asexuality and childbirth/ babies

[Yamid]

hey all,

was just wondering what your thoughts were with pregnancy/childbirth/ raising children?

Personally for me, i believe i have some kind of phobia attached to babies and pregnancy. I never want to experience either, and i cringe of the thought of being huge and people touching my stomach etc. I find the process quite undignified and horrific on your body. As for babies and children, i dont find them cute nor do i desire one, which also causes more problems than asexuality in my relations as he wants them when he is older. What do you think about the ideas that something that is sex is needed to produce a child if you want one?

I really, really dont mean to sound harsh, but please dont judge me on this : <

[The Pofessional]

I totally get this. When I was young, I used to be terrified of "where babies came from" (something about babies being in a mom's "tummy" scared the crap out of me).

Nowadays, I'm ambivalent. Some people have children, and I don't see anything wrong with that. It's a lifestyle that I'm not hardwired into. I'd much rather adopt a child, a child that needs a home, than put another one into the world. Some people choose the opposite, and there's nothing particularly bad or good about that. Does that make any sense at all?

And don't worry about sounding harsh. You have a perfectly valid opinion c:

[Sally]

What do you think about the ideas that something that is sex is needed to produce a child if you want one?

Women don't need to have sex; there is artificial insemination. Men can contribute their semen to a surrogate who has the child.

[The Great WTF]

I can honestly say I hate small children. Thankfully my boyfriend agrees. And you would have to pay me a great deal of money to even consider being pregnant. I do not want to do that to my body.

[Mr. Shuttershy]

I would be pregnant, but I don't like kids of any age. I'm just not mother material. So. Its normal. I also would not have heterosexual sex to have a baby, IF I did have one. I'm more about adopting; the world's orphanages are overcrowded, yknow?

[Soraiko]

The thought of being pregnant really just sounds awful to me. I know someone that really wants kids by the time she's 28, I don't understand really why, but if she wants to that's her choice. I don't see the appeal of kids and to be brutally honest there's too many things I want to do with my life to consider kids. Some people can handle kids and a career and such, I'd prefer my cat, maybe another cat or a snake. They need care, but not really as much as kids.

[Vdougie]

I'm a guy, and I never wanted children. I do not like them much, and I'm not parent material. Children cost so much money and time, and I like being independent.

[Sparkly Rainbow]

The whole idea of pregnancy terrifies me. But I wouldn't mind having a kid. I'm thinking maybe adopt or have a someone else carry the baby (huge issue with the second one is with the carrier wanting to keep the child). But honestly if you don't want kids then don't have kids. :I Because a child shouldn't have to deal with that and neither should you.

[5_♦♣]

I'm tocophobic so no, I don't want kids.

[Erin D]

hey all,

was just wondering what your thoughts were with pregnancy/childbirth/ raising children?

Personally for me, i believe i have some kind of phobia attached to babies and pregnancy. I never want to experience either, and i cringe of the thought of being huge and people touching my stomach etc. I find the process quite undignified and horrific on your body. As for babies and children, i dont find them cute nor do i desire one, which also causes more problems than asexuality in my relations as he wants them when he is older. What do you think about the ideas that something that is sex is needed to produce a child if you want one?

I really, really dont mean to sound harsh, but please dont judge me on this : <

[iam_smithers]

Hell no. I hate kids and the causes of kids.

[Starr]

I like the idea of having a baby the usual way along with the romantic mumbo jumbo idea of a handsome husband holding my hand when it happens and blah blah blah

when I come out of those temporary entertaining thoughts there's reality....a guy I had a crush on sympathized with me when I said I didn't want kids 2 yrs ago whereas I never saw it as something unhappy. His reason was that He didn't want me to reach 45 then start to regret it. I am not repulsed my childbirth and pregnancy ( but I do have some dark thoughts on it ) but it is something I am not willing to put myself through all those body changes , chances of death , pain etc.

I am on the fence whether to adopt or not when I get older.

[Erin D]

There is no judgement just my opinion. I don't think you should worry about haveing kids if you don't want them. No one should pressure you into haveing kids. The way you sound I don't think you really want kids at this point in your life, that could change some day. My youngest is 28 and she is still a challenge. I don't think that will ever change. Do what you feel is best for you and never worry about what others think. Always be true to your self because thats the person that you have to live with. There was nothing harsh in your post. :cake:

[MadRat]

I don´t want to have children.

I´m strongly repulsed by giving birth. And by pregnancy...not so much but when I imagine myself pregnant...Meh!

I don´t like children much. I don´t understand them. I would not be a good mother.

[abea]

I can't imagine not wanting children or pregnancy has much to do with sex, really. ;) I mean I definitely don't want to be pregnant or have children, but I in no way connect that to my asexuality. A desire for sex and a desire to procreate aren't the same thing....

