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Asexuality on the BBC(3)!


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That article is awesome, except for the aromantic/romantic thing, in my opinion.

I realize it can be hard to define "romantic", but saying (many) aromantics don't want to be touched because of their orientation and that being a romantic asexual - as opposed to an aromantic one - means "they will look at someone and they won't respond sexually to them, but they might want to get closer to them, to find out more about them, to share things with them" is sort of fail.

My romantic orientation does not render me incapable of taking a keen interest in other human beings, thank you very much, otherwise cool-seeming sociologist person. Also, I wonder how many aromantics don't want to be touched at all. There's nothing wrong with not being into physical contact, of course, but I'm feeling sort of erased here, especially since he's making it sound like romantic asexuals are capable of forming social bonds while aromantics aren't. That really rubs me the wrong way.

But yeah, very much liked the rest of the article. :cake:

Yeah, I read that are was a bit confused - hadn't seen it before it went online and unfortunately, since that's a quote from someone, it's harder to correct. I think he was trying to imply 'in a romantic context', but didn't manage it. At least, I hope so.

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I don't? I'm aromantic, so I don't experience romantic attraction towards another person and therefore don't need to develop trust or love beyond friendship. I don't experience crushes or romantic love at all - just platonic friendship. I have no idea if being bought things or being cooked for sparks oxytocin release in my brain, but I am touched when my friends spontaneously do something for me (normally around my birthday). I spontaneously hugged my mother and sister for making me a vegan Christmas cake in secret. I wasn't expecting it and I did get an urge to give them a hug, so that could be an oxytocin release? Anecdotal evidence isn't really very good though, so you'd need to test it in a group of aromantics.

Okay I understand now. Well the oxytocin is definitely present in hugs with family members. For the first few years of our lives both mother and child's brains are soaked in oxytocin. So it is an empathetic connection through platonic friendships that you derive support and emotional sustenance from? Is it therefore easy to live alone as long as you have some connection with a friend eg. go for a coffee?

To be honest, things like friendship quality and how I speak to others are attributable more to my personality than my being an aromantic asexual. I'm quite introverted, so I don't tend to spend a lot of time with other people, but I do enjoy conversations with a couple of close friends on a regular basis and we talk about everything under the sun. I find being alone relatively ok, but that's just my personality.

I don't think all people need emotional support or sustenance from an external source, ie. from another person. Aromanticism itself has little to do with one's capability to function as a mentally and emotionally independent person. Intro and extroversion on top of personality are more closely linked to that, in my opinion. Introversion itself doesn't lead to shyness or social aversion, but more to the way a person recharges their energy. Introverts lose energy when in contact with other people and replenish themselves in solitude, while extroverts absorb energy from social interaction and lose it in solitude. As an introvert I usually yearn for solitude, and working in a rather busy environment where I'm constantly surrounded by a mix of known and unknown people only reinforces my need.

Anyway, I watched the first two episodes of the BBC documentary. It is great that asexuality is represented, but I would have hoped for them to include a more profound description of the spectrum of asexual people. Perhaps next time then :)

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Okay as promised for our non-UK AVEN members interested in this program I have decided to do the following. Due to the massive interest in this programme I have decided not to post on YouTube due to video duration limits and I don't want to split up the show into parts. And the BBC could issue a take down which would render the effort pointless. So I shall bittorrent this so lets seed it. For those familar with Bittorent here is the Magnet link: magnet:?xt=urn:btih:EF2B957DDFF361F8A57EDF9F74FF3542ED794123

Edit: I think this is too fiddly for ppl to want to use so now invalid.

Those new to Bittorent just click here-> http://www.megaupload.com/?d=PS8HONSL download and run application and follow the on screen prompts.

Edit: US Gov have taken down megaupload so link no longer works.

The file downloaded is called: How_Sex_Works_-_2._Playing_the_Field_b019lt17_default.mp4 and will player in Windows Media player. Programme duration 56:50 mins.

Enjoy! :)

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To be honest, things like friendship quality and how I speak to others are attributable more to my personality than my being an aromantic asexual. I'm quite introverted, so I don't tend to spend a lot of time with other people, but I do enjoy conversations with a couple of close friends on a regular basis and we talk about everything under the sun. I find being alone relatively ok, but that's just my personality.

