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S*** Sexual People Say (to Asexual People)


swankivy

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Hi! I have a decently popular YouTube channel and I'm interested in making a "S*** Sexual People Say (to Asexual People)" video, but I want it to be a collaborative video instead of just making it my face all the time. If you haven't seen the other "S*** [group] says to [other group]" videos, just take my word for it that this is a thing lately, and I'm not the first to make an asexual version (that would be this girl, I think), but I'd love to make another, with your help!

I posted all the details at the asexuality group on LiveJournal, so if you're interested in contributing some footage, please read about the project there:

http://asexuality.livejournal.com/869131.html

I'm only taking submissions for about ten days, though, so please hurry if you're planning to contribute. (Or feel free to make your own. Fun!) I'll be sure to post the finished product here when it's complete. Thanks y'all!

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You should add an aromantic asexual category.

"So you don't feel?"

"Don't you get lonely?"

"You're a sociopath?"

"Wait, isn't that just asexual?"

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You should add an aromantic asexual category.

All good suggestions! I'm an aromantic asexual myself, and the girl I linked to in the video said some of those things already, but I'm sure they'd still be worth repeating. ;) Some of them are also on the bingo cards that I link from the main post. Plenty of room for embellishments and additions!

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Oh yeah, I forgot you were aro :P

Are you on facebook? There was a group talking about it. I suggested that there could be a "shit asexuals say" one (which I recently saw has been done too). It could mostly be a conversation that cuts back & forth that goes like:

"So would you do him?" "No"

"How bout him?" "Nope"

"....Do you want to do her?" "No"

"Would you do...this dog?" "NO"

"Would you do me?" PFF *hysterical laugther*

Times like this I kind of wish I actually went through with my ideas.

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Are you on facebook? There was a group talking about it.

I'm not in that group but I'm on Facebook. I was added but I pulled out of it because I prefer to opt into discussion rather than get a ton of them pouring into my inbox, and it was too overwhelming.

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Deleted, as I realized that this may wind up all over the internet.

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my fav when i came out to my mom "you just have not had sex with enough people yet maybe you should try sleeping with some more girls until you find one you like"

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Lord Happy Toast

A couple years ago, I had a friend who was an evangelical who was skeptical of this whole asexuality thing. Now she believed that you should save sex for marriage, but also suggested that I should find some girl to have sex with before deciding for sure that I was asexual. Because apparently the whole "save sex for marriage" thing comes with the exception for finding out if you're "really asexual." I was tempted to proposition her right then and there, but I resisted that temptation.

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A couple years ago, I had a friend who was an evangelical who was skeptical of this whole asexuality thing. Now she believed that you should save sex for marriage, but also suggested that I should find some girl to have sex with before deciding for sure that I was asexual. Because apparently the whole "save sex for marriage" thing comes with the exception for finding out if you're "really asexual." I was tempted to proposition her right then and there, but I resisted that temptation.

I can't help but think that you should've done it just to see what her reaction would be, then just follow up with "I was just kidding!"

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Lord Happy Toast

A couple years ago, I had a friend who was an evangelical who was skeptical of this whole asexuality thing. Now she believed that you should save sex for marriage, but also suggested that I should find some girl to have sex with before deciding for sure that I was asexual. Because apparently the whole "save sex for marriage" thing comes with the exception for finding out if you're "really asexual." I was tempted to proposition her right then and there, but I resisted that temptation.

I can't help but think that you should've done it just to see what her reaction would be, then just follow up with "I was just kidding!"

Part of me was curious and part of me wonders if I'm better off not knowing...

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Guest Invisible Pumpkin

A couple years ago, I had a friend who was an evangelical who was skeptical of this whole asexuality thing. Now she believed that you should save sex for marriage, but also suggested that I should find some girl to have sex with before deciding for sure that I was asexual. Because apparently the whole "save sex for marriage" thing comes with the exception for finding out if you're "really asexual." I was tempted to proposition her right then and there, but I resisted that temptation.

I can't help but think that you should've done it just to see what her reaction would be, then just follow up with "I was just kidding!"

Part of me was curious and part of me wonders if I'm better off not knowing...

Off topic...

Hahaha!! I agree. If she haven't done it ever I would tempted her until almost...

