S*** Sexual People Say (to Asexual People)

[AvenueL]

Hi!

I know this post hasn't been commented on since...January, nonetheless if anyone's vaguely interested in my own experiences of "well-intentioned responses to asexuality that actually just make me want to slam my head on the desk", then, er, voila:

1. (from my mother, and at least 2 best friends) "Okay, that's so great! I'm really pleased you've found yourself! As long as you don't limit yourself." - I wonder, would they ever say that to a friend if they came out as gay/bi...?

2. (from a best friend, upon learning that I have my first boyfriend ever) "AHHH THAT'S AMAZING!!! But wait, then what's all this asexual stuff then?" - ...Fyi, "she's in a relationship, therefore she must now be sexually active" is not a valid argument.

3. (from another best friend, over the phone, also after learning about my boyfriend) "Ooh, this is so exciting! I guess now you'll be able to test your theory and see what happens." - Um, my theory??? Thankfully, later on, I explained the concept of asexuality in a different way to her, and she was like, "ahhhh, that makes perfect sense now." So we're good :)

So, er, yes. That's all I have to say on the matter. If ever you'd like to make a second video about s**t people say to asexuals, by all means, use this. If not, well, I hope it's at least mildly amusing :)

[swankivy]

"As long as you don't limit yourself."

Ugh. Yeah, some of us get that one. I understand if someone is concerned that perhaps choosing a label and being vocal about it will encourage people to cling to an identity after it no longer applies, but that's more an exception than the rule. It's not very sensitive to tell people that their orientation suggests a "limited" experience of the world. I agree that people shouldn't limit themselves, though. As long as we stay in touch with who we are and how we feel, this shouldn't be a problem.

"Ooh, this is so exciting! I guess now you'll be able to test your theory and see what happens."

Ew. Well, I've heard that one before too (not in the context of dating)--mostly from people who say I should continuously push myself into relationships I don't desire so I can "experiment" and see what works for me. The assumption being that something on the sexual spectrum WILL click if I "give it a chance." On the surface, "just be open to trying new experiences!" is a great thing, but "be open" isn't the same thing as "deliberately push yourself into things other people tell you you should want." I hate when my orientation is suggested to be a stance against sex or representative of an unwillingness to broaden my horizons. I just don't get why it's so difficult for people to acknowledge that I should be the authority on my experiences and that I should be allowed to pursue only what appeals to me.

Also lol on asexuality being a "theory." Maybe if people entering cross-sex relationships were repeatedly told that they were testing their theory of being straight, they'd stop saying crap like this.

[oneofthesun]

No one has mentioned the old standby, "you must have trust issues."

[Zenatyra]

One that isn't too crazy that happened to me was when I explained Demisexuality to my parents

Mom: Isn't that just normal people

me: *Choke/speechless*

Dad: I mean it used to be that people who had sex got the names...

Me: ...nothing wrong with names...

[Mango Shaped Space]

I got a rather bad one.

"You're just trying to put yourself in a clique. We can't all be special."

[------]

No one has mentioned the old standby, "you must have trust issues."

I'm surprised the word "repressed" hasn't popped up at all.

[WhenSummersGone]

I mostly get from guys online "You just haven't met the right guy who knows how to please you"

[Yukana]

"You should be a nun." -_- I am not religious.

[Stompystomp]

EDIT: Realized this is way too old to possibly still be a project.

[swankivy]

EDIT: Realized this is way too old to possibly still be a project.

And you'd be right! I posted the link to the finished product above when it was finished in January.

[Stompystomp]

This is awesome. Way too awesome. I love it. No, seriously, I do.

If you ever plan on doing anything like this again, please don't hesitate contact me for help! :)

[5_♦♣]

EDIT: Realized this is way too old to possibly still be a project.

You could still make your own video.

[Stompystomp]

EDIT: Realized this is way too old to possibly still be a project.

You could still make your own video.

True. Might actually go for that.

[swankivy]

This is awesome. Way too awesome. I love it. No, seriously, I do.

Thanks. We enjoyed doing it and I enjoyed putting it together.

[Vyanni Krace]

"Well of course you're not asexual. You're just a late bloomer. Dont worry-it'll pass!" -_-

"How can you know when you're still a virgin?"

