Jump to content

Older Virgins were Laughed At Today......


Member25303

Recommended Posts

Ms Magoo

Yes I do, let me tell you what happened to me. At 40 I had to see the doctor it was serious, when she wanted to examine me I told her I was still a virgin. The doctor backed away and called me a little girl. I was insulted by that remark. It is 12 years on, I am still a virgin. And proud to be one. Also looking for a man that will except me for who and what I am. I am a Christian and believe what God says about a woman being a virgin, that she must stay that way till she gets married. I read a book recently on the topic of sex and marriage. According to this book God made marriage for a propose not only for reproducing but for a strong bond of love between a man and a woman. Having sex any other way is lowering ourselves to the level of an animal. Animals do not marry and have a strong bond of Godly love. Humans where made to rank above animals even though we are made of the same elements. We are the only creatures on this planet that God placed His spirit into, making us what we are.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I never understood why teens had to brag about losing their virginity. To me, it is a personal issue, and frankly, if you aren't in a committed relationship with a person (and how many teens really are) it doesn't show as if you have much respect for yourself or your body. People shouldn't be ridiculed for not having sex. It's just who we are. I am glad to finally realize that at the age of 42.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ms Magoo

Yes I do, let me tell you what happened to me. At 40 I had to see the doctor it was serious, when she wanted to examine me I told her I was still a virgin. The doctor backed away and called me a little girl. I was insulted by that remark. It is 12 years on, I am still a virgin. And proud to be one. Also looking for a man that will except me for who and what I am.

This is extremely unprofessional.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Havingquestions

Some people wants experienced partners. Virgin man will be seen as even more of a plague and it often be viewed as a loser.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry

Once one realizes how this came to be, then the Emperor Has No Clothes.

Near as I can piece together, a few decades ago, promiscuous people were the ones who were viewed negatively... eventually, enough of them decided to turn the tables and project that negativity onto virginity instead... sometime in the late 60s, it reached a tipping point, and then whaddyaknow, it worked! Finally the promiscuous folk got the respect and admiration they'd envied. The 70s saw the cementing of the belief that sex is good for you, and the more, the better!

Virginity and asexuality have nowadays become part of a situation in which the roles have become oddly reversed--- "nyah nyah, I have a sex dependency, and you don't! :P "

But what makes no sense to me is how promiscuous women and prostitutes are still referred to negatively... what with the sex they sell or give out, you'd think promiscuous men would hold them in much higher esteem and speak nobly of them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

you'd think promiscuous men would hold them in much higher esteem and speak nobly of them.

Yeah you might think so. I can't understand any of this, and the situation seems very conflicted. In the mind of a sexual it plays out differently, I suppose: if you're a male, the more you have sex with different partners the more you're looked up to by peers, while it's the other way around when it comes to females. I suppose age has something to do with it as well. Young people tend to seek approval from the people around them, especially from peers. If promiscuity is needed for approval then many might fall prey for that. Older people again tend to care less about approval of others and do what they like and feel is best, not what the majority would like them to do.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a 36 year old male virgin. I'm not really shy, ugly, or stupid, so people assume I've had a few partners. At every job I've ever had I've ever had I've ended up being mocked horribly. The most common way I get singled out is ending up in a conversation that all the other participants steer toward sexual experiances. I have to drop out of the conversation or make up some lie. I've tried every strategy I could think of and the end result is always the same.

I get passed over for every promotion because I'm obviously mentally challenged.

People assume I masturbate all the time. I cant even go to the bathroom at work without being sneered at.

Jokes, jokes, and even more hurtful jokes at my expense. I'm amazed at how thoughtless people can be. I'd like to tell some of them how truely ugly their kids are and just laugh at them for having sex, but I'm not a jerk.

I've been in situations where everyone gets together and tries to play matchmaker for me (some sort of rescue fantasy I think) when it didn't work out they got mad and literally made up false sexual harassment charges against me. Two diffarent girls said I was coming on to them and saying lewd things.

Even people who try to be understanding end up talking to me like I'm immature and scared of girls.

I,ve been close to having sex, tried to make myself do it, but couldn't go through with something I found just plain unnerving just to please other people. I can't put on this big show of "OH BOY, SEX!".

I think I've ended up between feeling guilty for being a stygma, and having contempt for society.

