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The Great WTF

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SeekFirst2Understand

Like I've said before, we haven't figured it out yet. But I'm just gonna put it out there: why can't self-satisfaction be enough? I don't get why not.

It's a difficult thing to articulate without sexual attraction as a guiding frame (and, understanding that, I do sympathize with whatever confusion the issue creates for you), but masturbation for me has almost nothing in common with sexual intercourse. Assuredly, both acts can result in a climax that proves psychologically and physically pleasurable, and bearing that in mind it is also accurate to say that both masturbation and intercourse can scratch the "itch" that is one's sexual appetite. The similarities end there.

Intercourse satiates the sexual appetite in a way that masturbation can not mimic. It's an entirely different experience, especially with respect to intimacy.

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Like I've said before, we haven't figured it out yet. But I'm just gonna put it out there: why can't self-satisfaction be enough? I don't get why not.

Because for someone who wants the intimacy of sex with another person, it simply isn't enough. I'm kind of amazed that you don't respect that feeling, since you want respect for your feeling. You're under no compunction to give someone that kind of experience, but you shouldn't say that they shouldn't want that experience.

You got me all wrong! It's nothing to do with what you said. It's about having my husband *specifically* saying he has NEEDS, he never mentioned anything about it being an intimate thing that he wants to share with me. Just the NEED. I guess I should have mentioned the specificness of our case.

but if he didn't have the need for sex with another person, he would be satisfied with masturbation.

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Like I've said before, we haven't figured it out yet. But I'm just gonna put it out there: why can't self-satisfaction be enough? I don't get why not.

It's a difficult thing to articulate without sexual attraction as a guiding frame (and, understanding that, I do sympathize with whatever confusion the issue creates for you), but masturbation for me has almost nothing in common with sexual intercourse. Assuredly, both acts can result in a climax that proves psychologically and physically pleasurable, and bearing that in mind it is also accurate to say that both masturbation and intercourse can scratch the "itch" that is one's sexual appetite. The similarities end there.

Intercourse satiates the sexual appetite in a way that masturbation can not mimic. It's an entirely different experience, especially with respect to intimacy.

Yep. Would anyone say to someone who craved connection through conversation "But why isn't writing in your diary enough?"?

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Like I've said before, we haven't figured it out yet. But I'm just gonna put it out there: why can't self-satisfaction be enough? I don't get why not.

I get you don´t get it. ;) You´re asexual, you can never fully understand it. You can only accept that for sexuals masturbation isn´t the same as sex with a partner.

(Well, it´s not the same for asexuals too - masturbation is 10000X better. :lol: :lol: )

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SeekFirst2Understand

You got me all wrong! It's nothing to do with what you said. It's about having my husband *specifically* saying he has NEEDS, he never mentioned anything about it being an intimate thing that he wants to share with me. Just the NEED. I guess I should have mentioned the specificness of our case.

If he is only seeking to be satisfied sexually without any regard to emotional intimacy, wouldn't that (according to my perhaps flawed understanding of an open relationship) make him a prime candidate for NSA sex outside of the marriage? He could remain emotionally invested in you minus any stress that might result from him wanting you to fulfill the role of sexual partner.

I am admittedly approaching your situation with bias. A failed relationship with an asexual woman, who eventually confessed her orientation to me and decided against having further intimacy in that area, is what brought me to AVEN to begin with. As a result of that past, I am likely identifying too strongly with your husband in my analysis.

Of course I realize that open relationships, or even polyamorous ones, don't work for everyone. I'm just interested in how you are working through your rationalizations (though my intent is not to cast doubt onto them either).

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sexualwithasexual

Like I've said before, we haven't figured it out yet. But I'm just gonna put it out there: why can't self-satisfaction be enough? I don't get why not.

Because for someone who wants the intimacy of sex with another person, it simply isn't enough. I'm kind of amazed that you don't respect that feeling, since you want respect for your feeling. You're under no compunction to give someone that kind of experience, but you shouldn't say that they shouldn't want that experience.

You got me all wrong! It's nothing to do with what you said. It's about having my husband *specifically* saying he has NEEDS, he never mentioned anything about it being an intimate thing that he wants to share with me. Just the NEED. I guess I should have mentioned the specificness of our case.

This word NEED is problematic, here on AVEN and in general w/sex I think. Men pressure women into sex saying it's a "need"!! Maybe women do this too, but when I was in high school especially, I got this a lot, like it was an uncontrollable thing. Ick.

