Jump to content
Jon Snow

Feeling sexual attraction, does it mean living in a world of temptation?

Recommended Posts

angelofunk

whether responding posts were re: the initial questions - or questions that spun off from that - i agree with many bits & pieces of others' responses, and also disagree with many other bits & pieces (and noticed some of that same "well, yes, me too" and "no, not for me" in others' posts).

what this makes me think is that answers to these questions will reflect varied and sometimes highly individualized experiences/expressions/descriptions!

as a biqueer romantic & sexual older woman - who has had these kinda convos with lots of other sexual people of a wide range of variations on scales - first i would say there are significant differences in how men & women experience/express/describe these topics (and in my experience, men have more in common with other men, and women with other women, no matter where they fall along those scales - i.e. gay men & straight men would be more similar than gay men & gay women for instance).

speaking for myself (and these answers are truncated, as i would add a number more "in the case of" clauses if the convo was extensive ;)

1) is sexual attraction noticeable? yes, for me very clearly and strongly.

2) is it a temptation? sometimes. for instance, against my better judgment i had an affair with a married man because the sexual attraction/chemistry between us was overwhelming, something i had never had the chance to explore with someone, wanted to, and felt compelled to. (i don't believe in cheating or dishonesty, but i failed my own beliefs there. don't hold it against me?!)

3) a frustration? sometimes. for instance, when my better judgment takes the reigns and i know i shouldn't/can't follow that attraction through!

4) nice feeling? oh yes. i love feeling it in/of itself. it does make me feel vibrant, vital, turned-on to being alive! but depending on how my life's needs are being met, it can create/trigger a great, unfulfilled longing inside - not necessarily but sometimes overlapped with romantic longing, which can be a bitch to live with/manage.

5) how often do i feel it (attraction)? daily, depending on who i'm being exposed to, which can even mean an actor/tress in a film, on tv.

but when it comes to differentiating sexual attraction and desire, i feel desire daily, even without someone i'm attracted to to direct that toward. the desire is inherent to my person, to my sexual being, it is mine, related to my body, my mind, my emotions, my spirit. if/when i'm attracted to someone sexually (which can be simply physical but then i'm not prone to care to go anywhere further with that - unlike what some men might say, in my experience), that's usually a combination of some kinda mysterious x-factor for me, mysterious chemistry, certain physical attributes i notice are common for me to be drawn to, then finding something about that person that i like. if i feel any kind of warning bells, signals that they're not the kind of person i would like or trust, the sexual attraction might remain but my desire to explore that dissipates pretty quickly (esp. with men).

re: something like that photo above? although i can recogniize a sexualization of the woman, i am not attracted to nor desire to have sex with a woman from that kind of presentation. i might feel a vague vicarious stimulation from a woman (or man) depicted as such (or seen in real life), but it's so fleeting and actually unappealing to me that it quickly passes. as "eye candy" it's not "tasty" enough to my other senses/sensibilities to have any substance. and might leave a bad taste in my mouth (to follow that analogy through :blink:

i have also never personally met a bi or lesbian woman who would say to that: "i would hit/bang that". (maybe "she's pretty/sexy/that's hot", maybe.) but i have met many men who would say just those things, and follow through in real life if the opportunity presented itself. i don't know if this is biochemical/hormonal or socialized over eons - i suppose a lot of both!

woah, much more blabbering than i anticipated! :blush: so much food for thought :cake: ;)

was that t.m.i.? :unsure:

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lady Girl

was that t.m.i.? :unsure:

Didn't seem like it to me. :) you can always go back and edit in 'tmi' at the start of your post if you think it needs it...

I feel the same way about many of the things you mentioned. I have read (and feel it's basically true for me) that it's more common for women to want to build an emotional bond before feeling totally comfortable with sexual interaction. I also think alcohol and some drugs can act as aphrodisiacs for some people and that might play a part in sexual feelings and behavior.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
joesantus

During my Ace partner's and my decades-long search for reasons and solutions for our sexual disparity, before we realized she is Asexual, we uninhibitedly experimented with a spectrum of sexuality including open marriage. Consequently, not only have I done plenty of researching, observing, and deep thinking about sexuality and gender, across the physiological, pyschological, social, and cultural components, but I've also had experience with many women partners, some with whom I've discussed these issues.