As for the word "virgin". To the people I work with I might as well be saying I'm from Mars.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

I have never had sex in my life time, and I am 42.....I noticed that society states that if you haven't had sex by a certain age, you are considered a "freak" to other people. I remember one guy mentioned men would RUN the other way if they meet a female virgin over 35 years old....and even women said they would run the other way when they meet a man over 40 years old and never had sex. Some would say that a virgin would be boring in bed so they rather have experienced people (they haven't thought about learning together to make the relationship last, right?).

It's funny that about 50 years ago, virginity is a "gift to your spouse" and is a precious wedding gift....now people are giving that gift freely to so many people it just defeats the purpose....now to society today, virgins are laughed at.....ever seen the movie "The 40 Year Old Virgin"? I never saw it because it is making a mockery of my asexuality and lack of sex experience.

But I do know that in other countries, virginity is valued.

I never been sexually attracted to men, but I don't mind a very nice guy who understands my views. :)

Anyone here who feels the same way I do?

My wife was a virgin when we were married. After it turned out she did not like sex. I regard it as a curse certainly not a gift. I would have preferred a hot sexual slut.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Also, it's on the Internet as well, the Q&A sites about sexuality....I was reading up the answers others said about the older ones to askers who posted on them....here's some articles to read:

http://www.datingish.com/685117468/beware-the-30-year-old-virgin

http://www.salon.com/2006/09/06/virgins/singleton

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100404042026AA3KIO0

http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/showthread.php?t=196981

The first article was written for women who want the 'challenge' of seducing a virgin man. The writer was giving reasons why she shouldn't bother, but she missed out two essentials: 1. The guy just may not be interested in sex period. 2. The guy is not interested in women who want to take him down as a trophy, ie, all the retards the writer has written for.

The second article flabbergasts me in that all the virgins in question seem to be insecure about it. I think they're making their own hell. Naturally if you're not secure about your virginity, it's going to come across in insecure behaviour, and that's not attractive. If you tell someone you're a virgin and then start crying, for goodness sake! As if he's going to be interested in meeting up again when you dump all your emotional baggage on him! The article made a good point in saying that there is a perception about women that they should like and be expert in all kinds of sex, even with other females. But that is a shallow perception held by shallow people who aren't worth anybody's time. If women subscribe to that, they'll just feel worse about themselves. If you're a virgin, you're a virgin for a reason, and it's not because there's anything wrong with you. It's up to other people to accept that, and you can help them by presenting your virginity as a simple fact about yourself, and nothing more. People who are worth your time are able to see it in that light.

ww.salon.com/2006/09/06/virgins/singleton/#comments

Johnny Salami

Wednesday, September 6, 2006 at 0:41 am

Women Are Nuts!

That's why men avoid "older" virgins. In this day and age, any woman who's never done the hunka-chunka by the time she's 25 has some deep-seated issues that make her even crazier than the rest of her co-genderists. And everybody knows how nuts women are in the first place.

Please forgive me if I run away from these types. Things are bad enough trying to get along with women in the first place. But having to deal with a woman that ISN'T getting laid? Nuh-uh.

Johnny Salami (who probably chose his user name as a reference to his penis--let's hope the girls like salami and aren't planning to slice it first) has no understanding of half the human population. I'd say women had best run from him.

Frowning on virginity may be quite common. Many erroneously assume that everyone wants to have sex during their lifetime. As such, they see virgins as total failures and losers, unworthy of being recognized as peers and fellow humans. To them, having sex is just so ridiculously essential.

I can't blame them for their ignorance though. Most are sexual, and for sexuals having sex is very important and above all natural. I just hope that some day the majority would understand that other ways of life can also be natural. Afterall, what is natural exists in nature. Sexuals naturally desire to express their sexuality, while asexuals naturally don't desire to express their sexuality because we don't experience attraction like they do.

How true. The myth of what is 'natural' is perpetrated by many empty heads, when all we have to do is look at what is actually occurring in nature.

Johnny Salami has a difficult time getting along with women yet is quite sexually dependent on them. That must be quite a conundrum to face? Furthermore, he seems dependent on the fact that others have slept with a particular woman as the go-ahead that he should try too?

Lucinda

He hasn't discovered 'real dolls' yet. Perhaps we should send him a link to the site, and a gift voucher.

But wait... the realdoll will be a "virgin"... lol!

Link to post
Share on other sites

So when I lost my virginity, it was for my own reasons. I handpicked a really nice guy and lost it to him. (I have always been wired such that sex is not necessarily related to romance.) I was 19.

I still ran into the virginity myths- like, for example, this guy really believed that being my first would make him superspecial and we were gonna get married and everything. Not exactly, my friend...