But there is a real NEED with sexuality. It wants to be expressed. Maybe that's hard to get for some. I was going to use a similar example to Olivier: Say you love to talk. To people, to groups, to yourself... But your partner has no desire to talk to you, and neither do they want you to talk to anyone else, and since they know you love to talk to yourself, they lock you up safely in a room, where you can talk to yourself all you want.

No thanks. I thinks I NEED to talk to another human being every once in a while, thank you very much. I know I'd love this to be with my partner, and while I don't think I've ever used the NEED word in our discussions, I've come close, saying basically the same thing anyway, just struggling to have her understand how important the whole thing is to me. I'd be wiling to bet, if your husband saw the quote about intimacy, he'd say, "Yes, by "need" that's what I meant."

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The Great WTF

This word NEED is problematic, here on AVEN and in general w/sex I think. Men pressure women into sex saying it's a "need"!! Maybe women do this too, but when I was in high school especially, I got this a lot, like it was an uncontrollable thing. Ick.

But there is a real NEED with sexuality. It wants to be expressed. Maybe that's hard to get for some. I was going to use a similar example to Olivier: Say you love to talk. To people, to groups, to yourself... But your partner has no desire to talk to you, and neither do they want you to talk to anyone else, and since they know you love to talk to yourself, they lock you up safely in a room, where you can talk to yourself all you want.

No thanks. I thinks I NEED to talk to another human being every once in a while, thank you very much. I know I'd love this to be with my partner, and while I don't think I've ever used the NEED word in our discussions, I've come close, saying basically the same thing anyway, just struggling to have her understand how important the whole thing is to me. I'd be wiling to bet, if your husband saw the quote about intimacy, he'd say, "Yes, by "need" that's what I meant."

Mind if I quote this analogy in my blog some time? It's a wonderful explanation. Full credit, of course.

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For many, sex is the most intimate of actions. You bare your self completely to your lover, physically, emotionally...even spiritually. You are giving your entire being to your lover. You expose yourself to vulnerability and are "naked"before them. It becomes a mingling of body, heart and soul...an extreme expression of love and giving of yourself. It is an act of giving to your lover and an a act of enjoying your lover. It is an act of "becoming one" with your entire beings. That is why it is called "making love." It is the act that creates love and creates life.

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sexualwithasexual

This word NEED is problematic, here on AVEN and in general w/sex I think. Men pressure women into sex saying it's a "need"!! Maybe women do this too, but when I was in high school especially, I got this a lot, like it was an uncontrollable thing. Ick.

But there is a real NEED with sexuality. It wants to be expressed. Maybe that's hard to get for some. I was going to use a similar example to Olivier: Say you love to talk. To people, to groups, to yourself... But your partner has no desire to talk to you, and neither do they want you to talk to anyone else, and since they know you love to talk to yourself, they lock you up safely in a room, where you can talk to yourself all you want.

No thanks. I thinks I NEED to talk to another human being every once in a while, thank you very much. I know I'd love this to be with my partner, and while I don't think I've ever used the NEED word in our discussions, I've come close, saying basically the same thing anyway, just struggling to have her understand how important the whole thing is to me. I'd be wiling to bet, if your husband saw the quote about intimacy, he'd say, "Yes, by "need" that's what I meant."

Mind if I quote this analogy in my blog some time? It's a wonderful explanation. Full credit, of course.

Yes, sure, quote away.

And to Mommeh and Percivel, I agree, and it's interesting to think of intimacy as involving more than need. I get that, as Percivel explanation shows so beautifully.

There's still this impulse feeling around sexual desire that feels lizard brained and hardwired, yet where physical/emotional/psychological need meld in the nakedness of sex, well yeah, how could that not be threatening, right? But at the same time, is there a way to have our lives and relationships hold both? Both the platonic-ish love of mixed relationships with an additional sex-friend-lover? If it were part of our everyday society, perhaps. As it's rare, I think it's gonna stay a threatening proposition for most. sigh..

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The Great WTF

This word NEED is problematic, here on AVEN and in general w/sex I think. Men pressure women into sex saying it's a "need"!! Maybe women do this too, but when I was in high school especially, I got this a lot, like it was an uncontrollable thing. Ick.

But there is a real NEED with sexuality. It wants to be expressed. Maybe that's hard to get for some. I was going to use a similar example to Olivier: Say you love to talk. To people, to groups, to yourself... But your partner has no desire to talk to you, and neither do they want you to talk to anyone else, and since they know you love to talk to yourself, they lock you up safely in a room, where you can talk to yourself all you want.

