function. Its your life and perspective split in half.

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HaileyN

I believe it's when you can't wait to see that particular person during the day, that when you happen to feel a little down, thoughts of them pop in your head that get you smiling.

You love seeing them happy; their laughter makes you feel all warm inside. The feelings you get around them can be compared to a nice, warm, and fuzzy blanket wrapped around you in the middle of a winter night.

When they talk to you, you become a little self-conscious. Am I boring them? What can I do to appear interesting? What would I be able to do that would make them smile and laugh?

Heh, actually that last bit might be apart of my social anxiety speaking, but that's what I feel when I'm around someone that I'm romantically attracted to. :blush:

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blahkun

personally whenever i begin to feel something like squish towards anybody i start to panic in fear of if it would become into this kind of attraction, because that is something i personally dont want to experience. max i could do to somebody would be hug, but would that indicate to romantic attraction? i dont think so, i want to hug my cat too. everybody hugs? and i may feel this squish thing towards either gender yet i dont consider myself gay or bi and have to even question if im hetero at all, since its more like brotherly/sisterly feeling and to complicate it even more most of most of times its towards fictional characters rather than real peoples anyway? P: also i dont know if im aromantic, because i dont know what counts as romantic when you are ace either? well blah. =/

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Gallifreyan

I'm struggling with this too. I'm convinced I have a simple squish on this guy on the same course as me at university since he just seems like a really awesome guy and he's into sci-fi and, if I'm being honest, I'd love to borrow his jacket sometime. Meanwhile, my mum, having heard me talk about him, got all excited and is convinced I have a crush and she's been going on about it for so long that I'm starting to doubt myself. Having never had a real crush before I have no idea how I'd tell if I'm feeling romantic attraction or just "seriously, be my friend" attraction.

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Jillianimal

personally whenever i begin to feel something like squish towards anybody i start to panic in fear of if it would become into this kind of attraction, because that is something i personally dont want to experience. max i could do to somebody would be hug, but would that indicate to romantic attraction? i dont think so, i want to hug my cat too. everybody hugs? and i may feel this squish thing towards either gender yet i dont consider myself gay or bi and have to even question if im hetero at all, since its more like brotherly/sisterly feeling and to complicate it even more most of most of times its towards fictional characters rather than real peoples anyway? P: also i dont know if im aromantic, because i dont know what counts as romantic when you are ace either? well blah. =/

Romantic attraction is pretty much the same for sexuals & aces. The only difference is that sexual attraction is also usually a part of the romantic package for sexuals, given that their romantic & sexual orientations line up anyway. The desires you have for someone doesn't make it romantic. It always comes down to what you're feeling.

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blahkun

actually when i think about it, isnt crush/romantic when you want like all that lovey dovey kissy, lets hold our hands together and jump in those blankets to cuddle schmuddle, thing?

and it can either include or exclude doing that (lol sorry for prudeness)

but squish when you just..like peoples personality and wouldnt mind to be their friend and do regular friend things with them just more than with many others? ..kind of?

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Jillianimal

actually when i think about it, isnt crush/romantic when you want like all that lovey dovey kissy, lets hold our hands together and jump in those blankets to cuddle schmuddle, thing?

and it can either include or exclude doing that (lol sorry for prudeness)

but squish when you just..like peoples personality and wouldnt mind to be their friend and do regular friend things with them just more than with many others? ..kind of?

That's the thing with crushes, there is no universal desire to confirm that a crush is a crush. Romance is completely emotional at it's core. Personally I don't care about doing anything with my crushes, but that doesn't stop me from having a very different feeling for them :wub:

Squish sounds about right though.

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Mr. Shuttershy

actually when i think about it, isnt crush/romantic when you want like all that lovey dovey kissy, lets hold our hands together and jump in those blankets to cuddle schmuddle, thing?

and it can either include or exclude doing that (lol sorry for prudeness)

but squish when you just..like peoples personality and wouldnt mind to be their friend and do regular friend things with them just more than with many others? ..kind of?

Well. If crushes are that, I've never had a crush. Not everyone relates romance to physical gestures.

I crush/ fall-in-love for personality, and that's really all. I want to talk and be mentally intimate.

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Naosuu

When I have a crush on someone, I become aware of... (not a complete list, just ones I can think of right now)

  • where they are in relation to me in the room.
  • whether our hands/legs/Idunnowhat brush each other while talking or something.
  • the above and other social touches (hand brushing dust off my arm, hugs) make my heart palpitate.
  • wanting to touch them in a more intimate way (not sexual, but doing things like cupping their face).
  • being unable to maintain straight eye contact due to being really nervous.
  • being nervous because I don't want to say the wrong things.
  • being more silly to cover up the nervousness.
  • becoming a lot more shy around them.
  • wanting to see them/talk to them. It's actually painful when I don't get some kind of interaction with this person.

... But even from this list, there is some variation between crushes. It's all a little different for everyone.

I can usually tell if a crush is starting to develop if I start to notice little things about them (I really like how s/he smiles) and it causes "stirrings" in my chest. Definitively not a platonic stirring where you are really fond of a friend or family member.