In light of common (understandably) negative reactions when a man offers his observations on women's sexuality, I'm careful about putting words in the mouth of women. So I'm glad angelofunk and LadyGirl voiced their perspectives -- because they echo what I've observed and believe about the emotional-connection issue that is generally a major distinction between men's and women's sexuality. The need for connection isn't limited to women, of course -- I'm a guy who, I've realized, needs far more connection with a partner to enjoy sex than many if not most guys need. But, overall and generally, women's need for connection as a prerequisite for sex far exceeds men's.

While I think that the nuts-and-bolts outworkings of the connectivity need in women can be and is affected and modified by societal, religious, cultural, and environmental influences, by personal experiences and life-changes, and by drugs such as alcohol; can be altered by deliberate, conscious choice; and does vary intrinsically, even considerably, among individuals; I believe the connectivity need is instinctually rooted in and primary to women's biology. I believe the need is part of women's genetics.

As complex as male sexuality truly is when it's objectively analyzed, the connectivity element of women's sexuality makes a woman's much more complex than a man's. It's typically why many men honestly don't "get" why it's as difficult if not more difficult for a woman, on, say, an adult sex-partner site, to find a playmate than it is for a man -- a woman's need for connection tremendously compounds her difficulty in finding a "match". The connectivity need may also explain the significant number of women who state they need to know a person before having (meaning ENJOYING) sex -- while for some women Demisexual orientation may be the reason, many Sexual women seem able to enjoy sex only when connection is established along with their other requisites of attraction and desire.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
kkenne14

My answer here will probably be a very poor example of people with sexual attraction given I'm a gray-A and have been attracted to a partner before, but, for me, it really isn't. In fact, when I was dating my former partner, from the moment I fell in love with him until even now (I'm not exactly over him...) I've not had eyes for anyone else, even in the "Oh, that guy was cute" sense. I'm very much the exception and not the rule, however. I've never really once felt tempted.

That being said, it is different for everyone, and even sexual people experience sexual desire in a multitude of infinite strengths. I have friends who do find the occasional stranger cute, or "bangable," and I also have a friend who is a self-described nymphomaniac who cannot go an entire day without sex or some kind of stimulation.

:) That's just my opinion, however.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Rhaktoryn

I know for me personally, when I see something attractive, I want it/ want to own it. So, it something is beautiful, like jewelry, I want to buy it and have it around me. If it's a person, I'll want to have it in that same sense. I'm assuming it's a strong aesthetic attraction, all I know is that nothing sexual is backing it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mycroft is Yourcroft
See, this is one of the biggest misconceptions I see on AVEN... sexual attraction has no element of desire in it. Most of the time people have no desire attached to the attraction they feel. Desire is rare, attraction is common.

This makes a lot more sense now, the way you worded it. So attraction is kinda like when you say to yourself 'I would tap that' but desire is more 'I want to tap that'?

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JRCA_83

I'm brand new to AVEN, and I'm currently identifying as demi, but maybe gray-A would be better? Still trying to see what fits best. Once I realized I was on the ace spectrum, I've become quite curious about what I experience vs. what others experience. I notice a very large difference between what I experience as a heterosexual and what my hetero female friends experience.

Here is an example from work. I'll be going out with some female friends to get coffee and one of my friends will start a conversation about a male we work with, and she'll say: "You know, the HOT one!" …this experience isn incredibly jarring for me, because I don't experience "hot." Of course, it only takes a second to know who she's referring to, based on aesthetics.

Or, I'll be walking with a female colleague after a meeting and she'll say "Oh my gosh! Don't you think (name) is SO HOT!? I just needed to say it out loud!" Yeah again…very jarring feeling…as though it never occurred to me.

