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Rhysie

Women & Sex: What's the big deal?

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man-in-black

Yeah, she is a virgin. She's also kinda tiny and I am sorta packin. Needless to say I'm apprehensive about it. In trying to ease her into the activity, it's been refreshing for me, starting from scratch all over again. Going by her time table has been made easier by my being allowed to lech with some other people. She's got a very compatible spirit with me, but she might just not be wired to sex. Doesn't matter how high my batting average is then. Can't yell French so loud that it's suddenly English.

Point of order, no? I'll find the right forum for this.

Good luck, Rhysie. There's some stuff here that makes a lot of sense. ^_^

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Skullery Maid

Yeah, she is a virgin. She's also kinda tiny and I am sorta packin. Needless to say I'm apprehensive about it. In trying to ease her into the activity, it's been refreshing for me, starting from scratch all over again. Going by her time table has been made easier by my being allowed to lech with some other people. She's got a very compatible spirit with me, but she might just not be wired to sex. Doesn't matter how high my batting average is then. Can't yell French so loud that it's suddenly English.

Point of order, no? I'll find the right forum for this.

Good luck, Rhysie. There's some stuff here that makes a lot of sense. ^_^

Good luck! It does sound sort of fun, as long as she's having fun too. ;)

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NorthernRose

According to this article and a few others I've found: http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2008/07/15/get-real-the-great-noorgasmfromintercourse-conundrum

The majority of women -- according to most studies, at least 70% -- do not and will not reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse or vagina-only stimulation (like "fingering" that's only about vaginal insertion) only.

Again: most women do not reach orgasm through intercourse alone. Given that's a majority, we can safely say that it is most normal NOT to reach orgasm through intercourse alone, or only do so infrequently.

So why is sex made into such a big deal then, sexual ladies? Please pardon my ignorance, I'm merely curious.

Edit to clarify: I'm talking about vaginal penetration only and I'm wondering why women are pressured so heavily into it if it's not that great for the majority of them, physically. I assume there's some other appeal to it that I don't yet understand.

There's something cultural about this. And, of course something that has been there for a long time.. CONVENTIONALITY. <_<

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sexualwithasexual

If it's not all that pleasurable, physically, for many women, I don't understand why they are pressured so heavily into having intercourse.

Men enjoy intercourse because it involves their penises. That's why.

This is of course true. Just like I like to eat because I have a tongue with taste buds. What's so off about this statement? It says nothing negative about penises. Just like I'm not condemning my tongue for enjoying food. (although sometime when chocolate is around...) :lol:

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The Chaos Heart

Because it's too narrow of an explanation. It's not that simple. It's saying that it's the only reason, and there is no other reason why they may enjoy it. Which is a ridiculously foolish claim. Again, what is so hard to comprehend about a male desiring and enjoying sex for reasons other than it pleasures his genitalia?

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Member33070

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Alan Degas

Maybe I'm just lucky but I have always found vaginal penetration enjoyable. Yeah it's true that it doesn't focus too much on the clit but it's not like the clit does not get stimulated at all. Depending on angle and our combined rhythm I most certainly get that area stimulated. And then there is, as Birdwing mentioned, the G-spot and also just the awesome feeling of being "filled". I personally also really enjoy deep penetration where he hits my cervix.

So yeah, physically speaking there are plenty of reasons why vaginal sex feels good to me :)

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abea

I've never had an orgasm from sex, and I've always had sex more to please my partners than myself. But in my most recent relationship I finally discovered that I didn't hate sex, as I had previously. I found that even tho it isn't my fave thing on the planet, it can actually feel....well, nice. The feeling of someone I truly trust and love inside of me was pretty cool. Anyways, once I let go of my my fear and loathing I was able to realize that it does feel quite nice - no, it's probably not the same level as having an orgasm, and I'm sure people who do the whole shebang of manual, oral, orgasm probably get more out of intercourse because it's part of a whole party. But there is nothing quite like the feeling of intercourse, particularly for men. So that's probably why they 'pressure' women into it - although hopefully no one ever feels pressured. Or wait, you're saying women are doing the pressuring? I'm confused. :P

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maven

According to this article and a few others I've found: http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2008/07/15/get-real-the-great-noorgasmfromintercourse-conundrum

The majority of women -- according to most studies, at least 70% -- do not and will not reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse or vagina-only stimulation (like "fingering" that's only about vaginal insertion) only.

Again: most women do not reach orgasm through intercourse alone. Given that's a majority, we can safely say that it is most normal NOT to reach orgasm through intercourse alone, or only do so infrequently.

