Unsure...please help

[Leeeeeeeroy]

Hi, so this is my first time posting anything. I'm a 16 year old girl and I have no idea where I fall in the scale. I've never done anything romantic (kissing, dating, etc.). I do have crushes on boys( I'm straight) but they are more based on intellectual levels. I don't find myself attracted to people. It is easier for me to see if a girl is attractive over a boy, but I can tell. I don't have any sexual dreams or fantasies. I do feel aroused when I read books or romantic situations. I don't have crushed on fictional characters but I do like them in a sort of way. I have never tried masturbating. I find that I'm not opposed to sex, but I have no desire to have it.

Any advise?

[Batman's Ace]

Hi! Welcome aboard!

What's most important to the definition of "asexual" is the lack of sexual attraction. Masturbation isn't relevant. Neither are dreams/fantasies, or whether you're willing to have sex, or whether you've had it. Just a matter of attraction. I'm not grey myself, so I can't speak with any authority about how any grey category is defined, but to the best of my knowledge attraction is the primary indicator there, too. It sounds from what you've written that you have stuff in common with a bunch of people on here, so while we can't tell you what you are, we might be able to help you figure yourself out.

My advice is threefold:

1) Poke around and read lots of other threads. You may find answers to some of your questions, and other members who have experiences similar to yours.

2) Don't feel you have to apply any particular label, or stick with one once you've started using it. Be flexible, because your understanding of yourself may change considerably as you learn new things.

3) Have some cake! :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

^_^

[silvermoon1996]

Hi! Welcome aboard!

What's most important to the definition of "asexual" is the lack of sexual attraction. Masturbation isn't relevant. Neither are dreams/fantasies, or whether you're willing to have sex, or whether you've had it. Just a matter of attraction. I'm not grey myself, so I can't speak with any authority about how any grey category is defined, but to the best of my knowledge attraction is the primary indicator there, too. It sounds from what you've written that you have stuff in common with a bunch of people on here, so while we can't tell you what you are, we might be able to help you figure yourself out.

My advice is threefold:

1) Poke around and read lots of other threads. You may find answers to some of your questions, and other members who have experiences similar to yours.

2) Don't feel you have to apply any particular label, or stick with one once you've started using it. Be flexible, because your understanding of yourself may change considerably as you learn new things.

3) Have some cake! :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

^_^

Question, if you want to kiss someone (passionately but no french kissing, no tongue what so ever), are you still asexual?

[FeckingFrigid]

Here's some possibilities. You may be heteroromantic demisexual. Demisexuals do not experience primary sexual attraction, which is the immediate sort, but do experience secondary sexual attraction, which is attraction that developes after an emotional (usually romantic) connection has been made. Demisexuals are only attracted to people once romantic love is involved. When you say you say your crushes are largely intellectual, that makes me think you might be sapiosexual. Sapiosexuals are sexually attracted to people based on their mind rather than on external characteristics. Really, though, the only person who can tell for sure is you. Introspection and research are my recommendation, and don't worry to much if you can't find a label that fits you or can't quite figure it out. You've got time, and sexuality and romantic orientation can be fluid. There's no wrong answer, really.

[Member33070]

x

[SFX]

Demisexuals are only attracted to people once romantic love is involved.

Not quite. The AVENwiki says:

A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction until they form a strong emotional connection with someone, often (but not always) in a romantic relationship.

So it may be possible for someone to be an aromantic demisexual for example.

Question, if you want to kiss someone (passionately but no french kissing, no tongue what so ever), are you still asexual?

I don't think wanting to kiss somebody (with or without tongue) necessarily indicates sexual attraction.

[Faelights]

Question, if you want to kiss someone (passionately but no french kissing, no tongue what so ever), are you still asexual?

As someone who gets random urges to make out... I would say it's at least possible to want to experience kissing because it feels good.

When I get these urges, I don't have a specific person in mind, and I usually fantasize about just the sensations -- no images of what the person sharing the experience might look like at all.

However, I'm not sure if you mean wanting to kiss a specific person. If you are talking about wanting to kiss a specific person, there are many possible reasons for something like this. For example, maybe it's the way you would like to show your affection for them, which can be platonic, romantic, or sexual, or a combination of those.

Also, as SFX has already pointed out, the most widely accepted definition of demisexuality (as I know it) does not make romantic attraction a mandatory precursor to sexual attraction. Just a strong emotional connection is required.