How would you feel if one of your close friends said I have arranged a big party and wants you to come but at least half the people there you have never met before?

Do you enjoy the company of animals? Have a pet?

<_< What does this have to do with my being an aromantic asexual? Why are you asking? I just said I think these things are unrelated to my sexuality and are personality based. Yes, oxytocin has been implied to be involved in anxiety and in pairbonding, but research into its role in humans is still ongoing and hardly conclusive as a lot of studies are animal based.To actually compare oxytocin levels in different groups of asexuals, you would need to measure the levels in the brain or monitor the effects of administering/stimulating the hormone somehow (IMO anyway).

Anyway, I have social anxiety and love my dog, my parents, my sister and my best friends. Platonically though.

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<_< What does this have to do with my being an aromantic asexual? Why are you asking? I just said I think these things are unrelated to my sexuality and are personality based. Yes, oxytocin has been implied to be involved in anxiety and in pairbonding, but research into its role in humans is still ongoing and hardly conclusive as a lot of studies are animal based.To actually compare oxytocin levels in different groups of asexuals, you would need to measure the levels in the brain or monitor the effects of administering/stimulating the hormone somehow (IMO anyway).

Anyway, I have social anxiety and love my dog, my parents, my sister and my best friends. Platonically though.

Please no offense was intended, My apologies. I asked because I find such a social situations difficult even draining. But I guess that is nothing to do with aromantic. It's been several months since I have a face to face chat with someone I would consider a friend but that isn't difficult. I live alone with my cat and talk to her all the time. I figure that pets can fulfill that need for connection with others. I have mistaken my hermit life style for something else. No more questions I promise. Peace and best wishes. :cake:

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<_< What does this have to do with my being an aromantic asexual? Why are you asking? I just said I think these things are unrelated to my sexuality and are personality based. Yes, oxytocin has been implied to be involved in anxiety and in pairbonding, but research into its role in humans is still ongoing and hardly conclusive as a lot of studies are animal based.To actually compare oxytocin levels in different groups of asexuals, you would need to measure the levels in the brain or monitor the effects of administering/stimulating the hormone somehow (IMO anyway).

Anyway, I have social anxiety and love my dog, my parents, my sister and my best friends. Platonically though.

Please no offense was intended, My apologies. I asked because I find such a social situations difficult even draining. But I guess that is nothing to do with aromantic. It's been several months since I have a face to face chat with someone I would consider a friend but that isn't difficult. I live alone with my cat and talk to her all the time. I figure that pets can fulfill that need for connection with others. I have mistaken my hermit life style for something else. No more questions I promise. Peace and best wishes. :cake:

Oh sorry, I didn't mean to sound snappy! I was just a bit confused as to how the questions had anything to do with my original comment so I was a bit unsure as to what you were getting at and wanted to ask(my soft skills are a bit rubbish so it came across badly). It might be interesting to do a poll in the census section if you want to find out if there is a relation between romantic and sexual orientation and levels of friendship. That way you'll get an overview of the site. Personally, I'm used to spending most of my time alone, but if I go a week without speaking to anyone, I get very lonely and depressed. I don't actually live with my dog atm, as I'm away from home most of the time, but I think he would end up being my companion in the same way your cat is to you. I do love him very much though :wub:

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Just seen this (skipped the rest of the program though). Very cool. Well done!

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It felt like BBC asexuality day today. I was listening to Five Live this morning on the way to work (which I very rarely do, being generally loyal to Today on Radio 4) and there was an item interviewing someone from AVEN (apologies, not quite sure who you are). Then at lunchtime, just browsing the BBC news website, I found the article based on the programme discussed above. The message is clearly getting out there, which is great.

Congratulations to everyone from here who has made this happen.

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Good job beyondweird! I agree with the previous post that the commentator shouldn't have said you "claim" to be asexual but you came across really well. Personally I would have liked some acknowledgment of the existence of aromantic asexuals, but given that the programme was very focused on individual people, I can see why that didn't fit in. I particularly liked your point about knowing you are asexual without having sex in the same way that straight people know they aren't gay without having gay sex. That is so obvious but very often overlooked.