So why is sex made into such a big deal then, sexual ladies? Please pardon my ignorance, I'm merely curious.

Edit to clarify: I'm talking about vaginal penetration only and I'm wondering why women are pressured so heavily into it if it's not that great for the majority of them, physically. I assume there's some other appeal to it that I don't yet understand.

Many women don't know this. I didn't know this, as a teenager. I assumed that penetrative sex was meant to provide both the male and female pleasure (orgasm) - which it's not. The point of PIV sex is reproduction. The fact that guys orgasm through PIV is a necessary one from the standpoint of reproduction (technically not true - the only thing necessary is that sperm enter the uterus, whether this is done with a penis or a turkey baster is moot). Whether or not women orgasm is not necessary for reproduction.

Many women don't even know where their clitoris is, let alone the fact that it is the most likely source of an orgasm. As much as the "sexual revolution" has changed our view of sex from reproduction to pleasure, our culture (this is in the US, btw) marks sex as taboo. These things aren't taught in health/sex ed, and my mother certainly didn't discuss them with me. They aren't seen as educational, instead they are viewed as crude/dirty, and it takes quite a bit of courage and curiosity to look up information on orgasms. It's much easier to go along with whatever your friends/boyfriend says ("oh, it feels so good" "of course I orgasmed!") and follow societal pressure, which ranks PIV sex before marriage as immoral but better than oral sex or handjobs (which are dirty and gross).

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Skullery Maid

I think (possibly) what was meant is more along the lines of "if a guy didn't have a penis, he wouldn't enjoy sticking it in things". Because without the penis to stick into things, the sticking into can't happen and therefore can't be fun or desirable. Not "because he has a penis, he must enjoy sticking it in things". Because yeah, having a penis doesn't automatically mean you enjoy sticking it in things. It just means you can. And that it might be enjoyable because you can. And that, since the act consists of penis getting stuck in something, if you like sticking your penis in things, you might like this act. Did I interpret that right?

Just like having a vagina...you might enjoy having things stuck into it. Because you can. So if you do, that act is fun. Because it can be. Because it's possible. Because you can stick things in your vagina.

Eh?

Also, the shit about penetration never being enjoyable and always hurting that someone mentioned? Lies. There's this lovely thing called the G spot. In many women it's either shallow (not very far into the vagina) or, with enough stimulation it actually swells and becomes easier to hit. A thicker member can hit it easier. G spot orgasms are amazing. Heck, just rubbing the G spot feels amazing. Heck, just grinding on that area at all when aroused and lubed up feels amazing. Inside or out.

What is "torturous" is not being lubed up enough (chafing in an erogenous zone, ow! Microtears, ow!), not being aroused enough (then it just doesn't feel like anything really, in my experience - whereas when aroused it feels more...grindy? Fluttery? Ooh? Don't know how to describe but there's this cool tickly-massagy feeling that happens there when you're aroused and then stimulate the area that is quite nice and doesn't happen if you're not aroused), not being opened up enough (being tight can feel nice, but too tight is usually just uncomfortable), penises that are too long and hit the cervix apparently suck from what I've read, and oh - not being relaxed enough (if the chick's not relaxed the muscles down there can clench up and cause pain or even make it tough/impossible for things to enter. Involuntary clenching - see vaginismus - also apparently happens).

Orgasms are fun and cool and awesome but are not a requirement for enjoyment. Edging just below orgasm, for example - tons of fun.

Also: still not back. Some people sleepwalk. I sleep-check-my-phone and realize halfway through a post that I am groggily responding to a forum I promised to quit. Eh whatever.

OMG I don't realize just how much I miss your posts until you post. No one else is quite as elegant at coming to a point while still using terminology like "stick it in things". :wub:

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Vampyremage

TMI warning:

I personally prefer clitoral stimulation to actual penetrative sex. I orgasm much easier and better externally and overall I simply find it to be more pleasurable. However, that isnt to say that it doesn't feel nice to have that internal stimulation as well or in combination with external stimulation. Orgasm, as others have mentioned, is not necessarily the end result of sex and even if it usually is, there is much more to the experience than that. Sex can be about trust, connection and mutual trust between partners, it doesn't just have to do with the explosion at the end of the event.

I also think its difficult to isolate penetrative sex from everything else that's included in the act of sex. Even if penetrative sex isn't the favourite activity for many woman (and that is very much a matter of personal opinion), it can be made to be something amazing when expereinced in concert with a myriad of other activities. Sex is not just insert anatomy Y into anatomy X. It is an intense experience that includes numerous physical sensations created by numerous different possible actions. It has an emotional and mental component as well, for many people. Thus, I don't think its fair to consider one aspect of sex in isolation from every other aspect of sex. Its all a package deal that has to be considered in its entirety, not in bits and pieces.