To me, these seem to be the differences in attraction between sexual women and asexual women.

I don't think the majority of women want to put pin-ups in their bedrooms, although I do know some women who enjoy this (my aunt likes to have a calendar of shirtless muscular men). But sexual women do experience this, I believe almost as frequently as men, based on the conversations I've had with my partner about it.

I guess that would make the color blindness analogy very excellent when describing asexuality. You can say to someone "oh my the ocean is such a beautiful blue color today!" and they would probably respond similarly as I indicated above.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Einy

I'm brand new to AVEN, and I'm currently identifying as demi, but maybe gray-A would be better? Still trying to see what fits best. Once I realized I was on the ace spectrum, I've become quite curious about what I experience vs. what others experience. I notice a very large difference between what I experience as a heterosexual and what my hetero female friends experience.

Here is an example from work. I'll be going out with some female friends to get coffee and one of my friends will start a conversation about a male we work with, and she'll say: "You know, the HOT one!" …this experience isn incredibly jarring for me, because I don't experience "hot." Of course, it only takes a second to know who she's referring to, based on aesthetics.

Or, I'll be walking with a female colleague after a meeting and she'll say "Oh my gosh! Don't you think (name) is SO HOT!? I just needed to say it out loud!" Yeah again…very jarring feeling…as though it never occurred to me.

To me, these seem to be the differences in attraction between sexual women and asexual women.

I don't think the majority of women want to put pin-ups in their bedrooms, although I do know some women who enjoy this (my aunt likes to have a calendar of shirtless muscular men). But sexual women do experience this, I believe almost as frequently as men, based on the conversations I've had with my partner about it.

I guess that would make the color blindness analogy very excellent when describing asexuality. You can say to someone "oh my the ocean is such a beautiful blue color today!" and they would probably respond similarly as I indicated above.

I don't know, I wouldn't define my sexual orientation on whether I feel somebody is hot. Seems really irrelevant.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
humantoafault

Not at all. Since I am single my desire is literally directed at no one. I'm perfectly happy relieving my libido on my own.

What makes me sexual is that if I were in a (long term) relationship I would want to be with my partner.

If we're treating sexual attraction as separate from desire, then I wouldn't say I experience sexual attraction. Just strong aesthetic attraction to the opposite sex.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ms.Frankenstein

I'm brand new to AVEN, and I'm currently identifying as demi, but maybe gray-A would be better? Still trying to see what fits best. Once I realized I was on the ace spectrum, I've become quite curious about what I experience vs. what others experience. I notice a very large difference between what I experience as a heterosexual and what my hetero female friends experience.

Here is an example from work. I'll be going out with some female friends to get coffee and one of my friends will start a conversation about a male we work with, and she'll say: "You know, the HOT one!" this experience isn incredibly jarring for me, because I don't experience "hot." Of course, it only takes a second to know who she's referring to, based on aesthetics.

Or, I'll be walking with a female colleague after a meeting and she'll say "Oh my gosh! Don't you think (name) is SO HOT!? I just needed to say it out loud!" Yeah againvery jarring feelingas though it never occurred to me.

To me, these seem to be the differences in attraction between sexual women and asexual women.

I don't think the majority of women want to put pin-ups in their bedrooms, although I do know some women who enjoy this (my aunt likes to have a calendar of shirtless muscular men). But sexual women do experience this, I believe almost as frequently as men, based on the conversations I've had with my partner about it.

I guess that would make the color blindness analogy very excellent when describing asexuality. You can say to someone "oh my the ocean is such a beautiful blue color today!" and they would probably respond similarly as I indicated above.

I don't know, I wouldn't define my sexual orientation on whether I feel somebody is hot. Seems really irrelevant.

I wouldn't either, except that it's a consistent thing (one of many, and if it were the only factor I wouldn't). For me it's EVERY time someone asks the dreaded "isn't he hot?" question. *Deer in headlights, don't know what to say without offending, wish I could melt into a wall, whole nine yards.* Did they have to ask me questions I can't answer?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
andreas1033

Being asexual, I'm not qualified to answer this.