I still think that for sexuals it is necessary to have the sexins before making the decision to marry. Romantic aces wouldn't agree to marriage without making sure they were largely compatible, why would sexuals?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Also, it's on the Internet as well, the Q&A sites about sexuality....I was reading up the answers others said about the older ones to askers who posted on them....here's some articles to read:

http://www.datingish.com/685117468/beware-the-30-year-old-virgin

http://www.salon.com/2006/09/06/virgins/singleton

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100404042026AA3KIO0

http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/showthread.php?t=196981

The first article was written for women who want the 'challenge' of seducing a virgin man. The writer was giving reasons why she shouldn't bother, but she missed out two essentials: 1. The guy just may not be interested in sex period. 2. The guy is not interested in women who want to take him down as a trophy, ie, all the retards the writer has written for.

The second article flabbergasts me in that all the virgins in question seem to be insecure about it. I think they're making their own hell. Naturally if you're not secure about your virginity, it's going to come across in insecure behaviour, and that's not attractive. If you tell someone you're a virgin and then start crying, for goodness sake! As if he's going to be interested in meeting up again when you dump all your emotional baggage on him! The article made a good point in saying that there is a perception about women that they should like and be expert in all kinds of sex, even with other females. But that is a shallow perception held by shallow people who aren't worth anybody's time. If women subscribe to that, they'll just feel worse about themselves. If you're a virgin, you're a virgin for a reason, and it's not because there's anything wrong with you. It's up to other people to accept that, and you can help them by presenting your virginity as a simple fact about yourself, and nothing more. People who are worth your time are able to see it in that light.

ww.salon.com/2006/09/06/virgins/singleton/#comments

Johnny Salami

Wednesday, September 6, 2006 at 0:41 am

Women Are Nuts!

That's why men avoid "older" virgins. In this day and age, any woman who's never done the hunka-chunka by the time she's 25 has some deep-seated issues that make her even crazier than the rest of her co-genderists. And everybody knows how nuts women are in the first place.

Please forgive me if I run away from these types. Things are bad enough trying to get along with women in the first place. But having to deal with a woman that ISN'T getting laid? Nuh-uh.

Johnny Salami (who probably chose his user name as a reference to his penis--let's hope the girls like salami and aren't planning to slice it first) has no understanding of half the human population. I'd say women had best run from him.

Frowning on virginity may be quite common. Many erroneously assume that everyone wants to have sex during their lifetime. As such, they see virgins as total failures and losers, unworthy of being recognized as peers and fellow humans. To them, having sex is just so ridiculously essential.

I can't blame them for their ignorance though. Most are sexual, and for sexuals having sex is very important and above all natural. I just hope that some day the majority would understand that other ways of life can also be natural. Afterall, what is natural exists in nature. Sexuals naturally desire to express their sexuality, while asexuals naturally don't desire to express their sexuality because we don't experience attraction like they do.

How true. The myth of what is 'natural' is perpetrated by many empty heads, when all we have to do is look at what is actually occurring in nature.

Johnny Salami has a difficult time getting along with women yet is quite sexually dependent on them. That must be quite a conundrum to face? Furthermore, he seems dependent on the fact that others have slept with a particular woman as the go-ahead that he should try too?

Lucinda

He hasn't discovered 'real dolls' yet. Perhaps we should send him a link to the site, and a gift voucher.

But wait... the realdoll will be a "virgin"... lol!

Hunk-chunka :blink::huh: . Am I the only one who thinks hunka-chunka sounds like an ice cream flavor, heh ;o) or am I just hungry :lol: :;o):

Anyhow here is an article about virginity My link

This part is interesting.¨Interestingly, the English word for word virgin, however, from the Greek and Latin words for man and woman. It really means "androgyne," a person who is whole unto themselves, or "chaste maiden."

So if you look at it that way it has nothing to do with sex..

Link to post
Share on other sites

I reject the notion that society states that you must have sex by a certain age or else you're labeled "weird". Individuals might think that, and it may be a familiar plot element in movies/books/etc., but I firmly believe that the vast majority of society simply doesn't care about your (plural) sexual life or lack thereof. To the idea that "a virgin would be boring in bed", I agree... kind of. But I think that boring is the wrong word; I think instead of "boring", it's meant they are simply "inexperienced" which is a tautology. That doesn't mean that the second time you have sex it will be any less "boring", but as you gain experience you become better at the activity-the same with everything else.