It amuse me how "flexible" is people's morality. Maybe you have to tell her that: you should try sex with a man to be sure you are not gay, then with a trans to be sure you dont like trans people, then with a married woman to be sure you aren't into adultery, then with 3 girls to be sure that you are not into orgies: you should try also all kind of fetish and paraphilias, and of course, you have to have sex with your partner before marriage too if you aren't so sure that you will have a happy sex life with them, this one it's a good way to avoid a divorce, which it's perfect. So if you are a very religious person and you want to have an active sexual life, but you are afraid of how this will been seeing then you should say that you may be asexual and that it's a need to try on and on and on to discover it. I'm just wondering...

I haven't read the Bible a lot, but that I know there are many people who didn't got married or tried sex (ie. 1 Corinthians chapter 7), errr and I haven't found yet any reference to the idea of having sex to find out if you are "this" or "that" either, but at least she is trying to be less religious? :rolleyes:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

*Next time you see her tell also: "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways" James 1:8 -King James Version (KJV)-. This other version of the same verse could work as well: "Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do" -New Living Translation (©2007)-. If you want to be brutal then ask which god is she serving with such and advice.

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Lord Happy Toast

We don't run into each other very often anymore, and she eventually became convinced I was asexual. At the time I think I asked if she had an friends who might interested in volunteering. She couldn't think of any.

Anyway, we should probably get back on topic.

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Anyway, we should probably get back on topic.

^_____^

Actually, though, I've gotten a few submissions already even though this project is young (5 videos so far), but even though I love reading your lists of crap people say to you and suggestions for what should be in the videos, I'd also like to know if anyone is planning to contribute. You don't have to declare one way or the other, of course, but if someone in this thread is planning to send in a video, it'd be cool to know so I can kinda start figuring out my concept.

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I get this one ALL THE TIME. And it's SO offensive, it makes me want to cry.

"Are you SURE you weren't molested?"

gee. Thanks.

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I get this one ALL THE TIME. And it's SO offensive, it makes me want to cry.

I know. I think the worst thing about that is that if the person ACTUALLY THINKS I might have been molested, it is SO NOT OKAY to just bring that up in a casual conversation. People are really insensitive sometimes when it comes to possible triggers, but it really seems common sense to me that if you worry that someone is damaged and you really think asexuality is so ridiculous that it must've been caused by psychic trauma from a violent event, IT WOULD BE A REALLY BAD IDEA TO ASK PEOPLE POINT BLANK WHETHER THIS HAPPENED TO THEM.

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I think I might contribute something... but I'm not sure which line or lines I might want to use yet... >_<

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I get this one ALL THE TIME. And it's SO offensive, it makes me want to cry.

I know. I think the worst thing about that is that if the person ACTUALLY THINKS I might have been molested, it is SO NOT OKAY to just bring that up in a casual conversation. People are really insensitive sometimes when it comes to possible triggers, but it really seems common sense to me that if you worry that someone is damaged and you really think asexuality is so ridiculous that it must've been caused by psychic trauma from a violent event, IT WOULD BE A REALLY BAD IDEA TO ASK PEOPLE POINT BLANK WHETHER THIS HAPPENED TO THEM.

The thing is, I've been emotionally abused, and I'm bipolar. Because of this, people assumed the abuse was also sexual, and has contributed to my sexual 'problems.' Most of the time they're 'kind' enough to pull me aside and ask, but even then, they keep pressuring me to tell them. Why would I confide in someone like that?

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they keep pressuring me to tell them. Why would I confide in someone like that?

I know what you mean. Most of the time I've heard this one, people are really disgusting about it. It's issued along the lines of YOU BETTER ADMIT that something terrible happened to you, because that is just THE ONLY WAY I could ever accept a person not wanting sex.

AND THAT MEANS YOU'RE BROKEN AND I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU NYAH NYAH NYAH.

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I think you should definitely make one, though that first video has it covered. My personal peeve would be 'but if you masturbate, you can't be asexual!'. Asexual-no attraction. And I'm not self-sexual either. I think of zilch when I do it.

Oh yeah, I forgot you were aro :P

Are you on facebook? There was a group talking about it. I suggested that there could be a "shit asexuals say" one (which I recently saw has been done too). It could mostly be a conversation that cuts back & forth that goes like:

"So would you do him?" "No"

"How bout him?" "Nope"

"....Do you want to do her?" "No"

"Would you do...this dog?" "NO"

"Would you do me?" PFF *hysterical laugther*

Times like this I kind of wish I actually went through with my ideas.