[Caius]

i'd rather face the apocalypse than pregnancy!! fsck that for a joke... if hell froze over and i ever did get pregnant (not likely as i plan on never having sex ever again), it'd be getting aborted as soon as i found out... i am NOT maternal AT ALL... babies are disgusting...

people who post their pregnancy photos everywhere get me really pissed off - especially on forums in threads that have nothing to do with pregnancy, ugh... i dont want to see that shit... email it to your friends or send them links to your photobucket or something (i do understand the need to share) but dont just throw it out there in public where EVERYONE has to see it... yuck!

i dont ever want kids... but if my decision were to change i'd definitely adopt... and probably an older child who is already toilet trained and can speak and tell me what they need/want... having a baby that just makes mess all over the place and then screams when it wants something and i'd have to guess... i honestly think i'd be one of those parents who shake their kids to death from sheer frustration >_<

you're not alone :)

[rh1985]

I *really* want a biological child and I want to experience pregnancy. Right now my plan is to have one child with donor sperm in a few years. I'd like more than one child, but since I will be a single mom, I will probably just have one. For financial reasons, and also so that the child will have more attention from me, since I'll be the only parent. I've always loved babies and young children and they always seem to like me, and I seem to be really good at taking care of them without much effort. I'm very close to my niece who is two, I've been one of her favorite people since she was a tiny baby. I love her so much, and if anything, that's made me want my own child even more.

There are plenty of sexuals who don't want kids so I don't know if asexuality really has anything to do with it, I just know I've always wanted to be a mother.

[RandomGirlK]

I dont ever want to get pregnant. I dont want sex, I dont want to carry around a baby for 9 months, I dont want to squish a baby out of such a small hole *OUCH*

I like kids, theyre adorable and they say funny things, but I dont want my own cause I value my time to myself, and being able to sleep in til late, and a baby would change that.

Im happy to play with my younger siblings, and look after them, and also babysit other peoples kids for a short amount of times, but then give them back to their parents, then go home, do whatever I want, then get a good nights sleep.

[Murmur]

I got myself sterilized for a reason. I'm not a breeder-I knew that by the 5th grade. Hate kids, have fun tripping them and dancing next to them screaming cuss words when they're on the ground throwing a tantrum, can field "bingoes" from breeders who most likely wish they could now have a child-free life.

Again, I got sterilized for a reason.

[Yamid]

wow, im amazed by the response here- finally talkng to people who dont say :ohhh youll change your mind, your a girl, it will all kick in blah blah" SHUT UP! I KNOW MY ONW BODY AND I WILL CHANGE MY MIND. my boyfriends parents make jokes about grandchildren and it makes my skin CRAWL. I hate being around kids and babies and pregnancy is disgusting. theres is no way i will sacrifice my body for a drip on my finances for 18 years. Yes, orphanages are overcrowded, and adoption is appealing if i do feel the need to take a child in. But i dont see the point of making more people when this world is overpopulated as it is already.

It was really interesting to read your responses

[Yamid]

also, i read once that actress helen mirren was traumatised by pregnancy and childbirth at a young age in school by a live birth video- have any of you felt that seeing something like that in childhood influenced your feelings now?

[Rean]

Now if I can just lose enough weight through my eating disorder to completely lose my period again, that'd be great. Not even kidding. This whole reproductive crap makes me hate my disgusting body.

This is of course none of my business, but have you ever considered or would it be possible for you to take medication to stop your periods? I know those have side effects, but... so do eating disorders.

On the real topic I don't have much to say. Pregnancy and childbirth seem natural (though cumbersome) to me. I guess I've never identified enough with my "femaleness" to think of it on a personal level. I've never desired sex, so it's no real issue either. It might be interesting to take care of a child (though I probably wouldn't be good at it), but I don't think a biological child would be the best option. I don't see special need to pass my genes on.

[Zandra the Witch]

This is of course none of my business, but have you ever considered or would it be possible for you to take medication to stop your periods?

Is this even possible? O_O I'm on the Pill right now, but even withdrawal bleeds aren't fun and I'd rather stop it all completely.

I would be an awful parent. I lose my temper quickly, I'm not especially patient, and once I'm pushed over the edge I can lash out physically at whatever's annoying me - a child definitely does not need that in a mom. I grew up with a dad who I was scared of and had to tread on thin ice around because anything could make him snap, whether it was towards me or my mother. We were also the 'millstones around his neck', he hated it when I asked for anything, and when he really got mad he saw no problem with screaming at me or smacking*. My relationship with my dad now is a lot, lot better, but knowing that there is the slightest chance I could end up being like my dad was to my own kid, just ... no. No, no, no. Like hell I'm going to risk it. "It's different when it's your own" is only true in that you're around that child 24/7.

I don't think I'll ever really be in a sexual relationship but if I do I'll look into getting permanently sterilised (like I said up there - I'm on the Pill right now but this is only really just for my periods. Good thing too, I'm forgetful and can sometimes skip days). Pregnancy/giving birth itself is also something I'm quite terrified of.

* - He had a vasectomy a few months after I was born but later regretted it. To be honest though, it was probably the best decision all round.

[Infinity∞]

Well for one, I think babies are ugly and pretty much disgusting (not mention the crying, good God)

Also the idea of pregnancy/child birth is something of a horror movie for me. The things they can end up doing to your body, I can't even think about without getting unsettled. I have a terribly low pain threshold which doesn't make it any more appealing.