I agree.

If you never really had no sex drive, its ahard question on an asexual forum.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
humantoafault
I wouldn't either, except that it's a consistent thing (one of many, and if it were the only factor I wouldn't). For me it's EVERY time someone asks the dreaded "isn't he hot?" question. *Deer in headlights, don't know what to say without offending, wish I could melt into a wall, whole nine yards.* Did they have to ask me questions I can't answer?

Even being sexual I don't typically call people hot, since it's understood to be a sexually charged term. Why refer to someone like that when I don't desire anything sexual from them? (Why would I desire anything sexual from someone I don't know? I desire it, but not from someone I'm not committed to.) There is one fictional character I refer to as hot, and that's because no word really exists to express how good he looks to me and "cute" does not suffice. But I don't want anything sexual from him, either.

Usually when I'm hanging around other girls and we talk about guys I don't really contribute much because I don't have much to contribute, but if we're talking about looks I can easily enough refer to aesthetic attraction. But then the girls I hang around don't really seem to talk about guys in a sexual way. Whether this is because we share a religion which condemns "lust" or because our religious beliefs keep us from feeling the peer pressure that says we have to talk about guys that way, I couldn't say.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Float On

Not at all. Since I am single my desire is literally directed at no one. I'm perfectly happy relieving my libido on my own.

What makes me sexual is that if I were in a (long term) relationship I would want to be with my partner.

If we're treating sexual attraction as separate from desire, then I wouldn't say I experience sexual attraction. Just strong aesthetic attraction to the opposite sex.

do you also desire to be with someone someday, or do you feel indifferent about that?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
humantoafault

Not at all. Since I am single my desire is literally directed at no one. I'm perfectly happy relieving my libido on my own.

What makes me sexual is that if I were in a (long term) relationship I would want to be with my partner.

If we're treating sexual attraction as separate from desire, then I wouldn't say I experience sexual attraction. Just strong aesthetic attraction to the opposite sex.

do you also desire to be with someone someday, or do you feel indifferent about that?
That desire is there, but it isn't strong and doesn't need to be filled.
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
*a*rteest

I like to compare it to your sense of smell. Something that's always there, but usually unnoticed or backgrounded. But occasionally something that motivates you to action, or makes you frustrated if there's something delicious that you can't have. Like smell, though, even if you can't have the delectable thing, that's still a pleasant sensation, despite the frustration (up to a point, anyway wink.gif)

That helps immensely. Thanks from an aro ace! :cake:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Matthew89

I 'm just wondering...

I know, there is a lot of topic about sexual attraction, but I didn't find the answers.

Is sexual attraction really noticeable?

Is it a temptation? A frustration? A nice feelling that makes you feel more alive?

How often Do you feel it? Daily / weekly / monthly / yearly?

I'll replace "sexual attraction" with "sexuality" for more clarity.

Sexuality makes one feel more alive, but it works both ways - feeling alive results in sexual energy. When you're depressed, anxious, sad, hopeless, troubled and so on - sexuality is either gone or greatly reduced. On the other hand when you're relaxed, joyous, focused, open up to someone, living in a moment - then sexuality increases.

Frustration is a result of not getting a wanted result, so it's no different here than elsewhere.

Temptation can be present but it depends on the focus. Sexuality can be independent of another person. Sexual attraction however can result in a kind of temptation that overrides rational thinking. Meaning that you make choices you would not make otherwise. Sometimes these choices are useful from evolutionary and sometimes they are harmful (for example, when sexuality is too influential in choosing a partner).

A typical mistake done by asexuals is seeing sexuality as one thing among others. As something you can optionally exclude in a relationship and still have a great relationship. For most people this is like trying to suck out someone's blood and have him still live. That indeed happens but you end up with a zombie. Which is why mixed relationships end up in misery for a sexual.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
probablynotace

I'm late to this post, and while there have been some great analogies, especially about the sense of smell and the cup of coffee, my personal experience is a little different and so I thought I'd share.