No thanks. I thinks I NEED to talk to another human being every once in a while, thank you very much. I know I'd love this to be with my partner, and while I don't think I've ever used the NEED word in our discussions, I've come close, saying basically the same thing anyway, just struggling to have her understand how important the whole thing is to me. I'd be wiling to bet, if your husband saw the quote about intimacy, he'd say, "Yes, by "need" that's what I meant."

Mind if I quote this analogy in my blog some time? It's a wonderful explanation. Full credit, of course.

Yes, sure, quote away.

And to Mommeh and Percivel, I agree, and it's interesting to think of intimacy as involving more than need. I get that, as Percivel explanation shows so beautifully.

There's still this impulse feeling around sexual desire that feels lizard brained and hardwired, yet where physical/emotional/psychological need meld in the nakedness of sex, well yeah, how could that not be threatening, right? But at the same time, is there a way to have our lives and relationships hold both? Both the platonic-ish love of mixed relationships with an additional sex-friend-lover? If it were part of our everyday society, perhaps. As it's rare, I think it's gonna stay a threatening proposition for most. sigh..

It's a fascinating concept, though, isn't it? I've talked with my boyfriend quiet a bit about polyamory and even him having a friend with benefits just for the sake of curiosity. Neither of us seem to follow the normal formula for relationships and, especially for me, love and friendship are anything but black and white.

There are old concepts like romantic friendship that come to mind, too. We're taught growing up about concepts like 'true love' and 'one and only', but I find myself quite often thinking it's not that simple.

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For many, sex is the most intimate of actions. You bare your self completely to your lover, physically, emotionally...even spiritually. You are giving your entire being to your lover. You expose yourself to vulnerability and are "naked"before them. It becomes a mingling of body, heart and soul...an extreme expression of love and giving of yourself. It is an act of giving to your lover and an a act of enjoying your lover. It is an act of "becoming one" with your entire beings. That is why it is called "making love." It is the act that creates love and creates life.

Yes, that's exactly what it was for my ex-husband and my ex-partner. It made me very uncomfortable because although I didn't know then I was asexual, I definitely knew I didn't feel that way about it.

But since I didn't know about asexuality or that anyone else felt as I did, I figured I was just messed up somehow, and didn't admit it to them, but just kept trying to be not messed up. Because, of course, when we love someone, we don't want them to leave us.

I think that if I'd known about asexuality, I would have told them and we'd never have gotten into those relationships. I hope so, since I continually tell people on AVEN who know they're asexual that they disclose it ASAP.

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For many, sex is the most intimate of actions. You bare your self completely to your lover, physically, emotionally...even spiritually. You are giving your entire being to your lover. You expose yourself to vulnerability and are "naked"before them. It becomes a mingling of body, heart and soul...an extreme expression of love and giving of yourself. It is an act of giving to your lover and an a act of enjoying your lover. It is an act of "becoming one" with your entire beings. That is why it is called "making love." It is the act that creates love and creates life.

Yes, that's exactly what it was for my ex-husband and my ex-partner. It made me very uncomfortable because although I didn't know then I was asexual, I definitely knew I didn't feel that way about it.

But since I didn't know about asexuality or that anyone else felt as I did, I figured I was just messed up somehow, and didn't admit it to them, but just kept trying to be not messed up. Because, of course, when we love someone, we don't want them to leave us.

I think that if I'd known about asexuality, I would have told them and we'd never have gotten into those relationships. I hope so, since I continually tell people on AVEN who know they're asexual that they disclose it ASAP.

My wife feels the same way as you do. She didn't understand it either (about the deep intimacy of sex). I think she wanted to...but couldn't, and I think she didn't know why either. It made her feel terribly sad and made her feel almost worthless. I don't think it was so much because she didn't feel the way I did about sex, but more because she felt she couldn't please me, fulfill me physically and intimately in that way and she wanted to in a very bad way.

I now understand and have changed my expectations (not "lowered" them). Her expressions of love and intimacy are different than mine. I know she loves me intensely by so many other things that she does and says. And, to her, many of those things are just as intimate of expressions of love as intimate sex was for me. I see that now...because I understand now.

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sexualwithasexual

This word NEED is problematic, here on AVEN and in general w/sex I think. Men pressure women into sex saying it's a "need"!! Maybe women do this too, but when I was in high school especially, I got this a lot, like it was an uncontrollable thing. Ick.

