Kez Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 I've done the adding of the poll whatchamacallit. I'm a member of the 'definately not' family, but I didn't read the whole thing before I posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YP Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 I don't know, I've not decided. My main worry is that, although it would be interesting to try out new experiences, it might make me more miserable. If I had sexual desire and couldn't satisfy it with someone I really loved, then I wouldn't be happy. At the moment I'm perfectly well balanced, I have everything I need and I don't desire the things I don't have. So I might be happy to just stay as I am. On the other hand, I suppose it would be nice to know that a cure is out there, so if I found the man of my dreams and chose to, I would be able to take something that might help me make the relationship more mutually fulfilling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cate Perfect Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 YAY I can finally vote! *ticks NO! box* Cate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonoboy Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 you know....sometimes I get asked the question about accepting a cure to becoming straight, and I used to think hell yea!! I WOULD LOVE TO BE STRAIGHT..but who am I kidding. I have jumped over the hurdles that we call life and aceptance of myself and hell no i wouldnt change for a thing. I find someone I can love, and yea at times I am ready to throw in the towel but once again its not worth all the time I have invested in this life I have spent with him..... The moral of the story is that I have spent 5 yrs of my life crying, debating, arguing, crying, hoping, stressing and crying and finally for the last 2 yrs I am happy and open about who i am and not looking back. I am woman hear me roar!!!! ....oops Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lain Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 I wouldn't, because then it would feel as if I felt that the only way to enter into a relationship with someone would be if it was sexual, which would make me feel cheap and I'd always be second-guessing myself and wondering if the person I was with only wanted me for the sex and not for me. So very probably not, unless it happened somewhere long down the line in a permanent and committed relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*a*rteest Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 OK, I see the "Definitely not" option there but I chose "probably not". And my reason is this: If my asexuality were a result or side effect or whatever from something I have, for example: migraines, then if I can get cured of migraines and suddenly I was not asexual, then really it would *probably* be OK. However, if the cure ONLY and SOLELY involved my asexuality and did not improve my quality of life by removing pain or discomfort, I would NOT take it, because I do not find asexuality painful or discomforting. Sexuality is nothing but a TOTAL pain in the ass and I don't feel I'd really be missing anything. A real example: I had a breast reduction 1 & 1/2 years ago. My size WAS discomforting and painful, and after I got it done I feel better about the way I look, honestly I feel "sexy" now, and I wear "sexier" clothes now. That was a nice benefit, but my MAIN reason for getting the surgery was the physical pain and mental anguish of having disproportionately large breasts. The surgery didn't make me into a sexual person....that's OK. If it did, I guess that would have been OK too because my condition was COMPLETELY unbearable, asexual or not. But it DID make me feel better about the way I look, how people look at me, and I can wear trendy, fitting, "attractive" clothes now.....and that's REALLY great, and I'd do it all over again in an instant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firefly99 Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 I think probably not, but I guess I'd keep the option open... I think most likely if I was offered a cure I would decline to be normalised as since discovering AVEN I've finally understood myself, my life has finally made sense and I am happier with myself than I have been probably since childhood, because of that I'd be very reluctant to give up my specific oddness and become more of a 'normal' person :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biggreenmonkey Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 I'm one of those poeple who would take a cure if I found a sexual I was madly in love with. I think it would make the relationship a bit smoother if we didn't have to worry so much about sex. However, if I never find that person, I would love to remain asexual. Being asexual, to me, means that I don't have to feel bad for not being in a relationship. It means I can think with my head, and not with my sex drive. I think that even if I were alone romantically until the end of my life, and I was A, it wouldn't be a huge problem for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gambit_boi Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 no... i don't think i would. the realtionships i have with people, the really meaningful ones would, i think, just be ruined by sex or sexual attraction. if i was ever going to have sex, i think it'd be with a spouse. i could handle that fine, but anything else would just be silly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rukin Vinter Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 No, I wouldn't take a "cure." Who's to say that asexuality is a "disorder," anyways? People these days try to fix everything, even things that really don't need fixing, and sadly, most people buy into it. I see asexuality as part of myself, and "curing" that would me less of the way I was meant to be. If people don't like or understand one aspect of me, they'd probably find other things they wanted to "fix" about me, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghastly Beast Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Nope. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I'd no sooner take a "cure" for asexuality then take a "cure" for my blonde hair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dippy Posted February 13, 2005 Author Share Posted February 13, 2005 message deleted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryoko Posted February 14, 2005 Share Posted February 14, 2005 To be honest, I don't know. For years I thought that there was something wrong with me and would do anything to have a sex drive. Since finding this community, I'm starting to see it as just another lifestyle that comes with advantages as well as disadvantages. Still, I'd like to have relationships, and this is gonna be hard without sex, so I don't know... *sigh* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ack42 Posted February 14, 2005 Share Posted February 14, 2005 So much misery in the world comes from sexual relations gone bad (unwanted children, domestic abuse, neglect...). I have a friend (who I think is sexual) who avoids sexual relationships because she sees couples as always unbalanced with one person having more power (which clashes with her belief in equality) and because they often become possessive (as opposed to friendships). She did say that she thinks group marriages would avoid some of these problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpinsterOne Posted February 14, 2005 Share Posted February 14, 2005 I know I would cure myself of asthma, and I wouldn´t cure myself of anosmia, even if I could. I´m not sure about asexuality, but I think I wouldn´t. Any chance you have Kallmann's Syndrome? I have the anosmia and no sex urge. Doctors say its this Kallmann's syndrome that does that to me. I would like to cure myself of the anosmia, if I could take a pill or something to make it be cured and quit taking the pill and have it back if I can't stand this constantly being able to smell. As far as the asexuality goes, there's no way I'd ever want to be cured of that! Just find a society where its the norm so I don't feed alone and different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frigid Pink Posted February 14, 2005 Share Posted February 14, 2005 Never! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hexpiral Posted February 15, 2005 Share Posted February 15, 2005 HAH! I was tested for both Kallman´s & Klinefelter´s, cause I showed most of the symptoms (slow maturing, anosmia). But blood analysis shows my hormone levels are mostly normal, it seems I´m just lazy, or something. Pure coincidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpinsterOne Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 So much misery in the world comes from sexual relations gone bad (unwanted children, domestic abuse, neglect...). I have a friend (who I think is sexual) who avoids sexual relationships because she sees couples as always unbalanced with one person having more power (which clashes with her belief in equality) and because they often become possessive (as opposed to friendships). She did say that she thinks group marriages would avoid some of these problems. I dream sometimes of group marriages seeming like a wonderful way to live. (As long as I can be part of the group that doesn't have to do any sex, just help take care of the kids and do the housework and other things like that). But as badly as couples get along, would more people get along better or would it be more of a mess I wonder once my lonely mood wears out and I get real about it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpinsterOne Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 D'oh, I thought I'd put a definitely not option - first time I've done a poll, sorry. Maybe we should start it again with all the options!I'm in the probably not group myself. It'd be easy to say "no" because I am perfectly happy as I am, but then if the choice was actually there I can't be so sure I wouldn't be tempted. It would depend whether it was reversible or not too, so I could go back if I hated the new me! To anyone I offended with this post, sorry. I don't mean to imply that asexuality is something that needs curing, I was just curious to see what people would think if the option to not be asexual was made available. I wasn't offended, I enjoyed reading other people's opinions your poll activated, and had fun putting my own feelings in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
98slbrookes98 Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 I am what I am. I'll take no cure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grayed Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 No, I would not; I'm unwilling to change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comet Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Frankly, it depends. I want to be married someday. That may sound kind of silly and childish, but I've seen too many aunts and realatives grow up lonely, and I don't want to be left completely alone when I'm older. The problem? It seems today that sex is practically a necessity in a marital relationship. I have no interest in it, and I'm not even sure I would be willing if I was in love. My fear is that they would eventually leave me because of it (I've seen a lot of that, too) and I don't want my asexuality to be the cause of it. So, if I ever fall in love, the answer is yes. I would accept a 'cure'. Until that day, I'm content with who I am, I am content with my judgement, and I'll stay a virgin, thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lors Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 No way. Why would I want to do a think like that? I do like being asexual, but even I wasn't that would be