Sexual attraction for me has very little to do with how aesthetically pleasing I find a person. It happens as a result of something--an image, an action, a concept, a smell, contact, et cetera--that produces sexual stimulation. Like if I'm watching a TV show and I find an actor appealing there is no physical response in me. But if that actor puts his or her face close to another person, or removes clothing it will create a physical response.

The physical response is like being hit by lightening--only pleasant. It's instant, and a jolt runs though my body. All my nerves feel like they are alive or tingling. Waves of very enjoyable zaps settle in my, um, private areas. If more of whatever caused it continues the sensation will grow and it becomes very hard to think. If nothing else happens it will fade and everything returns to normal.

I do not usually want to have sex with the person that caused the sensation, unless what is causing it is physical intimacy, but usually it's just a flash on TV, a moment in a store, etc. If I'm seeking the sensation, such as by reading erotica, watching adult videos, and so on, I usually have zero desire to participate in the activity. I just want to watch/read and then touch myself.

There has occasionally been a person that makes me feel this way almost constantly. I have never understood what it was about them, maybe pheromones or a smell? But it certainly is no indicator of any other type of compatibility! This has been very rare, maybe less than a handful of people out of everyone I've ever met.

Oddly, sometimes my body responds like this to very strange things. Sometimes I think it's a biological attempt at self soothing that just failed, lol. Like I will become extremely aroused when I'm nervous. I hate this. I hate being nervous, and if I have to do something awful like deliver a speech in front of a college class, being turned on while I do it just makes it so much worse. I find the sight of blood gross, and will avert my eyes and then become turned on. I still think it's disgusting, I don't want to have sex in either scenario, but my body acts like it does, which is just annoying.

I probably experience arousal hundreds of times a day. Usually I only act on it, alone or with another person (and with my husband it's usually alone), up to four times a day. Any more than that and injury/soreness tends to result.

Is it possible that some of the cases here are reffering to aesthetic attraction? Like just recognizing & appreciating that someone is good looking but no desires to go with it?

This is something my husband and I had confused for the longest time. He was talking about aesthetic attraction and was shocked when he discovered people ever felt anything else. I assumed he meant sexual attraction and was shocked to discover he didn't.

oh my god that's it that's the thing

I kind of feel like I could cry I've never seen anyone else come close to describing my own experiences.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
probablynotace
The level of enjoyment you get from kissing is necessarily primarily related to who you kiss, not kissing as such. Some people are bad kissers, some are awesome and some you kiss cause your drunk enough for it to make sense. You should probably not disregard the option all together just from one experience, all though its clearly a sign that you may be asexual I guess.

This is very true. I did not enjoy kissing the first several people I kissed. I was more focused on the weirdness of the contact compared to dry kisses. I also felt absolutely nothing the first time I had sex. Usually I have to be aroused before the kiss, or else the only thing I'm thinking about is the feel and taste of the person's mouth, and without desire that actually seems fairly icky, lol.

To the OP: Since I posted my description of sexual attraction I have learned that attraction and arousal do not normally happen as frequently for most women (I have no idea about men) as they do for me, and that I may actually have a physical disorder that causes constant arousal called PGAD. Because I feel some level of warmth/sensation in the genital area almost 24/7. So don't take my description of attraction as normal for a woman. I probably would not have learned about this if this topic had not been discussed, so thank you for starting it. Hopefully this new knowledge will help me work out some bedroom compatibility problems with my spouse.

holy crap that's also how i feel about kissing

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Trephena

It's kind of weird but sexual attraction is like an invisible force that attracts others. I met a guy through internet dating and over the next few hours we were together there was an 'instant connection'. Though no full sex happened we both obviously liked each other a lot. I then had to take a train journey home. A guy came up and started talking to me at the station and another guy actually followed me off the train and asked me for a date. I was smartly dressed but not wearing anything provocative and I take trains a lot and this kind of thing is not the norm. It has happened once or twice before over the years but it is like there are pheromones that people give off when they are sexually really attracted to someone and other people pick them up!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68