But there is a real NEED with sexuality. It wants to be expressed. Maybe that's hard to get for some. I was going to use a similar example to Olivier: Say you love to talk. To people, to groups, to yourself... But your partner has no desire to talk to you, and neither do they want you to talk to anyone else, and since they know you love to talk to yourself, they lock you up safely in a room, where you can talk to yourself all you want.

No thanks. I thinks I NEED to talk to another human being every once in a while, thank you very much. I know I'd love this to be with my partner, and while I don't think I've ever used the NEED word in our discussions, I've come close, saying basically the same thing anyway, just struggling to have her understand how important the whole thing is to me. I'd be wiling to bet, if your husband saw the quote about intimacy, he'd say, "Yes, by "need" that's what I meant."

Mind if I quote this analogy in my blog some time? It's a wonderful explanation. Full credit, of course.

Yes, sure, quote away.

And to Mommeh and Percivel, I agree, and it's interesting to think of intimacy as involving more than need. I get that, as Percivel explanation shows so beautifully.

There's still this impulse feeling around sexual desire that feels lizard brained and hardwired, yet where physical/emotional/psychological need meld in the nakedness of sex, well yeah, how could that not be threatening, right? But at the same time, is there a way to have our lives and relationships hold both? Both the platonic-ish love of mixed relationships with an additional sex-friend-lover? If it were part of our everyday society, perhaps. As it's rare, I think it's gonna stay a threatening proposition for most. sigh..

It's a fascinating concept, though, isn't it? I've talked with my boyfriend quiet a bit about polyamory and even him having a friend with benefits just for the sake of curiosity. Neither of us seem to follow the normal formula for relationships and, especially for me, love and friendship are anything but black and white.

There are old concepts like romantic friendship that come to mind, too. We're taught growing up about concepts like 'true love' and 'one and only', but I find myself quite often thinking it's not that simple.

Yes, I agree completely. I've been referring to some of my friends as "romantic friendships" rather than just crushes.

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I'm an asexual with a sexual partner. Before we agreed to start dating, I showed him AVEN and explained my asexuality. He asked if this meant we would never had sex, and I said no, not necessarily. I explained that I might have sex with him in the future if I felt comfortable enough with him. Taking all that on board, we agreed to start dating.

Approximately 4-6 months later, we had sex for the first time. I didn't enjoy it, but pretended that I did. We had sex a couple more times, then had a dry spell for what my boyfriend tells me was 4 months. We had sex a couple more times. Eventually, we had a serious conversation, or rather, he told me what he wanted sexually, since he wasn't completely satisfied with our relationship. It came out that I don't enjoy sex at all, however, I told him I would be willing to continue to have sex with him if it meant he would be happy. Why? Because I love him more than anything in the world, and would do anything to make him happy, even if it means doing something I don't enjoy.

In the end, we agreed to a compromise: to have sex a minimum of approximately once a month. It's hard, but I've kept to that agreement, and sometimes more. Usually, about two weeks after we've had sex, he'll ask if I'm willing, and if I'm not, that's the end of it for that day. He may ask the next day, he may ask a week later. If he's ever horny, he'll tell me, and sometimes ask if I'm willing. Again, if I'm not, that's the end of it. In other words, he never pressures me, just asks. Rarely, I'll instigate without him asking me (which he loves, but unfortunately I just can't do it very often, which he understands).

We started dating over a year and a half ago, and started having sex something over a year ago, more regularly about 6-8 months ago (after we came to our agreement).

Currently, I want to get engaged, but he's not ready as he wants to be in a more financially stable position before we get engaged and marry. We agreed to a compromise (there's that word again!), and are now in the process of getting promise rings.

So, from my perspective, all it takes is compromising, and sticking to it, even if it's something you don't want. If you're not willing to go at least part way for your partner, then it's not a healthy relationship. It takes work, and a lot of it, but if you're willing to go the distance, it's well worth it. :)

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I'm an asexual with a sexual partner. Before we agreed to start dating, I showed him AVEN and explained my asexuality. He asked if this meant we would never had sex, and I said no, not necessarily. I explained that I might have sex with him in the future if I felt comfortable enough with him. Taking all that on board, we agreed to start dating.

Approximately 4-6 months later, we had sex for the first time. I didn't enjoy it, but pretended that I did. We had sex a couple more times, then had a dry spell for what my boyfriend tells me was 4 months. We had sex a couple more times. Eventually, we had a serious conversation, or rather, he told me what he wanted sexually, since he wasn't completely satisfied with our relationship. It came out that I don't enjoy sex at all, however, I told him I would be willing to continue to have sex with him if it meant he would be happy. Why? Because I love him more than anything in the world, and would do anything to make him happy, even if it means doing something I don't enjoy.