Lol!

I actually had a conversation like this in secondary school before I knew what asexuality was. Made me feel a bit like crap, because they named every person in the class and made fun of me when I said no to all of them. I didn't realise it was a valid orientation so I felt like an alien and tried to force myself to have crushes on people by making myself focus on a specific person all the time.

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I've gotten this every once and a while, it always gives me a good laugh.

"So you're going to have a lot of cats when you're old?"

Or, from my friends who know I'm asexual but still like to think of the version of me where I'm a horndog

"You'd SO be a lesbian!!!!!"

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I've gotten this every once and a while, it always gives me a good laugh.

"So you're going to have a lot of cats when you're old?"

I keep on seeing this cat thing.

I haven't once got this response...

I have a sneaking suspicion that it is a response that is gender specific, which is not cool because I love cats!

XP

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I keep on seeing this cat thing.

I haven't once got this response... I have a sneaking suspicion that it is a response that is gender specific, which is not cool because I love cats!

Yeah, I think "cat ladies" are an image people are eager to put on women who aren't married or involved, while I don't think I've ever heard "cat guy" to describe someone people think is oh so lonely and makes up for it by collecting cats just so someone will give him love oh god.

::eyeroll::

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SpirallingSnowy

So i had a think, and i came up with some that particularly apply to me ( ace/demi and I've had plenty of relationships with sexuals )

• You’ve had sex before so you can’t be asexual

• You obviously aren’t doing it right

• How can you not have found me sexually attractive, we had sex!

• I thought you liked it when we had sex!

• How can you be in a long term relationship and not have sex with him? That’s just cruel.

• When did you choose to be asexual?

• Is it cos you’ve been hurt too many times?

• How can he stand to be in a relationship with you if you don’t put out?

• Pfft asexuals don’t masturbate!

• You don’t know what your talking about!

• What, are you afraid of the penis?

• Don’t you find relationships hard?

• I don’t believe you, you’ve had plenty of boyfriends

• What, you didn’t think I hot when we dated??? * has a nervous breakdown*

• You do science, surely there is a better word than asexual, god your group is so stupld

• Don’t cut yourself off from being happy

• It’s a phase, you’ll find love eventually

• But you are so sexy, that’s just mean!

• Then why did you flirt with me if you aren’t going to put out?

• But you have big boobs

• I wish I was asexual, then I wouldn’t have to deal with relationships at all

• Are you sure you don’t like sex?

• Were you raped or something?

• But surely you find it enjoyable, its what people are supposed to do!

• Well how do you expect to have kids then?

• Wait, you’ve had sex, and you will have sex, but you don’t get horny?? How the hell is that even possible?!?!?!

• Being turned on is the same as horny, so you cant be asexual.

• Well if it feels good, you cant possibly be asexual, they hate sex.

• What, you don’t want to jump me? What did I do wrong?

• I feel sorry for you, you will have a lonely life

• What do you mean, sex isn’t the most important part of a relationship?

• So still asexual now that your in a relationship??

• Not sexually attracted to anyone? Surely there is someone out there you wanna screw

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Your list is great, but any chance you're going to record any of them for the project? I've had a lot of people add to the list but only a half dozen people actually send videos (though it appears a ton more have been promised or suggested).

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Ya know, I have my reservations about this. I'm not entirely sure that the project would be taken in the light that it is intended. "Let's raise awareness of asexuals amongst sexuals by showing how much an ass the latter can be." Hmmmm... Yeah, it'll raise awareness alright, but perhaps not of the positive sort.

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I have my reservations about this. I'm not entirely sure that the project would be taken in the light that it is intended. "Let's raise awareness of asexuals amongst sexuals by showing how much an ass the latter can be." Hmmmm... Yeah, it'll raise awareness alright, but perhaps not of the positive sort.

That is always a risk when dealing with this sort of thing. That's why I've mentioned a few times that since I don't want to make videos that just basically consist of us talking to ourselves, we mostly want the list items to outline things people say when they're TRYING to be supportive but don't realize what they're saying is offensive or unhelpful. If you've seen the "S*** [group] says to [other group]" videos, they're all like this, and the tone is understood as "check it out--this is what we hear all the time."

