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Older Virgins were Laughed At Today......


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I have never had sex in my life time, and I am 42.....I noticed that society states that if you haven't had sex by a certain age, you are considered a "freak" to other people. I remember one guy mentioned men would RUN the other way if they meet a female virgin over 35 years old....and even women said they would run the other way when they meet a man over 40 years old and never had sex. Some would say that a virgin would be boring in bed so they rather have experienced people (they haven't thought about learning together to make the relationship last, right?).

It's funny that about 50 years ago, virginity is a "gift to your spouse" and is a precious wedding gift....now people are giving that gift freely to so many people it just defeats the purpose....now to society today, virgins are laughed at.....ever seen the movie "The 40 Year Old Virgin"? I never saw it because it is making a mockery of my asexuality and lack of sex experience.

But I do know that in other countries, virginity is valued.

I never been sexually attracted to men, but I don't mind a very nice guy who understands my views. :)

Anyone here who feels the same way I do?

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I'm with you. I was a virgin until 36. Did men run the other way when they found out? Absolutely not. It was like waving a red flag at a bull. Was I boring in bed when the time came? Not at all. To quote my then partner (who had an elequent way with words),"Christ, you're f***ing me as much as I'm f***ing you!" Virgins are not necessarily ignorant of sex or bodies. They may only be a little shy.

I despise ridicule of virginity. It's shallow and ignorant.

At least there are some men out there who respects virgin women. :) I am glad to know that. :)

I agree with you that ridicule of virginity is shallow.

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I despise ridicule of virginity. It's shallow and ignorant.

Agreed!

Ridicule stems from what the "norm" seems to be and people use it as a method to reassure themselves that they are of the majority. It's a primitive safety mechanism used to stay on what they see as the designated safe side of society.

I most closely have the mind of a Gray-A and I see promiscuous sex as impersonal. I do not abhor it yet I do feel a wrongness in it. When did it become cool to be a player and why would anyone want to be played? I'd rather develop meaningful desires than superficial ones. I am so very disheartened by how our current "norm" thinks.

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27 and still a virgin, :), and where I live virginity is underrated, they actually see you as a weird bug :ph34r: , and unfortunately they want to squish it :(

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Ridicule of virginity stems from a lot of inner problems. If you are afraid to be judged by the majority, you will do anything to not be seen as part of a minority.

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Maybe people think that someone who's a virgin when they're over a certain age is just a loser of some variety. Oddly, I'm rapidly gaining the impression that no one of any size, shape, intelligence, or personal cleanliness is completely incapable of getting some, so I don't understand why this attitude persists. I also think a lot of people lose their virginity a lot later than the stereotypical ideal (may I mention here how much I hate Glee?), and there may be some effort at distancing going on here.

I just never bother telling most people I'm a virgin, and I'm almost never asked. Why is it any of their business, anyway?

And why on earth would they run? Are they afraid it's catching?

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But even in the movie The 40 Year-Old Virgin the woman doesn't run the other way.

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hollowed out feeling

I'm 25 and still a virgin and I feel bad for people older than that who still are, not because they are, but because they have to deal with those that think it's some kind of problem :( . I got ridiculed for being one at 18...18! I just don't see what the big deal is either. Why is it so important to lose one's virginity? And why do other people care so much? It's like they worry about it more than we do and it's our issue. If I didn't want to be a virgin, I wouldn't be one. That being said, I don't care if I die a virgin because it's just not a top priority for me.

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II noticed that society states that if you haven't had sex by a certain age, you are considered a "freak" to other people.

How would anyone know if you didn't tell them? Why would you tell them?

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It's Hollywood and that "culture" that promotes this way of thinking. Why would I ask people if they were a virgin or not? It's none of my business and frankly I'd prefer not to know anyway. Hollywood continuously congratulates itself on how tolerant they are on different lifestyles but if you haven't "gotten laid" by a certain age then you're worthy of ridicule by these same people.

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I'm 25 and still a virgin and I feel bad for people older than that who still are, not because they are, but because they have to deal with those that think it's some kind of problem :( . I got ridiculed for being one at 18...18!

Me too. Damned high school!

Sexuals just don´t get there are people who really don´t want to have sex. When I was at high school I didn´t know about asexuality. I knew only that I wasn´t interested in sex and relationships. I thought I´m only a late bloomer with trust issues and self-esteem issues.

