Jump to content

Older Virgins were Laughed At Today......


Member25303

Recommended Posts

I’m a 56 year old virgin and I can’t remember a single time where someone asked me if I was virgin and I’ve never told anyone. I’m sure some have suspected it and mostly likely some have made fun of me behind my back but I don’t care. Words will hurt you only if you let them.

It seems like a question "they" ask females more often... certainly seems that way.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you don't tell everyone you're a virgin, then you're not going to be involved in any peer pressure. Why is it their business? :blink:

I agree its nobody's business, and even if a person keeps the information to themselves, they can be affected by peer pressure. If a virgin hears people speaking of older virgins as if they're freaks, they'll probably be affected by it. It's like, you might not tell anyone you're Jewish, and if you hear people talking badly of Jews, it may still affect you, even though its not directed at you personally.

I don't think that's very analogous. Being a virgin means you haven't had sex. Being a Jew is much more than simply the result of not doing one thing. Jews generally aren't spoken of as being freaks; the talk is much worse than that.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it's pretty bad to hear your demographic spoken of as mentally unstable, frigid, socially inept, perverted, undesirable, anal retentive, etc.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: "I think it's pretty bad to hear your demographic spoken of as mentally unstable, frigid, socially inept, perverted, undesirable, anal retentive, etc." The last group of people society feels okay about stereotyping.

Link to post
Share on other sites
non-Sushimitzu

I talked to a (now ex-)friend some time back. She said some 23-year-old virgin was interested in her. Even though she liked him she was not interested in him because he's a virgin. I couldn't believe her ignorance. Why does everyone assume one has to have sex as a child to be considered acceptable?

I got ridiculed even with 17. Which is just pathetic. And I still get comments about my virginity. Another hedonistic friend of mine just doesn't understand there's more to life than sex and joy.

I blame sex propaganda. I remember this huge poster in some train station saying: "Sex is not important" And in smaller letters: "Sex is crucial."

Link to post
Share on other sites

I talked to a (now ex-)friend some time back. She said some 23-year-old virgin was interested in her. Even though she liked him she was not interested in him because he's a virgin. I couldn't believe her ignorance. Why does everyone assume one has to have sex as a child to be considered acceptable?

OMG! <_<

I came to a conclusion that a part of my negative feelings towards sex and dating sexuals is this stupid discrimination of virgins. Now, when I´m 27, I couldn´t date a sexual even if I wanted.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I got ridiculed for being one at 18...18!
I got ridiculed even with 17.

I got ridiculed at 14, and maybe younger but anything before that, I tried to block out.

I'm 19 now and most men wouldn't come near me with a 10 foot pole if they didn't get to know me first. Which is, sadly, the vast majority. But, hey, they're losers and I'm not so I'm glad they don't come near me. I'm pretty sure stupid is an infectious disease.

Oh but anyway, so I'm 19, men don't come near me, most 20-somethings think I'm either a religious-nut or I'm pathetic. Either that or they want to have sex with me. Which is weird, it's always one extreme or the other, either way it's repulsion or some fucked up desire to fuck once and leave so they can scurry back to their harem of *insert derogatory term for a female cum-dump here*.

And I have this problem with bisexual women and lesbians too. It's flippin' weird! Either I repulse them because I'm a virgin or for whatever reason my virginity is something to be stolen because God-forbid a virgin is still left on this planet.

Thankfully, it usually falls on the repulsion side of things. Most people can't stand the thought that I'm a virgin. I can almost see the conflicting emotions... on one hand, you don't wanna screw a virgin, but on the other hand if you screw her she won't be a virgin in anymore. Difficult decision, isn't it?

Okay now that I'm done mini-ranting... I don't think it's right to mock anyone for being a virgin. Does being a virgin make you subhuman or something? Don't think so.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: "I think it's pretty bad to hear your demographic spoken of as mentally unstable, frigid, socially inept, perverted, undesirable, anal retentive, etc." The last group of people society feels okay about stereotyping.