Thank you....I have been wondering why people thinks virgins would be boring in bed unless they are given a chance to learn (like a job interview, as some people stated), they can get better. I do agree with you on that one. :)

I have no idea why virginity would be valued. What's so special about it? Every animal reproduces sexually with many requiring sexual intercourse. It's a necessity of life. There is nothing special about it. Besides reproduction, sexual activity has been shown to be important in forming pair bond between individuals and showing rank in a social hierarchy.

I stated that virginity would be valued, because it is for your own spouse only. Like i stated, it is a 'wedding gift" to your husband or wife to share that love for him or her only. It is like a package that is waiting to be opened for the first time, and it is a special thing for the one you marry...it takes only one time! :)

I would say that your feelings expressed in the original post about sex are more the result of your upbringing than about asexuality or societies views towards virgins.

Well, you may be right because I was brought up to believe that virginity is not to be shared to just anyone you see out the door, but for the one you actually love with all of your heart and your mind....like i stated, it is like a special package to be opened. If you already opened that present, it isn't that special anymore....you already gave yourself away.

I find this to be fairly offensive. I understand that these are your values, but the mere concept of "giving yourself away" is just utterly hurtful in my eyes. Are we no more than our virginity? Can we not love fully and deeply under many circumstances? I think most of this forum refutes that.

Also, I doubt anyone can boast of having someone they have loved more deeply and more faithfully than I have loved. I have loved him since I was 13. Although I am aromantic now I still love him, in a different way. I have never loved another. But it was not my fate to lose my virginity to him or to be with him in the end. I am not sorry. And I resent the implications of your ideals.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Also, it's on the Internet as well, the Q&A sites about sexuality....I was reading up the answers others said about the older ones to askers who posted on them....here's some articles to read:

http://www.datingish.com/685117468/beware-the-30-year-old-virgin

http://www.salon.com/2006/09/06/virgins/singleton

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100404042026AA3KIO0

http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/showthread.php?t=196981

The first article was written for women who want the 'challenge' of seducing a virgin man. The writer was giving reasons why she shouldn't bother, but she missed out two essentials: 1. The guy just may not be interested in sex period. 2. The guy is not interested in women who want to take him down as a trophy, ie, all the retards the writer has written for.

The second article flabbergasts me in that all the virgins in question seem to be insecure about it. I think they're making their own hell. Naturally if you're not secure about your virginity, it's going to come across in insecure behaviour, and that's not attractive. If you tell someone you're a virgin and then start crying, for goodness sake! As if he's going to be interested in meeting up again when you dump all your emotional baggage on him! The article made a good point in saying that there is a perception about women that they should like and be expert in all kinds of sex, even with other females. But that is a shallow perception held by shallow people who aren't worth anybody's time. If women subscribe to that, they'll just feel worse about themselves. If you're a virgin, you're a virgin for a reason, and it's not because there's anything wrong with you. It's up to other people to accept that, and you can help them by presenting your virginity as a simple fact about yourself, and nothing more. People who are worth your time are able to see it in that light.

ww.salon.com/2006/09/06/virgins/singleton/#comments

Johnny Salami

Wednesday, September 6, 2006 at 0:41 am

Women Are Nuts!

That's why men avoid "older" virgins. In this day and age, any woman who's never done the hunka-chunka by the time she's 25 has some deep-seated issues that make her even crazier than the rest of her co-genderists. And everybody knows how nuts women are in the first place.

Please forgive me if I run away from these types. Things are bad enough trying to get along with women in the first place. But having to deal with a woman that ISN'T getting laid? Nuh-uh.

Johnny Salami (who probably chose his user name as a reference to his penis--let's hope the girls like salami and aren't planning to slice it first) has no understanding of half the human population. I'd say women had best run from him.

Frowning on virginity may be quite common. Many erroneously assume that everyone wants to have sex during their lifetime. As such, they see virgins as total failures and losers, unworthy of being recognized as peers and fellow humans. To them, having sex is just so ridiculously essential.

I can't blame them for their ignorance though. Most are sexual, and for sexuals having sex is very important and above all natural. I just hope that some day the majority would understand that other ways of life can also be natural. Afterall, what is natural exists in nature. Sexuals naturally desire to express their sexuality, while asexuals naturally don't desire to express their sexuality because we don't experience attraction like they do.

How true. The myth of what is 'natural' is perpetrated by many empty heads, when all we have to do is look at what is actually occurring in nature.

Johnny Salami has a difficult time getting along with women yet is quite sexually dependent on them. That must be quite a conundrum to face? Furthermore, he seems dependent on the fact that others have slept with a particular woman as the go-ahead that he should try too?

