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Larien

"A Sexual Girl or Asexual Girl?"

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Larien

Fae found this little gem floating around in a Facebook discussion group, and she had kindly shared it with a few folks so we could share in her rage. Thought I'd post it here for you all to... enjoy.

Spoilered for length.

DEAR ABBY: I am confused about my sexual orientation. I am an 18-year-old girl. Although I encounter a lot of attractive guys at work, I don’t find myself attracted to any of them. I do think that they are handsome, but I never, ever get that “butterflies in the stomach” feeling that my friends describe to me. At the same time, I am pretty sure I am not a lesbian. Is there something wrong with me? Could I be asexual? Is there any way this can be diagnosed? — CONFUSED IN NEVADA

DEAR CONFUSED: I hate to see you diagnose and label yourself. It is possible that you have simply not met the right person yet. Real life is not the way it’s presented in movies and music videos, where the hero and heroine are struck by lightning and carried away at first encounter. Give it one more year, and if you still feel there is something missing, discuss it with your doctor. Sexuality is a matter of degree, and no two people are exactly alike.

There is no way to describe yourself other than confused; that’s for sure. If you said you were 12 years old, you’d have instantly been forgiven and most likely ignored because, at that age, you don’t need to be sure. However, at 18 year of age you should have had that “butterflies in the stomach” feeling at least once. If not, how about that “moist between the legs” feeling?

Thinking men are handsome is not enough. Being secure in my masculinity and comfortable with my heterosexuality, I can look at a guy and reasonably say, “That’s a handsome guy.” It doesn’t mean I want to fuck him, by any means. It’s simply observing the people around you and having what some people call – situational awareness. At the same time, I’m sure you can see a woman and determine if she is pretty or attractive or if it looks like her face was on fire and someone put it out with a chainsaw. So, finding people to be good looking has no bearing on the subject, it just proves you have the use of your eyes.

I do applaud your efforts of recognition of a problem and the fact that you sought help. Your choice of sources (Abby) leaves a little something to be desired but you tried and that’s commendable. I’d hate for you to become asexual or lesbian and deprive men of the opportunity to make you sing. At least be bi-sexual. If you can’t pick one that particularly suits you, just do both. I’d recommend both at the same time – for the sake of comparison, of course. Since there are always factors that cannot be replicated – mood, sleep, lighting, booze, etc – you cannot have a man and a woman on separate occasions and expect a scientific result. So a threesome is the only way to include both variables (a man and a woman) with the single constant (you) and obtain a real result. I’ll consult my schedule and phone book and get the entire thing in motion. We haven’t a moment to lose.

Abby, once again, makes me almost sorry that my role in this life is to give advice. She gives a bad name to all of us that are out to provide troubled persons with sound, real solutions to the lousy hands that life deals at times. If it was not painfully obvious why you should ignore my moral minded competitor, I’ll explain. She tells you to give it another year and yet she says that sexuality is a matter of degree and no two people are alike. How could she expect to give you an exact timeframe such as “another year” if no two people are alike? If her advice was correct then there would be no single point at which you should worry thus negating her one year statement. Basically, we find, yet again and at your expense, that she has no credibility and should be taken with a grain of salt.

Apparently she also took your lack of lust to mean a lack of ability to separate fact from fiction. We all know that life isn’t like the movies. That’s why there are movies in the first place. They take us to a realm we can’t get to ordinarily – at least not without very powerful drugs and a good deal of cash. Anyway, if life and the movies were the same then we’d have won the war against terror and evil by now and probably with the help of some caped crusader or a wizard with a magic ring. At the very least, Bruce Willis would have mowed down a good portion of the bad guys. So, you want to know why this is important, right? It’s important because since you know people don’t fall in love instantly and finding “the one” is trial and error then you have to admit that you’re lack of trials is… well… a little fucked up at your age.

I know that everyone is wondering why I’ve yet to place any of the blame on you so far. I was just getting to that. I think maybe you are just a little bit too picky. I think you’re also probably not very good looking. See, girls who are attractive from a young age, generally, have experiences early on. When the testosterone gates are opened in males, long before 18, these good looking girls get plenty of attention and surely capitalize on it. In the meantime, while the dogs are all looking to bury their bone in the same hottie, the less attractive females are left begging to be table scraps. Some understand that will always be the case and, in turn, learn to give really good head. Others barricade themselves behind a marching band and tub of Chunky Monkey (aptly named, as it were).

So get out there and meet people. Have some flings, have some dates and even have some relationships that are destined to fail. It won’t find Mr. Right for you but it will give you a frame of reference so at least you know what the hell it is that you want in a man in the first place which will in turn allow you to have those butterflies when the right one does show up. Maybe he has and your lack of perspective wouldn’t let you see it was him.

If that doesn’t work, then get in shape (I suggest running to Philadelphia and back), look into cosmetic surgery and settle for the first guy that will have you.

I had left a slightly angry comment...

I don't know where to begin with this.

Orientation isn't something you can just choose. It's an intrinsic part of who you are. There's nothing wrong with Confused, regardless of her sexual activity (or lack thereof) OR her (a)sexual orientation.