I've had the same thing. Maybe it's pheromones, but I suspect it's more about the micro-signals we give off when we're feeling sexually confident, attractive, and... just... sexual. How we hold our bodies, how we look at others, how we respond to their looks. Other people pick up on it. And also - maybe since you sex/attraction/desire/whatever was in your mind, you're more likely to interpret looks, or a conversation as having some sexual element than you would normally.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Trephena

Yep you are probably right Telecaster68 it could be mainly micro signals operating at a semi subliminal level. Confidence breeding confidence and attracting it. However pheromones play a part in the animal kingdom generally so possibly a complex combination of both at work in these situations! Kind of fascinating though....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mary aine k-lucky

well wait i'm still confused if sexual attraction isn't sexual desire (i knew that already) and it isn't just arousal and it isn't aesthetic attraction but it isn't just a mental thing like fantasies and what not... then what is it??? how do you know if you have it? like???? i'm confused... what does sexual attraction feel like??? like i get the whole coffee thing and like you're aware but you don't need to do anything about it but like? what does the coffee smell like how do you know you're smelling coffee? and if for males it's more about looks and for females it's more about feels then what even is sexual attraction??? is sexual attraction purely conceptual because as far as i can tell sexual attraction is not many things but people know they are sexually attracted by the things that it's not so does sexual attraction actually exist??? humans do not have noticeable pheromones... what would cause micro signals like how do you feel sexual or sexually attractive is it looks but it's not just looks? what... like does this thing even exist sexuality makes you feel alive but you must be feeling good to feel it... like is sexual attraction just an everyday emotion or something and asexuals just don't get it or something like what


Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Scooty
On 1/16/2012 at 8:47 PM, Lady Girl said:

I'm pretty sure I agree with this...there's always been something I couldn't figure out here. This might be it. It seems that there's some crucial element that wasn't taken into account in regards to sexuality and asexuality and what they mean in a relationship. :huh:

This is exactly how I experience sexual attraction and desire. The attraction is there, but the desire to pursue sex is very very rare for me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Scooty
On 1/16/2012 at 8:47 PM, Lady Girl said:

See, this is one of the biggest misconceptions I see on AVEN... sexual attraction has no element of desire in it. Most of time people have no desire attached to the attraction they feel. Desire is rare, attraction is common.

Whoops this is the one I meant to quote x(

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
On 18/02/2016 at 4:29 AM, mary aine k-lucky said:

well wait i'm still confused if sexual attraction isn't sexual desire (i knew that already) and it isn't just arousal and it isn't aesthetic attraction but it isn't just a mental thing like fantasies and what not... then what is it??? how do you know if you have it? like???? i'm confused... what does sexual attraction feel like??? like i get the whole coffee thing and like you're aware but you don't need to do anything about it but like? what does the coffee smell like how do you know you're smelling coffee? and if for males it's more about looks and for females it's more about feels then what even is sexual attraction??? is sexual attraction purely conceptual because as far as i can tell sexual attraction is not many things but people know they are sexually attracted by the things that it's not so does sexual attraction actually exist??? humans do not have noticeable pheromones... what would cause micro signals like how do you feel sexual or sexually attractive is it looks but it's not just looks? what... like does this thing even exist sexuality makes you feel alive but you must be feeling good to feel it... like is sexual attraction just an everyday emotion or something and asexuals just don't get it or something like what

 