*Gasp!* "You mean you haven't kissed someone yet! O_o"

"Okay..." *Pulls out phone and starts flicking through pictures of guys and girls with no tops and showing you them* "Do any off these turn you on?"

"But you don't look like a plant..."

"You mean you can clone yourself! I wanna see!"

"...Is this you're way of saying you're in the closet without saying you're in the closet? Its okay, you can trust me, I wont tell anyone!"

"So if I kissed you you'd freak?"

"Who abused you?"

"You're going to die alone! And a virgin! Thats awful! I feel for you girl."

"But you laugh at dirty jokes/crack dirty jokes! You cant be asexual!"

Thats just a few of the responses I've experienced/heard of/seen.

[Stompystomp]

Yeah, I got some of those when I told my best friend a few days ago. Not that I didn't expect them.

[SmplyM3]

When I first came out, I got a whole lot of S***. Could I get a link to the fb page? I wouldn't mind doing this, I just want to be disguised. I'll do it myself, no worries. Just afraid this will hurt feelings.

I'm not against the video... just against every hater out there coming after me... :/

I'll see if I can't do a submission :3

[SmplyM3]

EDIT: Realized this is way too old to possibly still be a project.

And you'd be right! I posted the link to the finished product above when it was finished in January.

Lol... never mind. I see you did one... sorry, I must have skipped over it. I've had almost all of these said to me... most all of them all at once. It feels good to not be the only one, doesn't it?

[Stompystomp]

Yeah, it's reassuring to know you aren't all alone, even though there are so few of us.

[stillgirly1263]

I'm frigid and my mother (who is religious) messed me up. Sounds like that Stephen King Movie/Book "Carrie"

[Sarcastic Bob]

I get this one ALL THE TIME. And it's SO offensive, it makes me want to cry.

"Are you SURE you weren't molested?"

gee. Thanks.

I know. It's as if they're expecting you to say something like, "Actually now that I think about it, I think I was molested a couple of weeks ago. This explains everything! Thank you for enlightening me, fine sir!"

[Oasis]

One I heard was "But you're not even unattractive" which was extremely ignorant but still felt nice.

[JingLe]

i've gotten "...like a mushroom?" and "ew." -.-"

[5_♦♣]

You've gotten "ew"? That doesn't make any sense to me. I mean, what's so gross about being Asexual?

[oopgoo]

You've gotten "ew"? That doesn't make any sense to me. I mean, what's so gross about being Asexual?

Yeah, I find that really odd, too. I guess people totally flip during puberty, don't they? Before the age of, say, 12 (just to give you a nice round figure) people consider sex to be such a gross thing that it's difficult to imagine why anyone would do it. Then, after that age, it's perfect. Before that age, an asexual would be considered one of the very few sane adults. After that age, an asexual is weird and needs to be pitied.

[Junebug03]

Here are some of mine:

1. At least you're not gay.

2. You will find a guy eventually, don't worry.

3. You are giving up on God's gift for your life.

4. Do you think this has anything to do with what happened to you?

5. It's the same thing as being celibate

6. I just don't understand how you can be asexual

[Tsuyogari]

Whoa I think the ones I've gotten are abnormal... Though after I heard these few from my friends, I stopped announcing it ever just to steer the spotlight away from myself

- "Oh so you mean you can reproduce asexually? As in split in two?"

- "You can't be asexual... You're either REALLY repressed, REALLY attracted to everyone, or just Gay/Bi but unwilling to admit it"

Needless to say, this was not exactly the best response

[Ace-of-Blades]

I heard this somewhere on the internet:

"Asexuality? Isn't that when someone has a penis AND a Vagina, and they need some kind of super birth control every time they masturbate?"

[Junebug03]

Here are some of mine:

1. At least you're not gay.

2. You will find a guy eventually, don't worry.

3. You are giving up on God's gift for your life.

4. Do you think this has anything to do with what happened to you?

5. It's the same thing as being celibate

6. I just don't understand how you can be asexual

And now I have finally got the... "It will change one day. Don't you think it will change one day? It will change one day. It will change." Ugh.

[Guiggy]

One I got from an acquaintance, I wouldn't really call her a friend, was "You poor thing...I feel so bad for you"

Her pity frustrated me even more than confusion or anger. She perfectly understands what asexuality is and sees it as a horrible affliction. Well I told her I was awesome the way I am and didn't need sympathy, thank you very much.