In the best scenario, people learn what not to say (or at least that we've heard it before). In the worst scenario, they become defensive because they think we're attacking them by calling them out on their b.s. I think it is important to have information out there about what sorts of comments we don't appreciate, and while an occasional viewer may take it in the worst possible light, my hope is that it will function primarily as a humorous learning tool, just like all the other "S*** people say" videos.

If you've not seen my "

" video, it's more geared toward the highly ignorant, disgusting things people say, and it has resulted in an outpouring of support combined with statements like "I had no idea people have threatened to rape you over this," etc. I want this collab video to address a slightly different kind of comment, and I don't plan to present it as though people who aren't asexual are all a bunch of bullies. I highly recommend checking out the similar videos about/for other groups that I linked in the detail post if you'd like to see the tone and reception demonstrated.
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I get it, but I also totally understand what Qute is saying. These sorts of videos do make me get all defensive. I mean, what's to stop someone from turning around and making a "Shit Asexual People Say about Sexual People" video? Nothing really. Just...fair warning.

I get what Qute is saying too. It's a valid concern that some people might take it wrong. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it, and I want to make sure people understand that the purpose of the video is not to make fun of, mock, bully, or attack sexual people.

For the most part the videos are being made by minorities of various sorts discussing what's annoying about their experience, and it can be anything from race to sexual orientation to eating habits (the "S*** Vegans Say" is pretty hilarious sometimes), but if anyone who's NOT asexual has experienced enough badgering from asexual people that that person feels it's a worthy subject of a video, no one could or should stop that person from making it. I've certainly heard a few things I disagree with come out of asexual people's mouths that make me want to cringe, so it's not too farfetched. I think the purpose of videos like this is to help increase sensitivity, and I also think--from personal experience being asked the same questions over and over and over by people who seem to think they're the first to think of these "hard" questions--that it helps raise awareness of what our common experience is.

Personally, I feel like my videos have always been geared toward people who are not asexual, though of course asexual people like watching them. I make them in order to explain things, in order to invite people who don't share my experience to understand it and incorporate it into their world view, in order to help them process the idea of us. I don't want this video to be any different. I do think they need to learn not to say certain ignorant things to us, though, and those who are supportive will naturally understand our message.

(Incidentally, the video will be linked to a document where people can read the "why" of how come each statement included is not constructive. Because some may honestly have trouble seeing why a statement is inappropriate.)

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That is always a risk when dealing with this sort of thing. That's why I've mentioned a few times that since I don't want to make videos that just basically consist of us talking to ourselves, we mostly want the list items to outline things people say when they're TRYING to be supportive but don't realize what they're saying is offensive or unhelpful. If you've seen the "S*** [group] says to [other group]" videos, they're all like this, and the tone is understood as "check it out--this is what we hear all the time."

Okay, fair enough. If it's being done with awareness of potential issues in mind, it might carry off as intended.

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That is always a risk when dealing with this sort of thing. That's why I've mentioned a few times that since I don't want to make videos that just basically consist of us talking to ourselves, we mostly want the list items to outline things people say when they're TRYING to be supportive but don't realize what they're saying is offensive or unhelpful. If you've seen the "S*** [group] says to [other group]" videos, they're all like this, and the tone is understood as "check it out--this is what we hear all the time."

Okay, fair enough. If it's being done with awareness of potential issues in mind, it might carry off as intended.

I've posted this elsewhere already some of my concerns, but I was wondering has anyone considered maybe just dropping the "sexuals" bit off the title? (Someone stated elsewhere that the point of these videos wasn't really meant to be targeting sexuals--but more the comments that were said to us. And if that is accurate, maybe "sh*t that gets said to asexuals" could still be hip and fun--and keep the focus on the comments or responses?

I worry a bit and hope we could avoid unintentionally putting strain on some of our relationships with people who would have been potential allies.

I admit these are just my thoughts or reservations and I don't know if I'm being overly-cautious worrying about how some people might receive this video or visibility project. I have to admit if I were dating a sexual girl or boy, and we had this endorsed "sh*t sexuals say to asexual people" I'd feel embarrassed. I realize some of us may have had some negative experiences with invalidating or insensitive comments made by others (aka "sexuals") in our lives--however I worry that this sort of sounds like we might be talking about making blankety-negative generalizations about "sexuals" which doesn't quite seem right on here. [/2 cents]

edit: *removed the word stupid, was up quite late and added stupid in front of the world sh*t* :redface:

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