Now I´m 27. I spend almost all my time alone and those few friends or rather acquaitances think...I have no idea what they think but they don´t ask me about my virginity.

In my country some guys think virgins are cute, but only when they are under the age of 20 or only a few years over 20. 25+ virgin has to be a crazy freak. This is one more reason why I refuse to date sexuals.

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As a 50 year old virgin, I can only remember one person in my whole life who actually asked about it. And one other person who I told because it really was relevant to our discussion. Other than that, I've never mentioned it to any one. I totally agree that it isn't anyone else's business.

But I always thought there was something wrong with me that I hadn't had sex. I felt shame whenever I remembered that fact. Despite the fact that I'd never been sexually attracted to any one, I assumed that the mild crushes (squishes) I had experienced meant that I had a romantic orientation and simply was unable to express it normally due to my "brokenness." It was only after finding AVEN that I finally realized that I was simply different from the majority, not broken.

So now, though I still think it's virtually nobodies business, if the subject came up and were actually relevant, I think I could tell someone without shame. Along with an explanation of my aceness and aromanticism.

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II noticed that society states that if you haven't had sex by a certain age, you are considered a "freak" to other people.

How would anyone know if you didn't tell them? Why would you tell them?

Sometimes it comes up in conversation. And sometimes you want people to know. A friend of mine at work was joking about how impossible it is to find a virgin older than 12 these days, and so I told him I was, because I wanted to shake up the stereotype. I've also had to tell doctors, some of whom reacted in ways that were offensive, whereas men I've told who I was dating were only curious to know if I intended to stay a virgin :lol:

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I’m a 56 year old virgin and I can’t remember a single time where someone asked me if I was virgin and I’ve never told anyone. I’m sure some have suspected it and mostly likely some have made fun of me behind my back but I don’t care. Words will hurt you only if you let them.

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I think because anybody can get laid if they really want to, and some people assume everyone wants to bad enough to take whatever they can get, that's why those people assume there must be something wrong with older virgins. Plus, those same kind of people are terrified of looking different, and so that's another reason why they can't relate.

The only reason I can think of for running from a virgin is if you're an experienced player who's had a virgin before who got attached. A virgin might think they won't get attached, but without experience, they can't know for sure how sex will affect them. So an experienced player might choose to play safe.

Exactly....that's why they said it about running from an older virgin.

Sometimes it comes up in conversation. And sometimes you want people to know. A friend of mine at work was joking about how impossible it is to find a virgin older than 12 these days, and so I told him I was, because I wanted to shake up the stereotype. I've also had to tell doctors, some of whom reacted in ways that were offensive, whereas men I've told who I was dating were only curious to know if I intended to stay a virgin :lol:

Also, it's on the Internet as well, the Q&A sites about sexuality....I was reading up the answers others said about the older ones to askers who posted on them....here's some articles to read:

http://www.datingish.com/685117468/beware-the-30-year-old-virgin

http://www.salon.com/2006/09/06/virgins/singleton

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100404042026AA3KIO0

http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/showthread.php?t=196981

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i lost my virginity at 19, and i was ridiculed- and treated like a freak even around 17 years. i was happy without delving into sex at that age

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ww.salon.com/2006/09/06/virgins/singleton/#comments

Johnny Salami

Wednesday, September 6, 2006 at 0:41 am

Women Are Nuts!

That's why men avoid "older" virgins. In this day and age, any woman who's never done the hunka-chunka by the time she's 25 has some deep-seated issues that make her even crazier than the rest of her co-genderists. And everybody knows how nuts women are in the first place.

Please forgive me if I run away from these types. Things are bad enough trying to get along with women in the first place. But having to deal with a woman that ISN'T getting laid? Nuh-uh.

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Frowning on virginity may be quite common. Many erroneously assume that everyone wants to have sex during their lifetime. As such, they see virgins as total failures and losers, unworthy of being recognized as peers and fellow humans. To them, having sex is just so ridiculously essential.

I can't blame them for their ignorance though. Most are sexual, and for sexuals having sex is very important and above all natural. I just hope that some day the majority would understand that other ways of life can also be natural. Afterall, what is natural exists in nature. Sexuals naturally desire to express their sexuality, while asexuals naturally don't desire to express their sexuality because we don't experience attraction like they do.

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Johnny Salami has a difficult time getting along with women yet is quite sexually dependent on them. That must be quite a conundrum to face? Furthermore, he seems dependent on the fact that others have slept with a particular woman as the go-ahead that he should try too?