As an asexual who is largely missing part of the package of sex, I believe I have a unique perspective on exactly why it all needs to be considered together. I really don't experience the emotional or mental aspects of sex in the same way as most sexuals and, in engaging in the act or discussing it afterwards, it really brings into focus the import of those aspects. The physical side is the only side that I really experience and without those other angles, I can't really experience it in the same way as many sexuals. It is a uniquely asexual thing, I think, to try and seperate the aspects of sex from one another and analyze them individually when it really doesn't serve much practical purpose to do so.

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Lady Girl

Also: still not back. Some people sleepwalk. I sleep-check-my-phone and realize halfway through a post that I am groggily responding to a forum I promised to quit. Eh whatever.

OMG I don't realize just how much I miss your posts until you post. No one else is quite as elegant at coming to a point while still using terminology like "stick it in things". :wub:

It's so true Skulls...I miss you too Birdy! As to the question...lots of good answers, and some of us really do just like it. :D

And yeah Vamp...I usually don't think about the separate aspects of sex, it just all flows together into an experience that involves our bodies, minds, and hearts.

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Goldberry
Also: still not back. Some people sleepwalk. I sleep-check-my-phone and realize halfway through a post that I am groggily responding to a forum I promised to quit. Eh whatever.

:lol:

You may never read my post, but I'm glad you sleepwalk.

Vaginal penetration really is no mystery to me. Maybe it's just because I've read so much sexual material before even having sex. And then...with vaginismus, I failed the first few times attempting sex. I never realized having sex was so hard! How do people do it? (Sarcasm).

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Pamcakes

OP: simply put, because there are nerves inside the vagina that respond very pleasurably to the sort of stimulation penetration - particularly consistent thrusting - provides.

Few women can achieve orgasm from it alone, but it can bring many very close, which is delightful in and of itself.

There is a very specific craving for it which is quite different from wanting an orgasm - it's almost an aching, and a yearning desire to be "filled".

P.

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Timey-Wimey

TMI: (although that's sort of a given on this thread already lol).

I always got sort of weirded out because I'm not too keen on being 'invaded.' :blink: And this has been the case in all forms of sexual contact, even masturbating. But like all sexual practises, the idea appeals to me much much more than doing the actual thing itself. I've had vaginal intercourse before (speaking now of the only person I really enjoyed sex with) & the first time with him it was sort of difficult to reach orgasm (I was also of course nervous) through basic penetration.

Naturally, after we had been together a while it became easier. I think the trouble is with most women they don't know where all the right points are located. However I am very well acquainted with everything down there

Eh, :cake:

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oneofthesun

Ok, but there's a huge difference between "doesn't make you orgasm" and "is just like urinating".

I was talking about animals there.

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BunnyK.

I don't orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. HOWEVER. Just because something is in my vagina doesn't mean my hands fall off, nor does it mean my partner's hands fall off. And oddly enough, the clitoris is always within reach of at least one out of 4 possible hands. Crazy, right? So I can have a clitoral orgasm while also having vaginal sex, I KNOW YOUR MIND IS BLOWN, RIGHT.

Sarcasm aside, I do enjoy orgasms that only involve my clitoris, but the sensation for me of having both vaginal and clitoral stimulation is really great and typically results in a better and more enjoyable orgasm (and overall experience, really). I suspect that most of the women that can't orgasm just through having a guy thrust away will still find ways to orgasm during sex, or still find it pleasant in some way. I personally find ONLY vaginal stimulation to be anything from neutral to mildly annoying to borderline painful to very occasionally quite nice*. But I've always found ways to make sex enjoyable for me.

*I got on a medication recently that has made it easier for me to orgasm, so I can actually have a vaginal orgasm now if I start out with a lot of clitoral stimulation first and then transition to only thrusting. It doesn't work every time, though, and the orgasms still kinda suck.

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Neighbor

@the OP..it is inaccurate to say it isn't that great, physically, without a little context. My wife doesn't orgasm from straight vaginal intercourse, ever. I mean never ever. But intercourse while I'm also playing with hee clit? Absolutely guaranteed earth shattering can't-walk-straight-afterwards orgasms. So "just" intercourse isn't that great for her. Yet intercourse ends up great for her. Am I making any sense?