This is really old but I just saw this comment so thought I'd say randomly that sexual attraction is completely different from person to person depending on who is defining it lol. One person will say 'I get horny when I see attractive women, that's sexual attraction for me' and another will respond 'i definitely don't experience arousal when i see attractive people, I need a man to warm me up before I can get properly aroused and ready for sex. When I fall in love with a man, a desire that kind of sexual intimacy with him so I guess for me that's what sexual attraction is' and then another will reply 'no it's when you just want sex with that person right now and you can't get them out of their mind and can't stop wanting to have sex with them ' ..then another will say 'well, I certainly have never experienced that, for me it's assessing whether someone might be a possible sexual partner for me..' another will say 'it's just a feeling I have for some people, I cant even describe it.. it just happens' and another will say 'meh.. I just love sex. who I have it with and what they look like is meaningless to me, as long as they're willing ' and so on and so forth. The one thing all these people I'll have in common (if they're sexual) is that sometimes for whatever reason, they desire partnered sexual contact for pleasure. All other factors, like who they want sex with and why, and how they define sexual attraction, vary massively from person to person. Hence why it seems so pointless the way people get so caught up here over sexual attraction and what it feels like to have it etc. It has so many different definitions it seems pointless trying to pick it apart and understand it lol. AVEN defines it as the desire for partnered sexual contact, and that's really what it comes down to i think. If you desire partnered sexual contact for pleasure, then whatever name you give that you're sexual. If you don't experience it, then whatever name you give it you're ace. 

 

When I'm in love with someone or at least emotionally connected to them, I pretty much want to devour them sexually when my hormones are doing the right thing. I guess some would call that 'sexual attraction' but as far as I'm concerned it's just a desire to connect sexually for pleasure with someone I love. I don't 'look at that person and get horny' or anything like that (it hasn't happened to me yet anyway). And i dont look at random people and experience magical indefinable emotions or anything, haha. People here seem to think sexual attraction is quite mystical but honestly I think it's just that it's really quite unimportant in the grand scheme of things, hence why sexuals all define it differently and some are quite 'meh' about what it even is. What really matters is the desire to connect sexually with others for pleasure - sexual attraction is just something some sexual people use to help them know *who* they desire that sexual pleasure with.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Proud Badger
On 1/17/2012 at 4:03 AM, Narval said:

This thread is so interesting. I keep trying to imagine what it would be like. I mean, if it's not too noticeable, would it be possible to go through life without ever noticing it? Or without ever knowing full well what you were feeling? Is it easily confused with aesthetic attraction? Is it usually paired with romantic attraction? Or is the pair of those two what makes you want to get into a relationship in the first place?

Sorry for all the questions, this is just quite interesting to hear it described.

Well, it is in the background, mostly, but sometimes you just look at a person and go - "Wow." you just kinda stop and start to admire them. I don't see being able to not notice it.

For me, there will always be some people I find very attractive. And... well, if I talk with them, I may notice their beauty while talking. Sometimes I just stare at pictures, because - oh jeez, they're so beautiful!

It really is like the smell. You smell something nice, and you just kinda have to stop and breathe it in, because it's so nice. But I guess, you don't really think about the smell all the time, do you? And then, the fact that you smell something nice, doesn't mean you want to eat it (if it's food).

Also... I don't usually confuse it with aesthetic attraction. I may look at some pictures of girls and admire them, and think they are beautiful. But not in the way of - oh my gods, they're so good looking i want to bang them =D

To the romantic attraction... I myself find that if you love someone, you usually start to think they're beautiful and even 'hot'. If you get close to someone, you will start to see them as beautiful beings, because you know how they are inside.

Oh and don't be sorry - it's okay to ask, I myself find it pretty interesting not feeling any sexual attraction.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
silva2018
On 1/15/2012 at 10:32 PM, Jillianimal said:

Is it possible that some of the cases here are reffering to aesthetic attraction? Like just recognizing & appreciating that someone is good looking but no desires to go with it?

YES! Exactly what I feel, what I experience. I can recognize the aesthetic of a person matches my ideal but I this not means I simultaneously fell by body, my physiology moves me to the desire to have contact, intimate contact with this person. I fell I enjoy having good looking man friends and I had but with no sexual histories in between. I fell this would contaminate the scene and cause loose of the admiration I find in the other person. Kind of when an ideal fells down

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...