Lucinda

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I've been told by men and women that they don't want to deal with virgins because sex is a big deal for a virgin. I can understand that; if the level of experience is very different between two people, it can be uncomfortable for both of them. It doesn't mean the non-virgin (man or woman) is being sexist. It may be analogous to a tennis player not really wanting to have a game with someone who's never played at all.

I think this doesn't bother older women so much because when we were young, people didn't expect to know everyone's sexual experience status. Apparently now that's supposed to be public knowledge, which just stuns me.

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I remember one guy mentioned men would RUN the other way if they meet a female virgin over 35 years old....and even women said they would run the other way when they meet a man over 40 years old and never had sex.

35 an old virgin? Try more like 25. 19 if you're a gay man.

I can totally understand why people don't want older virgins. Lack of experience can cause misunderstandings, awkwardness, unrealistic expectations etc. People get to a certain age and they don't want to deal with all that drama anymore. I heard someone say once that when someone has been a virgin too long, taking their virginity away is too big of a responsibility. And ironically it's the nice, normal people who think that. The ones who like the idea of taking an older virgin are exactly the kind of creeps you want to avoid - they're obviously not thinking of the emotional implications.

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Also, it's on the Internet as well, the Q&A sites about sexuality....I was reading up the answers others said about the older ones to askers who posted on them....here's some articles to read:

http://www.datingish.com/685117468/beware-the-30-year-old-virgin

http://www.salon.com/2006/09/06/virgins/singleton

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100404042026AA3KIO0

http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/showthread.php?t=196981

The first article was written for women who want the 'challenge' of seducing a virgin man. The writer was giving reasons why she shouldn't bother, but she missed out two essentials: 1. The guy just may not be interested in sex period. 2. The guy is not interested in women who want to take him down as a trophy, ie, all the retards the writer has written for.

The second article flabbergasts me in that all the virgins in question seem to be insecure about it. I think they're making their own hell. Naturally if you're not secure about your virginity, it's going to come across in insecure behaviour, and that's not attractive. If you tell someone you're a virgin and then start crying, for goodness sake! As if he's going to be interested in meeting up again when you dump all your emotional baggage on him! The article made a good point in saying that there is a perception about women that they should like and be expert in all kinds of sex, even with other females. But that is a shallow perception held by shallow people who aren't worth anybody's time. If women subscribe to that, they'll just feel worse about themselves. If you're a virgin, you're a virgin for a reason, and it's not because there's anything wrong with you. It's up to other people to accept that, and you can help them by presenting your virginity as a simple fact about yourself, and nothing more. People who are worth your time are able to see it in that light.

ww.salon.com/2006/09/06/virgins/singleton/#comments

Johnny Salami

Wednesday, September 6, 2006 at 0:41 am

Women Are Nuts!

That's why men avoid "older" virgins. In this day and age, any woman who's never done the hunka-chunka by the time she's 25 has some deep-seated issues that make her even crazier than the rest of her co-genderists. And everybody knows how nuts women are in the first place.

Please forgive me if I run away from these types. Things are bad enough trying to get along with women in the first place. But having to deal with a woman that ISN'T getting laid? Nuh-uh.

Johnny Salami (who probably chose his user name as a reference to his penis--let's hope the girls like salami and aren't planning to slice it first) has no understanding of half the human population. I'd say women had best run from him.

Frowning on virginity may be quite common. Many erroneously assume that everyone wants to have sex during their lifetime. As such, they see virgins as total failures and losers, unworthy of being recognized as peers and fellow humans. To them, having sex is just so ridiculously essential.

I can't blame them for their ignorance though. Most are sexual, and for sexuals having sex is very important and above all natural. I just hope that some day the majority would understand that other ways of life can also be natural. Afterall, what is natural exists in nature. Sexuals naturally desire to express their sexuality, while asexuals naturally don't desire to express their sexuality because we don't experience attraction like they do.

How true. The myth of what is 'natural' is perpetrated by many empty heads, when all we have to do is look at what is actually occurring in nature.

Johnny Salami has a difficult time getting along with women yet is quite sexually dependent on them. That must be quite a conundrum to face? Furthermore, he seems dependent on the fact that others have slept with a particular woman as the go-ahead that he should try too?

Lucinda

He hasn't discovered 'real dolls' yet. Perhaps we should send him a link to the site, and a gift voucher.