In the end, we agreed to a compromise: to have sex a minimum of approximately once a month. It's hard, but I've kept to that agreement, and sometimes more. Usually, about two weeks after we've had sex, he'll ask if I'm willing, and if I'm not, that's the end of it for that day. He may ask the next day, he may ask a week later. If he's ever horny, he'll tell me, and sometimes ask if I'm willing. Again, if I'm not, that's the end of it. In other words, he never pressures me, just asks. Rarely, I'll instigate without him asking me (which he loves, but unfortunately I just can't do it very often, which he understands).

We started dating over a year and a half ago, and started having sex something over a year ago, more regularly about 6-8 months ago (after we came to our agreement).

Currently, I want to get engaged, but he's not ready as he wants to be in a more financially stable position before we get engaged and marry. We agreed to a compromise (there's that word again!), and are now in the process of getting promise rings.

So, from my perspective, all it takes is compromising, and sticking to it, even if it's something you don't want. If you're not willing to go at least part way for your partner, then it's not a healthy relationship. It takes work, and a lot of it, but if you're willing to go the distance, it's well worth it. :)

Very nice Skenasis! I think it's great you were honest from the start! Kudos to both of you for your efforts and love!!

p.s. My mother always told me that "If you wait til you can afford to get married...you'll never get married." She said the same thing about having kids, too.

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I'm an asexual with a sexual partner. Before we agreed to start dating, I showed him AVEN and explained my asexuality. He asked if this meant we would never had sex, and I said no, not necessarily. I explained that I might have sex with him in the future if I felt comfortable enough with him. Taking all that on board, we agreed to start dating.

Approximately 4-6 months later, we had sex for the first time. I didn't enjoy it, but pretended that I did. We had sex a couple more times, then had a dry spell for what my boyfriend tells me was 4 months. We had sex a couple more times. Eventually, we had a serious conversation, or rather, he told me what he wanted sexually, since he wasn't completely satisfied with our relationship. It came out that I don't enjoy sex at all, however, I told him I would be willing to continue to have sex with him if it meant he would be happy. Why? Because I love him more than anything in the world, and would do anything to make him happy, even if it means doing something I don't enjoy.

In the end, we agreed to a compromise: to have sex a minimum of approximately once a month. It's hard, but I've kept to that agreement, and sometimes more. Usually, about two weeks after we've had sex, he'll ask if I'm willing, and if I'm not, that's the end of it for that day. He may ask the next day, he may ask a week later. If he's ever horny, he'll tell me, and sometimes ask if I'm willing. Again, if I'm not, that's the end of it. In other words, he never pressures me, just asks. Rarely, I'll instigate without him asking me (which he loves, but unfortunately I just can't do it very often, which he understands).

We started dating over a year and a half ago, and started having sex something over a year ago, more regularly about 6-8 months ago (after we came to our agreement).

Currently, I want to get engaged, but he's not ready as he wants to be in a more financially stable position before we get engaged and marry. We agreed to a compromise (there's that word again!), and are now in the process of getting promise rings.

So, from my perspective, all it takes is compromising, and sticking to it, even if it's something you don't want. If you're not willing to go at least part way for your partner, then it's not a healthy relationship. It takes work, and a lot of it, but if you're willing to go the distance, it's well worth it. :)

Oh, one more comment about your post. For me, I think faking that you like it (when having sex) is a good thing, even if I know about it. "Faking it" adds to the experience and I could let my imagination run from there. If you can "fake it"...great! (At least for me anyway)

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I'm asexual and currently in a relationship with a sexual. We have sex but as we're both female this isn't hetero-penetrative sex which helps because I can stimulate her and make her orgasm without having to be myself penetrated or anything which I have no desire for. I guess I think a lot of straight people don't really consider anything other than penis-vagina penetrative sex to be 'real' sex but when you're gay you can never have this and have to adapt.

This is a very good point, and one I was going to make from my (heteroasexual) perspective. There is a lot of sexual interaction that people can have without having penetrative sex, and depending on the partners' preferences, levels of comfort etc., this can be mutually satisfying and enjoyable.

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Thanks, Percivel and Lady Girl :)

I agree about not waiting until you can "afford it" to marry, but it's what he wants. I'm happy with a promise ring and his word that he will propose as soon as he feels he is able. I love him to bits, and I trust him. He's never done wrong by me in the past, so why would he now?