Lucinda

He hasn't discovered 'real dolls' yet. Perhaps we should send him a link to the site, and a gift voucher.

But wait... the realdoll will be a "virgin"... lol!

Hunk-chunka :blink::huh: . Am I the only one who thinks hunka-chunka sounds like an ice cream flavor, heh ;o) or am I just hungry :lol: :;o):

Anyhow here is an article about virginity My link

This part is interesting.¨Interestingly, the English word for word virgin, however, from the Greek and Latin words for man and woman. It really means "androgyne," a person who is whole unto themselves, or "chaste maiden."

So if you look at it that way it has nothing to do with sex..

Haha! So in that sense I am a virgin, although in any other sense definitely not...

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is so true, sadly. Older virgins, even young teenage virgins, are laughed at constantly in the modern world.

In my school, only five male students are virgins, and only seventeen females are, too, and my school has almost a thousand people. And if you account for the fact that this is middle school, with people around the age of thirteen, it's just...scary (in my opinion). People are mocked, even by the nice kids, about their virginity. I mean, really, is it any of their business in the first place? No, not really. When I grew up, I used to think that only some adults do that, but now over ninety-percent of my middle school does it. To random people they don't even know. It doesn't help that all the media--including music, movies, TV shows, everything--is basically shoving sex in our faces and saying, "Everyone does it! You're a loser if you don't!" And when one of my teachers said that her thirty-two year old cousin was a virgin, all of the students were practically laughing in hysteria, saying that was impossible, that her cousin must be an idiot. And thirty-two isn't even old. I used to think that it was impossible for a thirteen year old to not be a virgin, but look how easily I'm proved wrong in modern society.

Even in other countries, the age people lose their virginity is decreasing, and I'm wondering if one day, maybe within this lifetime, that there will be eight-year-olds doing this as well. In general, at least where I live (somewhere in Florida), if younger virgins are mocked, then the older ones must be either crazy, insane, or have an incredibly horrible disease, apparently. It's just plain wrong--people (usually) have a choice to lose theirs. Why can't some people respect that? Sorry for my kind-of-long/ranting post...I just got back from school.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Such a sad reflection on life at the moment. My granddaughter is 11 and (at the moment) finds the idea of sex 'gross' - but for how much longer? :(

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is so true, sadly. Older virgins, even young teenage virgins, are laughed at constantly in the modern world.

In my school, only five male students are virgins, and only seventeen females are, too, and my school has almost a thousand people. And if you account for the fact that this is middle school, with people around the age of thirteen, it's just...scary (in my opinion). People are mocked, even by the nice kids, about their virginity. I mean, really, is it any of their business in the first place? No, not really. When I grew up, I used to think that only some adults do that, but now over ninety-percent of my middle school does it. To random people they don't even know. It doesn't help that all the media--including music, movies, TV shows, everything--is basically shoving sex in our faces and saying, "Everyone does it! You're a loser if you don't!" And when one of my teachers said that her thirty-two year old cousin was a virgin, all of the students were practically laughing in hysteria, saying that was impossible, that her cousin must be an idiot. And thirty-two isn't even old. I used to think that it was impossible for a thirteen year old to not be a virgin, but look how easily I'm proved wrong in modern society.

Even in other countries, the age people lose their virginity is decreasing, and I'm wondering if one day, maybe within this lifetime, that there will be eight-year-olds doing this as well. In general, at least where I live (somewhere in Florida), if younger virgins are mocked, then the older ones must be either crazy, insane, or have an incredibly horrible disease, apparently. It's just plain wrong--people (usually) have a choice to lose theirs. Why can't some people respect that? Sorry for my kind-of-long/ranting post...I just got back from school.

Maybe I'm missing the point here, but how would one know how many male or female students in a Hightower school are virgins? It's not at all uncommon to lose one's virginity after high school is done with and even into one's early 20s. I'm sure I could find a graph if I wasn't currently on my phone. My guess is that there are a whole lot of students there exaggerating their experiences.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is so true, sadly. Older virgins, even young teenage virgins, are laughed at constantly in the modern world.