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I've been told by men and women that they don't want to deal with virgins because sex is a big deal for a virgin. I can understand that; if the level of experience is very different between two people, it can be uncomfortable for both of them. It doesn't mean the non-virgin (man or woman) is being sexist. It may be analogous to a tennis player not really wanting to have a game with someone who's never played at all.

I think this doesn't bother older women so much because when we were young, people didn't expect to know everyone's sexual experience status. Apparently now that's supposed to be public knowledge, which just stuns me.

It's only expected to be public knowledge amongst a certain demographic, that is, those who treat sex as a pastime-- like tennis-- good example.

Then why does it seem that all sorts of people on AVEN are trying to announce their virginity, or even responding when people ask them about their supposed sex lives?

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Then why does it seem that all sorts of people on AVEN are trying to announce their virginity, or even responding when people ask them about their supposed sex lives?

Because it shows that we are asexuals when we spoke of virginity here.....a lot of sexuals (not all of them) don't understand how we are wired.

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To me, these people who say they won't sleep with virgins are the kind that just like casual sex, which I suppose I can understand why they'd be reluctant. I don't think it applies as much to those looking for a relationship - not all sexuals hate virgins :)

But if I were to lose my virginity to someone, I would want to be in a relationship. And I wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who wasn't okay with who I am, virgin and all. So hypothetically they would be okay with taking my virginity. The previous boyfriends I've had wanted me to be their first because made it more special for them. I think they liked the idea of being 'first!' too.

Either way it's a terrible deal though, no one should feel like they need to lose it to be accepted. To me it's the same kind of peer pressure that pushes people to do drugs, though obviously that analogy isn't perfect!

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Then why does it seem that all sorts of people on AVEN are trying to announce their virginity, or even responding when people ask them about their supposed sex lives?

Because it shows that we are asexuals when we spoke of virginity here.....a lot of sexuals (not all of them) don't understand how we are wired.

I wasn't talking about the sexuals. I was talking about asexuals who need to announce that they're virgins, even when people haven't directly asked them.

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Ms Magoo,

I'm a 41 year old virgin woman who never engage in oral,anal or vaginal sex(outercourse yes) and i don't plan on doing those 3 acts even though i have a sexual"boyfriend". Is my boyfriend the perfect match for me NO but i've learn so much about myself being in this relationship.

My advice to my fellow asexual virgins when it comes to dating. if you want a man or woman in your life, a person needs to SERIOUSLY put themselves out there. If you see a person on this forum or other online forums and this person live near your state or country,I would try to meet them offline .If you meet a person offline at work,school or other social events,I would ask that person out for coffee,tea,ice cream or lunch.

About online and offline media talkng about older virgins over 35,the media will always have a stereotype version of us so we have to have thick skin. If you don't like the media stereotype abou virgins, an older virgins should do a documentary on the topic. Some sexual people will always treat us virgin badly so mach sure you don't get use.

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To me, these people who say they won't sleep with virgins are the kind that just like casual sex, which I suppose I can understand why they'd be reluctant. I don't think it applies as much to those looking for a relationship - not all sexuals hate virgins :)

That's making a blanket statement about people you don't know.

But if I were to lose my virginity to someone, I would want to be in a relationship. And I wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who wasn't okay with who I am, virgin and all. So hypothetically they would be okay with taking my virginity.

Do you really feel that a man would be "taking" your virginity? Like it's something he takes from you? Good heavens.

Either way it's a terrible deal though, no one should feel like they need to lose it to be accepted. To me it's the same kind of peer pressure that pushes people to do drugs, though obviously that analogy isn't perfect!

If you don't tell everyone you're a virgin, then you're not going to be involved in any peer pressure. Why is it their business? :blink:

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That's making a blanket statement about people you don't know.

Do you really feel that a man would be "taking" your virginity? Like it's something he takes from you?

If you don't tell everyone you're a virgin, then you're not going to be involved in any peer pressure. Why is it their business? :blink:

That's why I said 'to me'.... It's the opinion I got from the posts here and I know it's not fact by any means.

Taking one's virginity is just a common phrase for losing it. I just typed it offhandedly into my message, I didn't mean it to represent how I exactly feel about my virginity/losing it. I coulda put more thought into that ^^;

Well me personally, I don't tell everyone. No one par my ex boyfriends are aware outside this forum, and even here this is the first I've said. But I doubt you were actually addressing me and were speaking more in general, and I agree with you, I think it's a really personal thing and there's no need to tell anyone :)

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