"I’d hate for you to become asexual or lesbian and deprive men of the opportunity to make you sing. At least be bi-sexual. If you can’t pick one that particularly suits you, just do both." Pretty sure men shouldn't be encouraged to think they have a right to my vagina simply because I have one. Your statement implies that quite heavily.

Your advice is terrible. You're not being clever by encouraging her to go out and do something she might not be interested in, or by implying there's something wrong with her. I am deeply troubled by even the mere notion you are claiming to be a doctor of any kind, especially considering the vitriol you've posted describing your idiocy in your "about me" section. It is unbecoming, infantile and narcissistic.

If Confused wants more information about asexuality, she could always check out www.asexuality.org. The folks there actually know what they're talking about.

...that was mysteriously deleted shortly after I posted it. A moment later I noticed I had been blocked from making any new comments on his blog. (Here is his "about" section I referenced in my comment, by the way.)

I've also been told he updated it so you have to login/register to comment, when I had originally commented as an unregistered guest.

So, you know, if anyone is already registered, or feels like registering, or is bored and has nothing better to do...

Happy Holidays, my AVENite friends. *trots off, grinning*

EDIT: Judging by the email updates I'm getting about new comments being made on that blog post, it looks like you don't need to be registered after all.

I love you all. <3

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Philip027

Wow, the dude's a terrible Maddox wannabe. Or a nutjob. Or both.

Gotta love the people who feel they're qualified to dish out criticism but are unwilling to take any themselves.

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Larien

Yeah, I hear ya.

I noticed he's stopped deleting comments. Either he's away from his computer, or he's noticed people will just keep posting anyway haha.

Thanks to all of you who've posted your own comments on that page. Not all of them are visible on the blog itself, but I've received all of them in my email (it made me subscribe when I posted my own comment), and seriously, you're all amazing.

Best Christmas ever. ^_^

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Mirai19

What the hell? Why do some people just assume things based on virtually no information? Not only is his advice awful, he suggests she's unattractive? What does that even have to do with it? I'm so angry :angry:

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Nogitsune

The amount of heterosexism and misogyny in that thing is overwhelming. I do think the author is a troll, though. I mean:

"So a threesome is the only way to include both variables (a man and a woman) with the single constant (you) and obtain a real result. I’ll consult my schedule and phone book and get the entire thing in motion. We haven’t a moment to lose."

That's... yeah. If the guy's not a troll, then that's seriously creepy. Not that it isn't either way.

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Jillianimal

I couldn't get passed the 2nd paragraph. I could see where it was going....ugh.

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NevadaWolf

Supposedly Viggy responded saying its a tongue-in-cheek "advice" blog.

The problem with such sites is when taken out of context or separated from the usual readers, those write ups can cause serious harm.

Places like The Onion are so outlandishly false that its obvious they are fake. Sadly, the "advice" provided here is of the type we hear too often.

(Wonder why my fellow Nevadan Ace is?)

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Strivna

Supposedly Viggy responded saying its a tongue-in-cheek "advice" blog.

"Supposedly" being highly emphasized. The Viggy that commented was a guest, so I have strong doubts it was the person who actually posted the blog.

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Torraed

After glancing at some of Viggy's other entries, it's pretty clear that he's only doing this for his own amusement.

See opening paragraph here and other "advice" here.

Since most of you are too damned lazy to write in, I find material in a variety of places. As you’ve seen, Dear Abby generally provides a great source of mentally deficient submitters. Bashing Abby’s 1950s model for relationship handling and her Jerry Springer reject writers even gets old though.

After hearing that, I'm pretty convinced Viggy doesn't what he writes seriously, and with that tone, I've gotta wonder if anyone else will take what he writes seriously. There's always that one person who will... I just hope they read the comments and understand how incredibly wrong he is. (:cake: for all of you who commented.)

On the (somewhat) bright side, when you search "asexual girl" on Google, this thread is one of the top results while Viggy's doesn't even make the first page, so at least people who search for that will be directed here and learn the truth before seeing his hideous "advice". :/

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sinisterporpoise

After glancing at some of Viggy's other entries, it's pretty clear that he's only doing this for his own amusement.

See opening paragraph here and other "advice" here.

Since most of you are too damned lazy to write in, I find material in a variety of places. As you’ve seen, Dear Abby generally provides a great source of mentally deficient submitters. Bashing Abby’s 1950s model for relationship handling and her Jerry Springer reject writers even gets old though.

After hearing that, I'm pretty convinced Viggy doesn't what he writes seriously, and with that tone, I've gotta wonder if anyone else will take what he writes seriously. There's always that one person who will... I just hope they read the comments and understand how incredibly wrong he is. (:cake: for all of you who commented.)

On the (somewhat) bright side, when you search "asexual girl" on Google, this thread is one of the top results while Viggy's doesn't even make the first page, so at least people who search for that will be directed here and learn the truth before seeing his hideous "advice". :/

This Dear Abby column did not air recently and the advice Dear Abbey gives isn't any better than the advice Doctor Viggy gives to his readers. Viggy's advice is a joke. Dear Abby is taken seriously.

I wish I'd seen this column when it came out.

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