How can you not be out to your mother and yet go on national TV being so open? Don't you worry that she will find out second-hand when it would be better to hear it from you first? IF you aren't close, then fair enough, but I worry when people seem to assume that they can tell the world their secrets on the internet and risk hurting people who find out unexpectedly.

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Oh sorry, I didn't mean to sound snappy! I was just a bit confused as to how the questions had anything to do with my original comment so I was a bit unsure as to what you were getting at and wanted to ask(my soft skills are a bit rubbish so it came across badly). It might be interesting to do a poll in the census section if you want to find out if there is a relation between romantic and sexual orientation and levels of friendship. That way you'll get an overview of the site. Personally, I'm used to spending most of my time alone, but if I go a week without speaking to anyone, I get very lonely and depressed. I don't actually live with my dog atm, as I'm away from home most of the time, but I think he would end up being my companion in the same way your cat is to you. I do love him very much though :wub:

Please don't apologies. My thinking doesn't follow very logical coherent route rather tends to jump about a bit. I realize in my late 30's I am not the same person then my early 20's. Back then I had an idealize perspective on pretty much everything including romance. Now I don't think about that stuff.

Oh I would like to tell you a beautiful story I heard today about a street dog. There was a street dog who always sat during the day next to a shop. I man from the neighborhood liked the dog and would give him food and share his lunch with this street dog. This went on for months. One day the man was in his flat when he heard barking at his front door so of course he opened it. And there the dog sat looking up at him with a large bill of money the dog must of found. It was like the dog wanted to thank this man! The dog had never been to the flat before. Lovely story.

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Guest member31022

Good job beyondweird! I agree with the previous post that the commentator shouldn't have said you "claim" to be asexual but you came across really well. Personally I would have liked some acknowledgment of the existence of aromantic asexuals, but given that the programme was very focused on individual people, I can see why that didn't fit in. I particularly liked your point about knowing you are asexual without having sex in the same way that straight people know they aren't gay without having gay sex. That is so obvious but very often overlooked.

How can you not be out to your mother and yet go on national TV being so open? Don't you worry that she will find out second-hand when it would be better to hear it from you first? IF you aren't close, then fair enough, but I worry when people seem to assume that they can tell the world their secrets on the internet and risk hurting people who find out unexpectedly.

Hah, they did kind of exaggerate that a little. I'm not out to my dad, because I don't talk about sex with my dad and that would be weird. I wasn't 'out' to my brother, because I also don't talk about sex with him and that would be weird - however he saw the program and texted me like "not surprised, fairplay to tim", so that was cool.

Me and my mum are very close, and what I said was 'we've talked about it, she doesn't really get it but she knows it basically means I'm not interested in sex any time soon'. My mum doesn't seem to have experienced sexual attraction outside of relationships from what I can tell, so she didn't think that I was telling her anything different - her "you just haven't met the right person yet" wasn't in a mean way, it was in a "I didn't feel that way either". So she just didn't think it needed a word, since to her it was normal. Since watching the program, she's obviously noticed a difference, and gets why I talked about it, so all is good (and yes, I told her the program was on).

So yeah, they did kind of make it sound worse.

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Lady Heartilly

Also, here's the article that goes with it (it's basically the quotes from the program). There's the occasional sentence I'm not keen on ('if' people are asexual for instance) but it seems pretty alright by me.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16552173

I really loved this article, so I shared it on my own Facebook. :) One of my friends said that she loves your hair, and another FB friend who I'm not close with and doesn't know I'm ace said "Its ironic someone so cute has no attractions to anyone. I couldn't handle it personally." When I commented that the article says you still experience romantic attraction, he said "You're not a man so you wouldn't understand lol" :unsure:

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If anyone not seen this BBC3 TV docu please read my signature for a download link. Download works for non-UK members as well. Enjoy!

Uhh, sorry, but the link's not working. Can you please upload it on a different site?

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ShahidAfridiBOOMBOOM

Just watched the part with you in Jenny, great stuff; you came across really well.

Interesting what's been said about the chemicals side of things, the "cuddle-chemical" aleviates anxiety right? that's interesting cos I have always been an anxious person so wondering if I get off on the closeness of being with someone cos it's so nice to relieve the stress hence the whole asexuality thing, so being a socially anxious person might have "caused my asexuality" but I don't know enough about the science side to say that for definite obviously.

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