Really? Let's see: old people, Muslims, Jews, atheists, Middle Eastern natives, Native Americans, Gypsies, homeless people, poor people...I could go on, but I guess virgins are way more stereotyped than those groups. :rolleyes:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: "I think it's pretty bad to hear your demographic spoken of as mentally unstable, frigid, socially inept, perverted, undesirable, anal retentive, etc." The last group of people society feels okay about stereotyping.

Really? Let's see: old people, Muslims, Jews, atheists, Middle Eastern natives, Native Americans, Gypsies, homeless people, poor people...I could go on, but I guess virgins are way more stereotyped than those groups. :rolleyes:

Except I've never heard anyone get accused of being discriminatory when they mouth off about virgins. Because as everyone knows, virgins really ARE what the TV shows say they are...that is, everyone except us amazing people :P

Amazing. I've lived longer than almost everyone on AVEN and I've never--never--heard anyone criticize virgins. In fact, I've never heard anyone talk about virgins at all. Probably because it may not be very interesting to most people (except the virgins themselves) if anyone's a virgin. And don't accuse me of living a sheltered life; I've worked in countless offices since I was 17 and the talk is pretty uncensored.

If you hear people talk about virgins, feel free to tell them they're being discriminatory. If you tell people that you are a virgin and you are proud of it, get ready to hear some silly remarks.

But unlike all the specific groups I mentioned above, if you don't SAY you're a virgin (and again, why would you?), no one will know. That seems appropriate to me, because whether or not you have never had sex should be PRIVATE. It's your body, right? Or does it belong to the world at large, and you have to disclose all its actions or inactions? And then you get to be indignant because someone somewhere makes a remark?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sally, people do say stuff about virgins that is not nice, whether you've heard it personally or not. And when they say it in the hearing of a person who is a virgin, it hurts, whether the virgin has disclosed the fact or not.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Virgins have nothing to complain about--Jews are much more hard done by.

I didn't bring Jews up to begin with; someone else did. When there's a holocaust of virgins, or they are persecuted like the other groups I mentioned, I'll apologize.

Until then, complain all you want about what you hear people say about virgins. But complain directly to those people you hear say them. You will have to either defend virgins a priori, or tell them you are a virgin and get into a conversation about that. I can't imagine why you'd want to do the latter.

And don't feel like the lone ranger; I'm fed up also. If virgin-criticism is the worst thing that happens to you, consider your life to be quite pleasant.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Often because I live with roommates, my virginity is clear without anyone having to ask me. I'm in my room often, neat, I cook all the time and rarely ever get any calls. I also don't have a cell phone. Definitely not the type of person who has a girlfriend. So people always assume I'm a virgin (I've been told this half a dozen times). What's more, they are often surprised because evidently I look cute. Whatever that means. They don't understand that I am a virgin not because I can't get laid, but because it's highly complicated for me. I want sex, but very infrequently. I want a relationship, but I want to save money. Conflictions.

I can't have what I want, even though I simultaneously don't want to have it either.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been told by men and women that they don't want to deal with virgins because sex is a big deal for a virgin. I can understand that; if the level of experience is very different between two people, it can be uncomfortable for both of them. It doesn't mean the non-virgin (man or woman) is being sexist. It may be analogous to a tennis player not really wanting to have a game with someone who's never played at all.

Some people want to be teachers in bed, some want to be explorers or conquerors, but most of us just want to have a good time without getting hurt or hurting anyone else. Its the same reason why I won't date someone who just came out as gay. Actually a couple years ago I broke my rule and dated a woman with 3 kids who had just gotten divorced after discovering she was a lesbian, and that situation reinforced my rule... she got waaaay to attached right away, didn't recognize the extreme casualness of the situation, and totally lost her mind when we broke up (we dated for a total of about 2 1/2 months). For the same reasons I wouldn't date a virgin... I don't need to be anyone's first, I don't need to be remembered as being special... I'd rather just find someone who had already taken their lumps (the awkwardness, the heartbreak, etc, that goes along with sexual discovery).

Link to post
Share on other sites

@Sally, Just because you think another person's pain is not as bad as your own is no reason to negate what they experience. I've heard enough from your posts to assume you've been through some serious crap in your life. Don't let it make you unsympathetic of other people.