In my school, only five male students are virgins, and only seventeen females are, too, and my school has almost a thousand people. And if you account for the fact that this is middle school, with people around the age of thirteen, it's just...scary (in my opinion). People are mocked, even by the nice kids, about their virginity. I mean, really, is it any of their business in the first place? No, not really. When I grew up, I used to think that only some adults do that, but now over ninety-percent of my middle school does it. To random people they don't even know. It doesn't help that all the media--including music, movies, TV shows, everything--is basically shoving sex in our faces and saying, "Everyone does it! You're a loser if you don't!" And when one of my teachers said that her thirty-two year old cousin was a virgin, all of the students were practically laughing in hysteria, saying that was impossible, that her cousin must be an idiot. And thirty-two isn't even old. I used to think that it was impossible for a thirteen year old to not be a virgin, but look how easily I'm proved wrong in modern society.

Even in other countries, the age people lose their virginity is decreasing, and I'm wondering if one day, maybe within this lifetime, that there will be eight-year-olds doing this as well. In general, at least where I live (somewhere in Florida), if younger virgins are mocked, then the older ones must be either crazy, insane, or have an incredibly horrible disease, apparently. It's just plain wrong--people (usually) have a choice to lose theirs. Why can't some people respect that? Sorry for my kind-of-long/ranting post...I just got back from school.

Maybe I'm missing the point here, but how would one know how many male or female students in a Hightower school are virgins? It's not at all uncommon to lose one's virginity after high school is done with and even into one's early 20s. I'm sure I could find a graph if I wasn't currently on my phone. My guess is that there are a whole lot of students there exaggerating their experiences.

We had a school "poll" making us check whether we have experienced 'sexual intercourse' and had to check what our sexuality was (they didn't have asexual on there D:). I guess that some people could've made it up to seem cool, but it was anonymous and most of the people I talk to are always talking about intercourse anyways. But I bet some people probably did make it up, too. But still...so many people in middle school *shudders* I see your point, though.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is so true, sadly. Older virgins, even young teenage virgins, are laughed at constantly in the modern world.

In my school, only five male students are virgins, and only seventeen females are, too, and my school has almost a thousand people. And if you account for the fact that this is middle school, with people around the age of thirteen, it's just...scary (in my opinion). People are mocked, even by the nice kids, about their virginity. I mean, really, is it any of their business in the first place? No, not really. When I grew up, I used to think that only some adults do that, but now over ninety-percent of my middle school does it. To random people they don't even know. It doesn't help that all the media--including music, movies, TV shows, everything--is basically shoving sex in our faces and saying, "Everyone does it! You're a loser if you don't!" And when one of my teachers said that her thirty-two year old cousin was a virgin, all of the students were practically laughing in hysteria, saying that was impossible, that her cousin must be an idiot. And thirty-two isn't even old. I used to think that it was impossible for a thirteen year old to not be a virgin, but look how easily I'm proved wrong in modern society.

Even in other countries, the age people lose their virginity is decreasing, and I'm wondering if one day, maybe within this lifetime, that there will be eight-year-olds doing this as well. In general, at least where I live (somewhere in Florida), if younger virgins are mocked, then the older ones must be either crazy, insane, or have an incredibly horrible disease, apparently. It's just plain wrong--people (usually) have a choice to lose theirs. Why can't some people respect that? Sorry for my kind-of-long/ranting post...I just got back from school.

Maybe I'm missing the point here, but how would one know how many male or female students in a Hightower school are virgins? It's not at all uncommon to lose one's virginity after high school is done with and even into one's early 20s. I'm sure I could find a graph if I wasn't currently on my phone. My guess is that there are a whole lot of students there exaggerating their experiences.

We had a school "poll" making us check whether we have experienced 'sexual intercourse' and had to check what our sexuality was (they didn't have asexual on there D:). I guess that some people could've made it up to seem cool, but it was anonymous and most of the people I talk to are always talking about intercourse anyways. But I bet some people probably did make it up, too. But still...so many people in middle school *shudders* I see your point, though.

To me it sounds like many people are lying to be cool...

And by the way, sex under the age of 14 is seen as child abuse in Germany, but again, if parents don't watch over their children...mine wouldn't have allowed me to sleep at a boy's house at that age...and there is the problem of pregnant teenagers, who "just didn't think of" contraception, because they were "so drunk"...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