It does make me have more respect for women who go through it, though xD

I do want a child though, I am probably going to adopt a young child when I am a lot older and actually able to provide for it :)

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

Strangely enough, I do quite want one. I want to know what it's like - I want to leave something permanent in this world, create something special, and having a child is the ultimate way of doing that. I'd love to see a child that I created slowly grow up and become the best person they can be. I'd love it. Maybe that's because I'm demisexual, and wouldn't mind a sexual relationship? I dunno. But I know that it's something I want to experience.

[maven]

This is of course none of my business, but have you ever considered or would it be possible for you to take medication to stop your periods?

Is this even possible? O_O I'm on the Pill right now, but even withdrawal bleeds aren't fun and I'd rather stop it all completely.

It is possible. Seasonale/Seasonique is a type of hormonal birth control pill that ensures you only have a period 4 times a year, and many women with IUDs (Mirena, Paraguard, etc.) do not have a period. Depo-Provera (the injectable shot) prevents periods as well. It's also safe for you to take the Pill you're currently on non-stop (aka don't take the placebo pills), which should prevent you from getting a period. You might have spotting/breakthrough bleeding using any of the above methods, but they all work. All of them come with risks (decreased fertility and osteoporosis are two that come to mind), so make sure you research them and check with your doctor first.

Personally, I've never wanted to have kids. I don't mind them, but I've never had an overwhelming urge to have one (or more), and pregnancy sounds like a nightmare. Elevated hormones and my brain don't get along very well - my current three days of PMS a month is enough, thankyouverymuch.

[Batman's Ace]

I have phobias of both pregnancy and childbirth, so I'm thinking it would be seriously injurious to my mental and possibly physical health if I went through that. I'm not really into babies, either. They're kind of mystifying. My tolerance of kids (on average; some are never tolerable) increases as they age. Actually, having cousins 7-8 years old was a blast. And I could give them back after a while. That's ideal. I'm looking forward to having nieces/nephews, but I don't think I could handle having kids of my own. It's a lot of responsibility to care for another person like that. I can barely care for the dog adequately over a weekend.

I sort of regret the genes thing, but a lot can happen in nine months, and I don't like the thought of that. Plus I'm repulsed, so getting pregnant/having a child would imply a certain mental state to begin with.

[Zandra the Witch]

It is possible. Seasonale/Seasonique is a type of hormonal birth control pill that ensures you only have a period 4 times a year, and many women with IUDs (Mirena, Paraguard, etc.) do not have a period. Depo-Provera (the injectable shot) prevents periods as well. It's also safe for you to take the Pill you're currently on non-stop (aka don't take the placebo pills), which should prevent you from getting a period. You might have spotting/breakthrough bleeding using any of the above methods, but they all work. All of them come with risks (decreased fertility and osteoporosis are two that come to mind), so make sure you research them and check with your doctor first.

Personally, I've never wanted to have kids. I don't mind them, but I've never had an overwhelming urge to have one (or more), and pregnancy sounds like a nightmare. Elevated hormones and my brain don't get along very well - my current three days of PMS a month is enough, thankyouverymuch.

Depo-Provera is one I'm considering. I've heard mixed responses about IUDs; I often hear that the women who do have periods on them often cramp worse (and I nearly pass out with the pain when I'm off the Pill ... uuugh, being bedridden and near-immobile for an entire day, sometimes two, is not fun) so I've mainly been thinking about the other methods. With the continuous Pill-taking, I wasn't sure how long you could do the non-stop thing for, if there's a 'time limit'.

I'm going to try and get an appointment on Tuesday as I need a new prescription - thanks for this!!

[whisper in the wind]

I wouldn't mind being pregnant sometime, however if I chose to get pregnant it would't be through sex, but by artificial insemination or in-vitro fertilization.

However, I'm more likely to adopt, particularly a young child that is beyond the baby stage but not yet a grown kid (like age 2-3).

I like kids for some reason and wouldnt mind having some of my own, I wouldnt even mind pregnancy, but childbirth does kinda scare me.

[Rean]

Now if I can just lose enough weight through my eating disorder to completely lose my period again, that'd be great. Not even kidding. This whole reproductive crap makes me hate my disgusting body.

This is of course none of my business, but have you ever considered or would it be possible for you to take medication to stop your periods? I know those have side effects, but... so do eating disorders.

The medication that have those effects are birth control pills -- which are something I'll never take for a variety of reasons. One, the possible cardiac side effects are not something I'm willing to risk. After 12-ish years of having a serious eating disorder, my heart is not the healthiest and I'm not willing to take meds that heighten any risk of serious problems -- heart attack, stroke, etc. Two, most birth control pills cause some degree of weight gain and maybe that wouldn't be such a fear if I were significantly underweight like I used to be, but I'm not. These days, my weight yo-yos like crazy as it is (all within a normal range for my height, sometimes bordering on too heavy) and I have a terrible enough time with dealing with that on its own, without taking any meds that are going to make me susceptible to gaining weight even more easily.

Hm, I thought there would be something like that. I don't know so much about eating disorders, so I didn't come to think of how it they would mix. I just thought I'd mention it because apparently it's not an option that's discussed much.