Link to post
Share on other sites

... she got waaaay to attached right away, didn't recognize the extreme casualness of the situation, and totally lost her mind when we broke up (we dated for a total of about 2 1/2 months). For the same reasons I wouldn't date a virgin... I don't need to be anyone's first, I don't need to be remembered as being special... I'd rather just find someone who had already taken their lumps (the awkwardness, the heartbreak, etc, that goes along with sexual discovery).

So you wouldn´t date a virgin only because of her virginity? Even if she was simply perfect match for you in everything else?

Do you think there´s such a huge difference between a virgin and a non-virgin who had only one sex partner?

Link to post
Share on other sites

... she got waaaay to attached right away, didn't recognize the extreme casualness of the situation, and totally lost her mind when we broke up (we dated for a total of about 2 1/2 months). For the same reasons I wouldn't date a virgin... I don't need to be anyone's first, I don't need to be remembered as being special... I'd rather just find someone who had already taken their lumps (the awkwardness, the heartbreak, etc, that goes along with sexual discovery).

So you wouldn´t date a virgin only because of her virginity? Even if she was simply perfect match for you in everything else?

Do you think there´s such a huge difference between a virgin and a non-virgin who had only one sex partner?

Oh, I definitely would, but that's cuz I'm a chump and I follow my emotions even when the smartest thing to do is ignore them. :lol:

I do think there's a big difference between a virgin and someone who's has sex once... specifically, I won't be forever enshrined as their first.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I do think there's a big difference between a virgin and someone who's has sex once... specifically, I won't be forever enshrined as their first.

What is so horrifying abou it for you?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I do think there's a big difference between a virgin and someone who's has sex once... specifically, I won't be forever enshrined as their first.

What is so horrifying abou it for you?

Not horrifying, its just a lot of pressure.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I do think there's a big difference between a virgin and someone who's has sex once... specifically, I won't be forever enshrined as their first.

What is so horrifying abou it for you?

Not horrifying, its just a lot of pressure.

Pressure? Why?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I do think there's a big difference between a virgin and someone who's has sex once... specifically, I won't be forever enshrined as their first.

What is so horrifying abou it for you?

Not horrifying, its just a lot of pressure.

Pressure? Why?

hahaha, I knew you were gonna ask that!

I don't think I can explain it. I suppose if I were to have casual sex with someone and found out they were a virgin, I'd be fine with that. I wouldn't necessarily want a relationship with a virgin, though, because that first sexual relationship you have is special... and I've already done all that. I don't think we would necessarily see things the same way or feel the same way. Additionally, very few people end up with the person they lost their virginity to, so I'd expect the relationship to end, and that's not cool with me. So if it was casual, I'd do it, but I'd want to make sure that they really, really didn't care that their first time wasn't for love. If it was serious, I'd assume that I'd eventually get my heart broken.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't necessarily want a relationship with a virgin, though, because that first sexual relationship you have is special... and I've already done all that. I don't think we would necessarily see things the same way or feel the same way.

I don´t think you would necessarily see things the same way even if that person wasn´t a virgin.

Additionally, very few people end up with the person they lost their virginity to, so I'd expect the relationship to end, and that's not cool with me.

That makes no sense to me. Relationships just ends sometimes (often!) and it has nothing to do with virginity or non-virginity of people in those said relationships. I would expect any relationship to end because it just happens.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Additionally, very few people end up with the person they lost their virginity to, so I'd expect the relationship to end, and that's not cool with me.

That makes no sense to me. Relationships just ends sometimes (often!) and it has nothing to do with virginity or non-virginity of people in those said relationships. I would expect any relationship to end because it just happens.

I also expect relationships to end, but I do believe that the odds are higher when dealing with a virgin. Conversely, if the person is a virgin because they believe sex is a gift for the one and only person you spend your life with... well then I wouldn't think they'd dump me, but we'd have such wildly different values and views on life that I wouldn't want to date them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I also expect relationships to end, but I do believe that the odds are higher when dealing with a virgin. Conversely, if the person is a virgin because they believe sex is a gift for the one and only person you spend your life with... well then I wouldn't think they'd dump me, but we'd have such wildly different values and views on life that I wouldn't want to date them.