Well since this thread was bumped up I'll share my experience & thoughts. I was in high school & college in the 80's and it was considered very cool to be sexually experienced. I was very shy & withdrawn, so I blamed that on my lack of experienc.e After graduation, though I realized I was both afraid of the pain of first intercourse and ashamed of my still virgin status. In my late twenties I decided to at least see a GYN dr to see if I was physically normal. The male dr was visibly shocked & embarrassed at discovering my virgin status. He tried to examine me but apparently my hymen was of record thickness & he was unable to perform the exam. He said I would need surgery, a hymenectomy, to be able to have intercourse. Then he compared me to a study done on nuns, trying to "comfort" me that the incidence of any GYN health issues in virgins was next to none (implication - don't bother to come back unless you are sexually active). I left feeling mortified, and more scared than ever of sex. many years passed, the internet was invented, and I was able to do more research into my "problem". I discovered ways to gradually widen my hymen from hell. At the same time I discovered the concept of asexualty. I was interested but not convinced. I still felt "less a woman" due to my lack of experience. I still felt some measure of fear. At 40, I found myself drunk & smoking weed my first time ever. That night I finally admitted my virgin status to a man, and he to my great relief volunteerd to relieve me of that status. It took 3 tries but due to my "stretching "exercises it was accomplished. I felt a tremendous relief. I felt more respect for myself. I felt for the first time on equal terms with other women. I know it doesn't sound logical but I just wanted to share my honest experience in the hope it might help others through this journey, and that if they, like me, felt a need to "Just get it done" , that they are not alone in that feeling. That said, I still never had a physical sexual reaction through all this. I did a bit more experimenting, but ultimately returned to the asexual websites, and became more comfortable with that identity. Before I lost my virginity, I would have felt I was giving up, chickening out, something like that, to decided I was asexual. Maybe because of the generation I grew up in, when sexual experience was seen as ultra cool. Anyway, now I am feeling comfortable with this identy, and it is more relief. But I needed to take that full journey to get to the place of self acceptance & confidence I'm in now. I'm a bit in awe of those of you who never felt any need to "try" and never felt unusual or inadequate due to virginity. It would have been an easier life for me if I could have felt like that! But I wanted to share my story in case anyone else like me, feels the need to experiment before settling on the asexual identity.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well since this thread was bumped up I'll share my experience & thoughts. I was in high school & college in the 80's and it was considered very cool to be sexually experienced. I was very shy & withdrawn, so I blamed that on my lack of experienc.e After graduation, though I realized I was both afraid of the pain of first intercourse and ashamed of my still virgin status. In my late twenties I decided to at least see a GYN dr to see if I was physically normal. The male dr was visibly shocked & embarrassed at discovering my virgin status. He tried to examine me but apparently my hymen was of record thickness & he was unable to perform the exam. He said I would need surgery, a hymenectomy, to be able to have intercourse. Then he compared me to a study done on nuns, trying to "comfort" me that the incidence of any GYN health issues in virgins was next to none (implication - don't bother to come back unless you are sexually active). I left feeling mortified, and more scared than ever of sex. many years passed, the internet was invented, and I was able to do more research into my "problem". I discovered ways to gradually widen my hymen from hell. At the same time I discovered the concept of asexualty. I was interested but not convinced. I still felt "less a woman" due to my lack of experience. I still felt some measure of fear. At 40, I found myself drunk & smoking weed my first time ever. That night I finally admitted my virgin status to a man, and he to my great relief volunteerd to relieve me of that status. It took 3 tries but due to my "stretching "exercises it was accomplished. I felt a tremendous relief. I felt more respect for myself. I felt for the first time on equal terms with other women. I know it doesn't sound logical but I just wanted to share my honest experience in the hope it might help others through this journey, and that if they, like me, felt a need to "Just get it done" , that they are not alone in that feeling. That said, I still never had a physical sexual reaction through all this. I did a bit more experimenting, but ultimately returned to the asexual websites, and became more comfortable with that identity. Before I lost my virginity, I would have felt I was giving up, chickening out, something like that, to decided I was asexual. Maybe because of the generation I grew up in, when sexual experience was seen as ultra cool. Anyway, now I am feeling comfortable with this identy, and it is more relief. But I needed to take that full journey to get to the place of self acceptance & confidence I'm in now. I'm a bit in awe of those of you who never felt any need to "try" and never felt unusual or inadequate due to virginity. It would have been an easier life for me if I could have felt like that! But I wanted to share my story in case anyone else like me, feels the need to experiment before settling on the asexual identity.

:huh::blink: Sounds like you needed a new doctor (that goes for you too karanna and ms magoo eek :huh: )! Anyhow here is some information on what the ¨hymen¨ is if anyone is interested http://www.lesbilici...9/12/corona.pdf

Here is another one about ¨loosing your virginity" or sexual debut as Laci called it:

And also if you want to check out drs and leave comments about your experience with them you can do so here http://www.healthgrades.com/ and here you can leave comments about your experience/dr and read what others have said http://www.ratemds.com/

Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't worry that inadequate dr was left & never seen again! Later on in years I found a woman GYN I was comfortable with & have never had problems since (I do require an annual exam as I need to be on Depo-Provera to cure devastating cramps). So, yes advice to any woman who has a horrid first GYN experience - move on, there are much more sensitive & understanding physicians to choose from out there.