ok too. I'm just me, and content with me the way I am and understand me. Why would I turn it all on its head? I'd have to rediscover myself all again. I know I have a long way to go and I'll change, but even so. All those new alien feelings I would have to reconcial. Even before I found out about asexuality and this site, I still would have refused. The idea of being sexual is completely incomprehensible me. Admittedly, I may find it easier to relate to people, but at a high price - I wouldn't be the same me. Would it make me happier? I doubt it. I would have the desire, but no idea how to deal with it or satisfy it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpinsterOne Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 But who decides that sex is a necessity in a marital relationship? It seems that if asexual people could just find other asexual people they form the bond, attachment and asexual love with, they could be as happy as sexual partners in their forms of love. Like you don't have to be heterosexual to fall in love. Why is it you have to be sexual at all if you can get around the right people? And as far as being alone when you are older, do you ever notice older people whose children moved away, and whose marriage partner died and they end up alone? Its such a horrible scene! They don't know what to do with themselves now that they are alone after a life of having someone. Some, like my father end up not being able to handle being alone. He had to jump into another relationship with the first gold digger he saw! And she made him miserable! They divorced and he had to chase down a married woman and hurry up and marry again. Seeing what people can get like because they need that sex and need another person, growing old alone ends up looking alright to me! At the same time, not being alone would be nice! But I wouldn't want to change my way of life just to not be alone. I'd rather take my chances and maybe Some Day find an asexual man I could be myself and be happy around and love, or stay alone and not be so dependent on the companionship of another person that I can't handle it when they are gone. Frankly, it depends.I want to be married someday. That may sound kind of silly and childish, but I've seen too many aunts and relatives grow up lonely, and I don't want to be left completely alone when I'm older. The problem? It seems today that sex is practically a necessity in a marital relationship. I have no interest in it, and I'm not even sure I would be willing if I was in love. My fear is that they would eventually leave me because of it (I've seen a lot of that, too) and I don't want my asexuality to be the cause of it. So, if I ever fall in love, the answer is yes. I would accept a 'cure'. Until that day, I'm content with who I am, I am content with my judgement, and I'll stay a virgin, thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Islander9 Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 A vote for 'definitely not'....I'm an asexual. That's me. Change that, and I'm not me any more. And while I'm first to say I'm not perfect, I like me. I neither want change the fundamentals of my personality nor even too many aspects of it. This isnt the same as being self-satisfied: it's just that, as a professional fantasist, I know the pitfalls in thinking that changing one part of myself will a)enhance my life and b)not affect the rest of me. Life can be hard but hey, the alternative to life is nothing- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss_Moneypenny Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 I doubt it very much. Life is so much less complicated in a personal sense. No feeling the need to be constantly chasing the men, no wondering if I'm in the right relationship, no arguments over mismatches in sex drive, no devastating split-ups, no worrying about whether he's going with another woman. In the social sense there are complications. People assuming that you must be on the lookout for a partner, people thinking you must be sad because you can't get any etc. However, I think the latter are problems with the way society perceives asexuality (or doesn't recognise its existence at all) rather than there being something wrong with the individual. So on balance I would say to a cure: No way Jose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nylo Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 I dont think there's anything specifically *wrong* with me, but I like the physical closeness of relationships (aka holding hands and cuddling)...I havent dated in a while, mostly because I get so stressed out about explaining that I'm not even interested in kissing, but I do miss the closeness. If I could actually enjoy the sexual element that most people assume must be part of a normal dating relationship, I might be able to have real dating relationships...(I voted probably) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSMMG Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 If asked before finding out that other asexuals existed then definitely "yes". Now, having fully accepted what I am, adapted to it and knowing that I'm not alone, then, I think not. Having the ability to have sex would bring advantages but also disadvantages... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amcan Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 I said definitely not as I don't why asexualioty should 'cured' there's nothing wrong with it IMHO but I can see why people might want one. I'm happy as I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chozo Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 I put "probably not" because it depends on the form of the "cure" At the moment I don't think I'd know what to do if I HAD a big libido ruling my every thought, so I don't want one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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