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Vampyremage

I don't orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. HOWEVER. Just because something is in my vagina doesn't mean my hands fall off, nor does it mean my partner's hands fall off. And oddly enough, the clitoris is always within reach of at least one out of 4 possible hands. Crazy, right? So I can have a clitoral orgasm while also having vaginal sex, I KNOW YOUR MIND IS BLOWN, RIGHT.

I just wanted to say that this post is made of all sorts of WIN! Vaginal sex doesn't have to be the only thing involved, there can be plenty of other stimulating activities going on in addition to penetration. Just because penetration in and of itself doesn't necessarily cause orgasm doesn't mean that it can't add to an orgasm achieved partially or primarily through other means.

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Pamcakes

I don't orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. HOWEVER. Just because something is in my vagina doesn't mean my hands fall off, nor does it mean my partner's hands fall off. And oddly enough, the clitoris is always within reach of at least one out of 4 possible hands. Crazy, right? So I can have a clitoral orgasm while also having vaginal sex, I KNOW YOUR MIND IS BLOWN, RIGHT.

I just wanted to say that this post is made of all sorts of WIN! Vaginal sex doesn't have to be the only thing involved, there can be plenty of other stimulating activities going on in addition to penetration. Just because penetration in and of itself doesn't necessarily cause orgasm doesn't mean that it can't add to an orgasm achieved partially or primarily through other means.

Henh, I can't multi-task like that (I always find it simply distracting enough that both activities become awkward and uncomfortable, so that I can't enjoy either, when I've tried), but I envy anyone who can! ;)

P.

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abea

I don't orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. HOWEVER. Just because something is in my vagina doesn't mean my hands fall off, nor does it mean my partner's hands fall off. And oddly enough, the clitoris is always within reach of at least one out of 4 possible hands. Crazy, right? So I can have a clitoral orgasm while also having vaginal sex, I KNOW YOUR MIND IS BLOWN, RIGHT.

I just wanted to say that this post is made of all sorts of WIN! Vaginal sex doesn't have to be the only thing involved, there can be plenty of other stimulating activities going on in addition to penetration. Just because penetration in and of itself doesn't necessarily cause orgasm doesn't mean that it can't add to an orgasm achieved partially or primarily through other means.

Henh, I can't multi-task like that (I always find it simply distracting enough that both activities become awkward and uncomfortable, so that I can't enjoy either, when I've tried), but I envy anyone who can! ;)

P.

Heh heh, me too Pam. :P People are always saying 'just add this' but if I even try one thing extra, everything becomes awkward and unsynced and I might forget to breathe or something important! :P

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Skullery Maid

I don't orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. HOWEVER. Just because something is in my vagina doesn't mean my hands fall off, nor does it mean my partner's hands fall off. And oddly enough, the clitoris is always within reach of at least one out of 4 possible hands. Crazy, right? So I can have a clitoral orgasm while also having vaginal sex, I KNOW YOUR MIND IS BLOWN, RIGHT.

Hilarious :D

I also can't multitask on myself, but I can on my girlfriend... I can penetrate her and stimulate the clitoris at the same time and vice versa. I can't really do it to myself though, because all the sensations sort of have the effect of making my hands near useless.

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Member33070

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Rhysie

Edited because I no longer want to be reminded of the details of what was going on in a previous relationship.

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MiniLo

OP: Because it feels good. Not all things that don't lead to orgasm don't feel good. I like it when my hubs lays on me (200+ lbs of dead weight). Would that result in orgasm? For all intents and purposes, it's pretty much impossible, but I still love it.

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Member33070

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Rhysie

Edited because I no longer want to be reminded of the details of what was going on in a previous relationship.

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Member33070

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Goldberry

Hmm, not to hijack the thread, but is it just a ring or does it have more added to the design? Because just a ring isn't going to add much to the sex - it will just help his erection last longer and be more intense, and can have the effect of delaying his orgasm, which would make it stronger. (If that's what you want, cool, I just thought I should mention it...the impression I get from aces is that longer sex sessions with a more intense penis might not be the most exciting idea...?)

No problem! It's a vibrating ring. :) And you're right. I usually want it to be over with ASAP lol.

Tru dat.

Something occurred to me while I was posting in another thread, but I decided it would make more sense to go here.

Vaginal intercourse. Something that's very uncomfortable to me. But that said, I've had anal and, since it isn't much worse than vaginal, I'm not really opposed to it. It is...a very different sensation :wacko: and requires just a much relaxation! However, oral is the best in terms of altruism, because that involves actual participation on my part (rather than waiting for something to be over) and I've been told that I'm quite good at it. And while it doesn't feel great, it doesn't hurt, because not hurting is the best it has been for me.

That said, it's still been over a year since I've had any sort of sex.

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