The article you linked is very good, I would have appreciated having access to it 30 years ago! But on one point it is wrong, there are some women with hymens so thick & inelastic that even the smallest tampon causes tremendous pain. It is rare but I want to state it can occur, as for many years I was tormented by being told that "it should only hurt a little or not at all, every girl can at least insert a tampon without pain before they have intercourse". Not true. I know another example where a woman married as a virgin, and her husband was unable to penetrate her unnaturally thick & inelastic hymen on their honeymoon. She had to return home & have the surgery "Hymenectomy" before they could be intimate. It was devastating to both of them.

Anyway, I think more information is always better than less so want to be sure this info is out there! For the rare girl like me with the "hymen from hell" lol, know you are not alone, and their are options (the stretching over time option I pursued, or the surgerical hymenectomy). Even if you choose not to ever be sexually active, there are other reasons to want to be able to be penetrated comfortably - for example using tampons, or for a GYN exam (which as I state, I need even if not sexually active, as birth control medicines are the only thing that can control my debilitating monthly cramps to the point I can function that time of month).

Hugs to all, and feel free to PM me or email me (arcadiafarm@juno.com) if you want more information - I want to help any other girl or young woman who has worries or confusion about this. Wish I had the internet & someone to consult myself back in my teens & twenties!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Is it odd that I felt grossed out without myself for losing my virginity? I think it would have been different if it had been the "right" person - by that, for me, I mean someone I really cared about. I had sex to try to be normal. It made me feel like I'd failed, because it proved I was desperate enough to have to settle for someone I didn't really like that much. Subsequent experiences were similar: they felt like attempts to have normal relationships which just confirmed how far I was from having a normal relationship.

The weird thing is I felt all this yet I'm also aware of the negative stereotypes - obviously, or I wouldn't have associated losing virginity with normality in the first place. I suppose I was going to feel bad about myself either way.

Ghizwiz: I have a lot of gyne issues too, and have had mostly good experiences with doctors. I have explained to doctors that it's been years now since I've had sex and they've accepted that as no big deal. I do get nervous if I see a new doctor though, wondering what their reaction may be. It's tough dealing with sexual/reproductive problems as medical issues. Too many different areas of life colliding! I think it's that way for sexuals too though. Unless you're have an absolutely standard normal sex life, you risk the possibility of passive discrimination. I've had doctors assume I'm heterosexual when they ask me questions. I'm not gay, but I imagined if I was, even as a sexual, it would be tough to have a doctor assume my partner was male every time they questioned me. It would be the same for people whose sexual history includes abuse, or who engage in unconventional practices or anything really. Doctors haven't treated me badly on this issue, but they do often seem to assume everyone is straight and has a healthy, happy sex life from their late teens onwards unless you tell them otherwise.

I'm glad you've managed to move past your bad experiences.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

I noticed that society states that if you haven't had sex by a certain age, you are considered a "freak" to other people.

I think it's actually termed a 'wizard' if you're male :P

I wouldn't say The 40 Year Old Virgin is making a mockery of older virgins & asexuality. It really is an enjoyable movie. It's not some sort of dig at you-- it's actually pretty lighthearted!

I couldn't agree with you more about the marriage thing-- i've actually stopped dating because I feel physically sick with disappointment when I really connect with a girl and I find out she's had sometimes greater than TEN partners by the time she was twenty! Your friend who said guys will run the other way if you're a female virgin over the age of 35 sounds weird... I can't think of anyone I know that would react in this way.

Anyway, good luck! Virginity isn't a big deal... Wish I was still one.

Link to post
Share on other sites

34, Still a virgin and I'm happy to announce it if the need arises. I've been often asked "How do you live?" and I reply "Very well thank you" Some people assume otherwise but I find I have something they could never get back unless they had surgery (even then its still not 'real'). I think today is all about rushing into things, silly if you ask me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Anyway, I think more information is always better than less so want to be sure this info is out there! For the rare girl like me with the "hymen from hell" lol, know you are not alone, and their are options

I'm uncomfortable saying this since I identify as male, but, I lost my hymen to a pony. He was my favorite pony too. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...