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Chrysanthalis

Thank you for the video.

To me romance is when you feel like doing things for no other reason than to see someone smile or hear them laugh.

When I want to share absolutely everything in my life with them. XD

I believe it's when you can't wait to see that particular person during the day, that when you happen to feel a little down, thoughts of them pop in your head that get you smiling.

You love seeing them happy; their laughter makes you feel all warm inside. The feelings you get around them can be compared to a nice, warm, and fuzzy blanket wrapped around you in the middle of a winter night.

When they talk to you, you become a little self-conscious. Am I boring them? What can I do to appear interesting? What would I be able to do that would make them smile and laugh?

Heh, actually that last bit might be apart of my social anxiety speaking, but that's what I feel when I'm around someone that I'm romantically attracted to. :blush:

I can relate to these pretty well, although I'm not sure what makes them romance as opposed to strong (or obsessive?)friendship.

Romantic attraction is pretty much the same for sexuals & aces. The only difference is that sexual attraction is also usually a part of the romantic package for sexuals, given that their romantic & sexual orientations line up anyway. The desires you have for someone doesn't make it romantic. It always comes down to what you're feeling.

And therein lies my problem. I'm never sure of what I'm feeling, let alone what it means, and I don't want to screw up (another) perfectly good (fantastic, actually) friendship because I jumped to conclusions.

Because many of the "symptoms" you all have listed apply to what I feel for a certain friend, and yet we've had plenty of conversations about how neither of us are really into romantic relationships. I feel jealous whenever I think she might like her other best friends better than me, and I'm always nervous and worried when she acts disinterested in what I have to say. I have other friends, so it's not like if I lose her I'll be alone, and it's not like I would lose her anyway - I just want not to be just another friend.

I'm also at a loss because I'm afraid if I talk to her about this I'll weird her out and damage our relationship somehow. :?

Edit: I also feel kind of stupid when I talk about this.

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Jillianimal

Thank you for the video.

To me romance is when you feel like doing things for no other reason than to see someone smile or hear them laugh.

When I want to share absolutely everything in my life with them. XD

I believe it's when you can't wait to see that particular person during the day, that when you happen to feel a little down, thoughts of them pop in your head that get you smiling.

You love seeing them happy; their laughter makes you feel all warm inside. The feelings you get around them can be compared to a nice, warm, and fuzzy blanket wrapped around you in the middle of a winter night.

When they talk to you, you become a little self-conscious. Am I boring them? What can I do to appear interesting? What would I be able to do that would make them smile and laugh?

Heh, actually that last bit might be apart of my social anxiety speaking, but that's what I feel when I'm around someone that I'm romantically attracted to. :blush:

I can relate to these pretty well, although I'm not sure what makes them romance as opposed to strong (or obsessive?)friendship.

Romantic attraction is pretty much the same for sexuals & aces. The only difference is that sexual attraction is also usually a part of the romantic package for sexuals, given that their romantic & sexual orientations line up anyway. The desires you have for someone doesn't make it romantic. It always comes down to what you're feeling.

And therein lies my problem. I'm never sure of what I'm feeling, let alone what it means, and I don't want to screw up (another) perfectly good (fantastic, actually) friendship because I jumped to conclusions.

Because many of the "symptoms" you all have listed apply to what I feel for a certain friend, and yet we've had plenty of conversations about how neither of us are really into romantic relationships. I feel jealous whenever I think she might like her other best friends better than me, and I'm always nervous and worried when she acts disinterested in what I have to say. I have other friends, so it's not like if I lose her I'll be alone, and it's not like I would lose her anyway - I just want not to be just another friend.

I'm also at a loss because I'm afraid if I talk to her about this I'll weird her out and damage our relationship somehow. :?

Edit: I also feel kind of stupid when I talk about this.

Do you want to tell how you feel for the sake of it or do you want to because you're thinking about the possibility of having a romantic relationship with her? Do you know if she can experience romantic feelings?

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Chrysanthalis

Hrm. She identifies as homosexual and biromantic... I don't know about a romantic relationship because that brings to mind things that I'd rather not do. Maybe I'm just projecting stress from other areas of my life onto this one or something? I'm facing going to college alone next year and I thought I was fine with that, because I knew I could technically keep up with my old friends through Facebook, Skype, etc. But recently we've been spending less time together than usual and that makes me sad, and then I realized we'd be spending even less time together if we went to college in different cities, especially since she's thinking of doing this two year exchange program in Spain.

Actually, the more I write about this the more it looks like me trying to resist change or whatever, and being selfish and overprotective. I mean, life is all about change, right? You're supposed to go with the flow and see what waits around the next corner, right?

I just don't want to have to put this down to a bad case of senioritis plus my tendency to fixate on things and blow them way out of proportion before getting so embarrassed that I try to forget all about them. Because that would mean that I'm not capable of real friendship, just obsession.

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blahkun

actually when i think about it, isnt crush/romantic when you want like all that lovey dovey kissy, lets hold our hands together and jump in those blankets to cuddle schmuddle, thing?

and it can either include or exclude doing that (lol sorry for prudeness)

but squish when you just..like peoples personality and wouldnt mind to be their friend and do regular friend things with them just more than with many others? ..kind of?

