A Quick Question for My Fellow Demisexuals

[threepointrest]

When you DO feel sexual attraction, is it anyone you have a close relationship with (good friends), or is it strictly a romantic thing?

[Marquis25]

I've only been sexually attracted to a person after I'm romantically attracted to him. I think my sex drive also increases when I'm in a relationship. And I'm hetero-romantic.

[Alter-Echo]

For me....it is typically a romantic thing, but I have found that I sometimes have it for friends that I care about alot.

[Alyssum]

I just realized this is what I am like two days ago. The only time I've ever felt sexual attraction was to someone who I have a very strong emotional bond with, and we don't actually have a romantic relationship but I do have a heavy crush on him, so I think in the context of your question that counts as romantic.

[Bily]

Sometimes its a close friend but a lot of the times for me its the mental/emotional intamacy that activates my sexual attraction to someone.

[Midnight Lady]

I've only been sexually attracted to a person after I'm romantically attracted to him. I think my sex drive also increases when I'm in a relationship. And I'm hetero-romantic.

The same

[sassatron]

i'm actually the opposite. i may be sexually attracted to someone initially, but once we become emotional intimate i lose interest in having sex with them. in fact, i become kind of grossed out with the idea of having sex with them. you can imagine the problems this creates in my relationships that start off sexual :/

[Bily]

i'm actually the opposite. i may be sexually attracted to someone initially, but once we become emotional intimate i lose interest in having sex with them. in fact, i become kind of grossed out with the idea of having sex with them. you can imagine the problems this creates in my relationships that start off sexual :/

Can I ever been there had it happen dotn care for the outcomes that sometimes follow! Though for me its kind of one of those scenarios where it happens on and off. The downside is my partner has to endure during it and if my partner makes it a big deal it tends to only extend the grossed out thinking on my end. Its like i go through a weird reset phase or something.

[ShatteredWings]

Close friendships for me (possibly unfortunately) turn romantic. Around that turning point, I guess is where brain starts deciding "okay, sexual attraction is appropriate"

My mind is weird about how it rationalizes sexual stuff like that...

[MiniLo]

Romance has to come first; I've only experienced sexual attraction with real people twice (both times I was/in a LTR with them). The other times it has to be fetish material. And even then, I'd go so far as to categorize that under a "fetish attraction" umbrella, which can be independent from sexual, romantic, and aesthetic attraction.

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

Interesting question. The only time I've ever felt sexual attraction for a person, this guy was a friend of mine who I have a VERY complicated relationship with. He lives a long distance from me, so I barely ever see him, and my friends don't like him - but I have real on-off romantic feelings for him. For most of the time, he's just a friend, but when I'm in love with him, that love hits me HARD. It fades quite quick, though. Thing is, last time I had a crush on him, I kept having sexual fantasies about him, and not only was I actually turned on by this, but it felt natural for me to be having these kinds of thoughts about him. That attraction's gone now, but I don't doubt that it'll surface again at some point. So, I don't know if I get attracted to friends or to romantic partners, because he's kinda like both. I mostly tend to get crushes on friends, though, so I suppose any kind of real, strong connection will do.

[Alison Gross]

Friends first, then romantic, then sexual...maybe, usually wouldn't get that far because no one was interested in the romance thing, perhaps. The two times I have felt sexual desire, I skipped right over the romance thing (they were both friends, or at least people I felt connected to though). With my partner, who did respond to me sexually, the romantic attraction followed very soon after.

[joekool88]

Romance has to come first; I've only experienced sexual attraction with real people twice (both times I was/in a LTR with them).

Same here! Somehow without any mutual romantic attraction, I just cannot feel any sexual attraction to people. I have only experienced sexual attraction once.

[Sussexdowns]

For me, it has never been with close friends. It develops (sometimes)when I feel the connection is a bit different than normal friendship. Not saying the platonic friendship is less, I am just unsure how else to explain it. I suppose there needs to be romance.

[Awkward Turtle]

I don't become sexually attracted to people until I'm romantically interested in them, and that romantic feeling usually develops with people that are already close friends. As you can imagine, this usually means I get friend-zoned, because in building those close friendships with people, they've already come to view our relationship one way (which doesn't involve romance).

[StarsGoBlue]

Well...I'm still figuring things out. I've only recently realized that I am demisexual. I am a very affectionate person. I like to cuddle and kiss and hold hands with people I really like and want to feel close too. I have had sex in the past, before I knew I was demi, and it explains some things. Sex has always been kind of boring for me. I thought it was just my fantasies giving me high expectations that life failed to meet, but then I realized I didn't even fantasize that much. And I really think what was missing was that emotional connection.