I think you are talking about one specific kind of virgins. "A gift for the one and only person you spend your life with" is an opinion of very naive hopeless romantics. Even if it might be true sometimes that people spend their life with their first love.

"A gift to a beloved person", regardless of if this relationship will last for a year, 10 years or 30 years, is more realistic view.

IMO there aren´t many people who are so naive to expect their relationship will last until the day they´ll die. But this is one of prejudices about virgins - that virgins = naive people.

It depends more on concrete person, not on virginity.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I also expect relationships to end, but I do believe that the odds are higher when dealing with a virgin. Conversely, if the person is a virgin because they believe sex is a gift for the one and only person you spend your life with... well then I wouldn't think they'd dump me, but we'd have such wildly different values and views on life that I wouldn't want to date them.

I think you are talking about one specific kind of virgins. "A gift for the one and only person you spend your life with" is an opinion of very naive hopeless romantics. Even if it might be true sometimes that people spend their life with their first love.

"A gift to a beloved person", regardless of if this relationship will last for a year, 10 years or 30 years, is more realistic view.

IMO there aren´t many people who are so naive to expect their relationship will last until the day they´ll die. But this is one of prejudices about virgins - that virgins = naive people.

It depends more on concrete person, not on virginity.

No... I said "Conversely, if the person is a virgin", meaning thats only one type of many types of virgins. My stepmom has only had sex with 2 men - her first and her second husband. I don't necessarily think she's naive, she just has values that don't match mine.

More likely, as i said before, a virgin just isn't as likely to stay with their first partner... and maybe they will, who knows, but I don't understand why it makes me a jerk for not wanting to risk it. There are so many non-virgins out there for me to date, you know?

Link to post
Share on other sites

At least don´t tell to virgins you don´t want to date them because of their virginity. It´s painful to hear this.

If I were sexual and someone rejected me only because of this one thing...I would kick him "you know where". :D It´s painful too.

Link to post
Share on other sites

As far as I know, I've never met an adult virgin, definitely not one interested in dating me, anyway. I think virgins and spiders may feel the same way... they're both more scared of me than I am of them. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Additionally, very few people end up with the person they lost their virginity to, so I'd expect the relationship to end, and that's not cool with me.

That makes no sense to me. Relationships just ends sometimes (often!) and it has nothing to do with virginity or non-virginity of people in those said relationships. I would expect any relationship to end because it just happens.

I also expect relationships to end, but I do believe that the odds are higher when dealing with a virgin. Conversely, if the person is a virgin because they believe sex is a gift for the one and only person you spend your life with... well then I wouldn't think they'd dump me, but we'd have such wildly different values and views on life that I wouldn't want to date them.

Why would you go into a relationship expecting it to end.. how could that ever work? Yes there's a chance it could end, everyone knows that, but to actually expect it too. That's strong. Your mind will start to frame itself based on this expectation fyi.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This reminds me of an incident a few years back: I knew this woman who was criticizing her son's 21 year old friend for "still being a virgin."

I did not say anything while she ranted about this young man, just listened, "He's 21, and still a virgin. He's so immature! And also, he doesn't work, and his parents give him money."

Of course, I didn't say, well, your 24 year old son doesn't work, and you just buy him anything he wants, and all he does is play video games constantly and shout at you and demand you buy him more stuff...

I thought it was so ironic. Here she is, putting down her son's friend for being "immature" while her own son is 90% worse than this kid was. It's because of her own closed minded viewpoint that you need sex to be mature, and meanwhile her own son is just as useless as his friend is, perhaps even more so.

It is also ironic that she is putting down others for their "personal stuff" while she herself is a married suburban mom, trying to appear to be a married suburban mom, while carrying on with a younger woman in secret... but never mind (something I suspect but have no proof -- she is like 52 and has a "thing" for a college girl -- so she puts down other people while hiding her own stuff in the very dark closet.)

So people who put other people down have their own imperfections. It's that old story about "the pot calling the kettle," or something like that. If someone makes fun of you for "being a virgin," maybe they have a "problem," maybe they are "small," or something... ? Maybe they have a virus they caught? You just wonder what the hell is wrong with them that they need to put others down to make themselves feel better.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...