I forgot to mention: it was very high school, how we initially discovered our mutual interest. He was sleeping over at my place, and while we were in bed (in the same bed - I have a queen size, and I'm not shy), he asked me if I was asleep. I wasn't, and he said he had a confession: that he "kind of like [me]". I told him I liked him too. About a week later, we were at his house, and the topic came up again. That's when we agreed to start dating :)

And another thing that may interest people: he's 29, and I'm 23. The age difference means absolutely nothing to us, but I know it may to some people.

EDIT: Also, in regards to 'faking it' - I don't do that any more. I only express what I'm really feeling. Some of the time I can manage a smile, but for the most part it's just a neutral expression. And I actively participate in what he wants to do (unless I don't want to), which I think helps.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Down in Texas

For many, sex is the most intimate of actions. You bare your self completely to your lover, physically, emotionally...even spiritually. You are giving your entire being to your lover. You expose yourself to vulnerability and are "naked"before them. It becomes a mingling of body, heart and soul...an extreme expression of love and giving of yourself. It is an act of giving to your lover and an a act of enjoying your lover. It is an act of "becoming one" with your entire beings. That is why it is called "making love." It is the act that creates love and creates life.

Very well said

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Down in Texas

I'm an asexual with a sexual partner. Before we agreed to start dating, I showed him AVEN and explained my asexuality. He asked if this meant we would never had sex, and I said no, not necessarily. I explained that I might have sex with him in the future if I felt comfortable enough with him. Taking all that on board, we agreed to start dating.

Approximately 4-6 months later, we had sex for the first time. I didn't enjoy it, but pretended that I did. We had sex a couple more times, then had a dry spell for what my boyfriend tells me was 4 months. We had sex a couple more times. Eventually, we had a serious conversation, or rather, he told me what he wanted sexually, since he wasn't completely satisfied with our relationship. It came out that I don't enjoy sex at all, however, I told him I would be willing to continue to have sex with him if it meant he would be happy. Why? Because I love him more than anything in the world, and would do anything to make him happy, even if it means doing something I don't enjoy.

In the end, we agreed to a compromise: to have sex a minimum of approximately once a month. It's hard, but I've kept to that agreement, and sometimes more. Usually, about two weeks after we've had sex, he'll ask if I'm willing, and if I'm not, that's the end of it for that day. He may ask the next day, he may ask a week later. If he's ever horny, he'll tell me, and sometimes ask if I'm willing. Again, if I'm not, that's the end of it. In other words, he never pressures me, just asks. Rarely, I'll instigate without him asking me (which he loves, but unfortunately I just can't do it very often, which he understands).

We started dating over a year and a half ago, and started having sex something over a year ago, more regularly about 6-8 months ago (after we came to our agreement).

Currently, I want to get engaged, but he's not ready as he wants to be in a more financially stable position before we get engaged and marry. We agreed to a compromise (there's that word again!), and are now in the process of getting promise rings.

So, from my perspective, all it takes is compromising, and sticking to it, even if it's something you don't want. If you're not willing to go at least part way for your partner, then it's not a healthy relationship. It takes work, and a lot of it, but if you're willing to go the distance, it's well worth it. :)

Very nice Skenasis! I think it's great you were honest from the start! Kudos to both of you for your efforts and love!!

p.s. My mother always told me that "If you wait til you can afford to get married...you'll never get married." She said the same thing about having kids, too.

I agree Kudos to you both. All relationships involve compromies of one form or another. I wish you both the best. I just hope he is able to keep his side of the compromise years down the road. Being a sexual with high sexual desires it is hard to not want to share the closenees and intamacy that a sexual union brings for me. Yes I have been married for 39 years and just found this site but that doesn't change what I so longed to share. Sometimes it is hard to now know that what I so wished to share has never been and will never be as fully enjoyed as I had dreampt. May God bless you both and give you the strength you will need to see this through once the bloom falls off (the flash of a new relationship when things become routine).

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  • 6 months later...

I'm working on a blog dealing with mixed relationships and I'm running into a stumbling block of sorts. I've only met a few other successful mixed couples and all but one in the end involves sex. I'm curious about the sexual perspective of how others make their relationships work. I'd love to hear any and all stories and ways you make things work. Celibate relationships in particular have my interest at the moment, but I also want to know more anout couples that can find a comfortable compromise of any kind.

For many years we were a mismatched couple with him wanting sex alot and her not wanting intercourse. A few years ago we saw articles about eunuch couples, where the husband is castrated to lower his libido. We recently became a eunuch couple ourselves.

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