Well. If crushes are that, I've never had a crush. Not everyone relates romance to physical gestures.

I crush/ fall-in-love for personality, and that's really all. I want to talk and be mentally intimate.

me too, but i think, what could maybe distinguish crush from squish is level of how much you are into person? like when you are in love with them, your focus is kinda only on that person. it is when you almost consider live together or marry each other and what not, also if you love somebody else at the same time it is considered cheating. but squish is not limited to just one person? since its friendly type of attraction and afterall you can have many friends

there was once a stupid moment that wasnt even squish because person was idiot, but i was in someway attracted to them because of their unique hair? and it all ended in instant when they shaved it >.> so i wonder maybe there are more types/gray area with those things too, well i wont go so deep in details myself, but personally i just know for sure, squish maybe yes, but crush i never had on anybody.

and, op, you too, for me at least you just sound like a really dedicated..friend? :T

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Jillianimal

actually when i think about it, isnt crush/romantic when you want like all that lovey dovey kissy, lets hold our hands together and jump in those blankets to cuddle schmuddle, thing?

and it can either include or exclude doing that (lol sorry for prudeness)

but squish when you just..like peoples personality and wouldnt mind to be their friend and do regular friend things with them just more than with many others? ..kind of?

Well. If crushes are that, I've never had a crush. Not everyone relates romance to physical gestures.

I crush/ fall-in-love for personality, and that's really all. I want to talk and be mentally intimate.

me too, but i think, what could maybe distinguish crush from squish is level of how much you are into person? like when you are in love with them, your focus is kinda only on that person. it is when you almost consider live together or marry each other and what not, also if you love somebody else at the same time it is considered cheating. but squish is not limited to just one person? since its friendly type of attraction and afterall you can have many friends

That kind of kicks out ployamory though =/

I've had crushes & squishes that were just about as strong as each other. They just totally felt different.

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Chrysanthalis

actually when i think about it, isnt crush/romantic when you want like all that lovey dovey kissy, lets hold our hands together and jump in those blankets to cuddle schmuddle, thing?

and it can either include or exclude doing that (lol sorry for prudeness)

but squish when you just..like peoples personality and wouldnt mind to be their friend and do regular friend things with them just more than with many others? ..kind of?

Well. If crushes are that, I've never had a crush. Not everyone relates romance to physical gestures.

I crush/ fall-in-love for personality, and that's really all. I want to talk and be mentally intimate.

me too, but i think, what could maybe distinguish crush from squish is level of how much you are into person? like when you are in love with them, your focus is kinda only on that person. it is when you almost consider live together or marry each other and what not, also if you love somebody else at the same time it is considered cheating. but squish is not limited to just one person? since its friendly type of attraction and afterall you can have many friends

there was once a stupid moment that wasnt even squish because person was idiot, but i was in someway attracted to them because of their unique hair? and it all ended in instant when they shaved it >.> so i wonder maybe there are more types/gray area with those things too, well i wont go so deep in details myself, but personally i just know for sure, squish maybe yes, but crush i never had on anybody.

and, op, you too, for me at least you just sound like a really dedicated..friend? :T

So I am blowing things out of proportion? (This doesn't surprise me too much.)

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Kathy The Highlighter

Well, I've found it to be when I get really excited to talk to the person- I'll find myself grinning if they text or IM me, and when I actually see them I get a bit of a rush of excitement and find myself more drawn to them and wanting to engage them in conversation. It's different than regular friendship in that it has something of an excitement to it, and it tends to lead to me being nervous around the person and really wanting to make sure that they like me and worrying that I'll appear stupid or foolish in front of them.

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RandomGirlK

When I have romantic feelings for someone, the signs of it are that I develop a bit of an obsession with them. Every moment of talking to them or being around them is magical, and I want to talk to them whenever possible. I get so excited about being around them, even if its something small, like them commenting on my Facebook status, or walking up to the shop with them to get something. Everything is fun when I am with them. When I am with them, my heart feels funny. I am not normally one for physical contact, but I long to touch them and cuddle them. I want to touch them a lot more, but I worry about being creepy...not touch in a sexual way though, just things like wanting to touch their face or put my arm round them. I think of them a lot, daydream about spending time with them. Thinking of them makes me smile, and want to cuddle them. I like looking through my crush's photos on Facebook, or the photos we took of us together that are on my computer. Just seeing their face makes me smile, nomoatter what they look like, I find them absolutely adorable. My favourite photo at the moment is one of me and my friend, and we are hugging. When I dont talk to them for a while, I feel sad and lonely. Someimes I do worry things like "What if she doesnt like me" over silly things.

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Chrysanthalis

Yeah, I'm definitely familiar with thinking about someone all the time, worrying constantly if they like me, that kind of thing. It's funny, because I can see a clear difference to how I felt when I was "interested" in my (now ex-) boyfriend.

I've started to think that maybe I shouldn't confront my friend about this, though. I don't want things to get awkward the way they did with the guy I dated.... :(

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